Mrs.Mah - Tumblr Posts
Victoria Body Porn — ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ
So— here’s what happened.. I actually made you a really sweet card {by that I mean I glued chocolate to a blank sheet of paper} and I even made sure to write really nice and smart words to give the appearance that I’m actually a really good girlfriend. It took me most of the day to put it all together; I was going to leave it for you as a surprise when you had returned to the college, but I may have gotten a bit tipsy in my lonesome, trashed my previous gift, and thought it would be the most hilarious thing to replace it with what you see now.
I may have gotten just a tiny bit jealous of the other couples around. I’ve never been faced in such a situation as yesterday, so..let’s just say I was a bit unprepared.
I’m not sure why I feel the need to explain myself, I just have an urge to spill all details of my day to you..everyday. Anyway, I was able to salvage some of the gifts I had prepared for you, I know it’s not quite Val…that day, anymore, but I still wanted to give them to you -she looked away nervously, revealing to him what she had hidden behind her back-
Since you had asked for a kiss a while ago…I had hoped these could tied me you over until you returned to me. H- Happy Valentine’s Day, Mah. I..miss you.
The memories burned hot hurts
bumkeyk: my lil freaks have a nice day . say u promise me ! have a nice day the sun is perfectly shining
A Haughty Seed For You...
I was driving idle one morning with no destination. My heart was heavy with pain from days prior and my mind grinding at the Spector I called thought. It was haunting and dim but in the midst of my revelry I was brought to a hault. Among loose leaves and debris so carelessly left in the street lay an injured bird. One wing had been broken and its orientation in disarray. How could anyone leave such a creature after an accident was beyond my conception. Thus my once heavy heart now bled and my grinding mind now focused.
I brought my vehicle to a stop and without a second thought I picked the bird up from its place and brought it to a tree. “I can’t help you…..I don’t know how. I CAN give you a safer place to be” I said as the bird struggled. I left it inside the small hole of an old neighborhood Norwood oak in hopes that it would not perish. With despair and concern over its fate I uttered “Ya Allah, keep this bird in your plans and let it not expire without knowing humanity tried”.
I left, watching from my rear view as the tree shrunk and chirps were heard no more. My day no longer felt missionless nor my doings idle. I now felt proud and engulfed with vigor. However, that feeling was countered with a feeling of irrelevance and worthlessness.
“I couldn’t ensure that birds life. I couldn’t not repair its injuries. I could only shift its place. Oh how significant that was…..” I thought with selfloathing sarcasm.
Later on in my now day I reflected on my pride. How instead of learning to accept defeat and my own limitations, I over compensate with control and power in my relationships. It was all I had since at a young age my control was ripped from me through means untasteful. I looked at my hands and the trail mix i now consumed one morsel at a time, whispering the word “seed”.
I unknowingly compared myself to a haughty seed. Seeds are strong and resilient, enduring and compact. It embodied all that I pretended and wanted to be. Virtually indestructible and needed for nourishment. I smiled but it would only last a millisecond. “How is it that something so strong sprouts into something so fickle and frail? Suddenly going from self reliant to in need, desperately. Water, sun, air, and soil all control a sprouts life. Who needs a sprout?!
"They are too weak!”
It was then I wished to never grow. Not spiritually, or emotionally. But why? Did I really wish to never be something more? I would be vulnerable and pathetically exposed.
No!
Sprouts grow into beautiful things! They show the world how the small and insignificant can become the very anchor and support others need. They turn into flowers that feed bee’s, the bushes that house small animals, and most of all, they become the trees the shelter us from the sun and rain. The oxygen in our brains that store our memories begins in the leaves of a brave tree. The tall branches that hold the very nests that birds will one day soar from start small.
“So how can being a sprout be bad?”
I was bombarded with this epiphany while looking at my hand. I didn’t need to be a seed forever. I did not need power or control. It is true that I was unable to control that poor birds fate or do more to secure it. However I could shift it and give it some safety to one day soar again. It was a tree I placed it in. If that tree had been like me, unwilling to ever grow from a seed, that bird would be lost and exposed.
I may not have all that I want, but I love hard and I try my best to protect my relationships, even if it’s via a simple shift. That is indeed the best I can do some times, and most times that is the best thing to be done period.
Birds and seeds….. who knew the two could inspire lives?!
What I am getting at with all of this is…..I love you Victoria. There is so much I want to do for you. I would set my life on fire to see you smile. I wish I could be stronger for you. To have saved you from every pain and tribulation that has ever touched your skin.
It hurts to not be able to do that. I wanted to be that seed so baddly for you! But if I am, ill never be that tree that will shade your heart and support your ambitions. I have to become vulnerable and place my heart on new leaves so that you can shower me with the affection I sometimes unknowingly fear.
Forgive me if I have ever offended you or broken even a shard of your heart. I just hope you will stay around long enough to heal with me so I can see you soar. Just know that no matter how high you fly I’ll be rooted in the soil you nurtured so deeply that you can always come back to rest.
The Lord -Maahes