I Kinda Want To Calculate The Avarage Death Ratio Of The Lover Of All The Different Gods - Tumblr Posts
A dating guide through greek mythology
All tips and tricks from the notes of Eros himself, written in 3500bc, trust me this is totally legitimate dont worry :)))
Zeus: Prepare yourself mentally for death and/or banishment, animal forms, neverending torture and taunting
Poseidon: Will date you anyways if you want it or not, has no jealous wife, but dont mess with his horses he can understand them
Aphrodite: Will murder you if you criticise her looks, also, at least one or two of her jealous boyfriends WILL try to end your life
Ares: Actually treats the people he loves with human dignity and kindness, bonus points if youre badass, might smell like blood after work
Demeter: Nice woman, hasnt murdered any of the people she dated herself yet, do however not step on ladybugs
Hermes: If you die he probably isnt responsible, has 3 jobs, 24/7 delivering messages, dead people and dreams, busy guy, gotta deal with that
Apollo: Is desperate enough to willingly date literally anyone that looks at him for more than 3 seconds, if you arent down, you better turn into a plant fast enough to avoid him doing that for you
Dionysus: Nice wife, friends are drunk around the clock, you may or may not have to see people being ripped apart
Hephaestus: Good guy if youre not a shallow piece of crap, on the downside the living room is always 3000°
Hera: DO
Hestia: NOT
Athena: EVEN
Artemis: TRY
Hades: JUST
Persephone: DONT
Extra tip: consider joining the sacred virgins to avoid immanent death ;)