Jungkook Idol X Oc - Tumblr Posts

About Fic Idea 2

I was thinking, maybe I can create a multi-story idea series. With the continuation to "Apocalyptic Heart" the next fic idea will be "Stereo Heart".

Update: Stereo Heart is up. You can follow the pinned post or follow it here.

Here's a little glimpse of what I've initially planned-

Sneak Peak: Jungkook is an Idol and OC is an kind and assertive foreign exchange student but suffers from inferiority complex due to her weight. Things take turns as she wins a exclusive date with The Golden maknae in a fan-sign. The dilemma leads to series of heart breaks and she decides against going. Years later she's Back to bighit (Now Hybe Labels) as part of their foreign expansion program and Jungkook can't shake the feeling of knowing her. He becomes sure of it when Namjoon introduces her as his close friend to the rest of bangtan and now Jungkook couldn't be more curious.

PS: Exams are bad for health. I'll get to it when I'm done with my finals this Saturday 🥱

Fic idea 2 (With Detailed Plot) : Stereo Heart | 

Pairing: Jungkook x OC (f) X Namjoon

Genre: Idol Jungkook, Celebrity, BTS Members, Student OC, Publisher OC, Heavy Angst, fluff, age difference.

Disclaimer: The plot is very detailed although it is not a full fiction or story, it is a very elaborated plot for how the story might progress. Please read this post before proceeding. If you are reading this, you can reblog the post if u want to!

Writer's Note ( Pleaseeeeeee read it before you proceed):

This was supposed to be a plot. But when I started writing it, it just became a elaborated version of what I originally had in mind. I just had some ideas about how the scene could unfold. In case I do decide to write the full story myself, I put them in here before I forget them. I kinda threw in a fit before posting because I myself was confused what I'm actually trying to write. So please read it at your discretion because I know how incomplete stories can feel irritating to someone. And also I don't proof read them so I apologize for the mistakes. Please do consider I'm no writer, just a enthusiastic reader trying to put her own idea together!

Plot or Synopsis: How bad a date with a fan could go? Apparently, a lot.

Detailed plot:

Jungkook and Y/N are living a very different life but one thing they have in common is that both of their lives are extremely extremely stressful and somewhat lonely. At this s point they are both confused which one is triggering which.

Jungkook, an young, thriving idol from a rising kpop boy group,BTS, debuted just 3 years ago. Being the youngest and most seeked member of the group, Jungkook learned popularity comes with a cost.

He's okay most of the time but it does get to him at times, then it really gets the best of him. People expect him to act a certain way when in reality he's just 19 year old kid who has a lot of learning to do on his own too and people constantly hurdling things on his way, prying over his actions doesn't make it any easier. So he choose to be silent about his own struggles.

OC on the other hand lived in her own world, not too oblivious of the world, just choosing not to take any part in it.

Growing up in a family without her mother or any other siblings, she never learned how affection worked, how socialization was important or how looks are important.

When her mother left, she was too young to understand what she felt, but she grew up with it's prominent existence in her life, abandonment. She never bothered for human contact or thought too deep of friendships.

She knew no one could hurt her if she doesn't let anyone in in the first place, not realizing the root of her defense mechanism or how bad it became. But she always felt that void in her soul that she couldn't explain.

So she did what she did best. Ignore it till it became numb, worked hard and drowned herself in comfort food when it became unbearable, a little too frequent as she transitioned into adulthood. And obviously, these demeanors did not led to a healthy mind or body.

Y/N per se wasn't obsessed but she looked older than she was. She was at most, what people often termed as chubby, afraid of being called out for fat shaming. She didn't exactly had an ideal figure either but one thing that she wasn't was lazy.

She constantly worked hard, determined to make a place for herself so she could finally make all the decisions for herself that she couldn't when she was younger. And a place for herself she made.

By the time she was finishing her 2nd semester she's already being called to South Korea as a foreign exchange student to learn first hand about venture creation and a permanent enrollment given her program goes well.

Y/N didn't believe in supremacy, not until she got her transfer certificates and decided to apply for internship. She did not initially planned for it but she wanted to experience how companies worked first hand before going in as she will have quite the time in hand before the program actually started.

Y/N always thought ahead, saw things and visualized them in patterns. So often she tend to have tunnel vision. She was calculative, worked for what she wanted to achieve and there always was a value on the other side of the equation, whether it's grade, the events she helped put up or the workshops she volunteered to organize. What she didn't know one not only had to put up the best effort but also look the part.

As she sat for one video- conference after another, she realized landing an international scholarship wasn't as hard as an internship. It's not like they were being upfront and rejecting her, or that she wasn't qualified. They simply stated that she's just not gonna fit in with their work culture that they needed someone who looked more dynamic. Did they even read her CV?

She managed to land an internship after all, she was just not gonna give up like this. It was not a big company, a small start-up that just started to grab attention, run by a group of young entrepreneurs, apparently they liked her persistency and how it shows the way she express herself. Just that the entire ordeal left her somehow a little more concerned and self-conscious about herself.

Y/N inherited a chaotic mind since her childhood, which was very hard to tell since she was a quite kid. As quite as she was, her mind was the complete opposite, a place off horror, often too much for her to bear. It would leave her with terrible headache, sometimes even worse, anxiety attacks. Unlike everyone she would not heave or grasp for air, she would straight up go rigid. Like her mind was ticking bomb and a simple movement like inhaling for air seemed like to set it off.

Amidst all the chaos and struggle she voluntarily filled herself with, one thing that somehow helped kept her afloat was music, a newly found coping mechanism of her after one day her school counselor insisted that existing one's was not the greatest or the healthiest.

She started to look into different music and somehow ended up discovering BTS, a freshly debuted boy band. They had such contrasting voice, yet they complimented each other. Just like her mind, it was both a place of her damnation and a way out of it, to her salvation. Now they each had their own uniqueness but she found solace in Jungkook's voice. It always managed to calm her nerves when she's having a meltdown or too stressed.

She's had always been an passive supporter, taking their songs as a means of comfort but something always stopped her from openly expressing her fondness for the boys or their music. She saw the girls- the fans of them in her school, so pretty, so well dressed and put together. They wore their identity as ARMY like second skin, with so much pride- she never felt worthy. But now that she was going to be there, in the same country, maybe she'll get to see them perform without having judgmental eyes on her as no one knows her, she thought one time or two.

She doesn't even remember entering a fan-sign contest of them, so when she receives an email for an invitation of the fan-sign and now that she already landed an internship, she doesn't see a reason why she can't spend up her savings to finally go see them a month prior to her actual plans of moving to S.Korea. 2017 was going so good so far, what could go wrong anyway?

So she goes to attend the fan sign first after landing in Korea. 

When she arrived at the fan sign, she not only got to meet them but surprisingly lands a date with Jeon Jungkook, the golden Maknae of BTS, as part of the event. Before attending the fan sign, she read the invitation hundreds of time fearing she will forget something but she didn't notice about this part of the event, in fact nobody did, and she certainly did not expect to win it also.

Y/N was fidgeting in her hotel suite. She had so many things to ask, to talk about, share and discover theories, she was bored of watching the same questions on repeat in the interviews they appeared in. Now that the day is here, she should feel excited, but she's not. She's nervous, painstakingly so. She's usually not the one who tends to dwell on her shortcomings and beat the life out of her self-worth. But today every single flaw she had, seemed to look bigger  ten fold to her.

The circles under her eyes seemed darker, the hairline looked thinner, the bulge on her belly felt heavier. She hated it, knowing her mind's playing tricks on her, that she never defined herself on the basis of her exterior but they seemed too important today. So she started wondering whether should she be even going on the date if that's making her feel bad about herself instead of enjoying it.

But Y/N was no quitter, so she reached out for the most comfortable cloths she could find instead of the nicest one and reached there a little earlier than designated.

Jungkook on the other hand was feeling frantic. This was supposed to be a promotional event prior to the release of their new album, a very important one at that. A lot was riding on this album and they put their everything on it. The segment was supposed to bring a lot of coverage. Now he absolutely had no care who he went on a date with or how they looked. It was rather a nuisance which he was willing to go through as it benefitted the group despite having his own issues and complications. 

But people cared, people cared who he talked with, what he said and it mattered more than he felt comfortable with. He saw Y/N and he immediately knew this will cause a problem. He didn't know if something he says or does will spark a debate or her existence alone will cause the coverage to plummet. 

He remembers Y/N from the fan-sign, he acknowledges that she seemed nothing short of a nice person but he still couldn't help but blame her. The thought of the promotion failing had pushed him on the edge. So when he saw Y/N on his way to the practice room sitting on the waiting area way early before the time and later on Namjoon came in to ask if he was ready for the big date, the dam broke. 

He kept on coming how this girl was going to ruin the entire thing, that it could be anyone but it had to be her stupid self. And before he knows, he's shouting and throwing heavy & nasty remarks at her, remarks he didn't even know he was capable of making. He didn't intend on sounding so mean but it wasn't exactly directed towards her, she just happens to be the only outlet Jungkook saw to let out the pent up frustration and he could only take so much.

Wrong person, wrong time- but the damage was done.

Y/N was right there, waiting outside the door, ready to knock. When she got a heads-up from the stuff that she could go and talk to Jungkook she was debating her decision to come here like this. She hesitated before knocking, how exactly she's going to explain this to him? Is this necessary? Is she taking things way more serious than she should? This was just a part of their promotion right, it's not even a real date. 

But she shrugged the confusions of. She just wanted to make sure if Jungkook felt comfortable doing this, coming from her own anxiety of encountering new people, let alone go on a date with someone she never met. She wanted to tell him not to treat it as a date at all and that she just wanted to know more about her favorite boy group, rather than just focusing on Jungkook. She even wanted to tell him he could call the entire thing of or get someone else who he felt comfortable with if it seemed to much to him, she knew how suffocating it could feel if he wasn't actually okay with this. 

But what she didn't know what about her made Jungkook so angry that he repelled her? What did she do? She didn't even meet Jungkook until last week? The questions doesn't stop and she could feel nausea build in her belly.

She makes a beeline for the nearest bathroom before she could embarrass her any further.

She locates the first empty stall she could, hurls her gut out, gets up and gets cleaned, calls the company after reaching her hotel and request them not to reach her further about this and apologize for the inconvenience before hanging up. 

She doesn't cry, doesn't feel sad, just sits at her bed feeling exhausted. Her hands were shaking, an early tell tale of the attack. She picks up her phone wanting to listen to music to ground her a bit but she  stops. She knows all too well that this won’t work anymore, that they had probably lost the comfort once they held for her.  So she goes to sleep, making a mental note for going good shopping and looking for cheap hostel to stay in when she wakes up. She was retorting back to her old habit of burying the issues, the hurt deep deep within until they fade away rather than dealing with them, refusing to feel them. Sleep fixes everything, right? 

Right. Now Y/N was no quitter, but she is only human.

Namjoon on the other hand, saw everything. From the moment she ran for the bathroom to her phone call from the hotel reception. He could sense she heard everything, Jungkook wasn’t exactly being subtle when he was throwing a fit. He was worried this will backfire on them if she decides to open her mouth. Besides, He felt responsible as he went there to inform Jungkook about her arrival but instead he said something that set him off.

He went out to go tell the staff right after that maybe it isn’t a good time for her to meet him and it would be wise to reschedule the entire thing. Before he could, you have already heard everything. So he also wanted to take responsibility as the group's leader and wanted to talk personally and reason with her himself rather than involving someone else. Because you did not deserve this from any of the members.

When he made it to her suite the next day, he saw her bags were packed. He knew he was taking a risk by trying to talk to you like this. So he was prepared when you opened the door for him. He was expecting you to make snide remarks, even lashing out and demanding that they pay for the emotional damage done to her, and he was ready for it. He was ready with blocks of arguments against the things he thought you would throw at him what happened yesterday, it was only normal after yesterday.

But what he doesn't expect hearing you refusing their offer to stay even though you cancelled or accept the commodities that came with the stay (courtesy of Kim Namjoon, in case verbal apology was not enough) instead checking out from the hotel. He doesn't expect you to open the door with such passive expression, asking him to sit down. He certainly does not expect an apology from you for offering cold coffee in the morning saying the convenient store one's are cheaper than what they sell at the hotel, and that she didn't know which one of them are good so she doesn't even know if he will like it or not. 

And he definitely does not expect you to dodge the discussion saying she'd rather not talk about this with him or anyone at that, sensing his worries. You said although you don't understand why it happened but it did not matter and talking about it won't do her or them any good anyway and requested him not to bring it up, not to her, not to Jungkook or anyone else. She assures that she understands there must be a reason for what happened and she didn't blame anyone and the entire thing is better forgotten. 

Namjoon observes you, how you stated each sentence with assertion, like you deeply thought about them. Although the entire thing ought to be very painful and emotionally traumatizing for you yet your expressions remained stoic, like you weren't emptying your bowels on an empty stall in their company bathroom just yesterday, because of what happened. 

This cold, composed exterior of yours intimidated him. Behind those stone cold eyes, he could sense the warmth of a considered heart. He wondered if you put up this persona of yours to protect a heart that was indeed, fragile. So managed to make him a bit curious too. 

So when he walks you out of the hotel and you asked him where she could find cheap hostels to stay in where communicating in broken Korean was not a crime, he smiled and said he would help you find them. 

Start to a friendship doesn't always have to be pleasant.

Fast forward to 2022. Big hit, a small company that struggled to keep their ends meet and a group that didn't know if they would make it- this was a distant memory. Big hit made it, so did the Bangtan Boys and the world knows it.

 Everything they touch, everywhere they go, success follows but that doesn't stop the boys to ground themselves, not to lose their root- something they learned was very important along the way. Whatever they do, they try to give something back to their ARMY's, whether it's an album, a show, tour or signing with a brand. 

Now that big hit turned to Hybe Labels and they are planning to venture out, they also want something that will involved giving something out to their fans, not just in passive manner. ARMY’s always expressed their love in their unique way, whether its a cover for their song, remake of their choreography, through art or even through writing. They wanted to recognize that.

So when a consultant for venture management from their overseas office offered to merge with a re-known publication house that will benefit the army's who wrote and created fanart, by involving them in the process, they leaped at the offer. BTS inspired army's in more ways than they could imagine, whether it by fighting of depression or finding long lost inspiration to march on with life, or by creating a world of their own surrounding the seven souls woven by the magic of words. The net is brimming with stories and fictions and cover arts  that cast BTS and their members as main characters and a lot of them are so good, they were worthy of being published as books. 

On the hind side, it also worked as tool to create pseudo persona of the seven members that lead to negative speculation as some of them took them took it too far or seriously than necessary. So if Hybe were to feature chosen authors in their publishing house, not only the authors will receive royalty, rewarding their work but also they will have better control over the content that flows in the web. The initiative would be small but the impact will be global. So the members are called in a meeting to meet the new consultant for venture management.

As usual Jungkook is feeling a bit antsy about going to such meetings but they hold a certain share in the company, their opinion and approval being vital before they can move on with any decision. In his years in the industry the years, he has grown out of his personality where he threw tantrum at every inconvenience he felt but he can’t help but feel annoyed about sitting still in one place for such long time. 

So while he's fidgeting with his thought of 100 of reasons why this room would be perfect as a dance room rather than what it is being used for currently- she enters. Dark long black straight hair pulled behind ears, brown eyes accentuated with dark liners, deep deep navy blue burlap sack that didn't fit tight but hugged her curves just right. She looked like someone ready to seal the deal. She looked around the room as their manager introduces her, taking note of everyone and everything. Her sole presence making him nervous, so when her gaze stopped at Jungkook- he froze. 

Confident women always intimidated Jungkook but it also infatuated him. The aura around them makes him feel like he could let the control that he so desperately holds on to all the time go, without feeling lost, rather content, carefree and safe. So in an interview when he said he would date someone who is older than him, who's more assertive and knows what they are doing, he was serious. 

But wait, why was he thinking about that again?

By the time Jungkook realized he was zoning out, the meeting was almost over, it was an introductory meeting anyway which did not take long. They were all getting up to leave then Jungkook noticed Jimin and Jin teasing Namjoon about something. What did he miss?

So  when he went up to them and asked what's going on, everyone looked at him like he suddenly grew a pair of horns. Taehyung asked if he slept through the entire meeting or else how did he miss Namjoon trying to suppress his grin everytime his eyes met with the new consultant but poetically failing to do so. Hoseok pointed out even Yoongi noticed it and he grumbles at that. Jungkook usually catches on to such things first so how did he not notice it?  

“Because I was too busy ogling her myself,” he thinks to himself. 

The topic of current conversation did not sit well with Jungkook, in fact, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. As the the discussion about Namjoon and her is proceeded further, it made Jungkook somewhat nauseated and he finds it very strange. Intimidated or not, besides her very impactful presence, Jungkook couldn't shake the feeling that he somehow knew her. Jungkook is bad at making eye contact, specially women. But when she looked at him, her eyes felt so inviting yet so distant and cold. He felt this familiar tug of longing in his heart- unable to look away. 

Like it's not the first time they are meeting. 

He's trying to think hard but all the commotion about Namjoon and her making him both disoriented and surprisingly pissing him off. What was wrong with him?  He tried to remember her name but their manager only mentioned her last name in the meeting. Jungkook asked annoyingly what was her name and he saw Namjoon get tensed at that a bit- strange.  Namjoon smiled at Jungkook's question and told them he'll introduce her to them. The way Namjoon said it, it made Jungkook's inside churned and something told him whatever it is that he has with her, he's not going to like it. And why does Namjoon know already you but they don’t?

They all head to the lounge where she was being introduced to the business team. As they walked in there, they took it as a queue to leave, the team wrapped up their discussion and vowed to them before leaving. Namjoon took a step closer to stand next to her, he placed his hand at the small of her back. Its such a small and simple gesture but Jungkook felt a sharp sting in his chest. 

Namjoon pushed you a bit forward and you looked at him a bit surprised, he nodded as if to assure you. He introduced you to them, Y/N, he said your name was. You both met about 5 years ago and have been friends ever since. The unease settled in Jungkook's chest as if there was more to your story. 

They all were a bit surprised because Namjoon never mentioned you nor they ever saw you in the last 5 years. Namjoon was always very much private person but they always shared things with each other. Anyway, its a discussion of another time as everyone took their turn to introduce themselves to you, you greeted them with a warm smile but Jungkook kept fidgeting in his spot, failing to properly introduce himself. 

When everyone was done with the introduction and engaged themselves in a small talk with you, Namjoon cleared his throat and looked at you, he looked at as if asking for permission, when he received a little nod in return, he continued. He addressed his fellow members and sad that he had little something to announce, a little smile adorning both of yours cheeks. He continues saying they have been friend for long enough and although they didn't have a great start with their friendship, it was more like a damage control but somewhere along the way they discovered it didn't matter and they want something more out of it, adoration visible in his face, he takes a breathe as he continues- 

Considering all goes well when the project is up and running, or unfortunately even if it doesn't, they are going to announce their engagement to the public- and everyone’s jaw drops on the floor at that.

Jungkook doesn't say anything, taking the situation in, watching his Hyungs squealing in shock at the happy surprise they received. He watches Namjoon trying to hush them to keep their voice down as they congratulate them- overwhelmed. He watches you lowering your head in an attempt to hide your blush. You also have dimples when you smile, he notices. You have such a pretty smile, its so warm. But he could not find it in himself to feel the warmth in  this very smile you are offering- instead it is breaking his heart.

He does not understand, he did not even know you 1 hour ago, but why did it feel like he lost something before he could even had it. You did not know him then why did it feel like you discovered the deepest valley of his heart, a place so well hidden, kept away from accessing by anyone. You found it just to rip it off his chest to crush it under your feet. It sounds so dramatic but how could he ignore the burning sensation in his heart. 

Or did he know you? Didn't Namjoon said he had known you for 5 years. So he met you in 2017. Why did the year felt so significant to him all of a sudden? Namjoon mentioned something about damage control, what happened? Why does your name sound familiar?

And then it all comes back to him. 

Jungkook was dreading the day as he was getting ready for the date. One of the staff member came in to inform that the date has been cancelled and this segment is probably going to change into something else. Apparently the person who won the contest ditched it just few hours prior to it. Apparently the said person called the company and said, she didn't feel confident enough to go out with him and that she won't force herself to do something she didn't like doing.

Fair enough. 

But it did not settle right with Jungkook. 

Although It wasn't a real date, just for show and the reason you stated had nothing to do with him. Yet Jungkook felt utterly humiliated and rejected. He couldn't half believe the reason you said because he saw her waiting there, rather eagerly. As he recalls the things that took place later he saw her, the feeling of guilt sat heavy on his stomach. The horrible things he said about her repeating in his memory, as remorse settled in. He thanked his lucky star that she did not hear what he said about her, because Jeon Jungkook maybe good in many things but apologizing is not one of them. Yet given whatever sorry excuses u gave were true, he still could not shake the feeling off  that he was the reason she felt the way she did. And maybe that’s why she ditched the date, ditched him - and he could not deny it hurt his ego a bit, maybe a little bit too much. 

So what did he do to sate his wounded ego?

He secretly started stalking her on socials.

Lucky for him she was not concerned about the privacy of things she shared online so most of the contents were pretty accessible. He saw how most of the songs she posted in the past were very close to his heart the posts contained eerily close description of what he personally felt about them. He felt a little proud as he saw most of the songs she posts are either sang by him or centered around him.

He could sense she had little to no regard of others opinion about her appearance or how she presented herself to the world. He would smile at she stupid selfies, random pictures she would post, loving her carefree mindset. Sometimes it would be with a caption so cheesy or so funny, it would make him crawl onto the floor to properly ground himself so he doesn't fall off laughing.

Sometimes it would be filled with thoughtful words that made him rethink about the things around him, make him see things in different perception- better perception. Whatever it was, no matter how simple it was,  she had a way of analyzing things that he found really deep, insightful and oh so different than the people he meets. He never met her, not properly, yet everyday he learns something from her that he couldn't learn from the people around him. 

Her perception, her thoughts, her habits, how she saw the world, little things about her- her entire persona started to bleed into his and he didn't find it unpleasant. Few weeks into following her socials, he started noticing that she did not post about music anymore. Even if she did, it's never the songs he sang, liked or recommended, although he would deliberately leave song suggestions or covers, subconsciously hoping they would reach you. 

Did you not like his songs anymore? Did you not like music anymore? Were you upset? Did it have something to do with the date? He couldn't shake the feeling that it had something to do with what happened after the failed date. Although he would see her engage in post belittling him or BTS and watch her destroy them with her collected remarks or intelligent jabs- never crossing the line. He enjoyed them with fascination, it gave him deep deep satisfaction- made him feel like a child being protected by warm, protective hands. It still disappoints him that she does not talk about music, his music, like she used to but he lets it go.

At least he still gets to watch her, know about her as she go about her life.

Almost 2 years into following you, he realizes his fondness for her grew more than he would like to admit in this time and she her presence has turned into a routine for him. Everyday he's like a eager child on his first day at school, anticipating what exciting things he'll learn today. Jungkook admits she helped him shape into a more mature version of himself even though she was never explicitly present in his life and for that, he feels grateful. She somehow taught him to ground himself, how having a control over certain things were more important than just showing a response. He learned it all from her or guided to learn by her at the very least. 

He wishes to meet her one day, confess what he did on the day of the date, apologize and start fresh, he so wanted to make it happen. But he notices how her posts started to become less and less frequent. She would still share her insights on things and they weren't any less thoughtful. But she would not post her goofy pictures anymore, she even archived her previous one's and he missed seeing them. He wondered if something happened to her or if someone said something had upset her. The thought alone makes him angry and rush to her to protect her but he knows, she would not let others and their opinion get to her that easy. So he waits, patiently waits for her next post and with each day the time to wait gets longer and longer- until one day.

We often don’t realize what we had until its gone, out of our reach.

One day he couldn't find her socials anymore. At first he thought maybe she was just too busy to be spending time on her social or taking a break. He bet her stingy professor must be giving her hell of a run for her degree. He comes up with excuses for her absence to calm his agitated mind and urges himself to wait. She would come back, right? 

One day, two day, two weeks- weeks turned into months, he still waits. One day he wakes up in the middle of the night, mind too worked up to sleep. And the first thing that hits him is that he can’t remember your face. He can’t remember how she looked. He didn't even save her pictures on his phone thinking  of some stupid rumor that would erupt if somebody saw them and now he feels like an idiot and angry at himself. 

His panic rises as he can’t remember how she looked in that picture she uploaded right before his bedtime- engulfed in a monster hoodie, one that he went to bed hugging his phone after seeing it, slipping into  comforting slumber thinking she is right next to him. Its okay, he will gradually remember, there is no need to rush. He'd be okay, all he needs to do is just be patient right?

He had his 1st panic attack after 2 years that night. 

The numbing feeling gradually settles in- maybe she won't be back anymore, maybe he won't get to read her comforting words anymore when the world closes in. He feels a knot in his stomach as bile urges to rise up to his throat. On a day like this everything burns, he hates everything. But then he tries to remember her, how she would ask him to be strong if she was here, not give up. 

He goes about his day, practices, eats with his Hyungs, laughs at jokes, making some as well and the day bleeds into darkness. He had a good day and they all feel relaxed after a long long time. So all of them heads out for dinner but Jungkook went a bit hard on training that day and every single limb on his body screaming against the idea. 

Telling them he would order something in, he heads to their shared home. He enters the house, darkness engulfing the eerily quite rooms. He goes into the bathroom to freshen up. He thinks about his day, how well it went, how good the practice was, silently smiling at himself, proud of his productive day. His smile falters for a second and suddenly everything goes completely silent as he looks at his reflection. He doesn’t think, doesn't move. 

He could feel the familiar twist in his stomach, something that he has been suppressing the entire day. Throat constricting, he tries hard to submerge the sob that threatens to rise by quickly splashing water in his face. He inhales hard as he stares at his reflection in the mirror. He watches it going blurry as the bravado of the façade he put on the entire day comes crumbling down before him.

His legs feel weak, unable to stand anymore Jungkook crashes into his knees. Isn’t this how your face faded from his memory? These days he can’t even remember her name whenever he wanted, let alone her face. He thought he would be fine if he didn’t remember. Something his therapist told him, selective memory suppression. That his brain is consciously blocking an unwanted memory as a defensive mechanism. But was she really an unwanted memory ? If she was, why did it frustrate him so much that he was slowly forgetting about her?

He thought it didn't matter much, that he would be fine, she wasn't present in his life anyways not actively at least, how hard it could be? Jungkook felt stupid about how oblivious he was to the impact she had on him. About how much her presence meant to him. And the thoughts came down crashing on him all at once.

She had abandoned him, didn't she?

He is never going to see her again, is he?

She didn't even know how much he needed her in his life, did she?

Where was she? Was she hurt? God! was she dead? Or was she happy, carrying on with his life. Maybe she was happy with someone you found?

No.

Lying on the bathroom floor, frustrated, confused, angry- Jungkook wails, the questions haunts him, mourning the loss of someone he never truly had, who never existed in his life. On the cold, dark tiles, he shivers- feeling rejected, unwanted and abandoned.

Again.

With acceptance, It did get better, with every day. Or he should say he got used to it. He eventually thought less about her, looked for her less, depended on her less. But he had his moments where he felt lost and immediately sought your words, that always lifted him, comforted him and somehow guided him. He also got used to the absence. He was stronger than before, better at handling his feelings. He smiles at himself thinking maybe it was her last gift to him before she left. It still felt sad that he was forgetting how you looked or how comforting your words felt after a long day. Bur the half forgotten memories pricked him more than they comforted him. So decided to let them go.

Until today.

It was you- the one he tried so hard to hold on. And then tried even harder to to let go.

He used to imagine hundreds of scenarios about how the reconciliation with you would go. But none of them resembled today, how he actually got to see you again, after all these years. Memories come rushing back to him as he takes in your form in front of him, on the flesh. You've gotten leaner, more slender- more polished, like you tried so hard to get rid of the imperfections you used to wear proudly. And somehow this is making him angry. Like you've taken the perfectly sweet girl he knew and turned her into this shell of someone he doesn't recognize anymore. 

Why did you change like this?

Why did you disappear?

What happened?

And why does Namjoon knows you for 5 years? Did you meet him on the day of the date? Did he discover how amazing you were and decided to take keep you for himself? His anger at Namjoon grows. Gears were turning in his as he put two and two together. Namjoon knew you when he used to follow you around in your socails, so did Namjoon somehow  discovered what Jungkook was doing and decided to tell you everything? Is that why you closed everything and disappeared? Did you loathe him? or hate him now? 

He instantly hated the thought of you hating him. He knew now where the longing for you came from the moment you entered the room- the pull towards you, why he was upset when Namjoon looked at you so affectionately, the anger and resentment he felt for the man you were so close with- the man he respected, looked up to so dearly. But he still had questions he didn't know the answers of, answers he couldn't take not knowing. 

Jungkook had to know and he couldn't be anymore curious.

PS: Bloody hell it was big ! I'm sorry y'all for who will be reading this, finishing this long ass paragraph just to find it's ends on a cliffhanger. But I did warn you, didn't I? I'm curious to what happens next too. Let's see who gets to finish it, or if anyone does at all.

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@cleverzonkwombatsludge