15x18 - Tumblr Posts
Dean Winchester's Mexican (Spanish) dub voice actor Guillermo Rojas (S12 - 15x18) talks about SPN 15x18 “Y yo a ti, Cas”
Has anyone seen AXN's SPN 15x18 LatAm dub version? I just found these photos & wondered if the dubbing of "Te amo" & "Y yo a ti, Cas" had also been changed to fit the subtitles? I can't find the AXN video of this particular scene to hear them myself. Please help @@
Thinking about how Misha said Bobo and him were afraid Cas' confession would've been edited out last minute. And how it had eventually made it onscreen but maybe, probably, perhaps not but what if Dean's silent "me too" on that cold bunker's floor was what actually ended up being cut out...
The thing about Dean and Cas is.. They remind me of me and my friend. I’m very much in love with her and I think she might feel the same about me. Ever since we met there’s been this weird, awkward tension between us, but just like Dean and Cas we never opened up about our feelings because we didn’t expect that the other one felt the same and we didn’t want to lose them. (Or maybe she really just sees me as a friend and that’s just how I feel, who knows).
We watched every single episode of Supernatural together and then 15x18 came around and against all expectations we got this beautiful confession scene (which is the most romantic love declaration ever, fight me) and it felt like something between me and my friend shifted.
We were SO sure that we would get Dean and Cas seeing each other again and Dean reciprocating the confession. So while we were getting ready to watch 15x20 with this expectation I could FEEL that there was this super strong, weird, almost electric energy between my friend and me. And I was so sure that once we would see Destiel together, both having opened up and told each other how they feel, we would finally be brave enough to do the same.
But then obviously we got whatever 15x20 was and I think we both just felt discouraged and lost hope that we feel the same and went back to just ignoring whatever there is between us.
READ THIS TO THE TUNE OF HALLELUJAH
Destiel - Hallelujah
[Verse 1]
I heard there were two Winchesters
Who hunted monsters, fought a war
When one of them got killed and went to hell (yeah)
It went like this: The angel Cas
Who gripped Dean tight and saved his ass
From perdition started questioning his god
[Verse 2]
He meant truly well but went too far
Became a god and started war
Dick dragged Cas and Dean to purgatory
There their love became so clear
But only Beandenny got back here
Cas was kidnapped and brainwashed by heaven
[Verse 3]
Brainwashed to kill his best friend Dean
But snapped out of it to save him
When his blue eyes met Dean’s green eyes he had to
He fell from heaven and lost his grace,
Kept fighting for some better days
He cared about all humans ’cause he loved one
[Verse 4]
Even demon Dean could never hurt his Cas
They’d die to save each other’s ass
But still think this is just a normal friendship
Hugs so tight and face-cradling-hands
It’s actually a great romance
Of a faithless man and his angel in a trenchcoat
[Verse 5]
No personal space but an adopted son
Dumbasses can’t see what’s going on
Think they can’t have the one thing that they want
Cas‘ love confession leaves Dean a mess
He gets him back and reciprocates:
You dumbass always had me... I love you Cas!
Hope you like this version!
(Feel free to add the hallelujah parts in between the verses)
This is holding me together
"y yo a ti" you'll always be famous
This moment is something that gets me. Not only is it a cleverly hidden mate to Castiel's "Something I can never have," it's just so...OUGH.
Cas grits, "I've got you."
When Billie drags her scythe against the wall, Dean, in the throes of pain, lets out an audible, "Ugh!"
And Cas turns. Maybe Cas squeezes tighter or Dean leans in harder, but it's here the Dean manages a brief, relieved meeting of the eyes and the melting of the grimace into an almost-relieved smile.
Don't you see? CAS HAD HIM.
You can see this moment very well in @touchstiel's GIFset here.
I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what… what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want… it’s something I know I can’t have. But I think I know… I think I know now. Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.
→ 15x18 Despair - November 5th 2020
Hunter husbands
15x18 Fics - !SPOILERS AHEAD!
I think we can all agree that everyone - fans or not - were pretty shocked by the reveal of last week, and everywhere (Tumblr most of all) seemed to explode. AO3 was not exempt from this massive outpouring of creations, so here are some fics based on That Scene. I will warn you that not all of them are fix-it fics, and most of them are quite short for obvious reasons.
Like Real People Do by prosopopeya on AO3. (4,490 words).
Tags: Coda, Episode Fix-it, Fluff and Angst, Spoilers, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Angst with a Happy Ending.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Castiel experienced a moment of pure happiness, expecting it to be his last. It wasn't.
Notes: This was so poetic and absolutely gorgeous.
The same old tears (wish you were here) by DestielIsFuckinReal on AO3. (1,992 words).
Tags: Temporary Character Death, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Coda, Love Confessions, Angst with a Happy Ending.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Notes: The speech marks were slightly annoying, but other than that, this was beautiful.
Never Enough by make_your_user_a_name on AO3. (1,556 words).
Tags: Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Love Confessions, Supportive Sam Winchester, Sam Winchester Knows, Domestic Fluff.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: It took him hours to notice it. He hadn’t felt it in the moment. Hadn’t felt the Cas’ hand stick slightly to his shoulder as it pushed him away, leaving him to face the Empty alone. But now that he’d noticed it, it was all he could look at. That bright red handprint standing out starkly against his jacket. It was perfect, really. Not a drop out of place. Just a handprint and nothing else. That was all he had left. The handprint where Castiel had “gripped him tight and raised him from perdition.” And now he’d saved him one more time. Same shoulder, same placement, same sting when Dean looked at it. It was poetic in the cruelest of ways. And if it weren’t for everything, he would have thought this was Chuck’s writing. But, no. Castiel was the only part of Chuck’s story that he couldn’t control. Because Cas had fallen.
Notes: Now this fic brought out the ugly tears.
this is a good thing, dean. (prayer is a sign of faith) by cascountsdeansfreckles on AO3. (529 words).
Tags: Prayer, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, post 15x18, 15x18 coda.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Dean’s legs still don’t want to move. He sits propped up against the wall and stares unseeing at the chair in the middle of the room. Everything that Cas said plays over and over in his head. The image of Cas looking devastatingly relieved, content, as he was taken from Dean won’t leave his mind. He doesn’t know what else to do. So he prays.
Notes: Okay, and I’m crying. Again. The one time Cas can’t hear Dean’s prayers is the one time it is the most important.
all the things i’ve never said by Saffir on AO3. (849 words).
Tags: 15x18 Fix-it, Angst, Heavy Angst, First Kiss, Confessions, Sad Ending, Nonbinary Castiel.
My Rating: 5 stars.
Description: Castiel knows that their time has come. The past decade has been spent protecting Dean, living for Dean, dying for Dean. It finally comes time to sacrifice themself one last time. He wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much.
Notes: Confirmation of their relationship would have been nice! I mean, I firmly believe Dean reciprocated, but it would be nice to know for sure. And oh boy, I had not stopped to think about the scene from Cas’ point of view.
gay love pierced through the veil of death and saved the day by firefliesandstarlight on AO3. (444 words).
Tags: Fix-it, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Cas doesn’t die. That’s literally it.
Notes: Is it bad I found out that Charlie died through the end notes of this fic? Like, imagine writing a scene so moving that it overpowers the fact that several other fan favourites died in that same episode.
15x18 coda: it’s in the being by contemplativepancakes on AO3. (1,167 words).
Tags: Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Coda, Dean Winchester Can’t Cope, Hurt Dean Winchester.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Blood splatters from a severed neck, the body twitching before it collapses to the floor. It sprays across Dean’s face, dotting red droplets over his cheeks and in his hair. Dean keeps his mouth shut so he doesn’t get the taste of copper stuck in it; he already can’t get Cas’s face out of his mind. Dean knows this is the last place he should be, that with the world ending, it doesn’t really matter if there’s one less nest of vamps in the world, but if he stops moving, then he’ll… have to think. “I wondered what my true happiness could even look like, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.”
Fuck, they wasted so much time.
Notes: I don’t even know what to say anymore. My heart is simultaneously full and utterly broken.
1 Missed Call by glenien on AO3. (597 words).
Tags: Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Referenced Character Death, Angst, Dean Winchester is a Dumbass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death!Castiel, Coda, Fluff and Angst.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: The buzzing never stops.
Notes: I love the implications of Dean literally flirting with Death here, and even though this isn’t the ending I think we’ll get, I can still hope!
Only know you love him when you let him go by Azura_lights_18 on AO3. (1,365 words).
Tags: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Hurt/Comfort, Dean Deserves to be Happy, Angst with a Happy Ending.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Destiel is finally canon... for ten seconds. My hopes for the upcoming episodes (just let Destiel live, please.)
Notes: I am loving the inventive ways people are bringing Cas back! I have hope, but that might just be me putting my clown wig on.
maybe just this once (let me keep this one) by psyiocke on AO3. (1,678 words).
Tags: Episode: s15e18 Despair, Canonical Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Dean Winchester listens in silence, and he mourns in it too.
or the aftermath of hearing your best friend say he loves you and then watching him die.
Notes: Oh boy here I go again. That tag, by the way, is much too soon. But if this is what happened at the end, I would be happy.
Instinct by CKLizzy on AO3. (510 words).
Tags: Fix-it of Sorts, Episode s15e18 Despair, Episode Fix-it.
My Rating: 4 stars.
Description: Dean reacted on pure instinct. Instinct he didn't know he even had.
Notes: Oh, if only. I would have passed out.
A World Redeemed by Lif61 on AO3. (732 words).
Tags: Season 15 Spoilers, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, POV Dean Winchester, Romance, Love, Happy Ending.
My Rating: 3 stars.
Description: Cas is gone, and the world is saved. But not for Dean.
Notes: I do really hope Cas comes back. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to go and have some words with someone.
Happiness is What Makes You Cry by AnotherWorld3111 on AO3. (358 words).
Tags: Angst, Referenced Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Hurt No Comfort, Love Confessions.
My Rating: 3 stars.
Description: Just... read the goddamn tags
Notes: Oh man, if Dean actually breaks down in front of Sam, I will die on the spot.
All Out of Love by asofthesea on AO3. (681 words).
Tags: Not Actually Unrequited Love, Angst and Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Post Episode: s15e18 Despair, Homophobic John Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Jack Kline, One Shot, Brotherly Love, Feelings.
My Rating: 3 stars.
Description: After the events of 15x18, Despair, Sam and Jack rush back to the bunker to find Dean alone, and falling apart at the seams.
Notes: John Winchester would have been homophobic and no one can change my mind.
Tag to “Despair” (15x18) by Alvinola on AO3. (793 words).
Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort.
My Rating: 3 stars.
Description: Sam has to pick up the pieces when Cas is gone.
Notes: Seriously, these fics are making me cry all over again. I mean, what can Sam possibly say to make any of this better? That’s heartbreaking in itself.
And a shameless self-promotion:
‘I love you’ by LinaRai on AO3. (420 words).
Tags: Angst, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, I’m Sorry.
Description: "I love you." Dean just stares at him.
Notes: I wrote this in a Criminology lesson while eating a bag of crisps which basically equated to my lunch because I was a mess and I had to. And yes, I am fully aware that I write things with major character death too often. So sue me.
So, how is everyone feeling? I’ve started re-reading Angel’s Wild in a wild (get it) attempt to cope. Also, this led to me having a full conversation with one of my teachers about Sherlock. ‘Maybe next time don’t use a current show as an example of queerbaiting,’ she said, as if any of us expected Destiel to go canon. Seriously, how do you explain to a 40 year old woman who only just realised that BBC Sherlock might possibly be queerbaiting how much no one expected that to happen?
I'm gonna watch 15x18 for the first time ever in exactly an hour (8pm BST)!! I have made this shitty discord server specifically for a watch party if anyone is interested in celebrating 6 months of being incredibly unwell with me :)
(thank you @leftistcas for the idea!)
SEVERAL EMPTY LIVES
The Empty is the one with the power now, and it has control over two of God's favourite toys. He had so much fun playing with them for all those decades... Maybe it's time for someone else to have a go. And what would be a sweeter revenge on two people whose bond is known for breaking all known laws of the universe?
Putting them in situations where they hate each other, over and over and over again.
Originally, I thought I'd just write a small fic for @exmintha's birthday, but it got way out of hand so I split it into two parts! The first half will be posted today, and the other half will be posted next Monday. Happy birthday, and I hope everyone enjoys reading it!
READ ON AO3
Hi, I've never really watched much SPN but I saw you say in a post to look through your J*red tag, (I could've sworn people loved him but I took a long tumblr break) and I'm confused about the Destiel thing. I thought when the Destiel episode aired, that people said Jensen looked like he was holding back a slur in that episode. But also excited for it? Which is it?
let me preface this by saying that i'm not mad at YOU at all, but i really am fucking annoyed that people took one screencap with no further context and made it a meme that a whole person was homophobic because of what they interpreted as his facial expression.
first of all, here's a gifset of that part of the scene so you can see what's said and how they look while saying it. here's a gif of the specific bit that the screencap was taken from:
i can't speak for anyone else, but i'm pretty good at reading facial expressions, and i've been watching jensen/dean for years now. i can tell you that this facial expression, being shown in response to "i love you" is dean saying please don't, not like this.
because cas isn't JUST saying "i love you", he's saying it to trigger his own death, in order to save dean's life. by the time cas says it, dean knows that, he knows this is goodbye. and he can't fucking bear for what's between them to be said out loud like this, for the first, the only time, not as cas leaving him again, not as cas sacrificing himself for dean.
this is nothing remotely like "i want to say a slur", it's not pain because he doesn't feel the same; it's pain because this is basically dean's worst nightmare. cas has just told him everything he always wanted to hear, and he's saying it as a goodbye.
BUT, what's more important than my personal interpretation of these facial expressions is that in jensen's first panel after this episode, he said - as tactfully as possible - that a lot of dean's reaction in this scene had been cut.
(he also was very animated when talking about the episode and this scene in particular. he said that he had a crew member record the scene on jensen's personal phone because it was so important to him. he and misha sent fan reaction videos to each other that night. he was excited while talking to fans and asking what they thought, all smiles and delight with how much we liked it.)
you can see that, right after the previous gifs, dean looks over his shoulder at where the empty is coming for cas, and his eyes are absolutely filled with tears.
as soon as the camera angles switch back, the tears are gone.
so we know there were takes where jensen was acting his ASS off, he was full-on crying, and they just cut it all for the blandest reaction possible. because the thing is that while they filmed this episode, 15x18, just before quarantine, they finished filming the last two around six months later. however, 15x18 didn't AIR until after those six months.
long story short, it appears that they were going to make destiel canon, but that long break caused the cw execs to get nervous and hit the panic button to cut out as much gay as possible (most likely to keep the gay cooties off of padalecki to repackage him for his new show walker). i cannot emphasize enough how everything about the season (which was genuinely good) leading up to this moment absolutely screamed 'canon endgame destiel', and then something happened, and nothing about the final episode (which was horrible) or what anyone says about it makes any sense.
we know that misha was in vancouver at time of filming the finale, yet castiel never reappeared. we know that at least ten scenes were cut from the finale script, and the aired episode was suspiciously short with a lot of filler. we know that the explanations people have given for why things changed don't hold water, and we've gotten different stories from different people, some of whom are obviously under NDAs.
okay, so the reason i explained all of that is because fans more knowledgeable in filmmaking than i have analyzed this 15x18 confession scene and determined that it's not just that they used the most boring takes, but they actually butchered it. i.e. they used footage of jensen from different parts of the scene and shoehorned it into this moment so that it was as not-gay as possible.
my friend @winchestersingerautorepair has done a bunch of meta on this topic if you happen to be interested on the above mentioned analysis of the editing.
tl;dr: they butchered jensen's acting to make the scene as straight as possible.
and despite that, they couldn't edit out the fact that dean spent hours sobbing on the floor after cas was taken.
Given his history with sentimental storage of outer wear, I fully expect Dean to store that jacket with hand print intact somewhere deep in his closet or Baby’s trunk. Maybe distantly hoping that one day he could take it out and present it, too.
thinking about dean not even realizing cas left a handprint on his jacket until later. maybe he went into the bathroom of that abandoned bar to compose himself for a second, saw it in the mirror and he broke down all over again, curled up against the tile wall, not even caring about how gross the floor was. And he eventually pulled it together and stood to splash some water on his face, eyes not leaving the handprint in his reflection. And maybe before he left, he hestiantly ghosted his hand own hand over the one on his shoulder. But he soon found himself tightly squeezing the stained fabric, unable to resist before forcing himself to face Sam and Jack again, with bloody, busted knuckles, leaving a broken mirror behind.
Or maybe he didn't even realize until they all went back to the bunker, and he caught his reflection out of the corner of his eye when he walked into his room. And he ripped the jacket off and tossed it to the floor as far away from him as possible, but the handprint was still visible. And slowly his feet dragged him over to it and he sunk down to his knees, picked it up with shaking hands and shoved his face into the fabric. And he stayed there until he had no more tears to cry, so he went to find a drink, but not before he carefully folded his jacket and placed it on his desk, handprint visible.