Im Sleeping On The Highways Tonight Y'all - Tumblr Posts

it's funny bcs the first line is probably what jeonghan is feeling as well ((knowing abt your feeling but not knowing how to point it out without being rude)) AND IT SENDS ME INTO FRENZYY HANAAAA YOU'RE SO GOODDDD

jeonghan is staring at you from across the room with unnatural intensity, and you don’t know how to point it out without being rude.

because, on the off chance that you’re mistaken and he’s actually transfixed by the appealingly blank wall above your head, it would be embarrassing. horrendously, irremediably embarrassing.

but you know yoon jeonghan like the back of your hand, and so you don’t think you’re mistaken. in fact, you think you know him better than the back of your hand, because if someone actually asked you to describe the back of your hand, you’d be fucked — but if someone asked you to describe jeonghan, you could wax lyrical.

you could tell them about how you met, three years ago. (freshman orientation, a haze of embarrassment and icebreakers.) you could tell them about his coffee order (black) and his favourite colour (also black) and the classes he hates and the classes he loves. you could tell them about how his eyes have a certain light to them, something you’ve never seen in anyone before, animated and effulgent and brilliant. you could tell them about his family; his friends; the way his fingers slot between yours; the way he laughs when he means it and the way he laughs when he doesn’t.

you could also tell this hypothetical someone that you’ve been in love with jeonghan for the past two years. and that he is totally, completely, utterly oblivious.

“your apartment’s ugly.”

(you could also tell them that he has a knack for being honest at entirely the wrong time, and you’re pretty sure he does it on purpose.)

“you know,” you say, dragging yourself out of your thoughts, “when most people want to break a silence, they ask a question or something.”

he doesn’t deign to respond.

“insults tend to be a last resort,” you add helpfully.

“not an insult,” he returns leisurely, sprawling across your couch, draping his legs over your lap. “you just need some life in here.”

“i’m alive. you’re alive. we’re both in here.” you shove his legs off. “besides. i just moved in.”

“you should get a lizard.”

your lack of surprise is a testament to how long you’ve been friends. “i’m not getting a lizard. are you hungry?”

“you could call it… barney.”

“i feel like having pizza.”

“or maybe lola, if it’s a girl. lola is nice.”

“i think we’re having two completely different conversations here,” you decide. and push his legs off you. again.

but this time, in a fluid movement you don’t fully comprehend the mechanics of, he swivels his body so his head rests in your lap.

it’s the simplest of movements, and somehow you feel like you can’t breathe. time slows and speeds all at once — heart in your throat, eyes on his for all of a moment and a half. you almost hate when he does this; such casual affection sends you reeling.

it takes you a moment to recover, and you realise he’s talking; “what?” you blurt. “i didn’t hear you.”

he casts you a strange look, but doesn’t comment. “pizza is fine, i said.”

“okay,” you reply, a second too late. “i’ll, uh. order that. now, i mean.”

jeonghan gazes intently up at you, long hair splayed on your thighs, brown eyes tinged with the faintest concern. “you’re being weird,” he says, but soft enough to come out worried — caring, more than anything. “is everything okay?”

you think back to him staring at you, just a few minutes ago. you think back to his legs on your lap with casual familiarity. you think back to freshman orientation too, the memory of his easy smile and shorter hair.

you try to think back to the moment you fell in love with him, but you can’t pinpoint that. that was less of a fall, more of a slow, inevitable realisation.

you force a smile. “everything’s fine.”

“your pants, ___,” he says, a wry smile tugging up his lips. “they are on fire.”

“i’m not lying,” you say, in a way that is so obviously and blatantly a lie. there’s a reason you’re not majoring in theatre, and it lies in your inability to keep up a facade when pressed.

jeonghan usually doesn’t press, so you’re not sure why he’s like this now — laid across your lap so you can’t look away, only breaking his gaze for those slow, lazy blinks.

“i’m gonna order that pizza.” your voice sounds hollow, even to you, so it’s not really a surprise when jeonghan sits up and takes your hand to stop you moving away.

“wait a bit,” he says, tenderness — softness, even — seeping into his voice. “i just want to say. i know.”

fuck.

your voice quavers ever so slightly. “you know? what do you know?”

as if it isn’t obvious. as if you aren’t obvious. it’s only taken two years of pining for you to get to this point; for him to get to this realisation; for you to face this rejection.

“i know,” he says softly, carefully, “about your feelings. for me, i mean.”

there’s a silence that seems to stretch forever. but it’s not more than three seconds, maximum.

“feelings of strong hatred and ill will, maybe,” you finally say, a swift rebuttal of the conversation you think he wants to have. i’m sorry, i didn’t know you felt that way, i didn’t mean to…. you’re not doing this — not with him.

jeonghan still has your hand encased in his, fiddling with your fingers, tracing palm lines as he speaks. “i’m being serious. i just don’t know how to say — how to say what i want. not well enough.”

“jeonghan,” you sigh, because it seems that you are doing this. “you don’t have to — ”

“i love you.”

it’s odd, what three simple words can do to a person. time doesn’t quite slow down, but suddenly you are so acutely aware of everything. the clock on your wall that’s been stuck on 3:52pm since you put it up. the lightbulb jeonghan has promised to change for you is flickering. his hand is warm and soft and comfortable, and it’s still holding onto yours.

there’s a small smile working its way up your face. you don’t feel breathless, like you imagined you might. you feel like a weight has been eased off your ribcage; and under it, your heart feels full, so incredibly full. “you’re serious?”

jeonghan smiles back at you, that inexpressible light filling his eyes. “am i ever not?”

“you never are,” you say, but you’re laughing, recklessly leaning into him, curling against him in a way you’ve done a million times before, but never quite like this. you’ve never been able to press a kiss to the side of his jaw, never been able to feel him reciprocate with one on your temple — until now.

“are you not going to say it back?” he murmurs, smiling against your hair.

“do i need to?” you ask, angling back to look at him with mirth in your eyes. “you know, don’t you?”

an / i have finally written (and posted) something and i HATE it i’m sorry.

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