First Love - Tumblr Posts

That one friend I thought I could rely on anytime. That one friend who breathed life into my dying fantasies of having a guy friend who's there for you, is decent and makes you feel safe, next to your family.

I think of him now as it's been 8 days since we last texted. It's only when he's in holidays that do we even text. 'Must be busy with stuff at home' I convince myself.

Having had deep conversations with him in the past few weeks and showing him the unfiltered-filter of myself, I can't help but rely to him for some of my vulnerabilities.

A) I just want a third person pov sometimes

B) wanna give my mom a break

C) I sometimes like his take on things

D) I had(ve) the longest crush on him

Today I want to reach out him. Call him and drown myself in his warmth as I puke out all the negative emotions I have in my verbal diarrhea. Listen to him as I breathe in a sense of positivity. Thank him and bid him goodbye as I kiss goodbye to my headaches. Headaches, which make me crave him. Headache, which throws me back to the first ever time I called him and heard his voice clearly after 4 years.

I miss you.

Not even a 'u too' from you.

You mean more than animè-banter to me.

It's official I'm in love.

It's also official I confessed to him in tiny.

For me the magical words aren't three. They are multiples of three.

You are next to my mom, dad and brother.

You're my home.

I think of you most times.

And one reason I like him a lot is that conversations with him just flow and the fact that we don't know each other at all makes us say funniest little things happening in life and that makes my day. Just knowing he's there by my side makes my day. He doesn't tell me "I am all you should believe". I mean it's only in over obsessed yandere stories that people do such stuff but if I rant or bitch about my life and friends he's like "Then let them know how you feel kada? It would be better that way to say it to there faces. Like nenem chesthanante..." He goes on. I could listen to his voice all night when I'm sad and blue.

And his laugh and giggles work like glue. They stitch away my heart.

I love you,R.

I think I always admired you, and I always will.

With you I don't mind growing older and going wilder.

You are my Nicholas Ronglo...okay not exactly him cause bruhh he's dope af. But you get it right?

I still wish we officially ask each other out.

But then it will obviously be awkward moving from "bros and yo-s" to "baby-s and love-s" keke (eww)

So yeah this is it for this lifetime

Long distance - unofficial - mutual friendship :)

R daisukki :*

Okay

Umm my voice sounds so silly and his sounds comforting asmr ish afff

Ilysm

R :*****

I swore to myself that I will not journal multiple times or as frequently as I did the past few months. Although therapeutic, journaling has solidified some memories for me that I shouod be forgetting and they push me further into the loop of overthinking. Moreover, I've journaled as if I was venting out my anger in the past few months. So now, I'm trying to redeem.

But I cant stop myself from journaling one time on tumblr. Cause it's been so long.

Firstly, I've moved on from my first crush. (Or atleast, I'm beginning to move on from him)

This is a milestone in itself because I realised that I do not want to be a secret admirer for someone I talk to very frequently that too,in a filter-free manner.

Although pretty late to join the other end of the sea called "first crushes and hormonal rushes", I've realised that it's either -

You stay a secret admirer while keeping your interactions minimal

Or

You let them know how you feel a little early in the relationship

So that you don't let the guilt of becoming a delusional take over whatever friendship you've really established enroute that's actually needed for the 2 of you but, you're too guilty when he needs you as a friend.

Learnt the lesson a really tough way, but we both have our lives moving in different paces in our unis so "it is what it is"

(I really wish we could hang out sometime soon. But I swore to not get ahead anytime soon, so)

Secondly, I began coloring in the penup app of my new tab and doodling a little albeit rarely. This got me into training my mind into being a little patient. Maybe right now I'm patient by 4% more than I was before on an average

Thirdly, I'm chronically having headaches.

It could be me stressing out or overthinking subtle things when I let my emotions and silliness take over the rationale. Also because although im not entirely a people pleaser, i have a hard time saying no and even taking it (should seriously work on better communication)

Or inadequate sleep mostly due to my inefficiency in planning things for the day or night if I'm being specific.

I should be sleeping now so I get sufficient rest for tomorrow, but I'm typing away anyways :p

Or me studying under stress! Panicking. Worrying about my future.

Or missing home and worrying about family

Or under-hydration

Or micro nutrition deficiency cause I get fatigued after I'm out in the sun, pretty easily.

So to sum everything up, my health is getting fucked up. Mental health and physical one too.

Hence the pms and pcos.

Fourthly, I read a lot than I studied in the past few months.

Be it solo leveling to begin with.

Or subtle art of not giving a fuck.

Then recently I've read It ends with us and It starts with us.

While rn I'm binging on Omniscient reader and Eaternal Nocturnal.

Even anime wise

I've watched too many it seems

Kaguya Sama

Suzume (in theatres ✨️)

Your name (rewatch, in theatres 💫, and re-rewatch in my new tab)

Your lie in april

Garden of words

Horimiya (S1)

Demon slayer (rehabilitation arc and mugen train)

I've watched many movies too

Jailer (in theatres)

Happy days

Anand

Gharshana

Good night

(Okay not too many but yeah more than my average in the recent times)

Now it makes sense why I get all panicky before exams. I almost never touched my books because I know, I know how the next 3 and the next 3 years of my life are gonna be like, academically

Lastly, yoongi's lines from magic shop are making so much sense to me right now that I want to turn back time and just live happily with my family but this time around - Imma take care of my parents more and show my brother I love him more and not think about growing up or idolize growing up. Cause adulting is so damn not easy! And I'm not even 21 yet (will be in a few months though)

It's tiring

Taxing

Exhausting

Exasperating

You can't even blame your parents anymore (that feels morally wrong!)

He's my first love btw

She was my blurry past,my hard-won present and my definite future.

{bts!moodboard} ❝ first love  ❞

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUGA!

No I don't want to know your favourite colour on our first date , no I don't want to know who was your first kiss ! Tell me about your daddy issues and your childhood traumas .Tell me what was the reason your broke down last time .And then as the days and months pass and we are slowly fall in love with each others dark and true side then let's debate on whether frogs are cuter than Llamas , let's dance under the waste of constellations with our muffled laughs echoing , we'll slowly unravel eachother's brighter , euphoric side .

Let's fall in love wholey and thoroughly .

Billy Hargrove is in love. Nobody can understand that, least him. But somehow it happened. And as if that weren't scary enough the object of his affection is a virgin! So Billy tries to do it right, take things slow. But the problem is he is horny as hell and so not used to not getting any for a long time.

I think when Lucy will hug Lockwood and show him tendernes - stroke his hair, scratch his neck, rub his back...- for the first time he will break down crying and hold onto her like a drowning person onto a lifesaver.

I Remember

I remember when we were young

You were the first boy I had a crush on

I remember days spent swinging

Laughing away the time

Then we got older

I remember the day you said you liked me

My heart could do nothing but flutter

I remember our walks around the track

The lovely conversations that we had

Then we got older

I remember doubting myself

Wondering if I only liked you because you liked me

I remember breaking your heart

It honestly tore me apart

Then we got older

I remember you still being there for me

When my life got turned around you were my guide

I remember us becoming close again

Letting you back in

Then I got scared

I remember never responding

trying to distance myself and shut you out

I remember crying

Not being able to bare the thought of hurting you again

It’s here!!!

You Never Walk Alone it’s finally here!! so excited: it came as right version with JK postcard - omg so cute. 

Rainbow

“Tell me about yourself, I want to know!” You ask me to describe myself not in words I reserve for an acquaintance or the man taking my interview But in words that paint my insides and colour my sky, my definitions of yellow, black, red and blue You want to know, not judge, and I believe that’s what opens my soul to your inspection And I find myself telling you about that one time I fell in a…

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Of Doors And Life

I know you like to say it all started long before But I’d like to believe it started with a door, I know you like to say you had orchestrated the whole scene But the day I saw you bang your head on the glass door, made me laugh and finally even realise that it was the start of something I know you like to say you had won my heart long ago But the day we went out for the first time, and you held…

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Do you ever get this gut wrenching feeling of longing that just hits you out of nowhere? It most commonly hits late at night, or when you've been alone for a while, but sometimes it hits you when you're surrounded by your friends at a party, or in the middle of a test at school. And it's this powerful feeling of longing for someone you might not even know yet, like the feeling you get at the pinnacle of a crush but with no warning or lead up. You just want someone to love you and to love them and do all the stupid romantic things with them you've ever wanted to do. It's like you're in love with someone you haven't met, like you're body gives you these jolts to prepare you for the feeling one day. But it's so hard to handle in the moment and you have to do anything you can to make the ache go away but sometimes you just don't know how, and sometimes everything you do makes the ache worse.

Anyway, I'm just a hopeless romantic although I refuse to admit it to the people I know in real life because no one likes me like that anyway.

I hope that everyone who reads this finds the love they need to help the ache fade. Because I don't think the point is to get rid of it, but rather to make it bearable, by sharing it with someone else.

Three Words of Consequence

I’m stroking his sleeping form, my hand tracing the idlest of circles with the deepest concentration. This is the one I have chosen, he who is mine. I sit now, watching the soft rise and fall of his shoulder blades under his slowing breathing. The slumber is deepening under my coaxing, and I feel content. My fingers are widespread, and gently skip across the thick waves of his back, exploring each crest and trough. It responds, resilient in some places, pliant and soft in others. I brush close to the edge of the quilt, under which his lower half is covered, and feel goose pimples rise. Are they from cold, or tremors of the sensation? His face is turned away from me. How does he always, even after the fall into unconsciousness, know where the glints of my eyes will be? I brush my hand through his hair, thick and coarse; always in need of a brush. He can’t hide it anymore. He said it, he said it tonight. I think back, to blissful foray past, when moon put her ear to the gap in the curtains to listen to the night time radio, turned up just a little too loud for furtiveness, while we moved in the dark. I could not see him then either, the ghost light cast his features in shadow, but as I lay back, feeling, I heard it on the rim of his lips. I saw the syllables, darker than the gloom, work their way through his gaping breath and around his ragged tongue. They emerged, and they were quiet. It was almost as if he was ignorant of their import, or unaware of what it was that, as if it had slipped out and escaped. A whisper and we were bound. Inextricable. The moments of our passion passed, and yet he remained. It was I who slipped out from under, not quite knowing why, many minutes after and though, heavy with echo. “I love you.” 

T-T This was so beautifully written! I can’t get over how good this fic is. Literally got me crying at work but worth lol. Although it’s a long read its WORTH IT 💜

haru yo, koi — yang jungwon.

synopsis. Life is fragile. You’ve known this ever since you got diagnosed with a rare disease that gives you only 10 years to live. You tell yourself to not fall in love, but then you meet Yang Jungwon in the middle of a park surrounded by cherry blossom trees. But just like the fleetingness of the cherry blossoms, your romance with Jungwon is short lived. You can only hope that the universe will be kind enough to offer you a second chance.

genre. angst, fluff, friends to lovers to ?, inspired by the movie the last 10 years.

pairing. non-idol! jungwon x fem! reader

warnings. reader and jungwon are 22, mentions of death, hospital, disease, illness, one scene where drinking is involved, probably some medical inaccuracies

word count. 34.9k

author’s note. hello! haru yo koi is finally here and i am so excited for u all to read it !! i hope there aren’t any glitches or anything esp since i had to use the legacy editor 😭😭 so praying there’s no issues w this 😭 this is the longest fic ive ever written and i rlly rlly hope u all enjoy it <3 pls give ur thoughts / feedback in an ask or comment ! they mean a lot to me <33 enjoyyy <3

ONE.

The clock is always ticking. 

You remind yourself of this daily. Most people your age don’t exactly think about death coming to knock on their door — but you think you’re quite prepared. You have been for quite a while. 

You peer outside your window for a split second, taking a break from writing. You see people on the street with bright smiles plastered across their lips. You wish you could be as carefree as they are, and not constantly worried about whether your life will slip away in just the next second.

You were diagnosed with a rare incurable disease when you were 17. You’ve got 10 years, they say. But even though they had said 10 years, you could still pass suddenly – so in some way, you might have less than 10. Slowly but surely, you’ve come to accept that this is your fate. 

“It’s spring, (Name).” You suddenly hear the voice of Chaewon, your older sister. “Do you want to go see the cherry blossoms?” 

Keep reading

T-T just read both parts of the fic and MY GOODNESS ITS SO GOOD 😭

Whispers From My Heart (pt.1) - Won (양정원)

You were 14, and he was 19, but your story doesn't stop there. ꒰ wc: 5.7k ꒱

[pairing] brother's best friend! jungwon x fem! reader [genre] brother's best friend trope, unrequited love, coming-of-age, fluff, angst [warnings] mentions of minor character death

read part 2 here

your bookshelf 📓✧˖°.

"I fell in love with my brother’s best friend."

That was a secret you would forever keep in your heart.

It was spring in 2018. You were 14 that year, freshly in high school. Flowers were just starting to bloom, decorating the sidewalks with colorful tulips and daisies. 

You ran down the hallway, waving goodbye to your classmates, hands clutching onto your backpack strap. Classes had been awful that day. You couldn’t pay attention at all. Instead, you were doodling along the math problem you were supposed to solve. The teacher had called on you, and you stood up frantically, blurting out a random answer that was, of course, not correct. 

It had gotten harder for you to focus these days. Math and science proved not to be your strong suit. They were just so…boring. 

As you ran out of the school, sunshine hit your face, casting a warm glow onto your skin. You covered your eyes, wincing, as you saw your best friend run towards you. Her hands were frantically waving as she clung to your arms, laughing, “Hey, Y/N! We should go to the convenience store!” 

“For what? I kinda wanna go home.” You asked as the both of you continued walking. 

“Come on!” she whined, “It’ll be fun. Plus, the boys said they’ll pay.” 

You turned toward her, confused, “The boys?”

She looked excited as she announced, “Mhm, Niki and them.” She pointed at a group of boys who were waiting by a big tree. 

The tallest one of the group waved toward you excitedly with a big smile on his face. You waved back, smiling awkwardly. “I think I’ll pass…I gotta go home. My brother’s back home today.” 

You smiled apologetically at your best friend, waving goodbye to her and Niki as you ran across the street. 

You lived in a relatively private neighborhood—one where everyone knew each other and would bring over snacks and gifts during holidays. You wouldn’t deny it; your family had a little bit of money. So compared to your other classmates, you grew up having nicer things, and your house was pretty big. You had loving parents and an annoying older brother, who was five years older than you, who you fought with all the time. You still missed him, though. 

He had moved away for high school, only occasionally coming back. You had started missing the banter and someone you could talk with behind your parents' backs. You were so excited to go back home because your brother was back for spring break today. Plus, you had a little favor you needed to ask of him. 

Upon opening the front door, you’re immediately hit with a strong aroma of fragrances wafting through the air, making your stomach rumble. Despite your mouth watering, you ignore your craving, yelling a greeting to your mom before running up the stairs. 

Quickly finding your brother’s room, you throw your backpack onto the ground, barging through his door. 

“Sunoo! Why didn’t you answer my texts….” Your voice trails off as you’re met with not your brother but another boy around your brother’s age. Way cuter than your brother, though. 

Your eyes widen as you step back slowly. The window was open, blowing a soft breeze through the room as the two of you made eye contact. His eyes crinkled up slowly as he gave you a gentle smile. 

“Hi there. I’m Yang Jungwon. What’s your name?” 

That was the first time you met. To you, he was like an angel, smiling at you as the sunlight illuminated his soft and gentle features. 

〰

The next time you would see him would be in the principal’s office of your school. You had your hands behind your back as you timidly looked up at him. His face was stern and scrunched up as he silently scolded you. 

Your principal coughed, bringing both of your attention to him. “Y/N’s brother, I hope you understand this is a very serious matter.” 

Jungwon’s head quickly turned back to the principal, bowing slightly, “Of course, we completely understand. We will discipline her at home.”

At this, a lady jumps in, screaming, “Look at what she did to my son! His poor nose is broken. How dare she hit him!” 

You watch quietly as your principal shakes his head, letting out a deep sigh. “Fighting at a young age is bad for the rest of her classmates. Not to mention, her teacher has also been complaining about her lack of concentration and commitment to her classes. This attitude is absolutely not accepted. She has to start thinking about her future. It’s almost time for her to choose her pathway….” 

There the old man goes again, rambling on and on about how good students should act and pulling out the whole school syllabus. You’ve heard the same speech multiple times already with your mom. 

It’s not like you hated school. You just weren’t interested in a lot of its subjects. When asked about your dream, you could only think of drawing and doodling for the rest of your life. 

As you were lost in your thoughts, a sudden nudge on your shoulder brought you back to reality. You looked up, and Jungwon was gesturing for you to listen. You sighed as you looked at your principal as he was passionately snitching about you to Jungwon. After a chorus of yeses and a series of “Y/N’s future depends all on you, sir,” your principal was finally satisfied and let you go with detention. 

Hand in hand, the two of you walk out of the school in silence. 

Jungwon gently clears his throat, directing your attention to him. You look up, finding him already looking at you with one eyebrow raised. 

“So? Care to explain why the boy’s nose was bleeding?” 

You huffed air out of your mouth, “He kept kicking my chair even after I told him to stop. So I taught him a little lesson.” 

Jungwon bopped your nose teasingly, “Don’t say that with such a proud look on your face.”

You swat at his arm, “Stop,” you whine. 

“I help you out, and this is how you repay me?” Jungwon asks, crossing his arms. “Remember, I can still tell your parents and your brother,” he says, sticking his tongue out. 

“Wait, no, no. I’m sorry.” You pout, “Next time, if they need a guardian to come in, can you pretend to be my older brother again? They already think you’re my brother, so it’ll be easier.” 

Jungwon narrowed his eyes at you, bending down to your eye level. “Next time? Your job is to make sure there is no next time. If your teacher or someone decides to call your family themselves, they’ll find out what happened today. Then. We’re both doomed.” Jungwon whispered, thumb drawing a line across his neck. 

“Then we won’t let them find out. I’ll just tell them I’ll call my brother again, then I’ll call you.” You reasoned, staring at him intently.

Jungwon lets out a surprised chuckle, “Little one, we hardly know each other. What do I get in return for me helping you?” 

You furrowed your eyebrows, deep in thought. “Uhh…I’ll buy you candy!” 

Jungwon resisted the urge to laugh, his cheeks puffing up in amusement.

“Okay then, little sister. I better see all my favorite candies.”

He ruffles your hair as you enthusiastically nod your head, the both of you laughing at your shared secret. 

That was the second time you met. To you, he was like a reliable older brother. 

〰

Everyone says the third time’s the charm. But it wasn’t. 

You were 16 that year. 

You remember running down the same sidewalk to go home. It was your routine to always play with the neighbor’s puppy before running to your driveway, and that’s exactly what you did. After getting tired of squatting for so long, you would run to your front door and open it excitedly, wondering what food your mom had prepared. 

However, on that particular day, the usual aroma that usually wafted through the air was noticeably absent. Furthermore, the kitchen appeared to be void of any signs of activity. 

The only evidence that anyone was in the house was the faint murmur coming from the living room. You slowed down your pace, and with the utmost caution, you quietly tiptoed to the living room.

Peeking from behind the big vase, you can see your parents, Sunoo and…Jungwon? 

An unsettling feeling settled in the air, noticeable from the somber looks on their faces. Your brother was a goofball, and that part of him only seemed to amplify whenever Jungwon was around. So the fact that even Sunoo was being serious meant something was wrong.

With confusion, you press your face against the vase in an attempt to hear their conversation clearer. 

“Jungwon…father…just fell ill…we can help…”

“...helped me too much already…debt….”

“...stay in my room…don’t care….” 

You could only catch fragments of the conversation, but it was clear that Jungwon was in some type of trouble, and he wasn’t accepting your family’s help. 

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t see that the conversation had ended until a figure stood right in front of you. 

It was Jungwon. He was still the same as you remembered. He always smelt like coconuts. It was subtle and sweet, perfectly fitting for his personality. His face was soft and gentle, eyes crinkling up when he smiled. You wanted to say his smile was the same, but something was missing. His smile, though recognizable, now carried a weight. It was no longer carefree but laced with the burdens of responsibility. 

His hands reach up to ruffle your hair gently. “Hey, lil sis, you’ve grown a lot taller since I last saw you.” With that, he turns and walks upstairs. You watch as he disappears to the corner where Sunoo’s room is located. 

You look into the living room, checking that your parents and your brother are still engaged in conversation before quietly running upstairs. 

You stop by your room to grab something before knocking on the door to your brother’s room.

“Come in,” a gentle voice resounds from within the room. 

Peeking your head in, you smile softly at Jungwon, who is sitting on the balcony. You carefully closed the door behind you, ensuring now to make a single sound. 

“What are you doing, being all sneaky?” 

“Hold out your hands.”

“Huh? Why?

“Just hold out your hands.” You remarked, your tone tinged with a hint of impatience.

Carefully, you drop a handful of candy onto Jungwon’s open palms.

Jungwon’s eyes widened before letting out a surprised chuckle. “What’s this for? I remember the deal was I would get candy if I helped you again.” 

“Think of this as a prepayment.” You said, jutting out your chin. 

The boy before you blinked twice before bursting into laughter, “I’m sorry,” he said between chuckles. “Our little sister is growing up.” 

You stared at him in shock and disbelief. You just wanted to make him feel better. Yet here he was, laughing at you. 

Exasperated, you let out a huff and swiftly retrieved the candy from his outstretched palm. Observing his mouth slightly agape, you defiantly unwrapped one of the candies and declared, “You don’t have to accept it. I’ll eat it myself!” 

Before you can pop the candy in your mouth, Jungwon leans forward, seizing the opportunity to eat it straight from your hand. Your eyes widen in sheer shock as you feel his lips delicately brush against your finger. 

Surprised by his sudden gesture, you step back, inadvertently dropping the candy wrapper in the process. 

“W-what are you doing?”

Jungwon chews thoughtfully, licking his lips, “I never said I didn’t want the candy,” he utters cheekily. 

You feel your cheeks heating up, and you quickly look away. Shoving your hands towards him, you give him back the treats. Without looking at him, you quickly turn around to leave the room. As you make a hasty attempt to leave the room, a sudden grip tightens around your wrist, halting your movement. 

Startled, you freeze in your tracks, feeling Jungwon’s firm hold on your wrist. 

“Sit with me,” Jungwon says, voice barely above a whisper. 

That evening, you find yourselves seated on your brother’s balcony, gazing out at the breathtaking scenery. Initially, a comfortable silence envelopes the air, with neither of you uttering a word, simply relishing in each other’s presence. 

Then, Jungwon began talking. At first, he talked about simple things, like how stressful college was, and he even humorously advised you never to go. Gradually, the topics became more serious. He began talking about how his father had gotten diagnosed with cancer and how he had left so much debt that Jungwon had no idea how to pay back. 

All you could do was sit there and listen attentively. Jungwon was nothing but kind to you, and he didn’t deserve any of the things he was going through now. 

As a naive teenager, you gently grabbed ahold of his sleeve, and with confidence, you told him, “When I grow older, I’ll help you pay back the debt.” 

All you wanted to do was to save him from misery and to see him smile genuinely again. You remember he had smiled at you softly, lips curling up gently. 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.” 

That was the third time you met. To you, he was a friend that you desperately wanted to help, just like how he once helped you. 

〰

The summer before your last year of high school had been rough. You had so much summer homework it seemed impossible to finish it all in time. Lucky for you, Sunoo and Jungwon were coming back from college. You could just ask them for help. 

Over the past two years, it had become a tradition for Jungwon to come back with Sunoo during breaks since his family condition wasn’t ideal. It was your parents’ idea, and honestly, you had no reason to be against it. 

Having Jungwon around meant Sunoo couldn’t bully you because you would just use Jungwon as a shield. Your parents would joke around about how Jungwon was like your second brother. 

But, for some reason, you didn’t really like the sound of that. You’re not really sure why, though. 

That summer went by way too fast. Maybe it’s because you all had too much fun. You knew it would be the last summer as a high school student, so you made sure you were able to do everything you wanted, like having a picnic, camping outside your yard to watch the stars, climbing up a mountain just to scream your lungs out at the peak, getting up super early with your sketchbook to catch the sunrise, and so many more. 

Jungwon completed most of them with you, minus getting up early to watch the sunrise, his excuse being he and Sunoo had stayed up too late playing games. 

Before you knew it, the first day of school rolled around, and it was time for Sunoo and Jungwon to go back to their dorms. 

“Don’t miss us too much, crybaby,” Sunoo teased, pinching your cheeks. 

“I’m not a crybaby! I’m 18 already!” 

“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re still a crybaby,” Sunoo stuck out his tongue. “Who was the one sniffling in her room at 2 am last night, huh?” 

Jungwon comes up from behind Sunoo with his suitcase. “Quit teasing her. Don’t act like you didn’t spend the whole summer making her a goodbye present.” 

You watch as your brother’s face reddens, “Present? What present? Why don’t I see it?”

Sunoo punches Jungwon in the arm before running out the door in embarrassment. “Dude! She wasn’t supposed to know until we left. Ughhh, this is so embarrassing!” 

Jungwon only laughs in reply before ruffling your hair. “It’s in your room. He spent the whole summer making it while we were having fun.” 

You watch as Jungwon walks out the door with his suitcase. He turns back one last time to wave at you, “I’ll see you later.” 

After waving longingly at your brother’s car, watching as they drive off, you quickly run upstairs to your bedroom. 

And there, sitting on top of your desk, was a miniature model of a cottage. It was a beautiful house, with beautiful flowers and vines adorning the outside. Upon closer look, the inside of the cottage looked homey and full of life. The lamps on the inside emitted a soft glow that warmed your heart. 

You had been so mad at Sunoo for not hanging out with Jungwon and you. You felt horrible. He had never told you he was doing this, but then again, he was never one to be sentimental. 

You sniffle once. Then twice. Sniffs turned into cries, which turned into sobs. 

Your brother was right. You were still a crybaby. 

〰

Sigh. 

“It’s so hot in here,” you thought to yourself as you spun your pencil between your fingers. Out of boredom, you blew air out of your mouth, causing your bangs to flutter and fly up. 

The air blowing in from the classroom window wasn’t enough to take the heat away. The sun’s rays penetrated the room, casting elongated shadows of desks and chairs upon the walls. Your gaze was fixated on the lovely scene unfolding outside in the courtyard, where students frolicked, their laughter and playful bickering reaching your ears. 

“Hey!”

Startled, you yelped, causing your pencil to fall on the desk as you jumped up in your chair. 

Looking at the laughing boy, you pick up your pencil to gently tap it against his head. 

“Knock it out, Niki. It’s not funny,” you pouted. 

“Sorry, sorry. Your reaction was too cute.” Niki said, hugging his stomach. 

You sighed, laying your chin on your palms.

“What’s wrong?” Niki asked, finally calming down.

“I’m so bored. School’s so boring.” 

Niki’s voice perked up, “Wanna go get ice cream after school?” 

A spark of excitement ignited within you, and your eyes lit up, “Ice cream?” 

Niki grinned, “Yup!”

“You’ll pay?” you asked, looking at him hopefully.

“Of course!”

After school, the two of you walked to the local dessert that sold all types of desserts, from ice cream to tiramisu to full-on birthday cakes. It was a popular hang-out place for students from your high school. 

You heard all about the drama that happens at the shop. Always another couple caught secretly on a date. 

Leaning down to peer through the glass display, your eyes glimmered as you eagerly scanned the ice cream flavors. 

“Sorry, we don't have honey pistachio here,” a familiar voice rings out. 

You look up in shock, your mouth falling open as you stare at the person behind the counter. 

Jungwon throws you a warm smile as he waves timidly. 

“Jungwon!” You smile widely, standing up straight. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“I recently started. Needed a little extra money,” Jungwon explained, wiping his hands on a towel. “You here with a friend?” 

Nodding in response, You gestured towards Niki, who approached. “Niki, meet Jungwon. Jungwon, meet Niki.” 

The two greeted each other before you both placed your orders. 

“How much is it?” You asked, reaching into your purse. 

“It’s fine. This one’s on the house.” Jungwon said with a smile, extending the waffle cone towards you.

Jungwon had always been nice, too nice. Despite the enormous burden left by his father's debt, he chose to remain by his side, assuming the responsibility of caring for him. If it weren’t for his father, Jungwon wouldn’t have to work three jobs at the same time. Knowing this, there was no way you would let him pay for you. 

Before leaving with Niki, you swiftly placed a $20 bill on the table when Jungwon wasn’t looking. Without a backward glance, you hurriedly made your way out the door. 

Skipping along the sidewalk, you felt much better. A sense of relief enveloped you. It had worried you when Jungwon offered to pay. You didn’t want him to work too much. 

Niki was awfully quiet, which was weird. He was never quiet. That boy always had something up his sleeves, whether it was a new joke or a new song he learned. But now, as you guys walked along the street, he did not utter a single word. 

“U-uhm, Y/N?” 

“Hm?” you hummed in response. 

“I need to tell you something.” 

“Go ahead.”

Suddenly, you felt Niki grab onto your shoulders, stopping you in your tracks. He turned towards you, his face a mixture of seriousness and nervousness. 

“It’s been a long time, so I think I should tell you since this is our last year of high school,” Niki begins with a mixture of apprehension and sincerity. “But, uhm, I’ve liked you ever since we were in middle school. All these years, all the things I did were to get your attention and to make you laugh. I didn’t do it because I just wanted to be friends. I want to take it further with you. Even when you ignored me, I still felt happy. You don’t have to answer right away, I just wanted to tell you before I regretted it.” 

After he finished, he turned his face toward the ground, afraid to meet your gaze and look at your reaction. 

Honestly, you were shocked. The realization that Niki saw you in that way had never crossed your mind. Your relationship with him had always felt more like a bond between bros. The constant playful banter between you two led you to believe that he saw you more as one of the guys. The relationship you had with Niki was like the relationship you had with Sunoo. He was close and familiar, like family. 

“Niki…I-I’m shocked, honestly. You’ll always be my best friend, and I value our friendship more than you think. I don’t want to say sorry because I really want to thank you for liking me.” You hoped your words would convey the depth of your appreciation. You didn’t want him to feel like it was his fault for his feelings that he couldn’t really control.

It felt like an eternity, but eventually, Niki let out a sigh and looked up at you with a smile. “Yeah, I expected that much. Y/N, you were always kind and thoughtful, even now. It honestly feels like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you! Let’s stay in contact in college, okay?” 

You bit your lip, nodding your head as tears brimmed your eyes. “Mhm, of course.”

You watched as Niki walked off. You needed some time alone to think about some things and collect your thoughts. 

“No dating until you’re in college.” Jungwon suddenly appears next to you, catching you off guard. 

You scowled, “Were you eavesdropping?” 

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Hardly. You guys are in the middle of the street. I just happened to overhear.”

“I rejected him.” 

“Good,” Jungwon replied. “Too early for you to be worrying about dating. You got college exams coming up,” he stated matter-of-factly. You looked at him with an unamused expression, not appreciating his attempt to dictate your choices.

“Hello? I’m still sad here,” you retorted. “Niki had always been there for me. I don’t want this to change anything between us. I feel selfish even thinking like this. Also, who said you were the boss of me, hm? I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” 

Jungwon only chuckled at your reaction. “Just looking out for you,” he remarked casually.

“In that case, I should also look out for you,” you shot back, a hint of spite in your tone. “You should also tell me when you get a girlfriend,” you added, expressing a touch of defiance. 

Jungwon’s only response was a simple “Okay.” You looked at him in shock, searching his face for any signs of jest, but he appeared completely serious, with no hint of sarcasm or playfulness.

“Okay?” you asked, your confusion evident as you tried to comprehend Jungwon’s unexpected sincerity. 

He nodded affirmatively. “Okay,” he repeated simply. “When I get a girlfriend, you’ll be the first to know. I’ll even ask you for permission.” 

At that moment, a smile effortlessly crept onto your face. “You’re so annoying,” you laugh, the corners of your eyes crinkling up in amusement.

Jungwon joined in on the laughter, his amusement blending with yours, and for a moment, just a moment, butterflies fluttered in your stomach. It was a brief yet exhilarating sensation that left you feeling unexpectedly light-hearted. 

“Also,” Jungwon interjected, stuffing something inside your bag. “I said it was on me. I have enough money to at least buy you ice cream, dummy,” he playfully remarked, his words accompanied by a gentle ruffling of your hair. 

You had no idea how to pinpoint the exact feeling you were experiencing at that very moment. 

To you, he was a boy that made your heart flutter whenever you thought about him, which was often. Though, you couldn’t quite define the depth of your feelings. 

〰

Even as time passed and you grew older, there was one particular instance that remained etched vividly in your mind. 

You managed to secure a job at a restaurant conveniently located near your house. It was a summer hustle, an attempt to save up money before heading off to college. 

That day remains crystal clear in your memory—your boss had requested you to work overtime due to the bustling weekend. Aware of the extended hours, you conscientiously sent a text message to your family and Jungwon, letting them know that you wouldn’t be able to make it back in time for dinner. 

The evening was filled with long lines of orders and demanding customers drunk off beer. The work was exhausting, but at least it paid well. 

You were loading the last box of cabbages into the refrigerator, organizing the chaotic space within. A sudden darkness descended when the lights inside the fridge unexpectedly went out.

You grumbled in annoyance, “Stupid light. We should’ve changed the bulb long ago.” 

It was a usual occurrence. The bulb inside the refrigerator would inevitably go out, yet the management never bothered to replace it. Their preferred solution was a temporary fix—giving the bulb a slight turn until it flickered back to life, buying them a bit more time.

With that in mind, you just continued to move the boxes of vegetables around in the dark. Being afraid of the dark prompted you to work faster, hastening your movements as you navigate through the shadows. 

With a sigh of relief, you brushed your hands against your pants and pivoted towards the door, mustering a bit of strength to push your body against it. 

“Hm, that’s weird.”

You pushed against it harder. But nothing. The door was not budging. Panic coursed through your veins as the realization struck you like a bolt of lightning. 

You had been locked in. Your coworker must’ve thought no one was in the fridge since the lights were out. You mentally cursed at them for not checking first before locking it. They were always lousy at their jobs. 

“Hello?! Is anyone around? Help! I’m stuck in the refrigerator!” The deafening silence echoed around you as your screams and frantic bangs on the door yielded no response. 

You fumbled around your pocket for your phone, but a chilling truth dawned upon you: you had left your phone on the counter. 

Desperation settled in, and your heart pounded against your chest. The confined space seemed to close in on you, its temperature dropping, making you shiver from both fear and the cold. Every breath you took became shallower, every beat of silence intensifying your unease. 

As you huddled against the cold metal walls, you mustered all your courage to keep calling out, pounding on the door with fading hope. You knew that your only chance was to wait for someone to realize your absence, but the passing time felt interminable.

The silence persisted, mocking your attempts to escape. The minutes stretched into an hour, and your anxiety was settling in. Your breath became harbored from being in the dark for so long, not to mention the cold was eating at you, fingers and toes becoming senseless. 

You quietly sobbed in the corner of the fridge, body shivering uncontrollably as you began to mutter about how much you loved everyone. You really thought you were going to die in that fridge that night. Your mind was becoming hazy, and you felt yourself being pushed toward the brink of unconsciousness.

Just as you felt yourself slipping away, a loud bang reverberated from outside the fridge. The sudden commotion jolted you back to awareness. Driven by a surge of adrenaline, you hastily scrambled to your knees, desperately attempting to regain control over your numb limbs. In an instant, your strength wavered, and you tumbled back to the ground, unable to support your weight as your legs betrayed you. 

The banging continued as a familiar voice rang out, cutting through the clamor. 

“Y/N!! Are you in there?!” The words pierced through the cold air, a sob ripping through your throat as you screamed back, “Jungwon! I’m right here, I’m inside!” 

“Oh my god,” Jungwon exhaled. “It’s okay, Y/N! I’m here. Hang on a little longer, I’ll get you out of there!” 

You listened as Jungwon grunted and repeatedly slammed himself onto the door in an attempt to bust it open, but the door remained stubborn.

With a final push, Jungwon summoned all his might and delivered a powerful kick to the door. The impact was met with a resounding crash as the door finally caved in, revealing you huddled in the corner, shivering from both the cold and the emotional turmoil you had endured.

Jungwon wasted no time. He rushed towards you, enveloping you in a tight, comforting embrace. His arms wrapped around you securely as he held you close, providing a reassuring presence amidst the chaos. Whispering sweet nothings into your ear, he offered words of solace, soothing your frayed nerves and assuring you that you were safe now. 

He had sat you down, offering you a hot cup of tea as you sniffled from the trauma of being locked in the fridge for over an hour. 

“How’d you know I was there?” You asked quietly.

“Well, you mentioned you were going to be at work, but it was getting too late. I told your parents I would go look for you. I thought the first place to look was probably going to be here.” Jungwon explained, rubbing your back soothingly. “You feeling better?” 

You nodded your head slightly. “Mhm, still a little cold,” you responded, a hint of lingering chill evident in your voice. As if to emphasize your point, a tiny sneeze escaped you, prompting a gentle smile from Jungwon. 

He chuckles cutely, “Let’s get you home so you can take a nice warm bath, kay?”

As he drove you home, the heater blasting warm air despite the summer season, you had to express your gratitude. The words tumbled from your lips, heartfelt and sincere. 

“Thank you, Jungwon. I really thought I was going to die.” 

He had reached over, ruffling your hair, a habit he had developed over time. With a tender tone, he softly whispered, “Of course, I’ll always be here for you.” 

His promise would remain forever untested because that would be the last time you’d see him. 

〰

Being away from your family was tough. It took you a long time to get over being homesick, and adjusting to the bustling city life posed its own set of difficulties. 

Slowly over time, you built a network of friends who understood the challenges of being away from home. Together, you formed a support system, sharing laughter, tears, and stories from your hometowns. 

While the yearning for home never completely faded, it became tempered with a newfound sense of resilience and independence. 

Gradually, you relinquished the grip of fear and anxiety that had once held you back. With each passing day, you made a conscious choice to embrace your new life and reality. 

But, there was always one thing, one person that constantly nagged at the back of your mind. 

Jungwon had moved away not long after your accident. His father had passed away, losing his fight with cancer. Jungwon moved back to his hometown to look after the family home and take care of the affairs left behind. 

You had hidden in your room, wrapped under your blankets, when Jungwon came by to say goodbye. You wanted to come out to hug him and beg him to not go, but that would be selfish of you. 

No amount of words could express why you didn’t want him to go. Your desire for him to stay stemmed from your own selfish longing rather than an actual reason for him to neglect his responsibilities. You understood that your feelings alone were not enough to justify holding him back. 

So instead of facing him, you chose to hide. You wished you could burst out from under the blankets and hug him and say a proper goodbye, but your tears and voice betrayed you. You could only sob silently as Jungwon quietly bid farewell and left the room. 

Even now, he lingered persistently in your thoughts, refusing to fade away. You held onto the foolish hope that maybe one day you would suddenly see him amidst the crowd on the bustling streets, or perhaps during a routine trip to the grocery store, or even while strolling along the tranquil river. 

These fantasies became your refuge, a way for you cope with the feelings of regret. If only you had been braver. Maybe if you had told him the day he came by to say goodbye, maybe then, things would be different. 

The rational part of you understood that life doesn’t always grant second chances or fairytale endings. 

Yet, from time to time, you find yourself wondering if he, too, thought about you as much as you did about him. 

To you, he was your first love. 

To you, he was a secret you would keep forever in your heart. 

౨ৎ

@kpopstanmeg

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a/n: this fic was inspired by a cdrama i rly like called "Hidden Love" i had a hard time writing this becuz i didn't rly have a fairytale happy ending for them in the end, more of a coming-of-age story with regrets regarding a love that was never expressed. i usually like happy endings which is why it was heartbreaking to end it like this T T but like i said "life doesn't always grant second chances" i hope you enjoyed reading becuz this one holds a dear spot in my heart ❤️‍🩹 i was thinking of a part 2, but hmmm it all depends. anyways tysm for reading my story and again reblogs, comments, and likes are vvv much appreciated! love you all

pew ~♡︎