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DAECHWITA: Chapter 7
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Fascinating thing, love. The most uninvited of guests. A spoiled brat demanding what it desired with loud whines, could not be tamed at any cost. It wouldn’t listen to you; you had to listen to it to make it stop crying.
Chapter 7: Nobody Else
📜8.6K words | Approx. 37-min. read 🚨Please see the series masterlist for general warnings. This chapter contains disturbing and potentially triggering heavy themes. Read at your own risk: Depictions of mental/emotional abuse and general asshole behavior, referenced tyranny, implied sex work, threat to induce a miscarriage, dubcon, themes of obsession, infidelity, revenge, loss & grief; postpartum depression, murderous intent & murder, virginity loss. 📻Accompanying soundtrack 💭Reblogs & comments are always appreciated and please keep in mind they are the ultimate motivation fuel. 🍮Like my content? Consider supporting my work with a pudding!
“All rise for the King!”
The Dragon Pride Dojo was burdened with the honor of training the royal troops. The king would make impromptu visits every now and then to appraise the current status of his brigades, not because there was an imminent threat of war but because he was compulsive about being sure they were ready to be deployed at a moment's notice. They were already receiving their modern warfare training with the national army, but this was different—they were learning defensive combat here aimed at disarming, evading being a target, and survival skills in a captive situation. Who better to supervise this than The Grandmaster himself?
“Your majesty.”
The queen silently nodded to the clan master. While she was appreciative of the endeavors carried out in the name of the kingdom, no matter how symbolic that kingdom was, even a large hall filled with adrenaline and testosterone to the brim didn't prevent her from being bored out of her mind. Once she stepped foot on the kingdom grounds two years ago, her crushed hopes morphed into a permanent state of indifference and never changed colors again. A dull, bleak shade of gray. The theme song to her everlasting gloom.
Kingdom. Boredom. Same thing.
“We sincerely hope you are pleased with the current levels of proficiency of the troops, your excellency. They shall only get better at their craft.”
“Not bad at all,” the king flashed a perverse, crooked smile, “I want to watch a one-on-one of your two best fighters.”
Her eyes rolled all the way to the back of her head. This man and his goddamn bloodlust. That was the life she was supposed to live: being forced to go everywhere her beloved husband dragged her. Not because she was expected to offer opinions—who the fuck was she to be even capable of forming her own opinions anyway? What would she know about the intricacies of military arts as a woman? What would she know other than playing with her stupid little flowers, wasting ink on parchments, and making tea?
“Of course, my king. Namjoon! Jungkook! Step forward.”
She was only there because her betrothed loved flaunting her around like a show pony. Young, beautiful, graceful, and a property signed to his name. She was there to be put on a display case, but ironically enough you weren't supposed to make direct eye contact with the queen, or even compliment her in any capacity.
If you valued your life, of course.
Mercy and rational thought weren't exactly the king’s strong suit, and the government couldn't do shit about what was going down on his grounds. If the king could indulge in prostitution to his heart's content, host blood baths under the disguise of fight nights that always ended up in someone's demise, or order someone’s death just because he was irritated by the way they looked at him, it was only due to a long-standing arrangement between the parliament and the royal council.
I don't know you; you don't know me. Stay out of my business.
The young queen made her way towards the door that led to the little garden behind the dojo.
“Where do you think you're going?”
The commanding voice of the apple of her eye had zero effect on her because she wasn't afraid of him. She wasn’t afraid of him even when she was told she was going to spend the rest of her life as the lawfully wedded wife of a notorious tyrant. He possessed no sense of kindness, no affection, nothing—the man’s entire personality was a quilt made up of cardinal sins, but he did have a weakness for her. She knew it wasn’t love; her one and only was used to obtaining everything he laid his eyes on and he was just heavily obsessed with her. Not even her per se, just the idea of owning her, a woman a lot of men would kill to be able to call their wife. The beautiful countess in line for the throne. Her father had other plans for her, of course. Why have her be a countess when she could be a goddamn queen?
She didn’t have a choice in the matter—she had to marry him, but in the matters she had a choice in, that sick bastard had better mind his step. Just because they were married, it didn’t mean he could put his hands on her however the fuck he pleased. He had his concubines for that, and she couldn’t care less about what he did with them. If he tried something with her, she accepted no responsibility for the person she was going to turn into because she told him right from the start that she was going to sleep with a razor and he would have no way of knowing where she was hiding it.
She had learned how to hide it under her tongue without hurting herself long ago, though.
“This is Tatsumura silk. I don't want any blood on them,” she touched the robe hugging her body with her serene smile, “I'll be in the garden playing with my stupid little flowers.”
She walked out as gracefully as ever because that was what royalty was supposed to do. Be graceful even when they wanted to scream their lungs out out of despair. She spotted a woman grooming a jasmine shrub with her pruning shears and made her way over.
“They are so pretty,” she sat down on the empty stool next to her, “You’re The Grandmaster’s spouse, am I correct?”
The woman was startled to death when she noticed who was talking to her.
“Your highness!”
“Please! Please don't call me that. I can't stand it anymore.”
Do not address royalty as royalty? What then?! The woman was severely tongue-tied at this request.
“What– what should I call you your– your high–?”
“Hyejin is fine,” she smiled, “Really. It's more than fine. I've… I’ve never needed a friend more than I do now.”
That was the first time Hyejin cried in front of someone else. Even her crying was graceful. Quiet. After the woman got over the initial shock, she felt an overwhelming urge to offer comfort to that poor little thing. Yes, she may have been a queen, but even queens felt pain. She cut a piece of jasmine from the shrub and kneeled in front of this beautiful woman as if they were equals and attached the delicate flower to her silky hair like a jade comb. Hyejin smiled through her tears.
“Smiling suits you so much, Hyejin,” the woman reflected the broken fondness back to her, “My name is Jun. Can I offer you some tea?”
Tea. A listening ear. A shoulder to cry on. Hyejin didn't know why she spilled her guts to a complete stranger about the most private details of her life, not even caring what she would do with that information. She only knew that she had enough.
Over three cups of jasmine green tea, she told her new friend about her crazy husband she was forced to marry. King Yoongi, the textbook definition of a tyrant, who didn't actually give two shits about her. Who would spend most of his time getting drunk, fucking a bunch of concubines—sometimes even in their own marital bed, and playing god while his royal council made all the decisions on behalf of him. Some people were privy to listening to words of affection from their darling spouses while hers randomly kept reminding her that he would induce miscarriages if she wasn't able to give birth to a male heir. Well, he needed to be able to touch her in order to produce the said heir, but Hyejin was getting physically sick whenever he came close, making up excuses to prevent him from touching her. Headache, stomachache…
But her heartache. Her heartache caused by the reality that she had no way of knowing what being loved felt like was the actual reason.
"Jun, baby, when should we have dinn– Your highness!"
The young Grandmaster frantically bowed as soon as he made eye contact with the queen. Usually a man of so much composure and discipline, Minhyuk almost snapped his torso in half attempting to offer his respects.
“In about half an hour or so,” Jun responded and turned to her friend, “Hyejin, this is my neurotic husband Minhyuk. Would you like to join us for dinner?”
“What are you doing?!” Minhyuk spoke through his clenched teeth, not quite sure why his wife was asking for a death sentence.
“It's fine! Please,” Hyejin looked at him with begging eyes, “I told her to call me by my first name. I would really love it if you also did that.”
Never in three lifetimes could Minhyuk imagine he would be getting such a request.
“R–Really?”
“Please,” she pleaded again, “I’m afraid I can’t stay for dinner this evening since I’m expected at the palace, but I would love to some time.”
And that was how this very unlikely friendship began under that roof. On the outside, she was always her highness, but with them, she was Hyejin. She loved being Hyejin. Thanks to nobody paying attention to whether she existed or not, Hyejin left the palace as frequently as she could in her ‘subject attire’ to visit them, and their bond grew much stronger over making pickles together, telling stories, planting flowers, and keeping secrets over many cups of tea.
Hyejin was very fond of Jun and Minhyuk. Just looking at them made her heart swell. How lucky for them that they seemed to have found each other, and if they weren’t the living proof that love and the concept of soulmates existed, then what was?
It was indeed real—Hyejin just did not have the privilege of that.
It was okay, though. Seeing the only friends she had so in love with each other made her feel like she was still able to experience some things no matter how vicariously.
One windy evening, a knock was heard on their front door. Everybody that needed to be in that kitchen was already there, thus the feeling of acute onset uneasiness. Could that be someone from the palace? Did somebody finally notice Hyejin was spending a considerable amount of her time someplace else rather than being imprisoned in her chambers?
When Minhyuk approached the door with extreme caution, he was indeed met with the most unexpected guest, but in the most pleasant sense possible.
“James!” he broke into a gigantic smile and tightly embraced the man at the door, “What a pleasant surprise!”
James. Minhyuk’s brother from another mother. They had met at a bar several years ago when Minhyuk was overseas for a series of workshops and clicked over their mutual obsession with vintage cars downing many glasses of craft beer. Minhyuk being himself, he immediately developed a soft spot for James because the only thing he had akin to a family was the greenhouse his late father left him. Their friendship escalated to family status when James relocated to this city for a year just to experience the culture Minhyuk did an amazing job promoting, and by the end of it, he could make a meaner army stew than Jun’s. No matter the distance, they always knew they had another home somewhere on the other side of the world.
“Sorry for the unannounced visit, but I’m in dire need of friend therapy. I was about to drown,” the man shoved his hand into his bag to fish for something, “Where’s Jun? I brought her something.”
When the familiar voice hit her ears, Jun’s eyes widened and she dashed to the front door.
“Forget-me-not seeds for your garden. So that you guys won’t forget me,” James showed the bag to her with a big smile.
“No way!”
“Nuh uh. Hug first.”
“Who could forget you, you dork? Come here!”
Hyejin was intrigued by the cheerful commotion by the front door. She carefully walked towards it with somewhat afraid steps and peeked at the trio behind a column. A very unfamiliar feeling that felt like a free fall in the pit of her stomach spread throughout her body when she saw the most beautiful man she had ever laid her eyes on. Honey skin, broad shoulders, unruly hair, a pair of dimples carved on his cheeks, crescent moon eyes. He smelled like waves crashing on a shore during sunset.
“James, this is Hyejin,” Minhyuk introduced his friend when he noticed the figure standing in silence, “She is uh…”
Minhyuk and Jun shared a brief concerned look. As far as they were concerned, Hyejin was just their friend. A friend that happened to be a fucking queen, yet not only did she hate being reminded of that fact, but also it wasn’t their place to explain what a queen was doing hanging out in a citizen’s home on her behalf. Even if they tried, James would most likely think it was an elaborate albeit hilarious prank anyway.
“A florist!” Hyejin answered in panic once she made eye contact with Jun, “I’m a florist.”
All eyes turned to James just to see whether he believed it or not, but he seemed like he was in another dimension completely. His eyes fixated on Hyejin with a somewhat blank expression and lips parted, he looked like he was struck by lightning at her sight. Then the tiniest of smiles appeared on his lips.
“Pleasure to meet you, Hyejin.”
As Minhyuk escorted his guest to the living room, the women returned to the kitchen to make some tea. Hyejin held onto her friend’s arm and pleaded with urgency in a hushed voice.
“Please don’t tell him anything about me being royalty.”
“Of course we wouldn’t,” Jun spoke with a comforting smile, “but rest assured James is one of the most trustworthy people you can ever come across. We would trust our lives with him.”
“It’s– It’s not that,” Hyejin looked at her feet somewhat embarrassed, “I wouldn’t want him to treat me differently just– just because–”
Jun put the teapot on the stove and examined Hyejin’s rose pink face, flushed through and through all the way up to her ears. Hyejin had always been an exquisite woman except for the times she went totally unfiltered courtesy of a little too much soju, but never once did she get flustered for any reason. Needless to say, this was the most entertaining thing ever for Jun.
“Hyejin, are you…?”
“Please.”
“Granted, you just saw the man like three seconds ago, but–”
“Jun, please.”
“I mean you would make a really cute couple.”
“Please!” Hyejin stomped her feet in desperation like a five-year-old, but absolutely couldn’t help the urge to ask while she was examining the floor tiles, “You really think we would?”
Jun burst into laughter at how endeared she was over Hyejin trying to be nonchalant while very obviously developing an instant crush, and squeezed the life out of her in an embrace. While the situation was indeed adorable, she felt the need to remind her friend of some hard truths with a broken smile and a whisper.
“If you weren’t a queen married to a crazy man, yes you would, sweetheart.”
Fascinating thing, love. The most uninvited of guests. A spoiled brat demanding what it desired with loud whines, could not be tamed at any cost. It wouldn't listen to you; you had to listen to it to make it stop crying. An infant that asked a lot of unintentionally deep questions, making you go through many existential crises in the meantime, but was not capable of understanding what logic was.
Every time this man from the summerland opened his mouth, every time he smiled at her, every time their fingers brushed, with every word they uttered to each other, every second they spent in the presence of one another, Hyejin fell deeper in love. It hurt so bad that it felt so good, and that was exactly why Hyejin could casually declare she was going to visit her homeland for a while when in fact she never left the premises of the city. She became a semi-permanent guest in her friends’ cozy home instead. She might have been on borrowed time, but at least she was happy for once.
It was like an unspoken confession. A silent agreement where both parties did not care about anything else other than having each other's company. Talking about benign things like how much better croutons made tomato soup. Talking about fascinating things like how the two hemispheres of the world had different seasons. Forget-me-nots, secluded beaches, inkwash painting, making surfboards, talking, talking, talking just to hear the voice of the other person for days on end.
“I was really hoping you'd be here.”
Hyejin was sitting in the backyard of the guesthouse with her jasmine green tea, watching the night sky, and thinking about the summerland man. Secretly hoping he would sense her presence there. Maybe join her for a cup of tea and talk about constellations and whatnot.
“Y-you were?”
“Yes, I uh– There's something I'd like to tell you,” James sheepishly smiled while sitting down on the wooden chair next to hers, “I have been thinking about how to properly say it for days.”
Hyejin’s heart was beating so fast, but what was new? Every time she caught a glimpse of him, she was sure this time it was going to be a heart attack for her chest went berserk. He had his usual iodine scent on him, reminding her of the seashells she used to love collecting. Hyejin hadn’t been to the beach for god knows how long.
“Were you able to figure it out?” she offered him a cup of tea.
“Not really,” his smile evolved into a small chuckle, “That's why I really hope it doesn't come across as something ghastly because I seriously don't know how else to tell you this.”
“Is everything okay?”
Her porcelain features were tainted with worry. He was about to break her heart, wasn’t he? He was about to tell her that it had been nice, but he was going back, and they were never going to see each other again because—
“I think I'm in love with you, Hyejin.”
The words she wanted to hear for so long. The words she secretly hoped she would hear one day, words she wished upon many falling stars on nights like these. Logic? What logic? Logic had no business existing in the presence of love.
“Don’t–”
“Please listen,” he held her hands in his while looking deep into her eyes, “I can’t stop picturing you when I see something beautiful. I keep wishing you were with me when something bad happens because it wouldn’t hurt as much. You’re the first and last thing I think about every day.”
She felt her eyes welling up because of simultaneous euphoria and anguish. Because, me too, she wanted to say. She wanted to hold him for once. Feel what that was like. Inhale his oceany scent as much as she could. Surrender to the waves of the summerland and let them drift her wherever they may.
“I want us to be together, Hyejin.”
“You– You can't want me.”
No. That’s not what I meant. Please don’t let me push you away.
James looked like his entire world was collapsing. The sadness on his face was ripping Hyejin’s soul apart.
“But… why not?”
How do I tell you there are things I don’t have any control over? How do I tell you this is where I want to be, but I curse my damn luck every day that I had to be born into a prison?
“Because I'm… I’m not who you think I am.”
“Maybe I'm not who you think I am, either.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“You're convinced whatever you are will make me want to walk away.”
Because it’s true. You will walk away. I don’t want to wake up just yet. Please.
“I've never felt this way before. I know it's you, Hyejin. You're the one for me.”
What a goddamn irony that the sweetest of words could cause immeasurable pain. How unfair it was that she didn’t have the luxury of drowning him in kisses in return. Thanking him for making her realize her heart was capable of feeling things. That she was maybe deserving of feeling those things, too.
“Would you please, please at least consider giving us a chance?” James pleaded with every ounce of yearning he could squeeze into his words, “I want you. And only you. I'll wait for you for a lifetime if that's what it takes.”
“James…”
Logic. Logic had no business existing in the presence of love, but honesty did. If he was going to leave, he needed to leave now—not when she was six feet under with the weight of the love she couldn’t contain inside her anymore.
“I'm married.”
“You… you're what?”
Shock. Of course. Quite a normal reaction. Hyejin naturally felt like the worst person that ever walked this earth.
“It's hard not to walk away from that, isn't it?” she uttered with a shattered smile.
Leave. Leave now. Not when I’m dying of the pain of missing you.
“Do you love him?”
“No.”
“Does he love you?”
“God, no.”
No one ever loved me besides you. I’m a property to be traded off.
“Then can’t you get a divorce?”
“I can't.”
“Why not?”
Hyejin took a deep breath. No point in tiptoeing around the truth anymore, was there?
“Marriages without a last name do not grant the right to divorce, James.”
She thought it would shock him further, anger him, maybe even scare him, but James spoke with sheer composure as if he was just stating some common knowledge.
“You’re married to the king.”
This. This was how he was going to get up and leave. Maybe say some things that were uncalled for as he was leaving, but he would be right. It would most definitely serve Hyejin right. Pushing the truth in the shadows was still lying, and nobody really deserved to be lied to.
Hyejin just nodded in response.
“But you don't love him.”
“I don't, but–”
“Do you love me?”
I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the reason I know what happiness feels like. You’re all I could ever ask for.
“Don't ask me that.”
“Please,” James touched her face and brushed her cheekbone with his thumb, “Say you don't love me and I'll leave, but I know you do.”
Hyejin closed her eyes and leaned into the feeling. She was shivering all over. A simple touch. It was enough to induce violent eruptions all over her being.
“You feel it, too, don't you? You know we belong together.”
She wanted to believe it, but believing made it worse. There he was, her soulmate in front of her, begging her to take him with her. Any sane person would say yes, but Hyejin’s truths were ugly.
God, they were so so ugly.
“Doesn't… Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked with her voice slightly cracking.
“That the woman I love is married to some jackass? No,” James tried his hand in some inappropriate humor to make Hyejin smile, “That she is unhappy, on the other hand? Yes, very much.”
Cruel. This was just flat out cruel. She deserved this, too. She deserved to be the subject of a gaze filled to the brim with adoration. She deserved to be loved.
“We could be happy,” he kissed her hands, “I can make you very happy.”
“But I can never be yours.”
“On paper. So what?” James insisted, “I don’t care about the fine print. All I want is for you to give your heart to me.”
That would be an extremely redundant request because he already had her heart. For the longest time. He had her heart the first time he showed his dimples to her.
“Will you? Will you give your heart to me? Make me the happiest man on earth?” he brought his face closer to hers, “Will you let me make you the happiest woman in the universe?”
There were many days Hyejin thought about how his lips would feel like on hers, and that night under that clear sky embellished with many shooting stars, she finally got her answer. Her first kiss. It made her feel like she was dying. James was healing her scars close one kiss at a time, ready to give everything the queen of his soul wanted. All she needed to do was ask. She could ask for the oxygen in his lungs for all he cared, and he would just happily oblige. Anything for her. He loved her. She loved him. And their need for each other was reaching a very dangerous line until Hyejin stopped him.
“I– I hav–”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” James apologized in panic, completely breathless, “I lost control for a moment. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful. I– I apologi–”
“It’s fine,” Hyejin smiled to him while cupping his face, “I just… I’m– I haven’t–”
It took a moment for James to gather his wits again and finally comprehend what Hyejin was struggling to say.
“But… You're married,” he spoke with slight confusion.
“I know,” she responded while heaving a sigh, “You would think being married and being a virgin are not mutually exclusive, but here we are.”
“It’s alright. We don’t have to,” he kissed her hands again and flashed a very loving reassuring smile with those crescent eyes of his, “As long as I can hold you in my arms, I’m content.”
What did I ever do to deserve you?
Hyejin could get lost in his doe eyes for an eternity. It was impossible to contain the amount of affection she harbored for this man. It was her that initiated the kiss this time, with the intention of just kissing him, showing how much she loved him with little pecks all over his face, but it was her who couldn’t control how rapidly it was escalating again.
“I want to,” she whispered against his lips “I want it to be with you.”
“Hyejin, you don’t have t–”
“I know, but it’s you.”
“Are you sure?”
She’d had enough. Enough with having to make rational decisions for the greater good. Enough with being so restrained so that she wouldn’t dishonor the lineage. To hell with witnessing her own demise one day at a time. It was time to live for once, and that time was now. She kissed him as an answer and dragged him into the guesthouse.
“Touch me.”
Everything clicked all of a sudden. It felt so right, so natural with James like this was where she was supposed to be all along and she just got lost trying to make her way to him. For once in her life, Hyejin felt like she found her home. She belonged. She belonged right here with him as he stripped her, as they kissed the life out of each other, as he made her feel things she never knew were possible, quietly moaning one another’s names as they descended into insanity together over and over and over again.
“I love you. God, I love you so much,” James spoke against her supple skin, “I want to make love to you all night. Every day. As long as I breathe.”
That night, Hyejin was slowly dying in his arms, but she had never felt so alive.
Careless.
She was getting careless because logic had no business existing in the presence of love. All Hyejin could think about was him, him, and him only. His smile that instantly brightened her day, washing away all her worries. His touch that she was constantly craving. His embrace that she wanted as her blanket every night she put her head on her pillow, but she was getting too careless to notice somebody started questioning her frequent disappearances from the grounds.
And it was the best and worst thing that ever happened to Hyejin when she found out she was carrying her soulmate’s child.
“What are you going to do?” Jun asked her all concerned, awestruck by the sheer determination her dear friend was exhibiting.
“I’m going to have this baby.”
“And how will you explain that to a certain lunatic exactly?”
She had thought about everything to make this happen, albeit through utterly ludicrous means. Be around a maniac long enough, their insanity was of course going to rub on you.
“If he thinks it’s his…”
“Are you actually going to sleep with him?!”
“God, no,” Hyejin shook her head in utter disgust, “I’ll just pretend.”
“But what if it’s a girl?”
“Then I’ll adopt a boy under a different name. I’ll raise this baby no matter what.”
“Hyejin, you’re not thinking straight.”
“Are you with me or not?!”
This was the first time Jun saw Hyejin this frantic. Desperate. Of course. Of course she was going to be by her side, but there was nothing else she could do besides keep praying that this scheme had better work.
It had to work.
The first time Hyejin let her husband see her naked was after getting him dead drunk. It nauseated her beyond words to let him touch her, pretend she was riding him as he kept spewing all kinds of profanities with his wine-ridden breath. This wasn’t him in bed with his wife, but more like one of his disposable concubines. She closed her eyes, did her utmost best to filter out Yoongi’s slurring voice, and manifest James behind her eyelids instead so that it was somewhat bearable. She didn’t get off of him even after he ejaculated and waited patiently until he blacked out, immediately cleaning him to leave no traces behind. Then she dashed to the bathroom to hurl her lungs out.
The secret was getting a bit too noticeable to keep, but Hyejin was adamant to do whatever was necessary including not seeing James for a while. Being the only person who could visit the grounds, Minhyuk assumed the role of being their messenger under the disguise of paying his respects to her excellency. He was one of the privileged individuals who were in possession of the classified knowledge that was the secret passages in and out of the palace. He had to know that for tactical training purposes, but no one forbade him from abusing his power to aid and abet James and Hyejin, the only people besides Jun that mattered to him.
“This will take you to the guesthouse exit,” Minhyuk handed her a brass key after giving her detailed directions, “I’ll bring him there when the time is right. Please be patient just a while longer.”
Be patient. That was all Hyejin was able to do lately. She hid herself under many layers of robes to hide how much she was showing and didn’t leave her chambers unless absolutely necessary until one fateful afternoon, she got the news she was anxiously waiting for.
“It’s a boy, your highness.”
Hyejin cried. She cried many tears of relief that day. She cried many tears of happiness when she finally saw the love of her life behind an iron door.
“Is it true?” James asked utterly excited between his kisses, “We’re having a boy?”
When she nodded, he broke down crying with her, wrapping the woman he loved in a tight embrace, kissing every inch of her he could possibly place a kiss on. Much like the stolen nights they shared together, the moment of euphoria was nothing but ephemeral. There were uglier truths they had to face. Again. For the millionth time.
“I won’t be able to leave the palace for a long while,” Hyejin uttered in a somber voice, “I– I understand if you want to leave.”
“I’m never leaving you, you hear me?” James declared with so much dedication, “Never.”
When he touched Hyejin’s pregnant belly, he let himself get lost in momentary bliss, a smile invading his lips through and through.
“I can already see my boy having a sibling,” he kissed her forehead, “A sister he will be so overprotective of. Or a brother he’s gonna wreak havoc with.”
“Let’s talk in another six months or so,” Hyejin pulled him into a kiss again before returning to her chambers.
Lucky for Hyejin, she actually spent a very healthy pregnancy, but to anybody who asked, she was going to tell them her baby boy was born prematurely. To nobody’s surprise, the king was nowhere to be found during her labor. All he cared about was that it was a boy, literally nothing else.
“What are you going to name the young master, your highness?” her aide Mina placed the little boy in her embrace. Hyejin’s eyes fell on the brown globe residing on her study and the iron piece on top of it.
Southwest. Northeast. Two opposite pieces of a compass.
“Christopher,” she replied with a tired smile.
“You’re giving the young master a foreign name?” Mina asked in mild shock.
“He will represent the land of tidal waves. The foreign values we should adopt,” she resolutely declared as if she was giving a lecture, “One of these days, his sibling will represent the land of high mountains—our traditional principles we will keep until the end of time, and will be named accordingly.”
That little show passed as something very meaningful in the eyes of the palace residents, including Yoongi, but little did they know little Chris was actually named after James’ father. The only person Hyejin confided in with the truth was Mina. She was the final accomplice to help Jun and Minhyuk hide her affair and the illegitimacy of Chris. And they were doing such a great job at it, too.
“Look at him, Mina!” Hyejin lifted her son in a little tuxedo, “James is going to die seeing these pictures.”
“I don’t mean any disrespect, but the young master looks a lot like Sir James, your highness,” Mina spoke with a fond smile, “Most definitely the disorderly hair.”
“He’s his father’s son after all, aren’t you baby?”
“Is that so?”
The only voice that could have the effect of a nuclear bomb dropping in that room. Yoongi’s. Hyejin’s blood froze, and terror was written all over her face. She handed her boy to Mina and gestured her to get out.
“Tell me one good reason I shouldn’t make your bastard child disappear right fucking now,” he kept slowly making his way into her chambers like a snake slithering towards its prey.
Think. Think! Something. Anything.
Hyejin had lived her entire life under pressure, learning the ins and outs of royal politics. What to say and what not to say. That was how she knew there was nothing more important than saving face at whatever cost.
“If the word spreads this isn’t your child, it would be unmitigated blasphemy, your excellency.”
“True, but accidents happen every day, don’t they Hyejin? I'm sure I'll have public sympathy if I tell them I just wanted to purge my honor.”
Please. Kill me if you want but don't touch him.
He could. And he would if he wanted to, but Yoongi was an opportunist if nothing else. The matter of the fact was he didn't give a damn about the betrayal, but Hyejin didn't need to know that. He could live with the pseudo-hurt of his pride as long as he got something in return that would make up for it.
Curse the day he saw this woman bare in front of him no matter how blurry.
“Here's what's going to happen, my beautiful wife,” he stood right behind Hyejin and pecked her nape, immediately making her skin crawl, “You’re gonna give yourself to me very voluntarily and I will not touch the kid.”
He brushed her hair with his veiny fingers and whispered his quiet threat into her ear.
“And I will be fully sober this time to make sure it’s me who breeds you,” he placed a soft kiss on her earlobe before leaving, “Be ready for me tonight, or say goodbye to your boy.”
Kill me if you want but don't touch him. Hyejin wished for it herself. This was no different than death, but it was at least temporary. She spent the entire day by her son, whispering how much he loved him through her tears and begging for his forgiveness. When the time to surrender finally arrived, she urged Mina to never leave his side and walked to her chambers to embrace her fate. It was going to be okay; she was just going to lay there, let him do whatever he wants, and then it was going to be over. It was going to be fine.
“Stop crying. I’m getting soft.”
That was the moment Hyejin’s tear glands stopped working. She wasn’t feeling anything anymore—just catatonically laying there, counting down the seconds until her sentence was over, feeling sore between her legs until he came inside her with loud grunts.
“This better hold as a boy. Otherwise, you know what will happen,” Yoongi reminded her while getting dressed, “And don’t think this changes anything. You’re no different than the whores I fuck.”
He waited. He waited patiently for weeks until he learned the sex of the baby. So that he knew how much blood was going to be on his hands. If it was a girl, Yoongi had no problem wiping the slate clean and doing everything all over again until he had a male heir to the throne of his own descent.
“It’s a boy, your highness.”
Hyejin cried again. That day, she cried many tears of relief mixed with the unbearable heaviness of the burden on her heart.
Northeast. The land of high mountains. It indeed brought a blizzard with him.
Yoongi’s alleged condition was simple. He wasn’t going to lay a finger on Chris if Hyejin agreed to sleep with him.
“Your highness! You have to warn Sir James!”
He hadn’t promised anything about not doing anything to his father, of course.
While Mina was Hyejin’s aide, her husband Jiyong was Yoongi’s, and not so shockingly, they had this collective loathing towards the king. Thanks to whatever stars aligned that day, Jiyong had overheard the king plotting to kill both the child and the father with his right-hand men, trying to come up with ways to make it go away as silently as possible.
“Send Jiyong to Minhyuk. Quietly. Tell James to get ready to leave tonight. I’ll be waiting for them at our usual spot at our usual time. They’ll know what it means. Hurry!”
One last goodbye. That was all she was afforded. A heartbreaking farewell until who knew when. Hyejin knew what she was getting herself into when she fell for this man. The love of her life. The father of her child, but she would be damned if she let anything happen to him because of her while she was alive.
“You need to go into hiding,” she instructed him with a trembling voice that was so unlike her, “Do not tell anyone where you are, not even Minhyuk. He’s the first person they’ll come after if things go south.”
“Baby please,” James begged her, having absolutely no control over his tears, “Please don’t do this to us.”
“You have to understand how serious this is. We’ve run out of time,” Hyejin threw herself in his arms, hugging him tightly until she carved his outline on her body, “I love you. I’ll find you one day.”
“I’ll wait for you,” he kissed his other half one last time, “I’ll wait for you until my last breath. I promise, Hyejin.”
So quick. So fragile. Like it never happened.
With one-third of her soul gone, the beautiful queen turned a little more morose every day. Wilting. And wilting. And wilting. Falling into a state of despair so deep that at some point she wanted to induce the miscarriage she was always threatened with on her own. When her momentary lapse of sanity was overthrown by her maternal instincts, she was utterly ashamed of herself. Absolutely disgusted. What a complete excuse of a human being she was for even considering it, willing to take her anguish out on a soul that was in no way at fault.
“I’m sorry, Hyunjin,” she caressed her pregnant belly while letting her tears create a torrent in her chambers, “I’m so sorry.”
She looked up to her baby boy’s cradle upon his cooing sounds and held him in her arms as gently as possible.
“You’re never leaving me. Neither of you.”
Hyejin could not leave the grounds even after Hyunjin was born. She knew she had several pairs of eyes watching her every step. The only contact she had with the outside world was Minhyuk. They met every time he visited the palace for training purposes, usually chatting about this and that to distract Hyejin and giving each other life updates. That particular morning by the guesthouse pond was certainly not one of their regular talks.
“I need him gone, Minhyuk,” Hyejin coldly uttered with her eyes fixated on the koi fish.
Minhyuk wasn’t even slightly fazed at this confession because quite frankly he had been expecting that way sooner.
“You’re crazy if you think you can get away with offing him yourself.”
“Look into my eyes and tell me I would be able to stop you if Jun was in danger.”
“You wouldn’t,” he leisurely responded while crumbling some more bread into the pond, “but I wouldn’t be stupid enough to do it myself, either.”
Because if King Yoongi had the means to plot shit, so did they. Anybody who thought poor Queen Hyejin was drifting through this world all by herself was gravely mistaken.
What better reason for a gathering than a feast to celebrate another male heir? The male heir. The dimly-lit Grand Hall full of people accompanied by The Royal Gugak Ensemble providing the tunes of the king’s favorite pieces. Perfectly done lamb chops, roasted vegetables, the rarest delicacies, the sweetest desserts. All kinds of alcohol raining like it’s monsoon season. Haze. Smoke. Dancers. Everybody’s so satiated that nobody notices the king’s drinks are being laced the entire night. Then a night in heaven for the king with his favorite concubines because he did such a great job impregnating the queen with a boy.
“It’s a very special cause for celebration,” Hyejin explained to the king’s favorites personally, “Whatever you do, make sure he has fun. Don’t let him rest. Understood?”
Such a request coming from the king’s actual wife, anybody would be weirded out.
“Your highness, are you su–”
“Do you want your freedom or not, woman?” she chastised the young girl who didn’t look a day older than twenty one, “Do as I say and do not speak a word of this to anyone.”
Just so they got the message and there was no room for confusion, Hyejin drew her freshly sharpened dagger she was sleeping with and pointed it at the entertainers.
“Not. A word. To anyone.”
Minhyuk was among the guests of honor that day although Hyejin would have loved to see Jun with him. She welcomed him at the gates of the Grand Hall and spoke discreetly under a smile while shaking his hand.
“You need to stay close to him. Our lives are in your hands now.”
Close? Minhyuk became Yoongi’s number one hypeman, forcing him to down drink after drink. A couple of hours later the king excused himself, graciously allowing the guests to continue with the festivities as he left to have a little private party of his own. When the queen was summoned to his chambers for an emergency, she was told that the king had passed away due to a heart attack seemingly induced by overdosing while… you know.
“This is way too abominable to announce to the public,” Hyejin coldbloodedly declared to the doctor, “You’re going to cite the cause of death as an acute heart attack and that’s final. No autopsy needed.”
“Your highness–”
“You’re going to cite it as a goddamn heart attack if you do not wish to join him and Hippocrates for a drink.”
A stream of condolences. Poor widow queen, whatever. Once the pandemonium of grief formalities calmed down, Minhyuk and Jun paid a visit to Hyejin through proper means for the first time in a long time. She hugged them both like she was welcoming a sibling coming back from war.
“I just want you to know I’m indebted to you both forever.”
“Yes, you are,” Jun faked a retort, “That’s why we have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise?”
She took off her coat to show her pregnant belly which looked like she was due very soon. That was legitimately the only thing that could lift Hyejin’s spirits besides the possibility of some news from James.
“We’re having a baby girl,” Jun flashed a very big smile, “I hope she grows up to be like you. I want her to be as graceful as a queen, strong, and full of passion. Maybe you’ll give her etiquette classes, huh?”
She would. Of course she would. If only Jun was alive to see that, maybe they could even share some laughs about it. On the day of her burial, Hyejin planted a little jasmine shrub by her grave and watered it with plenty of water as well as her tears.
“I'll miss you so much, sweetheart,” she pressed her fingers to her lips and touched the black marble headstone.
“Hyunjin, stay away from your brother. You’ll get sick!”
“But mom!”
After Hyunjin’s birth, Hyejin struggled with postpartum depression for quite a while, courtesy of several back-to-back tragedies. It was actually a miracle she was able to give birth to a healthy baby boy considering everything she had been through. One residual side effect of her dark days was that she was always unintentionally harder on Hyunjin than Chris, but couldn’t help the instant melting when he looked at her with those big eyes and sun rays of hair.
“To your room, sunshine. Please.”
As Hyunjin walked back to his chambers with loud grunts, Hyejin walked towards Chris’ bed where he was buried under his duvet looking like a feverish burrito.
“Can we please go see the ships, mom? Please?”
“Baby, you’re sick.”
“Please?”
She sighed and caved immediately. Her baby boy was a miniature copy of his father—how could she ever say no to him?
“Mina, take care of Hyunjin for me, okay? We’ll be back shortly.”
The mother and son hid in their subject attires and masks to prevent being recognized in public and headed towards The Marina Square. Hyejin didn’t know why Chris had this fascination with the sea and ships in particular, but he just did. Maybe it was some inexplicable hereditary trait from his father, who knew? During their serene visits to the seaside, she frequently found herself thinking of ways to repay Minhyuk and honor Jun. When she had offered to take you in or at least let her help him in some way, Minhyuk unequivocally refused, insisting on raising his baby girl all on his own. All she could do was keep an eye on him and you from afar instead under the disguise of casual visits to the dojo. Much like that afternoon.
“How’s the world’s best brother doing?”
It was one of the rare incidents that she had Chris with her because the boys did not really leave the palace. Every time Minhyuk saw Chris, they were both reminded of a certain someone who was still hidden god knows where.
“Any word from…? You know,” Hyejin discreetly asked and Minhyuk shook his head no as usual. She knew he would let her know the second he heard anything, but… Habits.
She took Chris’ mask off to give him his medicine. Right at that moment, someone she was waiting to see popped up out of nowhere and ran towards Chris at full speed. Minhyuk’s little girl. You.
Chris’ flushed cheeks entertained you so much that you burst into a giggling fit.
“You look like an apple,” you poked his cheeks, “I really like it.”
“You look like an apple, too,” Chris pointed at your yellow sweater with a bunny on it.
“Apples are red.”
“There are yellow apples, too.”
“Are not!”
“Are too!”
When you started squishing his cheeks as an attack, Minhyuk and Hyejin immediately intervened to break up the fight, but something had left you very much surprised.
“Why are you so warm?” you looked at him with gigantic eyes.
“He’s sick, sweetheart,” your father informed you, “Don’t get too close, okay?”
It made you so sad to hear that the apple boy was sick. Although your father told you to stay away, you couldn’t help the urge to hold his hands.
“Don’t worry, okay? My dad knows how to fight. We will beat up your germs and you will be healthy again!”
The parents looked at each other while sharing the exact same fond smile. You kissed the apple boy’s warm cheek out of the blue and waved him goodbye.
“Bye, apple!”
As you were leaving, Hyejin finally mustered enough courage to ask something of Minhyuk she had been wanting to ask for the longest time.
“Would you consider training your godson?” she requested with the softest voice ever, “It would mean a lot to me. You’re the only father figure he has.”
He affectionately smiled. Of course. Of course he would.
One interesting remnant from that day was that Chris randomly started asking for apples from his mother every now and then. Being reminded of your sweater, Hyejin carved bunnies out of yellow apples for him the first time, and even years later, this habit of his didn’t change—it needed to be yellow bunny apples. Whenever he was eating the fruit, he picked one up and looked at the shape fondly, and every time he did that, it instantly reminded Hyejin of that brief moment you exchanged at the dojo.
It was absurd to even think about it, but what if… What if her treasure had a soulmate of his own? What if he didn’t have to wait a lifetime to meet them? What if he had a chance at the happiness that she never got to have with hers?
And what if that soulmate was you?
She had been keeping an eye on you for years, and as you were growing up, she saw so much of Chris in you that it was borderline ridiculous. She was convinced. She couldn’t explain why, but she was convinced. One minor setback in the way of proving her so-called theory was the possibility of Chris falling in love with someone else until he met you again. That’s why she needed an excuse for you two to cross paths—none of your environments were the same and Minhyuk was naturally refusing to be a part of this mumbo jumbo.
“Minhyuk, please. I know they are meant to be. Just… Just let them meet each other once.”
“You’re out of your goddamn mind, Hyejin. They’re kids.”
“Just once. You’ll see I’m right.”
“No.”
“Didn’t you believe Jun was your soulmate the second you saw her?”
“Yes, but no one arranged it. If they’re really meant to be as you claim they are, they will meet each other anyway. There’s no point in forcing destiny down someone’s throat. Let it go.”
They will meet each other anyway.
Considering everything Hyejin had been through up until that moment, it seemed like too much of a gamble to leave everything to sheer luck.
NEXT CHAPTER»
AUTHOR'S NOTE
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I apologize for the monstrosity. I didn't want to drag this update any longer so I decided to divide the original chapter I planned in half. I'll be back soon!
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