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gladiolus (ch 1. i'll carry on)

on ao3

chapter word count: 5.2k

sequel to blue bow; continuing aubrey's story post-canon

It’s Saturday morning when Aubrey gets the knock on her door.

The last week has been frantic. Sunny’s mother had actually showed up the day after Sunny’s confession, promptly pressuring the doctors into letting him leave ASAP. He was discharged on Monday after insurance debates and follow-ups at some city hospital were scheduled. Aubrey hasn’t seen him since.

Basil wasn’t so lucky. With only bruises, he was considered fine before he first woke up. Where is he now, then? The psych ward. Okay, well, they were told that he’s been transferred to a “mental health institution” and will stay there for at least two weeks. More if Sunny’s mom presses charges. 

Aubrey knows what it really means, though. Mav had been sent there by his parents a year or two ago, after he came out as a boy. Taken back after they didn’t “fix” him. But Basil has some serious issues, and - and this genuinely is what he needs. He’s getting the help he needs.

And Aubrey? She almost bailed right after she heard Sunny’s confession. She actually did have to run to the roof, get some fresh air in her so she wouldn’t lunge for Sunny’s good eye. But she knew that there was no way in hell she could leave, not right after promising herself to stay. So, she called Kim on the public telephone and asked her to take care of Mom and Bun Bun for a few more days.

But on Monday, she had work. So she slept in the hospital room Saturday and Sunday night, and then Hero drove her to Fix-It.

Yes, she’s working at Fix-It. No, she’s not happy about it. Her now-manager is the only person who’s willing to hire a crazy delinquent like her, and that’s because he genuinely needs the work.

Now it’s Saturday again. A week since Aubrey’s life was turned upside down, again, because Mari didn’t actually kill herself. Somehow, it’s worse than that. Aubrey’s had a good five days to block that shit out while she shelves products, and a good five nights to smoke with the Hooligans and forget.

The knock sounds once more, louder. Aubrey lightly drops Mom’s plate on the couch. She’s been needing to spoon-feed Mom recently; the woman won’t eat at all otherwise.

“Mom, you gotta eat, okay?” Aubrey murmurs. “I know you haven’t been wanting much lately, but you have to at least have a little to keep moving.”

Mom looks at the food and pushes it away. Her eyes turn back to the TV. Aubrey sighs and stands up.

“Hellooooo? Aubrey?” Kel’s voice wafts through the doorway.

“I’m here,” she calls. She grabs her jacket, pulls it on, and answers the door.

Hero and Kel are standing outside. Hero’s tapping his fingers on his leg. Kel lights up when he sees her.

“Hey,” he smiles. “We just wanted to check up on you.”

That’s… new. “Oh, um, I’m alright.”

“How’s your mom doing?” Hero asks. His eyebrows are furrowed.

Aubrey blinks. “You’ve seen her?”

“We passed by her when we first visited you,” Kel explains. “Hero’s been worried ‘cause she seemed really out of it.” Judging by Kel’s look, Hero wasn’t the only one.

“Probably drunk when you saw her,” Aubrey mutters. “I guess she’s… fine. Hasn’t eaten much.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Hero says.

“Uh.” The only help she’s gotten before is from Kim, who mostly just covers for her when she needs it. “...I dunno.”

“Hm,” Hero replies. “Can we come inside?”

Aubrey steps inward, pressing the semi-broken door until it taps against the wall. “Sure.”

Hero makes his way to Aubrey’s mom. He sits down next to her, asking yes-or-no questions. He sounds like he’s about to diagnose her with something. Did you eat today? What about last night? Have you drank anything?

To her credit, Mom gives him small nods and shakes of the head. Better than how she reacts to Aubrey, anyway. Maybe she recognizes him from the past better than she recognizes her.

Kel paces around her house. He eventually walks back over to Aubrey.

“Hey, um, Aubrey… sorry if this is a bad question.”

“Just say it,” Aubrey replies. It’s not like the dam hadn’t broken already. “We’re all supposed to start talking about the hard shit.”

“Yeah, yeah. Uh… what did happen with your dad? I heard things at the church, but…”

But he wants to hear her side, too. She… really appreciates that. Aubrey takes a deep breath. This - she really doesn’t like speaking about this. But if Kel genuinely cares, then… She’ll try.

“Um,” she starts. “It was a few months after the Mari thing.” Kel’s expression shifts to worry. “I guess, I guess my grief was kinda his breaking point.” He takes a step forward. “He had a huge fight with Mom one night. About me. And the next morning, he was gone.”

Kel pulls her into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Aubrey freezes for a second, forgetting how to react. Eventually her brain catches up and she awkwardly wraps her arms around Kel. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Kel says. A few seconds pass, then they pull away.

Hero stands up soon after. “I’m going to find someone to help with your mom.”

“Wait, what?” Aubrey turns her head to Hero. 

“She needs extensive help.” Hero bites his cheek. “A professional kind of help, I mean.”

Well, yeah, she knows that. “I can’t afford it.”

Hero bites his lip and furrows his eyebrows. “We’ll… find a way. I’ll pay for it if I need to.”

“Aren’t you broke as shit?” Giving money is an immediate hell no. She appreciates they’re friends again, but she doesn’t need Hero’s pity. “Like, you’re a college student, dude. I know you guys wanna help, but you don’t have to kill yourselves over me.”

With the way Hero flinches, Aubrey knows she shouldn’t have ended with that. “...Sorry. But… really, you don’t have to do everything.”

“I’m supposed to take care of you guys, though…” Hero has a guilty look in his eye.

“Hey,” Aubrey says. She pats Hero on the shoulder. “You don’t owe me. Consider saving Basil and Sunny’s life as more than enough.”

“Haha,” Hero replies, humorless. “Okay. I won’t pay for it. But I do want to find her someone.”

“Let’s compromise on that,” Aubrey agrees. “Thank you, Hero.”

Kel suddenly perks up. “Oh, wait! We came here to ask you something.”

Hero sighs, but he’s smiling. “Of course, Aubrey. And yeah, we did.”

“What’s it?” Aubrey crosses her arms.

“Since it’s summer and we have time to hang out,” Kel begins, “We wanted to go to the beach. Since it’s been a while and stuff…”

“...And,” Hero continues, “We’d like to invite you and your other friends.”

Aubrey blinks. “Oh.” Invite the Hooligans, too?

Hero and Kel look at her as she processes, waiting for her reply. Aubrey’s confusion soon melts into a dumb giddiness. This is the kind of friendship they’re trying to rebuild. And - and they’re okay with her new self coming along, her new friends.

“Fuck yeah.” Aubrey grins.

Kel smiles, something wide and childish and happy in a way Aubrey hasn’t seen in years. In a way that makes Aubrey realize the happiness he’s been wearing, the happiness she envied, was just a cover for emptiness.

“We’ll drive over tomorrow at 10 or so,” Hero says. “Should we go find the Hooligans?”

Aubrey nods. “I promised them I’d hang out today, anyway. You should come with, we’ll tell them.” 

As she speaks, Aubrey begins gathering her things. She pulls on her shoes and adjusts her bow; pulls it too tight, as always. Even now - especially now, the sting is something she can’t handle being without. Sorry, Mari.

“Are they at the park?” Kel asks.

“Probably.” That or the lake, but they’ve kind of ditched the spot after what happened with Basil. Talk about deja vu, huh? Maybe the place is just cursed.

The Hooligans do end up being at the park. They’re all elated at the thought of the beach. When Kim mentions getting a tan, Aubrey realizes that she doesn’t own a swimsuit in her size. Her excitement outweighs the worry, though, and she decides she can just sit on the sand.

Kel spots one of Angel’s trading cards before long. The two fall into a long discussion about different Pokémon, which ends with the group heading to Kel’s house so they can challenge each other. Aubrey plays Mario 3 with The Maverick on Kel’s old NES. Hero has a hilariously awkward exchange with Vance that Aubrey can’t help but eavesdrop on.

“You’re a senior next year, right? Are you thinking of any colleges?”

“Nah. Gonna snag a job so Kim and I can skip town after graduation, though. We’re either going to the city or some other state, anywhere away from here.”

“Oh. Um, that’s cool.”

“You?” Vance raises his eyebrows to Hero.

“I’m in med school.”

“Shit. Guess I shouldn’t smoke around ya, then, in case your teachers kick your ass or something.”

“You’re good, haha… Just not in my mom’s house, please.”

Vance puts his lighter in his pocket and shoves a cigarette back into its pack. He had been trying to discreetly pull them out; unfortunately, he’s an obvious motherfucker. Aubrey has to throw her hand over her face to conceal her snort. She’s rewarded with her character losing a power-up.

After Mav and her finish the world, they end up being somehow led by Charlene to Fix-It. Aubrey tries not to be embarrassed when her manager waves at her.

The group walks into the back room: the greenhouse. Aubrey doesn’t really go in here often. She’s usually stuck in the front. Her manager’s decent enough at gardening to take care of the back himself, she guesses.

Charlene tugs Aubrey’s arm over to some potted flowers. They haven’t bloomed yet, but they seem close. She gestures to one of them.

“What is it?” Aubrey asks. It looks a bit familiar.

The taller girl turns to her with a smile. “...Gladiolus.”

And suddenly this plant is associated with a memory. “Oh,” she says. “Someone once told me that I was like this flower.”

Charlene nods, as if she knows exactly what Aubrey means. Aubrey thinks about how she never really participated when they were out antagonizing Basil. She goes to this greenhouse a lot… are her and Basil friends?

“These ones will bloom soon,” Charlene continues. “But… not yet.”

Aubrey tilts her head. Is Charlene trying to say something? But the girl doesn’t continue, and Kel soon calls Aubrey somewhere else. She forgets about it.

Lunch is at Gino’s. Maybe Aubrey shouldn’t eat this much pizza, but it’s that or the supermarket’s TV dinners. The group crowds around Angel at the Sprout Mole Eater machine. He tries to beat the record for a solid thirty minutes, blowing half his allowance on it. Sunny was the one who set it. The crown is challenged, but ultimately Angel settles for second place.

Kel challenges Aubrey to a basketball game. She doesn’t really play much, only knows how to because of P.E., but why not?

She loses horribly. Lesson learned; don’t fuck with something Kel’s genuinely good at.

In retaliation, Aubrey kicks Kel’s ass at tetherball. The war begins. They spend all afternoon playing different games in the park - capture the flag, knockout, volleyball (only briefly because it doesn’t work well when you use a basketball), and after getting tired of physical activity, Aubrey even learns how to play Pokémon. She’s okay at it, better than the others; Kel and Angel taught opposing strategies.

At some point, the sun begins to set. Aubrey lets time run away from her. It’s with a look at the sky and the jolt of a realization that she forgot to feed Mom. She hasn’t visited Mari yet today, either.

Aubrey’s given space to do both; she’s thankful. As much as she appreciates reconnection, she genuinely prefers to do some of these things alone. Luckily, Mom isn’t nearly as difficult tonight as she was this morning. Aubrey changes Bun-Bun’s water and food before she throws on some pants and heads back out.

For as much as the church is open to all, they lock their doors at sunset. A safety thing. Aubrey can’t help but find it ironic.

Hopping the fence is a practiced motion that Aubrey is more than used to. Like a dance, she swings herself over the metal and lands on the grass. The night is quiet and without wind.

Next to Mari’s grave, the egret orchid has begun to wilt. Aubrey’s not quite sure how to take care of it. She lugs over a hose, drips what she judges to be enough water into the pot, and hopes she did enough. Then she kicks the hose out of the way and settles criss-cross in front of Mari.

“Hey,” Aubrey says. “I hope you’re okay with me coming over later. Even though the pastor said I’m welcome, the churchgoers have finally had enough of me. I can’t really go during the day without getting glared at.”

Aubrey doesn’t know if she’s religious anymore. When she was a kid she would beg for God to forgive her and make her a boy, like her body was. As she grew older, she came to realize that was bullshit and she was a girl no matter what. Either way, God never saved her. Not from Daddy or her friends falling apart.

When she sits here, though, she swears she can feel a presence. Something akin to the spirits that the gravekeeper talks about. It’s almost like, like Mari is still watching over her.

…Hell, she had a dream where she met Mari again, didn’t she? Last week at the hospital. It couldn’t be anyone else, or a dream version of her. That was Mari.

So she likes to think that Mari hears her. That Mari and her are actually having a conversation, even though Mari has no voice to reply with anymore. Maybe she’s crazy, but after everything that’s happened, she can’t bring herself to care.

“Thanks again for talking to me last week,” Aubrey mumbles. “I wish we had more time.”

She always wishes they had more time. Always.

Aubrey twists her finger into the dirt. “Kel and Hero invited me to go to the beach tomorrow. The Hooligans are coming, too. I really haven’t been there since before you died. I’m kinda nervous, honestly. I don’t have a swimsuit or a bikini or anything. Not that they’d make me look feminine, anyway.

“If you were still alive, I’m sure you’d find a way to help me dress up like a girl for it, haha. You were always the one who supported me with those things.

“...My voice has been getting deeper. This stuff was a lot easier when I was twelve. I try to ignore it, there’s worse shit happening to me, but it’s always in the back of my mind, y’know? You once said that a lot of your problems were like that.

“It feels weird to think about your problems, now. Do you get what I mean? Like, because you didn’t kill yourself, it all feels so… confusing. It had looked like all the pieces were in place, but we didn’t notice. But now it’s not that. Am I, am I still bad for not saving you?”

She bites her cheek. Somehow, it always comes back to this - the cause of Mari’s death.

“I kind of feel like I’m in purgatory. Sunny’s in the city, and Basil’s in the ward. And Kel and Hero like to repress this stuff… we didn’t talk about it at all today. I feel like nothing’s gonna happen until I face Basil or Sunny again, but I don’t know if I can do that. Am I taking too much time? No, that’s stupid, it’s only been a week.”

Ugh, why did this have to be so difficult? Aubrey leans back and looks at the stars. The stars always help.

“I’m worried about Basil,” she blurts out.

Nobody questions her - well, nobody’s around to question her. So, Aubrey keeps going. “Like, I dunno. I saw his grandma in her hospital room when I walked down the hall. It made me think about Basil’s behavior the day we checked on him, and… suddenly everything made sense. How he locked himself away. Why he wanted the photo album so badly. The reason why these flowers are here, why your grave was cleaned up.

“Mari, I… he was planning to kill himself. And I, I didn’t notice before. With Sunny moving away and his grandmother dying. I j-just…”

Tears push against Aubrey’s eyes, taunting her. She sniffs.

“How could I face him now, knowing that I hurt him when he needed help most? And how, how could I face him, knowing what he did to you? How am I supposed to feel about him?”

Aubrey pulls in a shaky breath. She sits back up and looks at Mari.

“You said that we aren’t bad people, Mari. That what’s happened has happened. But, but we hurt each other so much. I almost killed Basil. Basil helped kill you. How could… you forgive us so easily? I don’t understand.”

She doesn’t know if she’ll ever understand. She doesn’t know why God hasn’t appeared to damn them all, these murderers and adjacents who call themselves friends. The only good person was Mari, who didn’t kill herself, who never was the reason for their pain. So how could she forgive them? How could she say it doesn’t matter, she loves them anyway?

“I don’t understand,” Aubrey repeats. But Mari can no longer reply.

Her thoughts run blank. She can’t comprehend it all, can’t wallow in self-hatred. There are no words left to say.

So she mumbles, “Goodnight, Mari,” and stumbles to her feet. She walks home on autopilot. None of this makes any fucking sense. It probably never will.

Aubrey’s blankets are old, thin, and dirty. She has to do laundry soon, or better yet, buy new sheets. Maybe she’ll do that with her summer job money.

Sleep comes to Aubrey easily. She’s tired: not the kind that comes from bawling her eyes out for hours, but the kind where she doesn’t want to think anymore. It feels like a welcome embrace. Like an older sister’s warm arms. Aubrey makes no hesitation to accept it.

Morning brings a wave of heat that can only be attributed to July. Aubrey wears a tank top and a skirt. Both pieces are now out of fashion, but seriously, who gives a shit? She’s more worried about getting sunscreen.

Thankfully, Hero and Kel’s mother has some. Soon after Aubrey arrives, she gets fussed over and handed a stick of it before she can ask.

“Thanks, Tia,” Aubrey smiles. 

The woman waves her off. “Nada, querida, keep it! We have too many extras.”

Aubrey blinks. “Um, alright.”

Hero appears with pancakes and other snacks. Kel had already packed a picnic basket, which is now in the back of the car.

“Want one?” He asks. It’s his old recipe, the chocolate-chip ones that him and Mari always made on Saturday mornings.

“Yeah,” Aubrey accepts. The pancake is fluffy and warm on her tongue, just like it always was. These were only ever beaten by Mari’s cookies - if they were even comparable. Pancakes were Hero’s thing, cookies were Mari’s.

Hero grins, but his mother turns to him before he can say anything. “Heitor, quem mais vai? Já está tudo arrumado?”

“Sim, não se preocupe tanto!” Hero sighs lightheartedly. “Vai ser só a gente e os amigos da Aubrey.”

His mom smiles. “Tudo bem, chame seu irmão, por favor.”

Hero nods and turns away, placing his tray on the table before leaving and calling for Kel.

Aubrey decides to sit at the table and eat pancakes until the others show up. Hero comes back over with Kel before long. They play cards while they wait, chatting about the family’s plan for remodeling the house. Apparently, they’re adding a room by the stairs, presumably for Sally once she gets a little older.

It’s slow, but the Hooligans arrive. Mav is somehow last. He rolls his eyes at Kel’s comment about literally being next door, claiming he had “important affairs to attend to first”. Quietly, he admits to Aubrey that he’s been struggling to bind with Ace bandages. 

Kel steals shotgun before Aubrey can, damnit. She settles for the backseat with Kim, squished together with Angel in the middle. The Maverick’s in the way back between Vance and Charlene. He complains about leg room; his loss for choosing that seat.

Hell breaks loose as soon as Hero backs out of the driveway. Angel and Kim fight over the radio - which mainly consists of yelling at Kel to change the station - while Vance yaps about something Aubrey doesn’t really care about, so she half-asses her replies. To Hero’s credit, he doesn’t seem too distracted. Aubrey can only guess it’s a skill that comes with being the oldest of three.

As they make the fifteen minute drive to the beach, Aubrey realizes she hasn’t been in a car in a long time. Not since Daddy left with his, anyway. She never really needed one, at least not yet. The feeling is still a bit jarring. Aubrey’s not stupid - she knows that she’s poorer than her friends. It’s just… weird, looking at these little things.

Aubrey’s shoes meet gravel as she hops through the door. Kim runs past her, cheering. Hero and Kel start unloading stuff from the back, Charlene joining them. Vance lights a cig.

Arms wrap around Aubrey, Angel grabbing her. He points to the shoreline.

“Look at that!” Angel says. “We can play real volleyball!” Aubrey squints. She thinks she can see an abandoned ball down at the shore.

“If it’s not deflated.” She shrugs.

The younger nods. “I’ll go get The Maverick! He can test it!” Aubrey’s left alone as Angel runs off.

Aubrey turns over to the responsible people. Kel’s holding two or three things, and Hero isn’t faring much better, so Aubrey grabs stuff from them both. With Charlene following behind, they look like a weird multi-colored parade shuffling down the boardwalk.

The picnic blanket is the first thing to be dropped unceremoniously. Then someone yells “Shit!” because all the sand gets kicked up by the fabric’s landing. Angel and Kel immediately have to chase after the blanket. Wind and sand particles bite at Aubrey’s eyes, but she laughs all the same.

Aubrey and Kim are tasked with finding medium-sized stones to hold the blanket down. They jog slowly, falling the shoreline and eyeing the water. Kim already kicked off her shoes and left them at their camp, so she wades.

“Ow,” Kim complains. “Stupid-fucking-nerd-rock.” She picks up a tiny yet sharp pebble, throwing it into the ocean.

“Your fault for being barefoot this close to the rocky areas,” Aubrey comments. 

Kim rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

They find the first two stones easily, nestled almost right next to each other. The third takes a little longer, but it isn’t far. The fourth stone gives them trouble.

“What the hell,” Aubrey grunts. “How hard is it to find a stupid rock?”

“Dunno,” replies Kim. “This is dumb.”

Aubrey shrugs.

Kim twiddles her fingers as they head inland to look further. Aubrey can see there’s something on her mind - over the years, Kim’s tells have become obvious.

“What is it,” Aubrey says. Kim blinks at her. “C’mon, I know something’s up.”

Her best friend eventually sighs. “Damn, you’re good at that. It’s just, I dunno, Vance.”

“What happened?” Aubrey asks. Kim squints at the sand.

“It’s dumb,” Kim murmurs, kind of sheepish. “Like, I’m fine with smoking and stuff. Don’t get me wrong about that. It’s just, when Vance…”

Aubrey thinks back to ten minutes ago, Vance immediately grabbing a cigarette. It’s eleven in the morning. “Too much. Too often.”

“Yeah,” Kim nods. “Just gets me worried, I guess. And he’s blowing a lot of our money on it.”

Isn’t Aubrey used to that… “You should, um, talk to him about it, I guess. At least ask him to stop pulling it from your escape fund.” This is bullshit advice and she knows it, but she’s the opposite of qualified.

Kim bites her cheek. “I’ll try. Thanks, Aubs.”

Aubrey smiles awkwardly, and the conversation fades. What a way to fuck that up. She wishes she could actually help with this stuff, but when she thinks about how she’s only worsened Mom’s addiction, she feels horrible.

A few minutes later, Kim suddenly squats. She pokes at the ground. “Hey, check this one out.”

Aubrey looks to Kim. She’s pointing at a rock with some cracks through the middle. It’s fully in one piece, but only barely. A small flower has sprouted next to it - yellow and small, it kind of resembles a sunflower.

“That should be good,” Aubrey nods. She reaches to pick it up, but she’s sliced by one of the jagged edges. “Fuck!”

“Shit, are you okay?” Kim shoots to her feet, checking Aubrey’s thumb. A thin line of blood has formed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she murmurs. Using her good hand, she scoops up some of the wet sand and fills in the stone’s wounds. “That should be better. Let’s take it back.”

Aubrey’s finger continues to sting, so she decides to ask Hero about it once they get back. She hands the stones to others, who place them on the blanket. Hero’s not there - when Aubrey asks, Kel tells her that he went to the car.

She crosses the boardwalk, reaching the parking lot in full strides. Hero is behind the car, pulling a heavy-looking bag over his shoulder.

“Hey,” she calls. Hero practically jumps.

“Aubrey, you scared me!” He laughs.

“Whoops,” Aubrey replies, unrepentant. She holds up her thumb. “You have any Band-Aids?”

Hero nods. “Just in the front seat, I’ll grab them.” When he turns, Aubrey eyes his bag.

“I can carry that,” she offers.

“It’s alright.” Hero shakes his head. “Your hand is hurt.”

Hero returns with the bandage. He hesitates when he goes to give the bandage to Aubrey. She looks at him for a second and notices his guilty expression.

“You can bandage it if you want,” Aubrey says. She can do it just fine herself, but Hero and Mari handled Band-Aid placement when they were kids. Part of her… wants to feel the safety those two radiated again.

“Sorry,” Hero murmurs.

Aubrey raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

“Um,” he says. “For leaving you to do this” - He gestures at the bandage - “Alone. I was supposed to take care of you guys.”

He said that yesterday, too. “You…” Aubrey doesn’t really know how to comfort Hero. It’s always been the other way around. “You were a kid, too. And you were hurting.”

“Yeah, but I…” Hero sniffs. He tries putting the Band-Aid on, but it gets a little crumpled and part of the cut doesn’t end up covered. Aubrey looks at the squished Spaceboy design.

“We’re here now, that’s what matters.” Aubrey doesn’t really believe her own words, because not all of them are there. Hero smiles; she can tell he doesn’t believe it either.

“Thank you,” he says. “That’s what we should focus on, I think.” 

They’re trying, though, aren’t they? As much as they can, even under all this pressure? Aubrey thinks that, Aubrey hopes that, “Mari’s proud of us.”

Hero kind of blinks at her. It takes him a second to register her words.

“...I really want her to be,” he eventually breathes. “I really, really do.”

Aubrey almost asks him right there if he saw her that night. He had to if she was visiting their dreams, right? That’s what she told Aubrey.

But Aubrey waits a beat too long, because Hero turns away to put the wrapping in the trash.

“Come on,” Hero says, “Let’s go have fun. It’s summer, after all.”

It still bothers her. And it will continue bothering her, but she pushes it to the back of her mind. Hero’s right; it’s summer.

“Alright.” Aubrey nods. “Let’s go have fun.”

It’s sunset when they return home from the beach, soon after eating dinner. The Hooligans are on their thirty-somethingth verse of “99 Bottles of Beer”. Kel’s chugging soda as Mav cheers at him. Aubrey’s had a grin on her face for maybe fifteen minutes now, and she knows it’s not going away anytime soon. Throughout the day, the bow has loosened in her hair.

Hero has to tell the teenagers to calm down multiple times after he parks the car. Of course, it only riles them up more. He eventually gets them all out, and the majority of the Hooligans head out for the park to spent the next few hours in. Aubrey, Hero, and Kel stay.

“You’re not following your friends?” Hero asks.

“I need to check on my mom,” Aubrey replies. “And my bunny, and Mari. I might join them later if I’m up for it.”

“You’re… really responsible.” Hero gives her a sad smile. “Well, we won’t keep you. C’mon, Kel.”

“See ya,” Kel says. “Today was fun. Like, really. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Aubrey nods at them both. She waves goodbye as they walk towards the door, but drops her hand when Kel gets distracted by Hector running out of his doghouse. 

Aubrey turns for the end of the sidewalk. It’s still decently warm outside, but it’s way cooler than earlier. She notes to herself that she’ll need to grab a jacket before she visits Mari. And shake the sand out of her shoes. There is so much.

But she doesn’t have to do that yet. The wind is calm, so Aubrey breathes.

This past week has been really hard. Her old friends are murderers. Her sister didn’t kill herself. But - but then. Then Kel, Hero, and the Hooligans have supported her. And this past weekend was one of the most fun she’s had in years.

It’ll be… it’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. There’s a lot happening in Aubrey’s life, but there’s also moments like these, where she’s just watching a pretty sunset. She’s… never appreciated that before. She had been too angry at the world to do so. And as much as she kind of hates Sunny and Basil right now, she’s, she’s tired of being angry.

Honestly, it’s hard to admit that to herself.

Closing her eyes, Aubrey makes a decision. She can’t bring herself to forgive Basil or Sunny. But she can’t let those feelings take over her life, either. Not like last time.

Mari, I hope you can understand that. I don’t really know how to feel anymore, but now… because I finally can, I want to focus on the other friendships I lost.

Aubrey lets the world envelope her for a few seconds longer. She prays that Mari can hear her. And even if she can’t, the thought brings Aubrey comfort.

She hopes that this is a good decision. That she’s being mature. Hero said she was just now, but she doesn’t really know what that means, ha.

Slowly, Aubrey opens her eyes. Golden beams of sunlight dully sift through the trees. Okay, she can do this. Feed everyone, shoes, jacket, visit Mari, park. That’s manageable.

Aubrey takes a step forward.