: But Man That Was A Cliffhanger - Tumblr Posts

DAECHWITA: Chapter 8

« PREVIOUS CHAPTER · «SERIES MASTERLIST»

“You do realize we have the means to fake our deaths, right?”

Chapter 8: Burn It (Till It's All Gone)

📜6.9K words | Approx. 30-min. read 🚨Please see the series masterlist for general warnings: Scheming continues, themes of revenge, negligence, and resentment. 📻Accompanying soundtrack 💭Reblogs & comments are always appreciated and please keep in mind they are the ultimate motivation fuel. 🍮Like my content? Consider supporting my work with a pudding!

It had been years.

The boys had reached the peak of their puberty once they started high school. Their extraordinary normal routine continued—civilian cosplay with their shadow parents during the weekdays, mask off in the palace on the weekends. They were growing up. They were growing up so well into such fine young men, and there was still no word from James.

Of course Hyejin would have loved to show him his son’s first steps. The day he said his first word. Maybe he would have even been understanding that Chris had a sibling albeit from someone else, but they were still brothers. They were wreaking havoc together just like he said they would. 

It was a lot of could have beens but it was okay nevertheless. Hyejin had put a deadbolt on her heart and hid it away in some dusty chest. If her other half was alive and well somewhere, maybe their paths would cross again. Maybe one day she could indeed set out to find him like she told him. Maybe he was really waiting for her as he promised. 

Maybe they could be together again in another lifetime.

“I’m afraid young master Christopher has got his heart stolen, your highness.”

Every time Mina visited her chambers to do her usual reporting on her boys, that was the one thing Hyejin had always dreaded to hear. She knew whatever Chris thought was feeling was temporary. Nothing could compare to that very special someone, and no matter how much she wanted to sit him down to talk to him about it, she knew it was going to be in vain. He would maybe listen just to be polite and squeeze a couple of ‘You’re right’s here and there, but she knew all her words were going to evaporate as she was saying them. 

Kids. They only ever said a heartfelt ‘You’re right’ once they experienced that horrible pain firsthand.

“Who is it?”

“A young lady by the name of Elizabeth. They make music together.”

“Does he know that you know?”

“I don’t think so.”

Ah, of course. It made sense why he felt like he had already met the one. Chris could have argued this Elizabeth girl was his first love all he wanted, but Hyejin knew for a fact that it wasn’t. It was music. And bonding solely over a mutual interest did not a soulmate make. If only he knew. If only he knew Minhyuk and Jun’s little girl was his doppelganger from the opposite realm. If only he knew he would combust in admiration if he saw what she was capable of doing with music. If only he knew they were both equally headstrong, bled passion, and in search of the same degree of normal. They spoke the exact same language and were just perfect for each other.

“I also think you should know that the young masters are thinking of leaving the country after graduation, your highness.”

“They– They what?”

Sheer panic. Her boys were going to leave? But there was no reason to leave. They could be happy here. There was no one chasing after them. There was no one threatening to hurt them. How was she going to be able to protect them from afar? How could she just sit there and watch herself be gradually erased from their lives? No. No. Just no.

“Their acceptance letters from Juilliard have arrived this Wednesday,” Mina continued solemnly, “Young master Christopher will be studying composition while young master Hyunjin will be studying dance.”

“You were supposed to tell me this while they were scheming a future, Mina.”

“I wasn’t aware of their plans until the mail arrived, your highness. I wholeheartedly apologize.”

Hyejin got mad at herself for lashing out at Mina like that. The woman did everything she possibly could to be by her side for years—even became a second mother to her sons. It wasn’t her fault that there were some things the boys were able to hide despite all the hidden eyes watching over them because why wouldn’t there be?

Kids. They always found a way to outsmart their parents one way or another. That being said, Hyejin could rely on her boy to make one mistake for he was carrying all the symptoms of being driven by emotion.

“Are they going to attend their senior dance?”

“Yes, your highness.”

“Tell Chris some sob story about the fleeting youth. I don’t care what it is,” she spoke to her aide resolutely, “Make sure he feels compelled to confess to this girl that night. I want Jiyong to watch him from afar and bring them both home.”

“Your highness…”

“Do as I say, Mina,” she firmly ordered, more like a queen rather than a mother.

“I’ll tell her I love her tonight.”

Right when they stepped foot into their school’s gym, these were the words Chris spoke to his brother while his eyes scanned the whole place to find his person of interest. Immediate panic flared in Hyunjin’s guts.

“Don’t do it tonight,” he countered with composure which was the complete opposite of the ruckus that broke out inside him, “Wait just a little longer. We’re almost there.”

“I know how Jiwon is looking at her. I have to do something before he does.”

“Then do it on our fucking graduation!”

“Who knows where she’ll be in a month if she doesn’t know!”

Goddammit, Chris!

Why? Why was he always this headstrong? Didn’t Chris insist on applying to Juilliard just because Liz was going to be in New York, too? They could fucking book same-day tickets and he could confess his love at the goddamn airport while he was at it. Why now?

Why… now?

Why risk ruining Hyunjin’s plans, too?

He made it seem like it didn’t really matter to him where he would go to school as long as he could study dance, but Hyunjin had a secret buried ten feet under his soul. A secret he couldn’t even tell his brother about.

A girl. 

Marilyn. The complete opposite of the icon that popped into everyone’s head. By herself mostly. Most people would say she had ginger hair, but Hyunjin saw fire there.

The first time he saw her was during home economics class. They were randomly paired and she taught him how to glaze a cake. She didn’t talk much—in fact, she spoke to him so rarely that Hyunjin knew every sentence she had uttered by heart. 

“This is nothing compared to what I will learn at the Culinary Institute of New York.”

New York. She was going to go to New York.

During lunch breaks, she would pick up her Moleskine notebook and sit down under the cherry blossom tree, writing and writing god knows what. Maybe stories, maybe diary entries, maybe recipes she was making up in her head. She watched the sky a lot. Every time she noticed the contrails of a passing plane highlighted by the sun like a golden magic marker, it made her smile. Hyunjin had no idea why he was so drawn to her.

He didn’t talk to her either. Whenever he noticed she was walking towards the tree, he would jump from his seat and run after her just to slow down to give the impression that he was casually making his way there. He would go sit under the tree with her and write little poems on his own. Sometimes they would lie down side by side in silence and watch the sky together. They would smile at each other sometimes, but that was it.

Hyunjin was going to say hi to her the second he received his diploma. He was going to invite her somewhere quiet and ask her about what she was writing all this time. Whether her lines mentioned him at all. When she was leaving and whether she wanted to see the Empire State with him. He wanted to gift her a lifetime supply of Moleskine notebooks. He wanted to hold hands with her, have his first kiss with her, and when the time was right, ask her permission to become one with her. Clumsily make love to her, explore his body with her, write poems inspired by her fiery hair for her, recite it for her, and make love to her again. He wanted to surrender to her.

All in due time. When he was finally free.

“Do you have any idea what your foolishness could have cost us?”

If only Chris wasn’t that stubborn. If only he could hold himself back for two more seconds. If only he wasn’t the reason why Hyunjin was filled to the brim with an insufferable grudge for he took away the one thing he wanted for the longest time. To be happy. And be free.

It broke Hyejin’s heart to a million pieces to do that, too, but one day…

Hopefully one day they would understand why she wasn’t ready to let them go.

As much as Minhyuk was excited on your behalf that you were about to take your first steps into young adulthood, he was also aware of the frequent meltdowns you were having over choosing schools. He decided he wouldn’t say anything until you received all the responses for your applications when in fact he knew they were all going to be acceptances. All the more reason for you to flip.

While going through the mail that particular morning, when he saw the letter from The Royal Academy, he heaved an exasperated sigh.

“Hyejin, I swear to fucking god…”

Yes, she wasn’t even trying to be subtle doing everything in her power to make you and Chris cross paths, but this once he didn’t have an excuse to outright refuse. It was your education in question, and more importantly, it was you who made the choice to apply there. But he’d be damned if he didn’t have a little confrontation with her about her matchmaking obsession.

“You are aware we’re not royal descendants, right?”

“Who cares?”

“What do you mean ‘Who cares’?” Minhyuk threw his hands in the air, “Weren’t you the one forbidding your sons from having relations with non-royal folk because of, what was it, their obligation to your ancestors? How are you going to be able to explain yourself?”

“You think I don’t know the only royal people the boys are able to encounter are themselves?”

Jesus fucking christ very much.

You may not have been royalty, but if it ever came to that, nobody could refute how special you were. How strong and determined you were. That trumped being royalty. You were the only exception to the rule she self-imposed to serve her not-so-ulterior motives. 

“You know we offer the best education she could ever receive, Minhyuk,” Hyejin offered a solid argument, “I know you think I’m being delusional and whatnot, but please do not deter her if she wants to make a favorable decision.”

He was thinking. A part of him wanted to intervene, but the sane part of him wanted to let you do whatever you wanted with your life. He knew you weren’t able to experience an average childhood as it was, and he would feel horrible if you resented him for a choice he made for you. He had made enough decisions on your behalf already.

“You know how indebted I am to you and Jun,” Hyejin touched her friend’s arm before leaving, “Please keep this in mind too while you’re judging me.”

I want her to be as graceful as a queen.

Hyejin couldn’t give a damn about how intact one’s manners were—it most certainly didn’t define the worth of a person, but Jun’s last words had been haunting her for years. Minhyuk was so adamant about his principles that if she told him ‘I will be giving etiquette classes to your daughter’ he would remarkably lose his mind thinking it was an attempt to make you more feminine. It had nothing to do with it. Selfish maybe, delusional even, but the voices in her head kept telling her that she would stop waking up in cold sweat in the middle of the night, that she would stop dreaming about Jun and wilting forget-me-nots when you stepped foot on these grounds. That Jun would stop questioning her every single night.

You promised. You know they belong together. What’s taking so long?

But everything needed a proper disguise. She indeed had to play one teeny tiny mind trick with you to put her grand plan in motion.

When she extended you an offer, Hyejin absolutely despised herself for even pretending she would do anything to harm Minhyuk or his beloved dojo. She just took advantage of the bond you had with your father, fully aware you wouldn’t do anything to put him in danger. Bluffing to that extent was a huge leap of faith maybe, but you took the bait. That was what mattered at the end of the day.

The only way Minhyuk was not going to object to this deal was to make it a mutual agreement. His gigantic pride was always in the way of him asking for or receiving any kind of help—there was absolutely no way he would accept it if Hyejin insisted she wanted to take on the responsibility of your education. Yes, she had other items on her agenda, as well, but your future was genuinely among the top of her priorities to even begin to make it up to your parents for what they had done for her.

Therefore, it wasn’t a complete lie when she posed the condition of you serving The Royal Family in an instructional capacity. She knew about Minhyuk training you for years. She knew this was the perfect opportunity to assign you as an assistant to the Military Arts program that just happened to be Chris’ major.

But more importantly, this put the parties on equal grounds: you were going to receive something by offering something in return, effectively eliminating the concept of ‘charity’ from Minhyuk’s mind. As far as she was concerned, this was a fair trade.

Then came the more tricky part. 

The only reason Hyejin wanted to move you to the guesthouse was to give you privacy so that you wouldn’t feel like you were being watched like she actually was for years. On the other hand, the knowledge of Hyunjin building an entire playground there made her anxious to no end. She couldn’t let it be known to her younger son that she was very much aware of what he was up to, but she was also worried that Hyunjin was not going to let you be. You were a bit too fascinating to stay away from.

Please. He’s going to relentlessly tempt you. Charm you. Make you feel like you’re the only thing that matters to him, but it’s not true. He’s not the one for you. Resist him. Please.

It was nothing more than wishful thinking of course. Somewhere along the way, something she couldn’t quite figure out had happened to her sunshine. He used to be a boy that appreciated the small beauties life had to offer. He used to chase butterflies. He used to have such a delicate soul. Then all of a sudden he had turned into this insatiable demon that was eerily reminiscent of some late tyrant. It wasn’t long before she heard the message on the wind about you and Hyunjin.

What have you done, sunshine? Why are you throwing tantrums this time?

She was indeed disappointed, but this wasn’t your fault. Not one bit. Hyunjin was his father’s son, and that ugly truth was bound to resurface at some point.

On one particularly deep, dark night, Hyejin had enough of the commotion going on inside her head and ran down the dimly lit corridors leading to The Zen Room. Barefoot. With only her nightgown on, her hair flowing past her waist looking like a charcoal stream rushing down her back. She walked into the room, panting, looking at the scripts she decorated the walls with, and thought about Minhyuk. Then she slowly made her way to the interior garden and caressed the jasmines and forget-me-nots she planted there with tears running down her face unbeknownst to her. She thought about Jun. She thought about James. She thought about Chris, about you, and that was when she started to doubt her own sanity.

Had she been clinging onto the ghost of something all this time? Did she read a little too much into it maybe? Was she indeed trying to force fate into something she just wished to see?

She knew her treasure was falling for you. She could swear you felt the same way too, but why didn’t it happen already? Did she miscalculate something in this formula for happiness that didn’t really exist? Did she spectacularly fail to read between the lines?

“One sign,” she whispered to the delicate flowers, “All I need is one sign for better or worse. Then I promise I’ll let it go.”

The sign Hyejin had asked for had appeared in the form of her own son basically confessing his feelings for you, immediately prompting her to think about one last scheme. 

“Is it the young lady from your prom night?” 

“No.” 

“Is it one of your current classmates?” 

“No.”

Say yes. Please say yes to this.

“Is it perhaps our guest that’s currently residing with us?” 

“Mother, please, drop it!!!” 

Anybody in their right mind would try to come up with enabling scenarios, but knowing her own son, Hyejin found inspiration someplace else.

Apples.

One time when Chris was little, he became so sick that he was strictly ordered to consume fluids, yet all he kept yelling about was his beloved bunny apples. Just once. He was getting better already so once wouldn’t hurt. Could he pretty please get just one piece with a cherry on top?

“Doctor’s orders, Chrissy. I’ll bring you your apples when they say you can eat them, okay?”

He couldn’t even last one day. Chris sneaked into the kitchen after his mom fell asleep just so he could sink his teeth into a yellow apple, and alerted the entire floor with the ruckus he caused in the meantime.

“Baby, why are you being so stubborn? You can’t eat them yet!”

Why the goddamn apples? Should she have been worried? Was this an indication of something lacking in his body? Or did he just simply have a sweet tooth?

“But they comfort me,” her boy had told her with his huge guilty eyes.

You and Chris were a little too alike, and she hoped from the bottom of her heart that it also held true when it came to a certain disregard for the rules. Especially if it included taking away something you really really wanted to have.

You are not to see him again after that and you will not divulge this information to him.

Once upon a time, a king wasn’t able to stop her from falling crazily in love with a man. This was just a test to confirm her hypothesis that not even a queen could come between you two, not that she had any intention to.

Anything you can do, I can do better.

Sibling rivalry was such a commonplace thing. You went through it even if you were two kids in line for the throne, or going to school hand in hand pretending to be civilians. It could be due to many reasons—because you wanted to be liked better; because you wanted to establish dominance over the other; because some friendly competition could be a motivation to do more, achieve more. If one kept losing to the other, on the other hand, it could turn into something ugly.

Jealousy. Resentment. Grudge.

Chris and Hyunjin did not really have the said rivalry between them per se. Every time one of them fell, the other was there. Covered up for each other whenever they could because they had each other and they would never leave one another. That was the one thing carved into their minds as they were growing up.

I love you both just the same.

Yeah right.

For some inexplicable reason, deep down Hyunjin knew their mother had a massive soft spot for his older brother. She had a favorite. Chris always got away with things with much fewer consequences than Hyunjin did. If and when he was scolded, it wasn’t as angry. When he was grounded, it was for a shorter period of time. Occasionally, she was more formal with Hyunjin. More distant. Less affectionate. The double standard frequently made him think about whether he was adopted or not. 

He watched himself shut down after they were informed of the sentence they both had to serve because of Chris. Until their adult ceremonies. A couple of years was not that big of a deal, but when you started counting down the days, they indeed felt neverending. It indeed felt like someone was playing an annoying prank on him by erasing some of the crosses he had already put on his calendar. The time just wouldn’t pass. 

Maybe he needed to make the most of it if it wasn't going to pass. Rumor had it that time went by quicker if you were having fun, but the aforementioned fun just could not be induced by simple stuff anymore, could they?

It had to be derived from the most outrageous things possible because fuck a double standard.

Hyunjin had established somewhat of a routine until you came along. When he laid his eyes on you, he initially thought you could have some fun together, but he most certainly did not plan on catching inadvertent feelings towards you. He couldn’t figure out what exactly those feelings were—he just knew it was a couple of shades different than what he experienced when he borrowed a night from a stranger. And it was growing stronger.

I can do anything better than you.

It would have been fine maybe. It would have been fine if it was someone else other than the person who kept reminding him he was always going to be the second best. The second choice. The second rate. His mother was supposed to summon him any day now to discuss what he’d like for his own adult ceremony, and when Hyunjin witnessed how you and Chris fucking devoured each other in your bed that he was never once invited to, he just felt…

Let's just say inspired.

“You know me, mother. I’d like to pay respects to our roots.”

“There is such profound beauty in the classical indeed, isn’t there?”

Why of course. The guillotine was also such a classic, wasn’t it? Everybody knew what it was.

“There’s something else I’d like to talk to you about,” Hyunjin placed his china cup delicately on the saucer and assumed a semi-serious expression, “I need your word that you’re not going to consult to reprimands after what I’m about to divulge to you. It’s about Chris.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Your word. You’re not gonna punish him.” 

Is this… Is this what I think it is?

“Very well. You have my word.”

“Actually, it is more than okay,” he smiled at his mother, “You’re familiar with our resident guest, right?”

“Yes?”

“I have reason to believe she and Chris are really suitable for each other.”

Words were simply not enough to describe the satisfaction that came from this declaration. Hyejin was right. She was right all along. It took a substantial amount of willpower not to crack and smile back at him.

“How so?”

She goddamn knew how so. Chris thought he was being all slick, but Hyejin heard it on the grapevine that you two might have been running off into the night recently.

“Just a gut feeling,” Hyunjin responded calmly.

Because I know they’re fucking each other, mother.

“Are you saying they are involved?”

“You could say that.”

Hyejin couldn’t believe it. Call it fate, a self-fulfilling prophecy, or a simple coincidence, but what she had been claiming for years indeed came true. She had a hunch you two were up to something, but Hyunjin basically confirmed it for her. You and Chris had passed her unnecessarily complex test.

“I’d like her to escort Chris during my adult ceremony.”

Hyejin furrowed her brows in confusion at her son’s very unusual request, “Well, that’s highly irregular. Escort duties are not for the guests.”

“I know, but don’t you think this is a great opportunity to test drive a public debut?”

It indeed would be. It could be a reason to open the gates of the grounds again. It could be the reason happiness could rush through these stone corridors again. She agreed.

“Don’t tell him that, though. I want it to be a surprise,” Hyunjin appealed to his mother one last time before he left, “He’s been through enough, mother. Give him this.”

Now we’re even.

Two birds with one stone: a cold dish of revenge and a gift for himself. Just like how he took away Hyunjin’s one chance at happiness because he couldn’t help himself, he was going to take away his brother’s, too, and it had to be during his adult ceremony. It had to be a very bitter reminder of a night that was supposed to be a celebration, and it had to turn into a post-apocalyptic wasteland afterwards. Chris obviously wasn’t going to still want you after learning the truth. He wasn’t like Hyunjin—he didn’t know how to swallow his pride. It could take some effort on Hyunjin’s part to convince you why you belonged with him, but you would eventually come around. Everybody eventually came around.

He would know what a gigantic presumption that was if he exerted some effort to get to know you just a little bit instead of your body.

Hyujin couldn’t really calculate how much his attempt would backfire and push you to make the decision to leave the estate instead. He waited and waited and waited for some retaliation, but all he got in return was a whole lot of nothing. Watching his brother turn a little more sullen every day, descending into the fatal depths of melancholy revealed a dusty film at the back of his mind. 

Every time Hyunjin fell, Chris was there. Covered up for him whenever he could because they had each other and they would never leave one another. That was the one thing carved into their minds as they were growing up.

What Hyunjin had for you seemed way different than what Chris had. Maybe he had indeed confused his feelings for you with something else. Maybe there was a reason why he felt so inferior to his older brother. All Hyunjin knew was lust, yet Chris seemed to know better. He couldn’t help but think about what would change if you were gone from his life for good versus his brother’s. He thought about it for a long time.

It took some guts to finally admit it, but maybe you were Chris’ fire girl. Every once in a while she would pop into Hyunjin’s mind again, and his heart would ache. So much But that was in the past. If she knew what he had turned into, she would hate him.

The brothers had talked about being free for so long. They had dreamed about it. When Hyunjin was imprisoned, doing scandalous things was just his way of throwing a fit. So that he would be told he was not worthy. So that he would be let go. But then you appeared. You made his sentence bearable. Gave him a taste of something he had been missing for quite some time. Something that tasted very much like a piece of glazed cake.

Hyunjin was so consumed with vengeance vision that it caused him to lose perspective of a lot of things, which ended up scarring the one person he deep down cared about in this world. He couldn’t control himself for one night much like his brother, but then again, Chris would never come up with intricate plans to purposefully hurt him. He had just fallen a victim to his emotions some years ago.

Freedom. What a valuable thing. Yet no amount of money in this world was enough to have it. 

If you were willing to pay the price on the other hand…

Cut the cord.

He knew what he had to do to put an end to all this. He had to pull one last number. 

Even if it cost him his brother.

“Hello, brother. Going somewhere?”

Chris heard the door close and the lock being turned behind him. His eyes had turned into flamethrowers threatening to burn the entire place down out of sheer fury.

“We had each other, huh? We were supposed to never leave one another.”

“Yet you were about to,” Hyunjin disapprovingly tsked, “Here I am clinging to my older brother not to leave me. I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Christopher the Great,” Hyunjin deliberately raised his voice and then segued to a diminuendo, “Loved by everyone. His subjects. His friends. His mother. Even by the one woman his little brother has fallen for.”

“What would you even know about love, Hyun?”

“Not to mention, she’s not even pure blood,” he contorted his face like he was reciting ridiculous facts, “What were you even thinking?”

“What were you thinking?”

“I’m afraid if I can’t have her, no one can.”

“ENOUGH!!!” 

The brothers were so engrossed in getting on each other’s nerves that they didn’t even hear the door open. Hyejin walked into her chambers with her eyes moist due to an alloy of rage and sorrow. She stopped right in front of her older son and declared with all the seriousness that ruled her being.

“You have my blessing if you accept to be the next in line, Christopher.

Chris froze in his place. So did Hyunjin, but for entirely different reasons. 

You’re going to ruin this, mother. 

“Just… Don’t go,” Hyejin’s voice trembled while squeezing her son's arms.

If she gave him the one thing he wanted, he would stay. He would stay forever and he would be happy. He could be happy here. There was absolutely no reason to leave.

“Please,” she begged as the tears ran down her face. Meanwhile, Hyunjin was drilling a hole in Chris’ face with his eyes.

Go. Don’t fall for it. At least one of us is capable of being decent and that’s not me.

When Chris finally made eye contact with his brother, he noticed something. His composure was still intact, but he was looking at him with almost pleading eyes. Like he was asking him to read between the lines. To get the message. 

He remembered this exact look from somewhere. 

High school sophomore year. Hyunjin knew Chris and his bandmates had been planning to break into the gym on a Friday after school and spend the night there. No matter how much he had begged his brother not to do it, Chris just turned a deaf ear to him.

“You’re too uptight, Hyun. You really need to loosen up a little. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“Something’s going to happen. Don’t go.”

“I’m being very careful. Mom and dad think we’ll be at practice for the upcoming competition. We’re not gonna get busted.”

“Not everything is about that, for fuck’s sake. You’re gonna get hurt!”

“Stop being paranoid, Hyun.”

Stubborn. He was just so fucking stubborn. He wouldn’t listen to him ever. Chris was furious to no end when Hyunjin appeared next to their homeroom teacher like he wanted to make it clear he was the one snitching on his brother stealing the gym keys. They had exchanged this exact same look that day when Chris received detention. Little did he know all Hyunjin was trying to do was to prevent his brother from getting beaten up to a pulp because ‘the drummer dude needed to be in bad shape’ to pass on the competition. The invasion of their gym by the delinquents of the neighboring high school was the talk of everyone for the following week.

Please, Chris. Do it for us. Leave. Be free. For good.

Chris’ eyes darted from Hyunjin to his mother and he almost spat the words.

“This throne and everything that reminds me of it can kindly go to goddamn hell, your highness.”

One day they could talk about it maybe. One day Chris would understand Hyunjin’s intentions behind what he did.

But today was not that day.

Chris and his mother’s deal was carved in stone: he had to prove himself if he wanted to be ‘ordinary’. Even if it killed her inside, she agreed to watch her older son forfeit everything and walk away from this life. Sending off a loved one into oblivion and not knowing if they would ever come back was a familiar feeling for Hyejin. She had done it once before. About two decades ago to be precise.

“You asked for me, mother?”

“Yes.”

Hyejin had called Hyunjin for their ritual Sunday tea. They would usually spend their mornings having a long and calm breakfast, talking about benign things as if they weren’t tiptoeing around much deeper stuff and being sarcastic with each other. That particular Sunday, she didn’t feel the need to observe the formalities and cut straight to the chase.

“Why did you do it?”

He also knew there was no point in trying to drag some things anymore. He took a long sip from his tea, eyes still on his mother’s, and calmly responded.

“If I didn’t give him a reason to leave for good, you were going to lure him back here again. Next thing you know, he can’t leave the grounds because he fucking breathed.” 

“That kind of language is highly redundant, Hyunjin.”

“I know how your mind works. You can deny it all you want, but I take after you, your highness,” he irritably smiled, “It’s okay if he hates me for the rest of his life, but I know it’s gonna kill you.”

“So you want to hurt me that much,” she reciprocated his smile with moist eyes.

“Somebody needed to remind you of the taste of your own medicine. You seem to have forgotten it.”

Hyejin looked at her son and heaved a tired sigh. There was nothing but bitterness and animosity radiating from him, but it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t even his father’s fault—he hadn’t touched Hyunjin’s soul one bit. Whatever he had turned into, whatever he harbored inside him was the responsibility of only one person, and that was her.

“With Christopher gone, I need to name an heir. That means you’re going to be—”

“No.”

No? What did he mean no? She was offering him unlimited power to do whatever he pleased, what else was he asking for?

“Isn’t this what you’ve wanted all along?”

Hyunjin looked at her with an expression that almost spelled disdain.

“That’s really what you thought I wanted? A life sentence?” he questioned, somewhat nauseated, “I just wanted to be me, mother. I didn’t feel like taking you up on your challenge is all.”

“You do realize someone has to—”

“If you want this prison to remain intact, I suggest broadening your filters for an heir. Someone from the royal council would be nice.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He leaned into the white iron table and clasped his hands on it as the Sunday morning breeze brushed his hair.

“It means the second you announce my coronation and blast me to the public, I’m going to indulge in the most abominable things this reign has ever seen and force this entire lineage to fall from grace. Horrendously,” he tilted his head and posed his tranquil threat, “You’re welcome to try me.”

Hyejin was feeling the walls closing in on her, literally watching her other son also slipping away from her with every word he uttered. She felt tired. She felt defeated. She felt like she was coming back from war and she had no life left within herself anymore. Maybe that was why she wasn’t as quick with her retorts as she used to be.

“You held us captive here for years because of what? The man wanted to kiss someone.” 

“It’s not as easy as that, Hyunjin.”

“Nothing absolves what we’ve been through, mother.”

“Oh, is that so? Were you struggling while having the time of your life with your little playthings?”

Hyunjin’s face turned a couple of shades lighter at first for he was caught off guard, but it quickly returned to its original state.

“You knew, didn’t you? You knew what I was doing all this time,” he squinted his eyes, “Why did you let me get away with it?”

She was a queen. She was one of the strongest queens this country had ever seen. She was beauty. She was grace. She was the living epitome of what royalty should have looked and acted like.

But at the end of the day, she was still a mother.

“I can’t stand anything about this place,” Hyejin’s voice completely cracked, “I just couldn’t bear the thought of my sons leaving me to rot in this hell forever.”

“Even though you hated me?”

“I don’t hate you, Hyunjin.”

“But you don’t love me either, mother.”

“That’s not true,” she immediately replied and gestured the place next to her on the swing, “Come here.”

When Hyunjin sat down beside her, she pulled him close and laid his head down on her lap, which took him by surprise. She hadn’t done this in forever. It was such a distant memory that Hyunjin wasn’t sure whether he just saw it in a dream or not.

“There was one person I hated from the bottom of my soul, but it’s not you. It’s never been you,” she kept caressing his golden hair like she did when he was a kid, “But I acknowledge that it wasn’t fair to you that I projected it all on you. You remind me so much of him.”

“Father?” he looked up at her. She nodded in response.

“But you are you. Instead of using your beautiful face as a placeholder, I should have learned to make my peace with things,” she choked back her sobs, “I apologize.”

Hyunjin was temporarily teleported to the weekend mornings of his childhood. The frame in front of his eyes had a sepia filter. His mother looked younger. Happier. Lively. And she was kissing his hair.

You’re not my son. You’re my sun. You’re the most beautiful thing ever.

As if she was able to see what he was seeing with every stroke on her boy’s head, Hyejin softly uttered.

“You’re never going to stop being my sun. Ever.”

“Even though I’m broken beyond repair?”

“So what?”

He felt some wetness on his face like it started to rain all of a sudden. Hyejin was crying. So was Hyunjin. He slowly sat up and pulled his mother into his embrace. Maybe for the first time even.

“Do you want to be you?” she caressed her boy’s face as porcelain as hers, “Be you, sunshine. Be you away from here. You don’t deserve these chains, either. Nobody does.”

What a failure that this beautiful man felt like he had to do what he had to do because of her. What a catastrophe that she wasn’t able to save her son from himself when she could. What an absolute tragedy that she let herself be so haunted by the ghosts of her past that she wasn’t able to hear her sunshine’s cries for help, not until after his voice was completely gone.

“Just please don’t hate me anymore,” Hyejin let all the sobs she had been choking finally run free.

“Mom.”

Hyunjin placed a kiss on his mother’s forehead. Definitely for the first time. Yoongi had never kissed her forehead once. Maybe he wasn’t completely his father’s son after all.

“I don’t hate you. I just…” he tried his utmost best to avoid any landmines that could hurt her for once, “It’s just not fair that we were born into this.”

No, it wasn’t. None of this was fair. For anyone. If only she had the power to turn back time and do it all over again… She wouldn’t be able to promise to be mistake-free, but she would at least live to make her treasures happy the second time around.

“Don’t you ever want to be normal?”

“It doesn’t come with this job, sunshine,” Hyejin smiled through her tears, “It’s going to hurt so much at first, but I’ll be fine knowing my boys are happy somewhere. I will survive.”

“Or not.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she creased her brows in confusion.

“Didn’t you ever wish to be free?” he insisted, “Didn’t you ever wish to just be?”

“I wish I could, baby,” Hyejin squeezed his warm hands, “I really wish I could.”

“What if you can?”

Only Hyunjin would think of a solution as insane as this. Only he would propose to be reborn from their ashes in the pursuit of happiness. His tone was as nonchalant as it could ever be as if he was only suggesting an evening stroll.

“You do realize we have the means to fake our deaths, right?”

«TO BE CONTINUED»

AUTHOR'S NOTE

🍮Like my content? Consider supporting my work with a pudding!

See you in the series finale, fellas. I'm emotionally drained.

If you enjoyed this story, feel free to share your thoughts with me in reblogs, tags, or in my inbox. As long as you're kind, that is.

-R. (CB97%)

📢Regarding tagging: Please do not ask me to tag you if you won't be meaningfully engaging with my work. Additionally, I do not tag ageless and/or blank blogs, nor can I tag you if your blog is listed as "invisible" / if you've changed your URL and didn't let me know. Thank you for your cooperation in advance!

🔖Story taglist: @mal-lunar-28; @rindomo ; @midsoulz

📌Permanent taglist: @sai-kida134 ; @ughbehavior ; @hwan-g ; @svintsandghosts ; @skz317cb97 ; @abiaswreck ; @changbinluvr ; @lotus-dly ; @imsuchasimp00 ; @idunnomanmynamewastaken ; @downforseochangbin ; @nabis-dreamscape-world ; @gold-dragon-slayer ; @oiphoebe ; @chansynie ; @streetlight-s : @venustired ; @lachinitaaaaa ; @yoongihan ; @hyunskizz ; @sikebishes ; @changbinheart ; @downbadreading ; @bxffietheblxxdy ; @j-0ne25 ; @binstitsweat ; @chxncinth ; @skizzel ; @reallyloudstarlight ; @jaeminie-cricket ; @lifeinakpopbubble

---

love you in slow motion (psh) | four.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 10k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, alcohol consumption, intoxication, club scene!, twerkin buns at the clurrrb 🤪, kissing/making out, quick rundown of oc's history with mingi, physical altercation, mention of small injuries/wounds (lip cut), arguments, crying, the silent treatment 💀, hints of a hookup, oc x seonghwa just being a mess per usual sorry 😫 lol

"Are you still riding with me and Joong to the club?" Seonghwa puts your call on speaker while he sits in the passenger's seat of Hongjoong's car.

"Yeah, if I can."

"Can we head over then?"

"Sure. I'm still getting ready."

"We figured." Hongjoong chuckles in the driver's seat, turning into a lot. "What do you want from Egg House?" Seonghwa inches the phone away from his face when you squeal loudly and clap.

"Double egg toast, please!"

"Okay. We'll be there in about 30 minutes or so."

"Thank you!" You hang up the call first and Seonghwa lets out a breath, slouching further in the seat.

"It's so easy to please Y/N." Hongjoong laughs, finding a spot in the opposite end the lot closest to the shop.

"Sometimes."

"San ever tell you about their dinner?"

"Not really. Y/N did. A bit. She was being kinda weird about it, actually."

"Hm." He hums, figuring if it was gonna come from someone, it would be him. "That's probably because they talked about you."

"Me?" Seonghwa furrows his brows in confusion. "What about me?" No wonder you were being so weird about the topic at the aquarium. You couldn't tell him the full story, even though Seonghwa wished you would've. It'd make things way easier.

"What do you mean 'what about you?'" Hongjoong laughs as he heads to the self-checkout area to order. "These unspoken feelings, that's what."

"What did San say?"

"He asked if you two had anything going on with each other."

"Why is that a question when there clearly isn't?"

"Mm, well.." Hongjoong's response has a drip of sarcasm that has Seonghwa

"He didn't have to do that."

"He just didn't wanna get in between anything, of course he had to." Seonghwa is silent and he's biting his tongue because even though he has a rebuttal ready to slip— he's not entirely sure why he'd be defensive and fight back about it.

Hongjoong and San were right. It's not like everyone wasn't aware. The only person who seemed to be was you.

"I don't know what Y/N said. But whatever it was.. was enough for San to just back off." 

"He shouldn't give up on her."

"Him or you?" Joong laughs. "I mean they're still going to be the same. Good friends. I don't think anything was lost. They're probably both comfortable this way, too. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to play out." Joong shrugs. Which, it isn't much of a surprise to Seonghwa when he hears this, especially when you started talking about the potential of ruining things—

♡ FLASHBACK

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular."

♡ END

"Hate when you do that." 

"Hate when I'm right and you're wrong.. again?" Seongwa finishes plugging in his order and yours before checking out.

"I got it since you're driving today." Is all he responds before snatching the receipt.

"More gas money for me." Hongjoong snickers, plopping onto a high stool off to the side of the restaurant to wait for the food. 

"Did San say anything else to you?" Joong shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nah. But, he seems to be the same."

"Gotta talk to him." Seonghwa mainly mutters to himself. He just wants San to be okay because he didn't want this idea of you and him getting in the way [despite his feelings]. That was never his intention. But before he can fall into a rabbit hole with his thoughts, his name is being called and a bag full of food is being pushed his way. Joong is already on his way to the car, unlocking the doors to hop in and drive off to your place with a quickness— especially because he was hungry.

When they arrive at your place, they pass through the house to say their hello's to Yaya with Seonghwa handing off the extra sandwich he remembered to buy for her. She happily thanks them before waving them off, telling them that you're probably still getting ready in your suite.

"Hey!" Seonghwa knocks and yells. "Are you decent or whatever?"

"Yeah! Come in!" He hears from the other side just as he tugs on the doorknob. Walking in, he notices a few pieces of clothing scattered along your bed and couch, with you head deep into your closet.

"The hell are you doing?"

"Finding an outfit, what does it look like?" Your response is mumbled as you dig deep into the depths of your closet to find that black cotton mini skirt and a few tops. "Got it!" You hold up a bodysuit and a regular tank in the same color. "Body suit or tank?"

"How the hell are you gonna pee?" Hongjoong asks mid-chew. "Unbuttoning that coochie holder while drunk is crazy."

"You're sick, Kim Hongjoong."

"Nah, tell me. How is that gonna work?" Seonghwa silently takes out your sandwich and plops next to him on the couch.

"He's got a point. I'm not going into that bathroom to save you."

"Ugh." You groan, tossing the bodysuit aside and settling for the tank. "I'll figure out the rest later." You plop next to Hongjoong's free side. "Thank you for the food." You smile over at them.

"Hwa bought it." Hongjoong's eyes are glued to the TV. 

"Thank you, pichu."

"Mhm." Seonghwa responds from his end. 

"Why are San and Woo going separately?"

"San has to help his uncle with something and it might run a bit long. Woo offered to go with him so he wouldn't be alone."

"Mm." You hum. "Hope it doesn't go long."

"Aw. You miss Sannie?" Hongjoong playfully pouts and you hit him on the bicep.

"You're so fucking mean to me." Joong laughs loudly when you continue to whine, Seonghwa contently eating away while watching the show.

"You guys good or what?"

"Yeah, I just want all of us together."

"We will be, don't worry." Seonghwa chimes in and passes you your food. "Eat. I know you'll need like 500 hours to get your makeup and hair done." You glare at him before picking up the sandwich and digging in. You, Joong and Hwa continue to talk amongst each other while watching the TV before you gather the strength to finally get ready for the night. You turn on your bluetooth speaker, blasting your playlist while you get dressed and get your makeup going. Seonghwa has taken a few pregame shots with you in between, now sipping on a canned cocktail to keep him going while you finish up your makeup and hair. You take one more look at yourself in the mirror, satisfied with the oversized black denim jacket, mini skirt, tank and knee high heeled boots you threw on. Your makeup was simple, but enough to pop.

"Damn." Hongjoong teases, playfully checking you out and flattening his brows with two fingers while Seonghwa rolls his eyes. But, he has to say— he's fucking dying inside because of how fine you look tonight.

So fucking beautiful, and Seonghwa wishes he could have you all to himself.

"Go away." You laugh, walking through a cloud of perfume. "I'm ready!"

"About time." Seonghwa teases. "You look good." He breaks contact as he shuts off your bluetooth speaker and is the first to head out the door.

"Thanks, pichu." You shut off the lights and lock your door. "Do you have the bottle?"

"Make sure to hide that shit in the car, I'm not getting pulled over." Hongjoong says, unlocking his car. You hop into the backseat and tuck the unopened soju bottle aside— keeping it safe until you get to the club.

It's a 20 minute drive before Joong is circling the streets to find a good spot. When he finally gets lucky and finds one just a block down, he reverses into the spot flawlessly before shutting off the car and giving off a deep sigh.

"Have at it." He says, texting San to find out his whereabouts while you and Seonghwa continue to pregame some more and finish the bottle. The alcohol is hitting you quickly tonight, the soju being the cherry on top. Joong tells you San and Wooyoung have parked nearby, giving you all the greenlight to meet them halfway and walk together to the club.

You [drunkly] scream loudly when you see the two; running into their arms and letting them swing you around. You feel happier when you're all together, excited for what the night has to bring. You cling onto Seonghwa without realizing, the group behind you two as you walk side by side while engaging in conversation.

"Seonghwa! Why would you say that!" You and Seonghwa laugh loudly while walking down the street to the club. San can't help but divert his attention to you two ahead; watching as you naturally joke around, laugh and playfully bicker. You cling onto Seonghwa and continue to attach yourself to his hip, and the reality settles for San even more.

He is sad, but it's clear this is where you're supposed to be.

Seonghwa continues to tell you his story, leaning in to tell you delicate details even as you fall in line for the club. San realizes things surely haven't changed, because for you and Hwa, all you see is each other. You both don't ever purposefully make anyone feel left out, but at the end of the day, Hwa was always going to prioritize you and vice versa.

This is your own world and San only plays a little part in it. And that's okay. That's completely okay. You deserved to be happy and that's all he wants for you. All he wants for Hwa.

When security finally checks your IDs and lets your group in, the club is packed from wall to wall and you're having to hold Seonghwa's hand while navigating through the crowd. Hongjoong is behind you, gripping at the belt loop of your skirt to help lead the other two trailing him.

"Aye, over there!" Hongjoong tugs on your belt loop and points at the free bartender towards the other end of the club nodding with his lips while nodding. You take the hint and get Seonghwa to navigate to the free area. Once you're there, you feel like you're able to breathe, being able to spread your arms and move around freely.

"Let's go get some drinks from the bartender over there, it isn't busy." Seonghwa points to the small bar area towards the back end. Your group follows, instantly asking the bartender for a few shots of tequila, whiskey, whatever each chose as their own poison. 

The shots are taken to the neck, and before you know it, you're dancing away on the dance floor with your friends. Wooyoung manages to grab a few dances from cuties nearby, dragging San along to cheer him up and find someone he could possibly have fun with. But, amidst all that and all the numbers he manages to grab, he still finds himself looking for you so he can at least have a dance. 

"Y/N?" San comes to you, cheeks tinted red as his hand  caresses at his jaw. 

"What's wrong, Sannie? Are you okay?" You look up at him with those eyes, your hand on his bicep. You're both clearly drunk out of your minds but jesus, is he having trouble containing himself. 

"Y-yeah." He hiccups. "I just wanted to ask if you'd dance with me?" You giggle and nod.

"Let's go!" You grab his hand and take the initiative. At some point the crowd builds and you're separated from your group— Wooyoung floating somewhere out in the chaos, while Hongjoong and Seonghwa are pulling further and further away. You continue to dance with San though, enjoying every moment and having fun while with him. He keeps up with your rhythm, holding you close but making sure you still have enough freedom to move however you want, have space however you want. But, you continue to work on him and dance along to the music, forgetting any worries for the night.

You dance with San for a good chunk of time before you start searching for Seonghwa, who is no longer nearby. You catch wind of him, but your body decides this is the perfect time to break the seal.

"I need to go to the bathroom." You turn to San and tippy-toe to his ear.

"You okay? Want me to come and wait?"

"No, I'm okay. I'll be back." You give him a small reassuring smile before rushing off to the bathroom and waiting in the tiny line that had formed outside the door. You're in and out within 5 minutes, washing your hands and patting your face down with how stuffy the club had gotten. After handling your business in peace, you realize that Seonghwa and Hongjoong are even more separated than you thought when you exit the bathroom— no longer being able to spot them on the main dance floor, especially due to being inebriated. You finally find Wooyoung and San together, tugging on Wooyoung's sleeve to grab his attention.

"Where's Hwa?"

"Iono!" Wooyoung shrugs. "Last time I checked he was somewhere over there with Joongie." He nods in the far back corner behind you. You give Wooyoung's arm a squeeze to thank him before pushing your way through the crowd towards the potential Hongjoong and Seonghwa spot. When you get there, Hongjoong is definitely nowhere to be found, but Seonghwa is talking to some girl. He's leaning in towards her ear in order for her to hear him, and she laughs at whatever the fuck he's saying. It lowkey kinda irks you, even though you have no reason to be feeling that way. You should be happy Seonghwa is putting himself out there and flirting away at the club. 

Not feeling jealous or envious in the least bit that she is occupying his time and space.

"Hey." You come up to him just as she giggles and playfully flips her hair, turning on her heels to walk away. She gives him one last look before she sways her hips and continues walking towards her friends, all of them squealing over the encounter in the middle of the club. "I see you've been busy." He shrugs.

"That's the girl I met. Makayla." You subtly roll your eyes and tap his chest.

"Okay, well I've been looking for you." You kinda pout.

"What's wrong?" He tilts his head.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you and I couldn't find you for the longest time." He laughs.

"You were dancing with Sannie, weren't you?" He taps your nose. He says it like it's a light, teasing joke, but deep down, Seonghwa had to step away and get outta that spot. He's not gonna lie, he is relieved you're finally looking for him and finding him. 

"So?" He laughs.

"Well, you found me? Stop pouting. We came here to have fun and you're gonna be with me all night." He gently runs a finger down your bottom lip that is still poking out in a pout. 

"Where'd Joong go?"

"Bathroom." 

"Let me grab San and Woo—" Seonghwa tugs at your hand just as you're about to turn, a small frown on his face. As you look at him, not only do you realize how drunk you still are, but you can also pick up on how drunk Seonghwa is, too. His eyes are red and glazed over, cheeks also tinted with a rosey hue. 

Which, with the way he's looking at you, can't be a good thing. 

This won't end well.

And you truly do not care right now.

"Uh-uh, I thought you wanted to hang out for a bit. Dance with me." He says, pulling you flush against him while his teeth subtly nibble on his bottom lip.

"Hwa." You get all shy and unlike yourself, most definitely from the alcohol and the way he's looking at you up and down. You let him keep you close, beginning to dance against him and go with the beat of the current song blasting through the club. 

To set the record straight first and foremost— it's not like you haven't danced with him before. You have, and those times have been careless, free and fun. You didn't have a care in the world, Seonghwa didn't. It wouldn't last because it was harmless fun before you were onto the next and brushing it off like it was any ordinary thing between you two.

Because it was.

Tonight, it isn't. The air is different, and the energy between you two is supercharged; strong, an incredible pull to each other. The air is extra thick and like no other you've experienced with him. You can't really explain it right now, but with recent events, you just know you want Seonghwa.

Just like he wants you.

So you dance, and you dance. The two of you have pushed to the farthest corner of the club that Hongjoong never seems to return to Seonghwa [or maybe he did and didn't wanna bother] and the two of you are left in your own little world. He's still keeping you close, a tight grip on your hips as he feels every inch, every move against him, doing his best to keep up with the rhythm, you.

And god, is it turning you on.

You turn to face him when the song transitions into the next, finding that Seonghwa can't take his eyes off of you. He stares through his hooded lids while he rests against the metal railing, hands still at your hips while your face is only inches away. You watch as his eyes shoot down to your lips, back up to your eyes as if he's begging, pleading, you to make the first move. Because that will be the confirmation he needs— that will open up a whole new box that Seonghwa had been waiting to open, break the lock to a door he had been waiting to walk through. But also, he's too scared to make the first move. Too scared he'd be overthinking, that you're just drunk and you wouldn't mean it—

Suddenly, the impact of your lips crashing into his quickly pulls him out of his thoughts. Instead of breaking away at that moment, the kiss instantly becomes heated, deep. And Seonghwa has to forcibly pull himself off of you because even though he wants this so, so badly, it'll ruin everything if you truly didn't mean anything by it.

"What're you doing, Y/N?" He breaks away and leans towards your ear. His voice is husky and deep, loud enough to barely be heard over the music.

"I can't kiss you?"

"Not if you don't mean it." He bites onto his bottom lip when he pulls back to look at you, hands still resting on your waist.

"Who said I didn't mean it, Hwa?" You say in his ear, shivers running down his spine when he feels your lips graze your jaw. He probably should think about this, really think about this, but he can't. He's just as fucked up as you are, and he's feeling a bit selfish, a tad bit horny. You're positioned in between his legs looking beautiful as ever even under the dim club lights.

He can't help himself.

He cups your cheek as he pulls you back in, kissing you with so much more fervor. He hears you let out a content sigh in between kisses, pressing your body up against him as you grip the sides of his shirt.

"Driving me crazy." He says, pulling back and letting his nose lightly glide over yours. The both of you are slightly panting, lips swollen from all the intense kisses just shared. You'd do it over and over again, though. And if it were up to you, you'd take this home to explore a little further.

You want Seonghwa.

"Am I?" You continue to tease.

"Y/N." He gives you a look. "You have no idea what you do to me." His voice is still husky, deep; vibrating through your ears and sending tingles down your spine. He leans in for another deep, last kiss; biting onto your bottom lip and tugging back before letting it go. He dips to your jaw, to your neck— painting the surface with feathery kisses and tiny, subtle bites.

"Hwa, we're still out." You giggle and gently tap his chest. 

"Right." He sheepishly smiles and continues to hold you.

"I'm gonna grab some water real quick. We should try and find everyone when I come back."

"Let me just come with you." He grabs at your hand.

"I'll be fine, pichu." You smile toothlessly at him. "I'll be back before you know it. Try to text one of the boys! Save our space!"

"Fine." Seonghwa slightly whines as he lets go of your hand and watches you walk off. At this point, San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong find him without Seonghwa having to lift a finger— both San and Wooyoung carrying two glasses in their hands.

"Aye! Finally fucking found your ass. Where's baby girl? Got more shots." Wooyoung looks around for your familiar figure.

"She went to get water."

"I got it right here. Tequila water." Wooyoung snorts at his failed attempt of a joke.

"You're an idiot." Seonghwa shakes his head and takes the glass, holding onto it while looking around the room. It hasn't been long, but he's hoping you haven't been swallowed by the crowd and are at least at the bar requesting for water.

"Let's wait for Y/N." San adds.

"Sounds good with me." Wooyoung shrugs.

5 minutes quickly turns into 10 and you're still not back from your water run. Seonghwa can't help but be worried, eyes now frantically scanning every inch of the room to catch any glimpse of you.

"Damn, that's a long water break. Should we just go to the bar and find her?" Whatever Wooyoung's saying is completely drowned out by Seonghwa because he finally spots you, and he's fuming. Everything in the club seems to drown out, and it almost feels like white noise. Hwa finds you at the opposite corner of the bar, and of course, Song Mingi would be the person you're occupied with. That's why you haven't returned, of fucking course. He continues to watch from his spot, feeling unsettled from the entire situation. It starts off pretty normal, until Mingi starts whispering near your ear; doing his best to pull you close, keep you close. He sees you gently rejecting Mingi's touches, shoving off his hand and pushing his arm away— clearly making you uncomfortable. Seonghwa finds his free hand balled into a fist, already boiling with anger at how Mingi doesn't read any of your signs.

Instead, continues to put you through it because he's your ex. He thinks he can get away with it. He knows he can.

"I'll be back." Seonghwa says taking the shot in one swift motion, setting his empty glass aside on the high table nearby. San furrows his brows as he watches him leave, following his trail over to the opposite end of the club.

"Oh shit." San says under his breath, and Hongjoong is confused.

"What?"

"Mingi." He points over to the other side of the club and Joong lets out a sigh, followed by a heavy—

"Fuck."

As Seonghwa comes from behind, Mingi is the first to spot him and smirks. You don't really notice until Mingi has stopped trying to get close to you, turning over your shoulder to see your own bestfriend shooting daggers his way.

"What's up, Seonghwa?" The way Mingi says his name is so fucking annoying, Hwa can't help but roll his eyes. Mingi leaves out his hand in hopes of Hwa taking it in a friendly dap. All Seonghwa does is look at it before returning his attention back up to him, then back to you.

"Come on. Let's go." Hwa mutters as tries to gently drag you away by the wrist, but Mingi stops him.

"Woah. We were just having a conversation."

"Back up." Seonghwa steps in front of you and tries to get Mingi to back up, creating some distance between you two.

"Kinda rude for someone to intervene when they have no business to."

"Didn't know that required you to put your hands on her."

"Seonghwa." You warn, but he doesn't listen.

"Of course." Mingi laughs and licks his lips before closing in on the distance, clearly drunk and trying to be belligerent by provoking Seonghwa. His face is only a couple of inches away from Seonghwa's, but he isn't doing anything to back down from whatever the fuck Mingi is trying to start. Because yeah, he's drunk too, and this is you they were talking about. "Wanna be all high and mighty now? Be the knight in shining armor you always tried to be?" Mingi snickers.

"Back away from me, Mingi." Seonghwa warns lowly. "Step the fuck away."

"Or what? The fuck are you gonna do about it, Seonghwa?" Mingi mutters. "Think she'll finally give into you?" He chuckles pathetically. "Finally give you what you've been wanting for years? I know you've always been mad because you couldn't bag her when I did. Couldn't touch her, fuck her like—" Seonghwa pushes him with so much power that Mingi stumbles and fall back on a high table nearby, knocking over a glass as his arm hits the table. Mingi recovers quickly though, glaring at him as he pushes Seonghwa back and tries to land a punch on him. Mingi successfully lands it when Hwa fails to dodge, cutting the corner of his lip after the impact. They continue to go at it, causing people to step back and watch the chaos ensue from around.

"Hwa! Get off! Stop!" You scream, trying to pry him off. San, Hongjoong and Wooyoung rush over, both San and Joong having to separate the two until the bouncers come and kick your group and Mingi's group out of the club.

"Jesus fucking christ." Wooyoung glares at the bouncer and throws his hands up. "Okay, okay, we're going!"

"Let me catch you, fucking punk!" You hear Mingi yell as him and his group walk down the opposite block, the bouncers still keeping an eye on your groups to make sure nothing occurs outside of the club and requires police activity. You walk a few steps before you push Seonghwa by the shoulder, forcing him to look at you as he tends to his lip.

"What the fuck did you do that for?!" You look at him and Seonghwa's almost taken aback by your reaction. 

What do you even mean?

He did this to protect you and keep you away from that asshole, but you don't even seem the least bit concerned about him.

At all.

"W-what?" Seonghwa looks at you, his chest rising as he tries to calm himself from all the adrenaline and anger. 

"You didn't have to do that!" You yell, on the verge of tears. You're angry at Seonghwa, but you're angry because you hate seeing him hurt. You hate that he intervened, you hate that he's hurt because of the fight. You're angry, you're hurt, and everything is coming out all wrong. "I was fine, you didn't have to get in between, Seonghwa!"

"The hell you mean I didn't?!"

"Hwa." Hongjoong calls for him, eyeing the bouncers nearby.

"He wasn't doing anything!"

"Here you go again! Be serious for once, Y/N. He's a fucking asshole! When are you going to realize that?!"

♡ FLASHBACK

"Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Song Mingi." You walk out of his room, aggressively wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Fucking crazy. Get the hell outta here!" He yells from his room, causing you to flip him off as you walk down the hallway and out of his front door. 

Song Mingi was a certified asshole.

Time and time again, your ex-boyfriend of 2 years proves to you that you just aren't shit to him. Two years, then an on-and-off again situation where Mingi just couldn't commit to you again — but he needed you to feel wanted, to feel like he had a safety blanket to fall on, to feel like he could string you along until that very last moment he couldn't. He'd whisper sweet nothings whenever he saw you late nights; no longer leaving his home to go on dates, but to stay wrapped up in his sheets. Telling you things he knows will make you weak, thing he knows will make you stay a little longer. All these years of this back and forth game you played with your ex, you had no idea why you couldn't just learn and do better for yourself instead of letting him reel you in, making you think he genuinely wanted and needed you.

There was no one like you.

You, so perfect.

You, made just for him. 

You should've known better.

This was no one else's fault but your own. You let him in, you let him in, you let him in. And you fall for it every single time, knowing you were never going to be his one and only again, knowing you weren't the only one he was keeping around. But for whatever sick reason, you wanted to believe you could get him to change again. You wanted to believe you meant more to him, that your history meant more to him. But that's all it was— wishful thinking.

Empty words built on shaky foundation.

So here you are, after he had called you saying he had missed you and wished you were near him. Here you are, crying everything you have left in you after giving him what he wanted. Here you are, after hearing that this wasn't anything to Mingi, that you weren't anything to Mingi. Here you are, broken to pieces, empty, soulless.

Again and again.

"Fucking asshole." You groan to yourself, tears streaming steadily as you head down the street from his building to a random corner. You sit on the sidewalk, kicking aggressively at the rocks beneath your feet. You give one last good grunt out of frustration before you rest your arms on your knees, head hanging low to let all your tears fall freely.

You had been crying so hard that you hadn't realized a car had pulled up in the empty spot near the curb you sat on, car being turned off before someone steps out and shut their door. You suddenly feel a hand on your back and you instantly ease up, knowing exactly who that touch belongs to.

"Hwa." You look at him, watery eyes blood shot red. He can't help but feel sorry for you, you're aware. You can tell by the way his brows soften when he sees how torn up you are, you can tell by the way his lips poke out because he isn't really sure what else he can say at this point. He shouldn't have to say anything anymore. He shouldn't be here—

You shouldn't be here.

"I told you to stay put." He teasingly scolds you, but you continue to look at him with that sad, pathetic look. "Let's get home, hm?" He follows up, free hand coming to wipe your tears away. You nod, allowing Seonghwa to help you up and into the car. He doesn't really say anything when he gets in and buckles his seatbelt, but he glances over at you, watches as you sink in the passenger's seat and look out the window.

He hates it, and he wishes he could do more to take this away from you. To keep you away from Mingi, to take away your pain completely.

It's not the first time Seonghwa's had to come get you. He's almost losing track of how many times you've called him crying because you wanted to leave a party after seeing Mingi flirting around [even though he'd deny it time and time again]. The times you've called because he left you at parties to hang out with other people, other girls. The times Mingi has disrespectfully called you out your name mid-argument, gaslighting you into thinking you were in the wrong.

Seonghwa's only hope is that one day, you'll finally get tired of your ex and move on. Leaving Mingi where he belongs, especially when he couldn't even give you the proper respect. Mingi's only reasoning for breaking up with you was that he couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't do the relationship anymore. He just couldn't, and you knew what he truly meant— it just wasn't you anymore. 

And for months and months, you sat there wondering what you could've done differently, or if there was a sign that you had missed. Every time he called, it had you thinking he must've realized he couldn't do this without you, that he was wrong and that he did want this after all.

Nope.

He made you believe it for a night, yes. Then, he'd go back to reminding you what you actually meant to you— that you were delusional, that you kept forcing things between him. That you knew what this was.

You should've known what this was.

♡ END

"He wasn't even doing anything! Not shit you needed to step in between for! He was literally—"

"Oh my fucking god." Seonghwa groans. "And you're still defending him!" He yells, his brows furrowed when he turns to look at you. He feels like he can barely breathe due to the anger surging through his veins, plus the betrayal he's feeling with the way you're delivering your responses. The way you look at him. The way you're keeping your distance.

After everything, it still seems like you're taking Mingi's side. You always find a way to defend him one way or another, even if you don't realize it.

Seonghwa does, and it hurts.

"I'm not!" Your tone is louder. "I could've taken care of it myself, he wasn't doing anything!" You repeat.

"He was making you uncomfortable, Y/N! All up in your space, trying to force you to do shit when you didn't want it. Yet, you wanna tell me he wasn't doing anything?"

"I'm just saying it wasn't that big of a deal, Hwa! I could've handled it!"

"Really? I doubt that." 

"Wow, are you serious?" You say, hurt. But, he scoffs and continues because you need to hear this. 

"I am. You always let him push you around and walk all over you. I thought by now you'd be smart enough to realize that you're worth much more than that." His tone rises again. "Why do you always let him do this to you? You're so used to the way Mingi treats you and you do nothing to change that. You always let him in. You're so brainwashed and you literally have no respect for yourself, it's fucking sad."

"You know nothing about our relationship." You're crying and angrily wiping away at your tears, unsure of how else to act, what else to say. Sure, you and Seonghwa have gotten into petty fights and arguments. Mostly over dumb shit, but nothing ever this serious. You know he cares, and he means well. But this anger, this seemingly pent up frustration— you aren't entirely sure where it was stemming from. You have never seen him act this way and quite frankly, this part of Seonghwa is very difficult to navigate. 

You've never had to.

"Yeah, because I wasn't the one rescuing you in the middle of the night every time he decided to throw your ass out, right? Because I wasn't the one having to calm you down when you were crying? Because I wasn't the one whose had to pick up the pieces every time he broke your heart to try and chase after somebody else? When he says all those shitty things about you that get to your head? When he'd fucking leave you stranded?" He shakes his head. "I'm sure I know nothing about your relationship." The two of you are staring at each other, both at a loss for words after everything has been laid out on the table. Seonghwa is the first to break, having enough of this bullshit and not wanting to say anything else. Mostly because he still cares about you and your feelings, and it's breaking his heart to see you crying over him this time. "I'm done here. I'm sure San will take you home."

"Whatever, fuck you." You respond before turning on your heel to walk away. As soon as you've created enough distance between you and Seonghwa, you find yourself stopping in your path to sob into your hands. It isn't until a few minutes later that you feel hands on your arms, a familiar touch that belongs to somebody else dear to you—

"Hey, let's get you home." San says, with Wooyoung behind him. You can't see much due to the tears in your eyes, but you can tell it's Hongjoong walking alongside of Seonghwa, making sure he's okay and pushing him along towards the car.

"He'll be okay. Just needs some time to breathe." Wooyoung adds, holding out his arm so that you can slip yourself right underneath while walking to San's car. "You alright?" Wooyoung pouts, wiping some of the straggling tears escaping your bottom lids.

"Mhm." You lie, just to keep the walk quiet and peaceful. And it is for a bit, even as you sit in the backseat of San's car. The only thing filling the space is the music playing through bluetooth— Wooyoung's playlist, actually. San peeks over at you through the rearview mirror, feeling bad for how everything went down. But, he gets it. He gets Seonghwa. You do deserve better. Mingi should never get an ounce of your attention after how he's treated you— esp with Seonghwa being here all along.

"You know he just really cares about you, right?" San breaks the silence. 

"I know." You mumble, head leaning back against the seat while you look out the window. "I've just never seen him act that way."

"It's Mingi." Wooyoung adds. "Can I be honest?" He turns to look at you with doe eyes. "I'm not trying to attack you, I promise. We see both sides." You nod quietly. "It's hard when you have history with someone, and it's hard to undo bad habits you've learned in the relationship. We know Mingi was someone special to you, but he hasn't been good for you for a long time. And there's no changing that man at this point. If it's anybody, Seonghwa knows all of that very well, especially when he's been by your side throughout everything." Wooyoung lets out a small sigh. "I'm certain he's hurt because even after everything he's done to be there, Mingi's actions seem to be dismissible. And his actions get overlooked."

"Woo, I'm not even dismissing Mingi's actions."

"Okay, baby girl. You're not. But, I think Seonghwa would have appreciated if you were there for him tonight instead of getting upset. He just wants to keep you safe."

"His goal has always been to keep you safe." San adds softly, driving towards your place.

"I didn't want Hwa to get hurt, h-he didn't have to do that." You sniffle, leaning your head against the window.

"You know he's not gonna sit back and let that shit happen." Woo adds, also leaning his head back against the headrest— a small headache forming after tonight's events. When you finally get home, San and Wooyoung offer to stay the night to keep you company, but you politely decline. They walk you to the door and give you big hugs, asking you a million times if you're sure about being alone tonight.

And you quietly nod.

Because there's nothing else you'd rather be than alone tonight. You want to be alone in your own space, crying alone in your bed; head against the pillow, tucked underneath your sheets.

You want to be alone.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa is struggling. He isn't sure what to do, hates not having you by his side. He doesn't know what's gonna happen from here on out, what will be left of you two after all this.

From the kiss, to Mingi, to the argument.

It's so fucked up.

Seonghwa hadn't even realized how much of his life was dedicated to you— how much of his life was just you. Even when he tried so hard for it to not be you.

"Fuck!" Seonghwa groans and slams his hand against a brick wall in passing. 

"Aye, come on now." Hongjoong clicks his teeth and pushes him away from the wall, urging him to continue down the car. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I swear to God if I ever see Mingi—"

"You won't. He should know better, and hopefully Y/N does, too." Hwa lets out a hefty sigh as he swings Joong's door open and plops into the passenger's seat. Not much is said between the two, even as Hongjoong drives off to his place. Seonghwa rests his head back and shuts his eyes, equally angry, yet dizzy from the alcohol still running through him. 

"I don't know what to do, Joong. I can't keep doing this just for it to get me nowhere."

"You two really need to fucking talk." Hongjoong does a slight head tilt as he continues to drive to Seonghwa's place. "I don't mean to make this worse, but I saw you two." Seonghwa looks at him before resting his head back against the headrest again. "I didn't come so I could give you guys some space."

"Fuck." Hwa repeats again with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I don't know where this leaves us."

"Give it a few days or whatever, but you need to figure this out with her." Seonghwa doesn't speak anymore, mainly because he's starting to feel nauseous after the adrenaline, the alcohol. He's doing his best to keep it together. But, on top of that, he has a ton of thoughts swirling in his mind— he doesn't really know how to tackle them or where to even start. In the end, he's afraid of what this will do to your relationship.

You and him.

In the end, he just doesn't know anymore.

This is the longest Seonghwa hasn't talked to you. It's been a little over two weeks— usually, the two of you would break in a few hours, not wanting to be without the other for long.

But this, this was different.

Of course, everything felt awful. You both felt awkward about having to be the first person to break the silence, both remembering that night and how heated it had gotten.

The kiss.

The argument.

Everything about the situation felt like doom, chaos. A whole whirlwind of emotions and feelings overpowering each other, threatening to burst at the seams.

Seonghwa had thought long and hard about this, though. For him, he decided he just needed to step back and give himself a breather. Let him do things for himself, carry on with the mentality that he'd finally put himself first. So, that's what he's been trying to do. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. It does. It's terrible. He's gotten so used to having you by his side, so used to running to you first about anything and everything.

He's had to bite his tongue when he finally nailed that fucking uni pasta recipe he had been experimenting for years. Because he wanted to tell you he did so, wanted to invite you over so you could be the first to taste it;

Oh well.

His heart sinks when the realization hits him again, and he's having to give himself a 'lil pep talk to push through. He can't be the person to say sorry first, he can't be the first to break— not when he didn't do anything wrong. He needs to stop apologizing when he's not in the wrong or when he feels bad. He's given you way too much of that, and this time around, he wasn't going to.

He needs you to be the first to break. Needs you to be the one to say sorry. Needs you to show him you understand and that you would never intentionally hurt him, especially over Song Mingi.

He's still counting the days. Maybe he'll have to keep doing so. Gives him time to himself, some peace. Let's him know how much you'd truly work to salvage your relationship with him.

Your own bestfriend before anything.

Because he knows he'd do anything to keep you by his side. He would. It just sucks that he doesn't know if you would do the same. He can't confidently say the same.

But, you absolutely would.  Days and nights have passed and you could barely sleep, always questioning what Seonghwa was doing and if he was even thinking about you. This was on you, though. You knew it. You just didn't know how to say it to him and it's definitely a learning lesson for you— all in all, you wanna be better and you wanna be better for him. You miss Seonghwa a lot. You truly didn't know what it meant to be missing your other half until now;

Empty, alone.

Cold.

You sigh as you toss the pillow aside and sit up in bed, checking the time on the clock. 

3am.

You couldn't sleep, and you freeze. You freeze because you have no one to call anymore. So you turn, and turn. No longer able to find sleep for the rest of the night.

When the sun finally rises, you force yourself to get up to go for a run and grab a good cup of coffee and breakfast. It was your day off, but you thought you could at least take advantage of being up early; take advantage of soaking in the morning sun.

You were tired of sulking and being in bed. Being cooped up at home when you weren't at work.

You throw on your leggings and matching sports bra, grabbing an oversized zip-up to shield you from the morning cold. Yaya is already working in the kitchen, so you quickly let her know you'll be out for a run— rushing over to your car to avoid any questioning this early in the day. You drive over to a lake near town that has a 4.5 mile trail around its perimeter. Since it's still early, the trail isn't crowded with people; perfect enough for you to get a good 3 mile run in. You hadn't ran in a minute, but 3 miles seemed to be a breeze when there was a lot of pent up frustration and anger you needed to release. Of course, you were beyond tired at the end, but it wasn't anything coffee and a good pastry couldn't fix.

At the cafe, you grab a seat right outside of the entrance to enjoy your breakfast, scrolling through social media per usual. You click into your messages for god knows why, knowing Seonghwa hadn't messaged you.

He hasn't.

Why would he?

You sigh, the sadness now returning. You quickly clean up and toss your trash into the bin inside the restaurant before grabbing your cup of iced coffee and heading home. Once you get home, you throw your clothes into the laundry and take a hot, steamy shower, letting your worries go momentarily.

And then, you nap. Exhaustion finally hitting you from the lack of sleep.

Post-nap, you take time to clean around your suite and hang out with Yaya, watching a few episodes of her current favorite show. You help Yaya with a few things around the house, taking the time to bring her to the grocery store just right before the sun sets. Even though Yaya can tell something is wrong, she doesn't bother you or question you like you'd expect— probably leaving it for Soyeon to do the heavy lifting. You do appreciate that you don't have to dwell on it while spending time with her, though. 

Soyeon, Charli and Junseo had visited the past days, and although Charli was able to make you smile and laugh, Soyeon could also easily tell something was wrong without you having to say anything at all. Your demeanor had changed, you seemed to be snapping quicker than usual. Attitude wasn't so bright and happy. Seonghwa hadn't been around, but the other boys had quickly stopped by just to hang out.

You dimmed it down to a 'little fight between you and Hwa,' but Soyeon knew better than that, and she was hoping she'd be able to get it out of you soon. This wasn't like you, and it wasn't like Seonghwa to not come around for days on end.

This wasn't just a little fight.

"Hey." She calls you when you're settled back in your humble abode, and although you don't mind hearing from your boss-slash-cousin, you could do without any work-related conversations right now.

"What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving the restaurant soon. Yoongi and Junseo are going to close up. It's gotten quiet. Can I stop by? I have some food for you."

"Sure. Where's Chacha?"

"With Junseo's parents."

"Mm." You hum. "Okay."

"Okay, I'll be there in about 30 minutes or so. I'm just gonna wrap a few things up here."

"Sounds good." You hang up the call, a bit relieved that your cousin [not your cousin on boss-mode] is coming over. 

When she arrives, it's about 7:45pm. She quietly knocks before announcing her presence— stepping out of her shoes before joining you on your living room floor in front of the coffee table and TV. For a good part of the conversation, you indulge in some of the chicken she brought over, listening to her update you about the restaurant and some drama on his side of the family. She asks if there's anything new going on with you or the boys, and you simply shrug.

This is definitely her way of poking at you, and you're very close to cracking because who else can you open up to about this?

No one, and at this point, you need to. You need the reassurance.

"Are you sure nothing's up? To be honest, I know something's bothering you, and I know this wasn't just a 'little fight' between you and Hwa." She forms air quotes. That's the moment you do crack, tears welling in your eyes when you revisit that night. You tell Soyeon everything and confide in her, giving her more details about your dinner with San, to dancing with Seonghwa and kissing him, to Mingi and their fight. You tell her it's been about two weeks since you've spoken and you know Seonghwa is waiting for you to make the first move. 

You tell her how you've started to realize your feelings for Seonghwa after everything and how incredibly terrified you are of them.

"I don't know what to do, Soyeon. He probably hates me."

"Just go over there and talk to him, Y/N. What are you waiting for? You know he's waiting for you to take initiative, and you should this time. This is all you." You sigh, bottom lip trembling as you begin to cry. 

"I know."

"You know Seonghwa the best. It's so obvious how much he likes you and adores you after all this time. Why are you so afraid?"

"I know, I know." You sniffle. "I just am, Soyeon. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of Seonghwa realizing this isn't what he expected. I'm afraid of Seonghwa." You cry a bit harder and Soyeon is holding you close, rubbing your back as you lean against her shoulder. "I'm scared of this ruining us completely. What if we do get together and things don't pan out the way we expected? I'm so scared of losing him completely that I just don't know where I lie in all of this despite my feelings for him."

"You can't be afraid about every little thing, Y/N. I know it's scary, and life hasn't been entirely nice to you. But, this is your bestfriend. You can't just sit around and brush it under the rug when you know this is something you two need to discuss. Regardless of what happens, Seonghwa will never let you go. You two have been through so much together, he would never wanna do life without you by his side. Never." She continues to reassure you, giving you the push you need to get yourself together and just face it.

You loved Seonghwa, and it was time you looked beneath the surface.

Soyeon didn't stay too long after the two of you finish eating last night— turning the conversation into something more lighthearted after you cried and thanked her for being there for her. Her reassurance worked so much that you're ready to tackle the morning bright and early, throwing on some clothes to head over to Seonghwa's place. After Soyeon left, you called Wooyoung and asked what time Seonghwa's shift was for tomorrow. He snorted and told you it was 10am and asked what you were up to. You let Wooyoung know about your talk with Soyeon and that you missed him, finally throwing the stupid shit aside to just try and talk to him about that night.

To apologize, to make things right.

To tell him that you love him.

You keep it casual and comfy, throwing on some black and white wide-leg track pants, a crop tank and a baggy grey zip-up hoodie. You throw on your shoes, swiftly grab your keys and crossbody bag, jogging out to your car with a quick 'good morning' yell to Yaya from the side of the house. As you drive over to Seonghwa's apartment, you are equally filled with anxiety, nervousness and adrenaline. You're ready to put this behind you, but you're especially ready to talk to Seonghwa again. See him. Hug him. 

Keep him close, never let him stray far again.

You pull into a guest lot, shutting off your car and wondering if you should've brought over some coffee, breakfast, anything, to make this a bit less awkward.

"Fuck." You mutter to yourself as you shake the thoughts from your head; no time for overthinking while you're running on limited time. You jog up the steps and up to Seonghwa's apartment, hesitating when you get to the front door before you finally bring your knuckles to the surface to give a couple of loud knocks. It takes a second before you hear rustling behind the door, Seonghwa clearing his throat before he swings the door open in a white tank and sweats. Your eyes immediately meet his, but he looks surprised, caught off guard even.

But, caught off guard in a sense that he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

You don't understand it until you see someone in the back try to slip by unnoticed, but she's wearing Seonghwa's shirt. Your heart immediately sinks to your gut and it makes you feel queasy. It shouldn't, but you hate to say it does.

It's probably Makayla.

It's too fucking late.

"Oh." Is all you say, and Seonghwa feels his heart break to a million pieces when he sees the look on your face. You're trying your hardest not to show how much it hurts you, but he knows you. He knows you well, that's for damn sure.

"Y/N—"

"It's good, I didn't meant to interrupt, I'm sorry— I'll catch you later." You ramble and rush down the steps, hurrying away from the apartment to prevent Seonghwa from seeing the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

This was your fault anyway, who else was there to blame?

"Y/N!" Seonghwa calls out one last time, but you're already running to your car. Very obvious that you're wiping away at your face as you sink into the driver's seat and pull out of the spot without turning back. "Fuck." Seonghwa groans to himself, and Makayla kinda just watches everything unfold right in front of her eyes. He runs a hand through his long, black locks, shutting the door quietly behind him as he turns to her and gives her a sympathetic smile. 

"I'm sorry."

"That was Y/N?"

"Uh, yeah. My bestfriend." He looks at her, and she can already tell. She can already tell that it's you, and there is more to it than that. He loves you, and it's very, very obvious.

"You love her, don't you?" He lets out a breath and shrugs. He doesn't say anything for a bit, rather looks at her with those big doe-eyes before she catches him subtly nodding and diverting his attention to the floor.

"I'm so, so sorry, Makayla. I really am." What the fuck else can he say? He must look so fucked up right now; having taken her out the night before and let her spend the night after fumbling in the sheets. He was curious to see if Makayla would be the door to a new path, something that'll help him move forward. He had hope. After this morning's events, that clearly wasn't going to be the case and he wasn't going to lie about it.

"Don't be." She gives him a small, toothless smile. Because although it does suck, she's been there before and she'd hate for Seonghwa to miss out on the person he truly wants to be with. "You should really talk to her before it's too late."

♡ FLASHBACK | EARLY COLLEGE

You're on Seonghwa's back as he trails behind the group, walking up the path to the view of the city behind campus. Hongjoong, San, Wooyoung and a few other heads had wanted to go on a late night walk— the goal being the view at the end for everyone to just sit and admire. At first, you didn't feel like going with a bunch of obnoxious boys. But, you had been cooped up in your room doing nothing but studying all day. It sounded better knowing Seonghwa would be around and being in the crisp, night air. 

Seonghwa continues to walk up the slightly steep hill before spotting the view just down the street, you jumping off his back as soon as it becomes clear in sight.

"Hwa! Look at it!" You squeal, running to one of the free areas near the fence to get a good picture of the view. "It's so pretty! Look!" 

"Yeah, it is." He catches his breath as he walks over next to you. Trekking that hill is not for the weak.

"Oh my god, look at all those lights. It's so beautiful. I didn't realize how flat the town is." You're mainly thinking out loud, saying it to yourself, but Seonghwa chuckles next to you and quietly nods. "I think I can see our favorite convenient store from here, and our favorite spot to get jajangmyeon."

"How would you know, they're little blobs right now."

"How would you not know, Seonghwa? Are you a fraud? Do you even like those places like you say you do?" He snorts.

"Relax, Nancy Drew. It was just a question."

"I just know." You say so matter-of-fact-ly that Seonghwa smiles to himself while you continue to look out at the view. "The stars are so pretty tonight, weather is so perfect. Ugh. We should do this more often." You continue to go on and Seonghwa just likes listening to you talk. He always has, always will.

Everything about you was his favorite.

"I— what?" You look up and see Seonghwa still staring at you before he lets out a deep chuckle.

"Nothing."

"Pichu, what is it?" He looks at you again, and it's obvious he wants to tell you something but is preventing himself from spilling it out onto the table for whatever reason. You turn towards him and cross your arms, tapping your foot to wait for his response.

"Nothing! I'm just— nothing."

"Park Seonghwa."

"I-I—" He sighs. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you ended up going on the walk with us. I wanted you here."

"Aw, you little sap." You pinch his bicep and he yelps. "Are you sure that's all?" He nods.

"Thank you, Y/N. For everything." He ruffles your hair and you can't help but pout at. "You know? For being a pain in the ass bestfriend."

"I beg to differ, but you're welcome." You chuckle. "Always us, right pichu?" You playfully punch him on the bicep before returning your attention back to the view.

And he'll forever remember this as the first time he tried to confess his feelings for you.

♡ END

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

---