Going Through 50 YEARS Of Having To Act Like A Horrible Person. You Eventually Feel Like You Are - Tumblr Posts

along with rhysand being just the embodiment of night, just generally coming off as intimidating to people- and always being somewhat conniving, ect. i do think the mask he had to wear with amarantha is a hard transition to lose. he was forced to do horrible things, and even worse, act like he enjoyed it. after years of enduring this, he really had a lot of self doubt. why was he capable of doing this? yes, it was to protect everyone he cared about, he was doing what he had to. but would a genuinely good person be able to do what he did for so long? was he allowing himself to be turned into what amarantha wanted him to be? obviously, he’ll always carry the guilt of what he’s had to do. but i do think the lines got blurred there, and it’s hard for him to realize that he doesn’t have to act like that anymore. he doesn’t always have to be scheming, or lying, or hiding things - but after wearing that mask for so long, it’s very hard for him to be able to just act like himself again. i think it’ll be a long time before he’s able to drop this act completely, no matter how much he’s aware of it, and wants to stop ( because he feels like he’s letting her win, if he doesn’t. ) a part of that act has bled into who he is, and just a couple years of freedom afterwards is not enough for him to shed that completely.