*muffled Screaming* - Tumblr Posts
this is such a fucked panel to end on. the raw shock, mourning, loss on his face. aya’s triumphant words having no idea what just took place. he’s going to have to go on pushing all of this down. his best friend is dead, and he has to say he’s the one who killed him.
Oh you think I'm insane ?? You think I'm nuts?? You think I'm a nerd who's waaaay too obsessed with random things?
WELL JOKES ON YOU BECAUSE IF I WAS INSANE BEFORE NOW THAT I'VE LISTENED TO THE WISDOM SAGA I'M DERANGED
there's a parallel in last life that I don't see talked about as much as it deserves and so I'm going to dissect the ever-living hell out of it. remember the ghast farm incident? everyone remembers the ghast farm incident. Grian turns red, he starts knocking blocks of a bridge out from under Mumbo, "there's a way we can still be friends," etc etc etc. it's fantastic. WELL. two sessions earlier, there's a similar confrontation between Scar and Joel after Joel turns red, except the roles are reversed. Joel approaches and it's Scar who starts breaking blocks of the bridge, trying to put distance between the two of them. HOWEVER, the interesting difference here is that Scar is doing it not because he doesn't want to be Joel's friend anymore, but because he still wants to be. lets take a look at a transcript of part of that scene, shall we?
[Scar breaks several blocks of the bridge.] Joel: Scar, what are you doing? I know you're not my friend anymore, but come on, Scar. Not the bridge. Scar: I wanted to make an arrangement. Are- are we not friends? Joel: We can't be friends, Scar. We can't be friends.
Scar knows that Joel is a red life and that he might hurt him, but he still wants to be friends, so he's providing a way that they can be near each other while he isn't in any danger by putting a gap in the bridge. he even breaks it again when he comes by to chat later. during that chat, Joel reminds him of how dangerous he is, Scar says he "gets it," and then proceeds to let him continue living under magical mountain. Scar doesn't "get" that he needs to be cautious of Joel—what he "gets" is that he's taking a risk by letting him stay and that he's already accepted something might happen. and he's OKAY with that. Joel is red. he gets it.
now compare that to this excerpt from the ghast farm incident:
Grian: Y'know, Mumbo, there's a way we can still be friends. Mumbo: Yeah? Grian: Yeah. [he starts breaking blocks at of Mumbo's feet] You could join me.
with Joel and Scar, it's a red life choosing to step away from his friend in order to protect him, while said friend tries to find a way that they can still be near each other without placing himself in danger. with Grian and Mumbo, it's a red life choosing to try to take his friend down with him so that they can be near each other because he can't accept not being his friend. the fact that in BOTH scenarios the friendship is symbolized by a bridge being broken is a perfect illustration of one of Grian's lines from the ghast farm incident: "it was a bad idea for the wrong reasons." those friendships should have been a good idea, those bridges should have been a good idea, but now they provide a connection that isn't safe, and they all know that.
and I'm not done talking about this. no no no no no. this offers a FASCINATING insight into why desert duo is Like That. Scar would sooner let Grian kill him than have to stop being his friend. Grian would sooner kill Scar than have to stop being his friend. which is all kinds of perfectly fucked up and explains exactly why 3rd life ended the way that it did. it also makes the cactus scene from double life very interesting to think about. remember the cactus scene? it's a doozy.
Grian starts session by dropping a stalactite on Scar's head as a prank and (unintentionally) taking them down to two and a half hearts. Scar then retaliates by leaning against a cactus until Grian breaks it. he then leans against Yet Another Cactus until Grian breaks that one too, at which point they are at only one heart. a question I've been asking since that day is this: if Grian hadn't broken the cactus, would Scar have stepped away before it was too late?
using bridge theory, we can find an answer to this.
the answer is no.
this isn't necessarily because Scar is actively trying to get them killed—it's more because he knows with absolute certainty that Grian will break the cactus. he's not prepared to step away because he isn't worried he needs to. see, the difference between Grian and Scar is that Grian is willing to throw around the lives of other people to get what he wants, and Scar is willing to throw around his own life to get what he wants (the fact that what they really want out of all this is often the other's trust is an issue I will dissect another day). once again, last life is the perfect example of this. Grian steals a life from Scar right off the bat and gets another one out of him by force a few episodes later. meanwhile, Scar makes a business out of selling his soul and threatens Team BEST that he'll kill himself in order to go red life crazy on them. and they don't doubt him! and they SHOULDN'T doubt him, because Scar is the kind of guy that would do that! the same way that Grian is the kind of guy who will drop a stalactite on his soulmate's head but break the cactus he's leaning against.
Grian is willing to risk Scar's life, but he's not okay with Scar risking his own life, because he knows that he's completely willing to stand against a cactus until he dies if it makes a point. so Grian breaks it.
but Scar knows Grian as well as Grian knows him. Scar knows that this is hardly a risk at all. so he leans against the cactus a third second time.
Last week drew Rollo and his younger brother. Kinda have a idea and head-cannons that I’ve story boarded and really wanna execute some time.
i don't think that you're a monster. rhysand pretends like the confession doesn't make his throat feel like it's closing in on him, a shared acknowledgment that she doesn't hold everything under the mountain — what he had to do — against him. " thank you. " he'd never cared what anyone thought of him, had come to accept that he'd never be accepted for his actions, was at peace knowing everything he'd done, was to protect the one city of peace left ... until she arrived. HIS MATE. suddenly, every bad thing he's ever done, his reputation, haunted him, cementing the fact that she'd never accept the bond. but now there is a moment of overwhelming relief & comfort washing over him, swallowing down the urge to confess everything right here & now. maybe she wouldn't be disgusted by figuring out he's her mate, there would be a clearer understanding between them, she would be happy.
but as feyre continues to speak, her words wash away any of those urges, just missing the one piece of the puzzle that would get him to throw caution to the wind & just do it: i need you. rhysand doesn't allow his face to fall, reminds himself that it's for the best — after everything she had been through with tamlin, the bond was for her to figure out & decide. he won't take that away from her. " alright. i like that idea. " he manages a small smile, eyes flickering to their hands once more, before holding her gaze, seemingly gaining his confidence back. " and have you decided what starting over looks like for you yet, feyre darling? "
what else was there? it was an impossible question i had asked myself hundreds of times, as i stared into the precipice of oblivion. i had known death before i ever had the chance to live. a second chance and i had still done so little with it. a truth so cruel and tragic, and yet iit was only recently i had it in me to care. it was only here in velaris — a city of dreams and desire, art and aspirations, that i had finally felt truly alive. there is good in the world, he had said and so much of it was here. “ i don’t think that you’re a monster, ” i admitted aloud for the first time. he and his friends were the defenders of a sacred promise -- the embodiment of that love. that vision. and for once, i finally understood the resolute need to protect its existence. to have something so rare and untouched that no one could take from you. something worth dying for.
that’s when i catch it — his deepest and most horrifying confession. he had no intention of surviving this war. an obstinate martyr who had accepted his fate long ago. for a moment, it threatened to bring me to my knees — i tell myself it’s only because of the tentative alliance we had forged that had just begun to verge on friendship. i wouldn’t be the one to save him, i had no right to mourn him before he was even gone as if he he was mine. he belonged to his people and to his friends, and they had already endured the loss of him once. but how could i explain to him that he had entwined himself into my whole world? that my new vision of the future was the one he had painted for me? full of stars and hope and wishes and promise. a dream predicated on his ambition and faith. i stared down at our hands, practically transfixed, before i swallowed the lump that had developed in my throat. “ you have so much. your life. this city — your family. they need you. ” i need you. perhaps that’s all any of us could hope for — to be needed, to be wanted, to be seen. “ maybe we both have to accept that things will never be the same, so we can finally start over. ”
what color does your love feel like?
bright sunny yellow
sweet tasting popsicles, summer dresses and shielding your eyes from the sun. your love is the excitement of something brewing, something growing. it's the almost childish bubbling giggles of something new, but with the potential to stay. it's wide smiles, blinding sunny light and warm bodies that gravitate to one another. it's the the softness, the willingness, the slight holding of breaths in a crucial "what if" moment. it's the impatience too. the bouncing on tiptoes to see further than your eyes can reach, the holding out for a future that never seems to come even though you're ready, you're so so so ready.
it's the constant feeling of warm sand beneath your feet, holding out for the crashing waves. and still you wait, dry and impatient and with burnt soles of feet. your love is sour candy, enjoying it as your nose scrunches up from the aftertaste of it. it's hands that grab and take hold, that reach and ask them to stay and hope and beg and wait. it's bubbling excitement sure, but it's also demanding, focused, driven. it's love like a plan, with a path and route and a clear destination. and you bonce on your tiptoes, and burning, waiting for the soothing water, the crashing waves, you hold onto the melting popsicle, you wait and wait and wait.
it's tiring almost as much as it's laser focused ambition, deeply rooted desire and the unrelenting hope that it will work, that it will come. and it does, i promise it does. the waves crash, the beach floods and the pain passes, the water cool and soothing and you can let yourself fall in, sinking, sinking. and it's good, it's perfect, what you were hoping and more, holding and embracing you and welcoming you into the stillness you always knew you were reaching for.
tagged by: stole it from @coolrpblog <3 tagging: you 🫵
PEDRO PASCAL as JAVIER PEÑA Narcos, Season One — Episode Two: The Sword of Simon Bolívar