Also Me: Decides To Change The Trajectory Of My Answer By Making This The First Time Aggie Tells Him She Loves Him - Tumblr Posts

Intoxicated with Aggie and James (hehehe uno reverse)

intoxicated. / accepting!

parties just are not agatha's thing, but maybe what helped her was that james was there with her. the readily available alcohol certainly helped, and the more she drank, the more conversational she was. it definitely helps that james was there because he was the one she felt the most relaxed around, and so when they both spoke with others, agatha was relaxed then, too, instead of sticking close to a wall and nursing the same drink for an hour or so before heading home. more drinks were poured and soon the heavier alcohol was brought out.

agatha doesn't know what the hour is by the time james has managed to carry her out of the place and back to the car. it's dark outside, that much she can tell. fumbles for one of the buttons on the door until she finds the one that rolls the window down, enjoying the feel of the cool air on her flushed face. alcohol really has that effect of bringing out the color in her cheeks, making the freckles there stand out more. like a kid would, she has her hand out of the window like it's riding the currents of air as the car moves, humming to herself.

when the car pulls down the dirt driveway leading to her house and stops, she fumbles to get herself unbuckled. she was so frustratingly uncoordinated right now that james had to help her, letting her lean against him as he walked her up to the front door. he unclips her keys from her bag and gets the door open, helping her inside. she stumbles over the doorstep a little, but of course he catches her and keeps her from falling, but it doesn't stop a giggle from leaving her.

" oh, james, y-you're a-always here when i need you. i-i love you so much. " and there it was. five sobering words. alcohol lowers one's inhibitions and can cause someone to say or do things they wouldn't normally do while sober, things they might mean deep down but otherwise, like agatha, don't have the courage to say. " i— " she stops, her heart racing as she stares up at him. this is the first time she's said those very words in that exact order to james. she's dreamt and thought of saying those words and sometimes they were right there on the tip of her tongue, begging to be said. those words were the final barrier she kept around herself; a fear that if she said that to him, something would go wrong, she's screwed up every good thing between them.

gazing up at him, she wonders, have i done it? have i ruined us?

regardless of the alcohol, she means those five little words. she has for some time now. agatha just couldn't bring herself to tell him that out of fear. what if the relationship was a temporary thing to begin with? what if he doesn't feel the same? sure, she knows he likes her, certainly enough to spend as much time as he does with her, enough to have sex with her, enough to be there when she's needed him, but... does he love her? like and love are two different things, after all. surely he could like but not love her, agatha, this earthly mess in his arms.

she clings to him, like she's afraid he'll let go and leave. she is afraid. agatha has bared her heart to him more times than she can count. he's seen her scars, knows her deep pain, knows the darkness that occupies her mind, he's seen her at her most vulnerable, but he didn't know about this. he didn't know the extent of her feelings for him. perhaps part of her was waiting for james to say it first. did he have the same fears as she does? the same worries and doubts? did he have an inkling of her true feelings? would he catch the way she looks at him, hear the way she speaks of him to others?

does he know that he is everything to her? because james has her heart and there isn't anyone else in the world she'd rather let have it.

" i... i-i love you, james. " she finally repeats, her voice quivering slightly, tears pricking her eyes. this was either going to be one of the worst or best moments in her life. " i have for s-some t-time, but i... i-i was afraid. i-i-i d-didn't want to be, i wanted so badly to be brave a-a-and t-tell you my f-feelings much sooner, but i... i c-couldn't. i was afraid you couldn't possibly f-feel the same way. i have to admit, i-i w-want so badly for you to feel as i do, james. "