PHONING... Waves.

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ waves.

In the quiet glow of the morning, the rare private moments he has with you are Yeonjun’s favorite.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 2k ✧ fluff , choi yeonjun x reader

Love should make you appreciate the life you lived.

This was something that Yeonjun had always believed in.

All kinds of love were believable to him and any form that it came in was welcomed. From the love from his friends to the love from his fans, somewhere along the way Yeonjun had decided that love made the world go around.

Although, there was always that nagging feeling that it was temporary. The fear that things could crumble in an instant.

Yeonjun was rarely an anxious person, oftentimes he’d take things in stride and work his best to improve his faults, building off of them. Despite this dedication, everyone was prone to the stresses of overthinking on occasion— it was only human.

Thankfully with the busy life he led, the time that these thoughts had to take over was little to none. Much less overwhelming and more of an annoyance, days of relaxation would only stir up thoughts of disappointment.

‘Why not spend this time working toward something?’

He wasn’t sure he could ever find a definite defense against that question. Luckily for Yeonjun, nowadays he found those thoughts rarely came to visit and were instead replaced with thoughts of you.

Sparrows of light flew in like spears through the window. It was only the rain that shattered the otherwise deafening silence. The ever familiar grip around you tightened as you stirred awake slightly, taking a deep breath as you nuzzled further into him.

“Are you awake?” You knew that he had already known the answer, recognizing the change in your breathing. He always paid attention to things like that. Even still, you craned your neck up to face him and gave him a small smile before a yawn escaped you.

And he smiled, God, that smile before leaning in to place a kiss on your lips. Neither of you had brushed your teeth but in the very rare mornings that you had to yourself, intimacy came before hygiene.

It was in the very rare mornings like these, Yeonjun realized that he would fall in love with you all over again.

His favorite kind of mornings, perfectly intimate and so private.

The people didn’t need to know about your ordinary happiness, that was just for the two of you.

The moment of peace was quickly disturbed by the sound of his alarm ringing, signaling the start of his day. For a brief moment he considered ignoring it and abandoning his schedules (which realistically, he knew wasn’t possible) to spend more time with you but as if the world was also against him, the birds outside began to sing as well.

With an annoyed huff, he reluctantly pried his arms off of you but not without giving you a few kisses peppered all over face that you affectionally rolled your eyes at.

You buried your face back into your pillow, eyes fluttering closed for a moment as you took another deep breath in.

Yeonjun felt his heart swell in his chest as he watched you from the corner of his eye, a dry chuckle escaping him as he began to get ready for his day.

Realizing you’re unlikely to fall back asleep with the newfound empty space next to you, you tiredly scrolled through your phone comfortable in bed. Yeonjun leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom as he began brushing his teeth.

“When I hold you close to me I can always see a house by the ocean,”

His words were muffled by the foam of the toothpaste in his mouth and you couldn’t help but laugh as you watched him do his best to get the sentence out without letting any slip out.

It would have made you cringed if you didn’t have a look of obvious confusion on your face, which wasn’t missed by him and he just smiled, mouth full, as you motioned for him to continue.

“Yeah, good morning to you too.”

The words weren’t hard to put together— not when it was something he’d bring up often.

Your future. ‘Our future.’ As he’d say.

Even still, you waited for him to continue.

Yeonjun often wondered if there was a universe where day and night could co-exist, where your secret moments in crowded rooms didn’t have to be so fleeting and he could love you for how long he knew that he was destined to. If his mornings would always look like this.

“A beach house, maybe?”

After what felt like a never ending staring contest, he spit the toothpaste out of his mouth finally and washed off any remaining that had fallen out despite his best efforts.

During this visit back to the bathroom sink, his reflection stared back at him. With his hair messy and unkempt, face a bit puffy and bare, he still smiled.

“Last night with your breathing, I swore I could hear the waves.”

As he wiped his hands and face, he made his return to the doorway and looked directly into your eyes with that dorky smile he always sported. In that smile, you felt all of his sincerity.

Your hands made their way to your face to hide the smile that had clawed its’ way on there as you let out an embarrassed groan, retreating into the safety of the bed.

Still, he just laughed as he finished drying.

“You’re an idiot..”

Despite the harsh meaning of the words, there was no negative weight to them. If anything, the cadence you’d spoken with held nothing but love.

The same bell seemed to ring in your heart and you swore if you heard him chuckle one more time you were gonna grab him by his shoulders and shake some sense into him.

Making his way back to the bed and sitting next to you for a moment, the sinking of the bed made it feel welcoming again.

Even how you were, hiding from him under a mess of tangled bed sheets with your hair mangled just the same, all he could think about was how good you were to him.

Reaching out, his hands gently pulled your wrists away from the shield you put up to protect your face. You shot him a glare in response through your fingers.

That dorky smile was now replaced with one full of confidence and admiration.

“Only for you.~”

Despite your best efforts, you were never a mystery to him.

No matter how much you’d try to hide from him, from the moment he met you he had been determined to show you how he felt and will always feel.

For Yeonjun, you’d given him everything.

The kind of love you only find once in a lifetime, he’d always say.

Since he was surprisingly the more sentimental of the two of you, you found that you’d often keep your own thoughts to yourself.

Not that he didn’t enjoy hearing them, you just never believed you could articulate how you felt as well as he did.

He was happy all the same, ever the giver.

Maybe he preferred it that way, you couldn’t tell.

What you could tell was how earnest he had always been in these moments.

In any moments you’d share, creases and folds in your skin, marks running up and down like drops of rain from the sky were loved and valued all the same in the driest desert, maybe even more.

Any insecurities were quieted as he’d drag his fingers along, connecting marks on your skin like constellations and sealing them in the sky in his mind with a kiss.

In Yeonjun’s heart, you provided a feeling he was convinced that he would never explain in well enough words.

To you, this was ridiculous.

What felt like hundreds of confessions of undying love and devotion never seemed to be enough to him, each one bringing up a new comparison to try and encapsulate the feeling you gave but never feeling quite good enough.

Like a garden filled with flowers, he’d say that you provided that kind of love that bleeds a myriad of colors into the world for miles and miles, and in that moment you swear you’d never seen anything more beautiful.

Almost immediately after saying this, he’d shake his head, insisting that wasn’t a perfect explanation.

His critique of perfection never seemed justified to you considering that it was more than anyone else had ever given you.

Yeonjun, who loves you with his entire heart, makes sure that you know it.

Even if the explanations weren’t perfect to everyone, they’d always fit how you felt when you looked at him.

It felt perfect enough for you and that was all that mattered in the end— because they were for you. Everything was for you.

His habit of being a perfectionist seemed to span even into his love life, not that you minded.

It ended up being a part of him that you loved all the same.

Something that started out as a friendship, seemingly born like any other through mutual friends and interests ended up becoming an unwavering promise between the two of you to stay together.

You, a book that had no name had drawn him in with only the cover, just to pull him in deeper and deeper as he turned the pages.

Despite this, he swears to you that it wasn’t only your outside allure but also every life story that you’d shared in confidence and every passion you’ve displayed— the things that you had loved in turn made him fall madly in love with you, a million times over.

Maybe the reason he couldn’t explain how much he loved you was because he wasn’t sure how deep it ran. How much deeper it could go.

Maybe if he loved you less, he could talk about it more. Because of this, despite his innate desire for perfection, he found himself preferring the uneasiness of not knowing. The way you left him unusually speechless on any days spent together, he found a new love for those imperfect moments.

The burning of the sun on his skin was never as comparable to the flush of his cheeks those days.

When Yeonjun said he loved every part of you, there was never any hesitation. Never any doubt.

In his mind, he was pulled under the moment he saw you.

With time, your presence became a constant force, existences entangled together like the eternal change of the seasons or the silence in the nights you’d spent together.

Maybe it was in the silence of those nights that he found himself that home on the beach.

A love that recognises and tends every broken bit of each other.

If it was possible, Yeonjun would decide to reread every chapter of your lives together because he was confident that he could pin-point the exact moment he fell in love with you the first time— and every time after that.

Any hardwired yearning for unconditional acceptance was nulled with a single look because when you looked at him, he didn’t feel the need to try.

And such, an authentic connection that goes beyond superficial labels or appearances was born.

“You know, as much as I love your poetic musings, babe… I think you’re gonna be late.”

His eyes widened for a moment, head whipping towards the clock on the wall only to narrow his eyes at the realization.

“Oh— shit.”

With a newfound burst of energy, Yeonjun quickly pushed himself off of his space in the bed.

Pulling a shirt over his head and quickly fixing up his hair, he didn’t bother to turn and see the amusement on your face, knowing that he’d ignore all of his responsibilities for the day to just to sit and stare for a while.

Finally dragging yourself to sit up, you pulled the blankets up with you to keep them close as a replacement for his weight until he returned.

‘I swore I could hear the waves.’

It was often that you’d find his words ring in your mind, unsurprising considering exactly who they came from but the butterflies in your stomach this time seemed even more delicate than usual.

Delicate like the kiss he stopped to plant on your forehead, despite the rush of the outside world racing against him. In those words was the promise of your future.

Anytime he had shared a new reasoning for how much he loved you, which he swore he could make a never ending list, you found yourself growing closer and closer to understanding it yourself.

For you, Yeonjun provided an undeniable sense of comfort. It was a strange, almost alien feeling— seemingly too good to be true but placed gently in the palm of your hand.

To the both of you, this unfamiliar sense of security was simply the beauty of it all.

Reminiscent of a fuzzy feeling that you’d never quite be able to place— a feeling that reminded you of the scent of your childhood home and the desire to return home all at once.

The passage of time and the haziness of your memories.

All of these dazed feelings rolled into what you believed would be your first and last true love. Choi Yeonjun.

Choi Yeonjun, the most beautiful man you had ever laid your eyes on— the one whose voice you could single out in a crowd of thousands of people.

Choi Yeonjun, the most talented man you’d ever met and just about the most annoying sweet talker. The man with the kindest soul who provided the purest love.

Your perfectly imperfect love, Choi Yeonjun.

Regretfully taking the moment to pull away from your warmth, he flashed you that tired smile that seemed reserved only for you in these soft moments.

Staring into your eyes with only his reflection looking back, in them he swore he had seen that love reflecting back at him all the same.

You’d never have to say it, you’d never have to lift a finger when he’s around. He just knew you.

“I’ll miss you.”

Like all the times spent with Yeonjun that were full of laughter and mutual adoration, the muscles in your cheeks began to feel strained. You never minded.

“Promise?”

Creases appeared as the smile that was so uniquely you returned to your face only to confirm his suspicions. The love he chose to share with you was in the right hands. His favorite hands.

“Always.”

You were in love too, no matter how far apart you happened to be, you would both feel it anywhere you went. While he would hear it in the cheers of his fans, you would hear it in the silence of the night. But the both of you would feel it on the way home to each other.

Maybe that house he envisioned on the beach wasn’t that far off in the realm of possibility, maybe he was just dreaming.

Or perhaps the waves he heard that night had been the waves inside of his heart, crashing and pushing towards you the same way they were said to gravitate towards the moon.

Either way, with that sound he swore he could see an eternity with you.

As he rushed out, stumbling a bit over the mess created on the floor of his room, a laugh you couldn’t contain while watching him leave trickled through the cracks of the door he had closed behind him.

Your laugh, the only sound that could overpower the sounds of the ocean.

A sound he knew that he would always love.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ carnival.

Essentially becoming a shut-in due to your extreme fear of crowds, your friends are determined to take you out and show you how much fun things can be.

selected: [ soobin's song ] replay? ✧

જ⁀➴♡ wc 1k ✧ fluff , humor , comfort

As you inch closer to the front of the line, the rhythmic clinking of the cars ascending and descending fills your ears.

Standing before the entrance, the worker looked at you expectantly before glancing at the boys behind you. You turned to face them and they all gave you an encouraging smile, each one as sweet as the one before.

“So, who’s it gonna be?”

Looking at each of them, it felt almost impossible to pick just one. The feeling that everyone was waiting on you made you even more anxious, the idea of annoying the people around you getting your nerves up even more.

“Hey, Y/N it’s fine. Take your time.” Taehyun commented.

The small smile he gave you was enough to have you letting out a sigh of relief, though the beating in your chest was still as fast as ever.

“Um… Soobin!” You said a bit loudly, almost like a cheer.

“I win!” Soobin said causing Yeonjun to roll his eyes with an annoyed huff, watching as he made his way toward you.

The ride attendant quickly got the both of you situated and gave a thumbs up before moving onto the next passengers.

With a lurch, the Ferris wheel began its slow ascent.

As the ferris wheel raised, Soobin sat comfortably, seemingly without a care in the world and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

His calm demeanor was a contrast to everything around you, the excitement of the lights below taking up your attention.

Even though he was introverted, he did so well at huge events like these. You’d almost be jealous if you didn’t admire him so much for it.

Soobin’s eyes were focused on you, your eyes sparkling with the reflection of the colorful carnival.

“What can you see?” He asked.

“What do you mean?” You turned to him, only to find him staring at you with a look that almost seemed like he was lovestruck.

Rather than answering his own question, he looked down and began retracing your footsteps throughout the night over the landscape, as if he was following a map.

In truth, all he could see was remnants of you.

In the gentle sway of the carriage, he nudged you, pointing down toward the carousel the group had previously been on.

From high up, it looked so small yet you could still hear the gentle chimes if you focused hard enough.

And if you closed your eyes, you could still see all the small details on that horse.

“I’m really glad I came with you guys,” you started swept up in the moment.

The lights down below began blur with a magical glow over the shared space.

“I’m glad that you’re here, especially.”

Soobin’s eyes widened a bit behind his glasses as he fixed them with a smile. “Yeah?”

Maybe it was the enchantment of the lights down below or the stars above, but your mind had been yelling at you to come clean to him in the moment.

The scariest part of the moment wasn’t him but how unwaveringly certain you had been in choosing him.

“I like you.” You mumbled, words carried on the breeze between you.

In the moment of vulnerable honesty, he responded with a hum.

“Well, I love you.” His voice was nothing but kind and certain. Your eyes widened, quickly turning to face him in surprise at the sudden confidence.

Soobin laughed, his admission breaking the serene silence as you were carried higher, above the world below, over the rainbow lights.

“You had to one up me?” You asked, nervous if he was joking.

Soobin gave you an almost judgemental look, sensing your apprehension in believing him.

“I'm not asking for a grand declaration of love back. If you just like me a little, that’s fine.”

Embarrassed, you looked away. He smiled, putting his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in closer.

“I'm not asking for promises or tenure, I just want you to know that you’re the hand I reach for at my breaking point.”

In the way he wanted to become your home; you had become his island. A place of solitude he could wander to when seeking comfort.

“I reach for you too,” you started quietly. “I think you’re just better at words than me, but I do love you too..”

“I’m not good at words, at all actually.”

“Dude, you just recited like… some romantic poem or something as a confession!”

Soobin stared off into the distance, lips jutted out slightly in thought before he shrugged.

“Hm? I don’t think it sounded like anything too special, it was just the truth.”

Burying your face into his shoulder, you refused to look at anything else as you sighed.

This made him chuckle again as he began pointing things out to you to get you to look down.

The small sights of couples play fighting and your friends conversing down below somehow calmed your aching nerves.

In truth, it had been to calm the both of you down.

Even if he did a good job at not showing it in the moment, the internal freak out he had on ground in the wake of being picked by you had shook him quite a bit.

Not that he would admit it, the last thing he needed was you making fun of him.

Regardless, the words he had been waiting to tell you for however long had finally been spoken, a wave of contentment washed over him.

Soobin, who would always speak your name with gratitude, knowing it was the mantra of his soul.

Forever grateful to know you in any way you would allow him.

The man who would leave markers for you at every turn so if you had ever gotten lost, you would know where to return to.

Soobin who could find pieces of you in everything that caught his breath.

Somehow, you had never felt more loved than you did at this moment.

“Y/N, you’re special to me in ways that I can’t describe. You are love at its most inexplicable.”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ ghost town.

Thinking back on the nights spent with you, Yeonjun realizes that he didn’t quite appreciate what you had until it was gone.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 1k ✧ fluff , angst

Yeonjun’s life was messy: this was something he became well aware of in the early stages of pursuing his career.

Similarly to his life, his mind had become a mess as well as he did his best to rationalize any situations he had to face to navigate through life.

At first, the last thing he wanted to do was meet at some company holiday party he hadn’t been all that interested in going to but had been dragged along by management anyways for the sake of ‘keeping up appearances’.

Catching each other’s eyes rolling in distaste, a smile made its way onto your face.

And anyone in that room could have seen on his face he was completely enamored by you. Outfit prim and proper for the occasion, soon to be ruined by a careless boy with wine he had never sipped from.

That's why he kissed you: he thought you were cool enough to.

At least, that’s what you had convinced yourself. Someone so captivating as him had given you the time of day and in turn, you’d given him whatever he wanted.

From that night on Yeonjun was sure that you were the one he’d spend his life with, but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same way.

Anytime he tried to bring up the question of your status, you shied away from his touches and laughed at the idea of any ridiculous proposal he could have made.

With time you became tethered together, tied in knots around each other’s ankles like cinderblocks.

The lingering question of just what you were hung over the both of you.

Not nothing, but something.

A new feeling that would never get old, never changing as time attempted to fade the two of you out. Because despite all odds: it was always the two of you in the end.

It was one of those nights that he was not altogether sure really did happen. There was no photographs, no receipts, no scrawled journal entries. No traces of you but the lingering scent of your perfume left to haunt him.

Just the memory sitting in his mind, like a half-blown dandelion, waiting to be fractured, dismembered.

Waiting to be picked apart and overanalyzed from front to back until there was nothing left to decode.

Waiting to disintegrate into nothing with the wind.

As he closed his eyes, the pictures played like a blurry montage. Instinctively he found himself humming along to the song you sang.

The lines framing your smile as you dramatically serenaded him, hands waving around wildly while thrashing in your seat. Absorbed in the music, some trashy synth pop and falling into your own world while taking nothing seriously in the moment.

What was a joke to you at the time was very serious for him, completely ignorant to the fact that he was falling in love with you that moment.

And he could see you driving for hours, the wind coming through the windows as you tapped along to songs and called out the strange sights you had seen.

The moniker of strange mom and pop shops the two of you would never stop to explore together. Alarmingly out of place mascots lining outside of chains that their designs never quite sat right with you.

Pointing at a lopsided display of a wooden carved penguin— a strange mascot for a cafe in the middle of nowhere, far away from the arctic and going ‘oh, Huening Kai!’ In the most amused tone.

All this while he just laughed and agreed, refusing to admit that he hadn’t been focused on what you were saying when you were just too breathtaking.

Until the street signs grew less familiar— the darkness that had overtaken you both with entering the tunnel and the one moment of silence the two of you had shared when there was nothing more for you to describe to him.

Where were the two of you going those nights? He couldn’t remember, maybe the destination hadn’t mattered that much in the first place.

When he finally opened his mouth to say something, some smug comment that he was sure would have you falling head over heels— you were already out of the dark.

The flickering lamplights gave away to stars as you confessed something.

“I missed you, Yeonjun.”

Those words alone had his throat running dry and for once in his life, he had been rendered speechless.

So he laughed, looking over to you in the passenger seat for a second— he swears just a second as he reached over, entwining your hands over the transmission and raising it to his lips as his eyes fell back to the road.

In his opinion, his lips never looked as good as they did when they were worshipping you.

Your presence made him feel helpless and lost, he would have it no other way. Driving down an endless path with no near destination in sight.

He found himself somehow liking the bumbling mess you had created out of him, letting his mind become completely misty in your company.

Mist should usually signal for some sort of danger, an impending doom or a mark of the calm before a storm.

The trust he placed in you, he allowed himself to get lost in you anyway.

Perhaps the mist never fully dispersed and this was why the memories were so cloudy, new parts seeming to insert and remove themselves with time.

Leaning back in his chair with an entertained smile, he sat across from you in that quiet, little cafe you had discovered. Your hands pushing the plates aside, reaching across for his.

The conversations you had about everything and nothing. And walking out of the door, hands ghosting against each other once more as you hesitated to say goodbye.

Not wanting to say goodbye and instead kissing you.

Pulling away only to lean into your ear, “wanna go for a drive?”

He remembered that.

‘One of those nights’ seemed to become every night spent with you. Nights that his mind still couldn’t be sure of if they were real.

His mind wondering if he was ever there at all in a moment so pristine, with a person and love so perfect.

Because how could you be real and still look at him with such love? Maybe it had all been some cosmic joke, maybe in knowing him you had somehow fooled yourself into thinking he was someone else. Someone who deserved your love.

But when he found himself thinking back on those nights sprawled out on your couch, entangled together as some movie played long forgotten on the screen in front of you— your voice had always pulled him back from the mist.

And in his heart, it is as though he never left.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ carnival.

Essentially becoming a shut-in due to your extreme fear of crowds, your friends are determined to take you out and show you how much fun things can be.

selected: [ beomgyu's song. ] replay? ✧

જ⁀➴♡ wc 1k ✧ fluff , humor , comfort

As you inch closer to the front of the line, the rhythmic clinking of the cars ascending and descending fills your ears.

Standing before the entrance, the worker looked at you expectantly before glancing at the boys behind you. You turned to face them and they all gave you an encouraging smile, each one as sweet as the one before.

“So, who’s it gonna be?”

Looking at each of them, it felt almost impossible to pick just one. The feeling that everyone was waiting on you made you even more anxious, the idea of annoying the people around you getting your nerves up even more.

“Hey, Y/N it’s fine. Take your time.” Taehyun commented.

The small smile he gave you was enough to have you letting out a sigh of relief. Beomgyu swayed back and forth on his heels, clapping his hands together.

“One, two…” he began counting down dramatically, motioning for you to hurry up as people behind him waited.

Shooting him an irritated glare, you reached over the chainlink and grabbed his hand. The action quickly made him stop and a wide satisfied grin made its’ way onto his face.

“Hah!” Beomgyu shoved the stick of cotton candy he had been holding in Yeonjun’s hand as the boy took it with a confused look before shrugging, taking a bite from it.

Stepping forward, the two of you step onto the gondola as the attendant begins to follow the safety measures.

“Hey, Y—”

“Gyu, if you start tweaking on this ride when we get up there I’m flinging you off and then myself.”

Beomgyu’s wide smile fell and he blinked slowly, hands clasped together. “Oh!”

With a lurch, the Ferris wheel began its slow ascent, the ground falling away beneath and butterflies beginning in your stomach.

“I wasn’t going to, what I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted is that it’ll be fine. This is like, the second safest ride after the carousel and you did fine on that.”

The carnival buzzed with excitement below as the sounds blended with the lively atmosphere.

You let out a huff, turning toward him. “That’s a kid’s ride.”

“And so is this! Ta-da!”

“Right. Thanks, Beomgyu.”

The same mischievous grin never left his face and you found yourself more focused on him than the strange jumps in your heart.

Despite your nervousness, you couldn't help but laugh, grateful for Beomgyu’s lightheartedness.

It was obvious he was putting up his usual act to entertain you but you found yourself appreciating it as a nice distraction.

"Thanks for always making me laugh, at least.” you said, voice filled with gratitude as you swung your legs back and forth.

He noticed the motion and let out a sigh of relief, grateful that he had managed to calm you down enough that you were seeming more comfortable.

He flashed you a boyish grin, eyes sparkling. "Anything for you, Y/N~”

You cringed at the high pitched voice he put on as he puckered his lips towards you, shoving him away with a choked laugh.

The quick distraction seemed to lose your focus as the ferris wheel reached its peak and your nerves seemed to resurface.

Beomgyu was quick to notice and reached out, placing a hand under your chin and turning your face to him.

"Don't worry, Y/N. I'm right here with you," his voice was soft and comforting and you almost felt nauseous at how gentle he had been.

The whole time, even with getting swept up in the rush of the night, he always seemed to hold himself back for you when he knew you needed it.

“Yeah, right. You’re always here aren’t you?“

“Always for you, that’s why I’m your favorite.”

“Hm… are you?”

“Would I be here if I wasn’t?” His voice was teasing, although it sounded like a genuine question.

“I guess not.” It came out in a mumble, you not wanting to fully confess that he had been right.

“You’re always on my mind, that’s for sure.”

Hearing this, Beomgyu gave you a curious look before confidently grabbing your hand in his and holding it up in front of you. “All according to plan, then.”

This time it was your turn to give him a confused look, tilting your head to the side slightly. “What do you mean?”

He smiled, “I always want you to think about me. I want there to be some tiny particle of thought that always holds a piece of me, just like how you’re always on my mind.”

Every word was the truth— Beomgyu knew that the world wouldn’t end if you had slipped out of his life but he was sure it would stop turning entirely.

You had come to fit in his life like a recurring dream, unknowingly invading his every thought like he wished he could for you.

Even when only an arm's length away—it felt like you were somewhere else, in your own world entirely. He would reach out and touch you, only for his hand to come up empty.

You almost felt sick from how flushed you felt, eyes searching for any sign of a joke but only finding a look of pure sincerity. Any mischievous glint before had completely melted away.

“You think of me?” You asked, almost breathless.

“Obviously, I do. I love you.”

You felt a wave of warmth wash over you, all you could focus on was how breathtaking Beomgyu had looked.

In the moment there was no humor in his voice, just genuine affection. It would almost be alarming if you hadn’t known him as well as you did.

There wasn’t any need to question it, his love was always there just bubbling underneath the surface. Maybe he just expressed it in his own way.

“I do too.”

“Think of me, or love me?”

“Well both… obviously.” You said, mocking his tone from moments earlier.

Your heart was pounding in your chest at the admission as you noticed the way his gaze softened while he looked at you. A way you’d only seen in your daydreams.

As you rise higher and higher, the carnival below seemed to be drowned out even with how bustling it had been.

The sounds of laughter and music faded to the background and all you could focus on was the sound of the wind and the gentle creaking of the wheel as it turned.

Without hesitation, Beomgyu brought your hands held up between you to his mouth. You smiled, embarrassed as he placed a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

The cute moment didn’t last long before he gently bit down on your hand, causing you to jump and pull it away from him as he snickered.

“What is wrong with you?” The seat shook slightly due to you jumping and you found yourself quickly grabbing onto his arm, clinging onto him.

“Are you crazy?”

“Crazy over you~”

“…Yuck.” A quiet laugh left your lips, shortly followed by a deep breath as you calmed yourself for the final time.

Despite the fact that your seat had stopped shaking, your grip on his arm stayed the same.

The wheel began its descent as the two of you sat in a comfortable silence, the soft chiming music below slowly coming back into focus.

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“I hope that little by little, you find yourself thinking of me, until you wake up one morning and realize you can't think of anything else, because I’ll always be here.”

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ 7 hours ago.

After finding Kai on the outskirts of your kingdom, the two of you develop a bond stronger than any passage of time.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 4k ✧ fluff

On the outskirts of the tranquil kingdom lied a familiar sun-kissed, magical field. The air was crisp and cold as vibrant wildflowers sway in harmony with the gentle breeze. Kai’s eyes felt heavy as he tugged on the sack thrown over his shoulder.

Exhaustion took over his body as he let out a huff, eyes narrowing under the beating sun as he stared off into the distance at the kingdom drawing near.

Another one of his days was spent fulfilling quests of people around him, days beginning to blend together from his lack of sleep.

Even still, the rays of golden sunlight danced upon the emerald grass, casting a warm glow that illuminated the enchanting landscape. A smile tugged at his lips though as he thought of you.

Butterflies flit and fluttered among the blossoms of the land you were so proud of, adding an ethereal touch to the serene scene.

The kingdom of Hyrule was a haven where time seemed to stand still, inviting everyone who entered to bask in its radiant beauty and find solace in its' peaceful embrace.

Kai held himself back as he slid down the steep indent, rolling ankle meeting the bottom of the rugged mountain. The dense forest he had just came from still teeming with life and the songs of creatures unknown to him filtered through his ears.

Despite this, the sun beating down on him causing the sweat to pool on his pale skin didn’t phase him as he thought of you and the castle where he knew he would be able to rest his head.

You, the princess and future ruler of Hyrule but aside from that, Kai’s trusted friend.

It was known that you had been too busy with directing your kingdom’s construction efforts to be formally crowned as you were supposed to and so your taking of the title of ‘Queen’ had been stalled for quite some time.

Citizen’s speculations suggested you simply couldn’t handle the pressure and preferred to bury yourself into your research and studies, spending much more time shut away behind books. Not that they necessarily minded, you still tended to your royal duties as you needed and were regarded with much respect in the realm.

Beyond all the speculations and folklore created around you and the royal family you were tied to, no one knew you as well as Kai.

The two of you had met what felt like ages ago, the first day you could remember stumbling upon a boy who couldn't speak.

You were unsure if he couldn’t or wouldn’t, any questions inquiring about his family or friends met with a steady silence.

It was in that silence you seemed to pick up on his own confusion, the realization dawning that he wasn’t quite sure of much himself.

In taking him in, it didn’t take long for you to agree to help him discover who he was and possibly reunite him with his family.

Despite how well he seemed to fare on his own, you found yourself growing increasingly enamored with the boy and extended as much help to him as possible.

From Kai’s perspective it had been a particularly exhausting day when you, a young girl who had never heard a single melody in your entire life approached him.

Leaning down to see what the boy was hunched over, him shying the slightest bit away from you to protect himself.

“What’s that? Won’t you show me?” The air of familiarity in which you spoke with threw him off the slightest bit.

You were close to his age but you carried yourself with a confident air, despite being so far from civilization.

The air was alive with the melody of a birdsong and the rustle of leaves. The crackle of the fire in front of him pierced his ears and he whipped his head around to see if anyone else had come.

Strangely enough, it had just been you. With nothing to protect yourself but a book in hand, in that moment he made the quick judgement that you were the slightest bit ditzy.

The scent of wildflowers and pine trees filled his senses, it had been too long he had been traveling and he hadn’t the faintest idea where he had wounded up, having lost his map long before he could remember.

The walls of the kingdom could be seen from miles away, the ruins of ancient civilizations fallen past littering the path to its’ entrance like picture frames.

Despite the ruins, the kingdom itself remained untouched by the passage of time. Peering eyes remained focused on his hands, shaky as they covered something from your sight.

When you were met with no answer, you hummed and sat yourself down on the ground across from him. “You don’t talk?” You asked.

Kai thought for a moment before shaking his head. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, he was just the slightest hit apprehensive when it came to strangers. Not that anyone could blame him.

Sunlight filtered through the canopy above, casting dappled shadows on the earth’s floor and illuminating secret glades nearby.

The thing he had been protecting so dearly you eventually found out had been a music box, something delicate and treasured throughout his life.

A small, pink music box that was said to hold every song in the world. Curiously, you asked him to play a song for you.

Despite his fuzzy memories attached to the music box, his heart had told him to protect it and always keep it close.

Something so delicate in a world such as his must be protected.

Even so, he smiled hesitantly and played you his favorite song.

Kai watched while your face lit up with wonder as the music filled the sky and the poetry of the keys moved you in a way you had never felt before.

It wasn’t unnatural to hear the humming of strings throughout the kingdom as people played for their enjoyment but to hear a song tethered to the cranking of the winds’ gears somehow sounded much more beautiful and refined.

It hadn’t even dawned on the both of you that night began to fall, a shiver running down your spine at the thought of anything showing up unexpectedly.

“Why don’t you come back with me?” You offered.

“You can have a nice, full meal!” Clapping your hands together excitedly, you brushed yourself off as you waved back toward the kingdom.

Kai’s eyes wandered toward the fire in front of him and the sad excuse for a soup he had attempted to make, his pale cheeks flushing red.

Despite his wanting to decline out of embarrassment, the growling of his stomach quickly betrayed him.

The hesitance in his eyes was obvious and despite your age, you found yourself reading him as clear as your favorite book.

You kneeled down, reaching for his hand slowly. When he didn’t pull away you took it as a sign, gently grabbing it and holding it in your own with a smile.

“It’s not charity. You showed me something precious to you today, so I want to treat you. Think of it as a trade, okay?” For the first time in a while, Kai found himself smiling and he nodded.

“Okay…” His voice was quiet and you almost didn’t catch it. The sudden response had you ecstatic as you pulled him up, him stumbling to his feet.

Underneath that tree, the two of you formed a friendship that would last for years to come.

Kai would play his songs for you day after day and you would sit by him quietly, never seeming to mind that he would only speak to you through song.

As the two of you grew older, he seemed to talk more and more. Some days it was less often than others, not that you’d ever point it out. With his age, Kai had taken on many more quests and adventured out more often.

Spending more time away from the kingdom, you found he’d always return from these adventures completely exhausted. Of course, you let him know that there was always a warm bed waiting for him at the end of the day. Even still, you could tell that all of his hard work had taken a toll on him.

On days where he was particularly silent, you found him seeming much more drained physically and emotionally.

With this lack of speaking, seemingly stemming from the responsibility he had placed on himself at such a young age, you were quick to realize that Kai was the type to silently carry his own burdens.

The last time you had heard him break this silence was when you called him to one of your research stations, anxiously chewing on your nail as you stared down at the map in front of you.

After so many years you’d finally managed to track down members of Kai’s lineage— or at least, that was what you had hoped. Stowed away in Hyrule’s sister country of Labrynna you had heard whispers of a story that seemed to match exactly with what you had known of Kai.

Brothers and sisters searching for a young boy to match his exact description when you had met him. Of course, it dawned on you that it could be any other boy with a similar appearance so you decided to pay a visit yourself to be sure.

A boy and a music box.

The last thing you wanted was to get Kai’s hopes up for nothing, you were sure that would break the both of your hearts.

When you were younger you had grown fond of adventuring out beyond the kingdom, much to your fathers’ dismay. The issue lied in your own ability to defend yourself.

Knowing this, Kai agreed to help you in training to get stronger.

Traveling through sprawling deserts with tranquil lakes, you found yourself excitedly scribbling out poorly made drawings of its’ beautiful landscapes and jotting down notes of things you’d wanted to show Kai and discuss with him later on.

Deep inside Labrynna teemed with life inside its’ hidden village where the inhabitants carried on traditions passed down through generations. The village had a captivating beauty about it and you couldn’t help but find it fitting for someone like Kai to originate from there.

Once you had arrived, asking around had led you to a cozy cottage, its thatched roof adorned with ivy and moss, blending seamlessly with the surrounding verdant foliage. The village itself was a stark contrast to the deserts surrounding it.

Hesitantly, you swallowed the lump in your throat and knocked on the door. When the door opened you were faced with a girl, seemingly only a few years younger than Kai. It didn’t take much longer than a moment of studying her face to confirm the two were related and your heart began to swell.

You didn’t want to ruin the surprise so you had opted for an excuse for your appearance, some nonsense about Hyrule’s trading system reaching out to merchants of their partnering kingdoms.

All of the training you’d sat through came in handy as you rambled on and on about exchanging goods ranging from exotic spices and textiles to precious metals.

Kai’s sisters who you later learned to be named Lea and Bahiyyih seemed interested as the younger one happily engaged with you in conversations about her finest gems she’d accumulated over the years.

The cottage exuded an aura of warmth and tranquility, its walls adorned with quaint wooden shutters painted in hues of earthy greens and rich browns. The occasional pink foliage littered the area, you assumed by Bahiyyih’s touch.

Lea seemed much more hesitant yet she still offered you some tea, mentioning that she knew of some boys who may have been interested in trades as well.

The four boys, you later learned, had been friends of their missing brother.

The crackling fire filled the air with the scent of cedar wood as you were brought back to the night you had met Kai.

As you studied faded photos around the cabin, a photo of the boy you knew all too well had caught your attention, standing between the two girls with a toothy grin.

Something you found particularly captivating was the familiar, small music box held in the youngest girls’ hands.

Kai’s smile radiated that same warmth even through the faded photograph, your heart swelling at the sight of what he once had. You knew that he always yearned to return home, even if he couldn’t quite remember how he had gotten lost in the first place.

When you had returned to Hyrule that day, you were saddened to find that you had missed Kai’s return before he set off for another quest. You were sure he was off exploring the deepest cave somewhere quite a distance away.

The table of your research station had been littered with papers from your travels, those drawing and notes previously hidden away for Kai’s return.

The map of Kai’s home was now covered with detailed markings, warnings and notes scribbled across the top of it all leading to the circled area. Papers with notes tucked inside detailing a description of the newly familiar cabin and its occupants just in case he had somehow gotten lost.

There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that he would be able to find him though, seeing how people seemed to gravitate toward him. Kai always seemed to find himself exactly where he needed to be, you noticed.

A hand placed on your shoulder had you jumping, hands instinctively moving to cover the map as you whipped your head around. You found Kai, a confused look on his face that you read clear as day.

A sigh of relief escaped you as you smiled, growing embarrassed of how lost you had gotten in your thoughts.

“I know that it’s been years and you seemed okay with the prospect of giving up but…” your voice trailed off as you rolled the map up, gently placing it inside a protective sheath.

Kai tilted his head slightly and his hair fell in front of his face. You smiled a bit as that, wanting to reach up brush it out of his face. You’d noticed that it had grown much longer than he usually kept it when he was here.

“I found them, Kai. Your sisters.” For a moment he stilled, almost as if he had completely frozen up.

Concern filled your gaze and you stepped forward, holding the map close. “Kai? Are you alright?” Your words were smooth and soft, as if trying not to scare a frightened animal.

For the first time ever in the years you had known him, Kai laughed. The sound was loud and quite obnoxious, unlike anything you had ever heard from the boy and your eyes widened in surprise.

Despite the unfamiliarity, you found his laugh to be much better music than anything he had played for you before.

“Sisters,” he let out a deep breath and he looked down at your hands wound tightly around the map. He reached out, placing his over your own.

Kai wasn’t one to initiate physical contact yourself, the unfamiliar warmth causing the blood to rush to your cheeks. “Will you come with me?”

A part of you wanted to cry at the overwhelming care in his tone, how gently he asked you to follow him to his home.

Regrettably, you knew you had to deny this request.

“Unfortunately, I’m needed here.” He frowned for a moment before shaking his head, that wide smile crawling onto his face again.

“Sisters,” he repeated. A laugh escaped you this time as he said it. “Yes, Kai. Sisters. You have some friends there as well, I’m sure everyone in the village will be ecstatic to see you.”

As he took the map, he placed its’ sheath down at his side gently. Curiously, you spared him a glance before you turned to grab something else.

The delicate pink music box was held in your hands, finally going to be returned to its’ rightful owner. Before you could turn around to give it to him, you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist.

The feeling of his warmth against you had your heart skip a beat as he buried his face into your neck. It was almost like he was starved of touch with how tightly he held onto you, as if he believed you would slip away any moment.

“Thank you, Y/N.” And there it was, the way your name had slipped off of his tongue so perfectly as if it was exactly where it belonged.

The lack of mentioning your title reminding you that you were simply yourself to him and nothing more.

It was these incredibly rare moments you cherished so dearly.

Every sensation felt almost heightened with him so close and you attempted to clear your throat, head spinning. No amount of conversational training could have prepared you for the absolute fool you became when it came to him.

That encounter had been months long passed by now and eventually became a distant memory. No matter how much time passed though, it would always be etched into your mind as the moment you found what love had felt like.

Even after all the time had passed you never grew tired of waiting, confident that he would return when he was ready. In fact, rather than growing bitter, your excitement only grew as you found yourself wondering what stories he would share with you.

Despite the occasional whispers in the kingdom due to his drawn out absence, you hadn’t found yourself concerned with it much. A part of you always missed him but he had promised to return and because of this, you trusted him.

Kai had agreed to return at a set time and place; seven months from the day he had left, beneath the seventh tree in the kingdom’s olive orchard.

Excitedly you rushed about, wondering if you had looked presentable enough. It was a foolish thing to wonder about, especially as Kai had seen you through all of your different phases and accepted you wholeheartedly.

Even still, you found yourself childishly hoping for everything to be perfect.

When you arrived promptly, you waited. As time passed you began to check your time keeper, wondering if your mind had been playing tricks on you.

Checking it every so often but even still, there was no sign of him. You began to question your memory for the first time in your life, wondering if all of your notes and countdowns had somehow been mistaken.

Was it the seventh tree or the tenth?

As foolish as you knew that you were being, you still wondered and decided to check, just in case.

As you made your way over to the tenth tree, Kai finally arrived at the seventh, tiredly leaning against it.

Confusion grew on his face as he studied his surroundings where you were noticeably absent.

The kingdom’s mystical monuments in the distance seemed to peek over the walls ahead, remnants of a bygone era. The trees above the both of you stood strong against the passage of time.

Kai waited before deciding he must have had the wrong tree and perhaps it was another where you were supposed to meet. He mentally scolded himself as he was sure Lea would have done for making you wait.

Meanwhile, you had arrived at the fifty-sixth tree, where Kai was still nowhere to be seen. Your strong facade seemed to fade with time as you found yourself wearing your disappointment on full display.

The both of you began to drift aimlessly around the olive orchard, almost meeting but never quite. Hundreds of questions passed through the both of your minds, had it even been the right day? Perhaps he had come a day early or a day late.

Finally, you found yourself beneath the same tree— the seventh where you began, feeling lost and resigned.

A part of you felt like crying as you stared down at the ground, heel digging into the soft dirt.

It was barely a minute that you stood there before there was a tap on your shoulder.

It was him.

“You came!” Even after all of the time you had spent conditioning yourself to be sure of his return, having him directly in front of you after what felt like forever had lifted a weight off of your shoulders.

With your arms suddenly thrown around his shoulders, he stumbled back at the impact as a bubbly laugh came from your throat. You weren’t expecting a verbal response but surprisingly, it came

“Was there any doubt?” He asked, a new teasing tone in his voice as his hand came up to cradle the back of your head.

Your eyes closed for a moment as you took in his presence, not wanting to let go. The playful tone in his voice was new and you found yourself flustered at the newfound confidence he seemed to have.

Even after such a short time, he continued to grow. A part of you felt sad that you had missed it.

Reluctantly pulling away, you brought yourself to look him in the eye and study his face. It was exactly how you remembered it yet somehow it still felt different.

"Where were you?" You asked, "I feel like I’ve been searching all my life."

Kai’s smile softened as he grabbed your hands from his shoulders, bringing them down to your sides to hesitantly interlock your fingers.

"You stopped looking for me," he replied, "and I found you."

He said it as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world and you shook your head, just grateful for his return.

Despite all of the lost time he had to make up for, Kai never regretted stumbling upon Hyrule— upon you.

With time he realized that it was not just the natural beauty of the kingdom that captivated him but you and the sense of wonder that came with knowing you.

Looming on the horizon like a beacon of hope, stood Hyrule Castle. In the distance behind you it almost shadowed behind you like a crown, the fortress of stone and marble that serves as the heart of the kingdom and the place Kai had once called home.

His eyes looked past you for the moment as he studied it, its towering spires reaching for the sky, silhouettes against the backdrop of the suddenly setting sun.

“Do you remember the song that I played you the night we met?” Kai asked as he brought his eyes back to yours, catching you staring.

Sheepishly, you shook your head no.

“I don’t,” you confessed.

“But I remember every song I have heard since you left.”

When he asked you why, you took both his hands in yours and kissed them warmly. This time, it was the tips of his ears that blushed a bright red as you looked up at him through your eyelashes.

“I couldn’t wait for the day I could share them with you.” He hummed in response, nothing else needing to be said.

The two of you sat, ignoring the setting sun as you began to spill everything of the past month with the other. For the moment neither of you had any responsibilities— you weren’t a princess and he wasn’t a knight: you were simply those kids you had always been.

The familiar silence you were once used to with Kai was quickly replaced with the familiarity of his laugh, your favorite sound.

The way Kai would speak your name with gratitude as if it was the mantra of his soul. No matter how often you’d laugh and deny it, he knew it to be undeniably true.

Underneath the vast expanse of the dimming sky, Kai pulled out something from his pocket— an ocarina, cradling it gently in his hands.

Curiously you glanced at it. Kai’s love for music was something that you were well aware of but he always seemed much more reserved when it came to playing himself in front of other people.

“Since you don’t remember it,” he started.

“I’ll play it for you again.” His gaze fell with a sense of quiet reverence as he raised the ocarina to his lips, its smooth surface cool against his skin.

With practiced fingers he exhales as the familiar, almost haunting melody drifted into the air weaving its way through the night.

Each note resonated with a tenderness long forgotten, carrying with it the depth of his emotions. Your breath seemed caught in your throat as you were enraptured by the song.

And as the night fell, you knew that he had to go.

Regrettably, you allowed yourself to ask him for once thing.

“Do you think you can stay? Just tonight?”

The softness in your voice allowed him to peer into your soul, the beat of your heart reflecting in every word.

“Anything for you.”

In the stillness of the castle’s corridors late at night, the entrance to your bedroom stood as a silent sanctuary from the outside world.

The tall, ornately carved doors loomed like sentinels, polished wood gleaming softly in the dim candlelight that flickered from sconces lining the stone walls.

The two of you seemed small compared to the walls around you but even still, Kai stood tall and proud. He seemed the same but still so different.

A soft creak echoed through the corridor, breaking the silence of the night as you stood holding it open. The familiar scent of lavender and jasmine lingered in the air, mingling with the faint aroma of beeswax from the candles that cast dancing shadows across the room.

The scent that Kai had once regarded as his own home. “I’ll see you off in the morning then?” Your voice held a hint of sadness and Kai nodded wordlessly, lips pressed together in a thin line.

Despite his lack of expression you could tell that something was weighing heavy on his mind as well. Gently grabbing his hand in yours once again, you pulled him closer to you for a moment. “I really have missed you, I’m glad that you’ve found your home. Both of these things are true.”

It was easy for you to tell that underneath it all, Kai had that lingering regret of leaving you to return home. Some sort of guilt buried inside that he couldn’t seem to sort out and detangle in his own.

You gently raised your hand to cup his cheek and he melted into you, just as he had all those months ago.

“You’ll always be special to me, Kai.” Your voice was careful as you wondered how you could confess how you felt after all these years without outright saying it. Tip-toeing around the truth that you both knew.

“I hope that you can allow the simple miracle of your own presence to overwhelm you.” Kai’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as your thumb brushed against his cheek, feeling the warmth radiating off of it. “You’re beautiful in ways that can't be described.”

A smile came on his face as the tension disappeared from his expression, eyes fluttering open to look at you with pure adoration.

“Goodnight, Kai.” You hummed, gently placing a kiss on his cheek.

When the morning came, you saw him off at the gates as you had agreed to let him go. Although you wished you had more time, you refused to feel sad as you thought of the moments you’d spent together.

Kai knew that the pair of you were eternal, even after all this time. Every quest would lead him back to you, as you were born to walk this world in intersecting lines. Every adventure would bring him back to your side, whether he had to travel for 7 hours or 7 months.

Deep inside, you thanked him for his gift of music and poetry he had brought into your life simply by finding you.

A whirlwind of emotions swept you off of your feet the day you met him, your feelings spilling out in waves just as the ocean had. How lucky you considered yourself to fall in love so young.

Similarly to this, Kai found himself eternally grateful for you finding him and showing him love because he had known nothing better since meeting you.

In all of his adventures, Kai had stumbled upon the ruins of numerous civilizations. He had read their musings about the Gods they worshipped and promises of heaven, endlessly conflicting descriptions of divinity.

Nothing seemed to be as true as what he had thought himself when he was with you. Kai knew that he was born with his heart already broken, his memories taken from him in fragments. But the world began in pieces and somehow made itself whole in the exact way you had shown him.

The day he met you, your smile seemed to be a blazing trail of light that show down from the heavens as your each word seemed to direct him to where the stars truly belonged.

The smile that had shown him the way had also blessed him with realization that he loved you, like some sort of secret only he was allowed in on. The secret knowledge that he was as hopelessly devoted to you as those civilizations had been to their make believe Gods.

Nothing in the world could stop the maddening rush that those three words he longed to say to you caused.

And so he’d practice saying them over and over until you met again to perfect them for you. For his love, with those words, he found himself becoming with divinity and in turn, one with you.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ

PHONING... 𓂃 ࣪˖ birthday.

Over the years, you’ve become jaded of your dream to find a love that would provide a home for your heart. One chance encounter is enough to change those days forever.

જ⁀➴♡ wc 2k ✧ fluff , huening kai x reader

As a child, you would drift in and out of libraries filled with dead poets and their musky scent. Pages upon pages filled with musings of love long lost, only immortalized on those pages that began to yellow and fade with time.

Most people found themself drawn to poems about love, searching for the words to describe what they all longed for— true romance.

Unlike them, you often found yourself fixating on the books that held the passage of time. Maybe there was something that the authors knew, something that would make it all make sense.

You held them in your hands and breathed them in wanting so much to be part of their world. To understand and learn from them— to find something to fight for.

The books told you one day your poetry would be whispered on the lips of your lover, that time would slow and all that would remain was your love.

It was within these pages that you found yourself believing that was the only thing time could never take away.

With this came the yearning and soon your birthday wishes were replaced with something of a much heavier weight.

Overtime, you grew to dislike your birthday. It wasn’t always like that, though.

One year you would love it, others you would hate it.

One thing that always remained was the feeling of loneliness, even while surrounded by people smiling and clapping.

Somehow your birthday felt excruciatingly long but never long enough.

The existential dread that would come with facing the fact you were getting older and empty self-made promises.

The ritual of blowing the candles, the cutting of the cake— the mess of cream and sponge in your mouth.

Always your favorite, never changing flavors overtime because who was it for, if not you?

The taste was sweet and familiar, like a newly formed wish, fashioned from all the ones you've made before.

Cake began to be the only thing you looked forward to as you got older, until eventually you stopped eating it altogether.

You don't remember the wishes you made in sequence or the things you ask for.

You only recall the ones you wanted the most, like the f/c scarf you saw in a shop’s display window when you were thirteen.

The admiration for how perfect the mannequin seemed to wear it, partnered with a perfectly coordinated outfit.

How deeply you yearned to wear it as flawlessly as it had, maybe then someone would see you and fall in love just how you did in that moment.

How deeply you felt its’ absence when you sat and stared at the litter of torn wrapping paper, empty new possessions littered around as you waited for the next one— only for it to never come.

And even though it was trivial to everyone else, your heart ached at its’ failing.

You found yourself wondering what the cause of such heartache was.

The books said that the greatest heartache came from loving another soul, beyond any doubt or reason.

It was with realizing this, you called yourself lucky to have never been in love with anyone as much as you’d been in love with that scarf.

As long as your love was directed towards the minuscule things, you would be safe.

Yet deep down, a part of you still yearned for someone to look at you and convince you to take that risk. So you would try over and over again, despite the promise of heartache, to find what you wanted.

To have someone to spend your birthday with.

After all, what was more poetic than one’s birthday?

A day spent celebrating your life and your future, reflecting on the past and wishing for your future.

Or facing the inevitable end, remembering your final destination.

And even though it wasn’t death you feared itself, the idea of facing it alone seemed devastating.

Your wishes always changed.

Like the year you turned fifteen and your best friend's mother got really sick.

Despite all the stories your friend had shared with you about their relationship, when you found her breaking down at the news: you felt that heartache again.

All you wanted was for her to be okay again.

It was that year you learned that shooting stars were either a blessing or a curse, depending on what you wanted to believe.

In your case, for that year, it seemed to be a curse.

On your seventeenth birthday, you found yourself falling in love for the first time. Or at least, you thought so in the moment.

Walking out of your front door anxiously fidgeting with the bottom of your shirt as you made your way to his car, only for him to meet you halfway.

Standing on the sidewalk where he brought you red roses and a promising smile.

“Happy birthday.” He said.

When he broke your heart, you cried for days.

Many birthdays came and went.

One by one, you loved them and just as easily, they were lost to you.

Somewhere amidst the carnations and mistletoe you slowly learned more about love than the books ever told.

Love was messy and almost unattainable. Love was seemingly temporary, but inevitably painful.

Little by little, your heart that was once a bouquet of hope and ecstasy blossomed into one of tenderness and betrayal.

You wondered if you would ever be able to shed that loneliness that came every year, always the same day.

Then you met him.

Your meeting was clumsy and unusual, just like him as he flashed you a friendly smile and uttered a quick apology.

You stood in the doorway with the box of a now crooked birthday cake, dumbfounded.

It wasn’t until he waved his hand in front of your face and asked if you were okay that you had snapped out of it.

“I’m… okay.” Your voice was hesitant, unsure of how to proceed.

Everything in your heart yelled at you to keep the conversation going— to say anything to keep him here, in this moment.

“I’m not so sure about my cake, though.”

Looking down to realize the cake that was once decorated with intricate roses and beautiful cursive lettering was now lopsided and smudged, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“We should fix that then.” And he smiled, signaling for you to follow him back into the bakery the two of you had collided in front of.

The two of you had waited in the line to the register to explain the situation and see if there was any hope for you to get a quick replacement.

A face straight out of a magazine, it was a miracle you hadn’t recognized him. Longing glances and the sound of whispers nearby should have tipped you off but to you, everything besides his voicr was simply white noise.

Holding your breath next to the handsome stranger, you found yourself hoping that the line would never move.

“Huening Kai, by the way.”

“Huh?”

“I said Huening Kai, that’s my name.” His voice was patient and even bubbly.

“Oh.” Was all you could say.

“I really hope your friends’ birthday doesn’t get ruined— I should have been watching where I was going, haha…” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and you found yourself falling further into his boyish charms.

You felt much younger than you were, that feeling of your heart fluttering you only felt once when that boy had given you roses.

How special he must have been to give you that simply by smiling.

“It’s… my birthday, actually.” It took you a moment to admit and he must have noticed with how he nodded.

“Well, I hope I didn’t ruin your birthday then.”

“It’s really no problem, I’m not doing much anyways so… there really isn’t any need for you to get me a replacement.”

Pulling back on the idea, he seemed to pick up on the slight embarrassment you had.

“It was a beautiful cake, but it’s fine. Really.”

“A beautiful cake for a beautiful girl, right?”

The blood rushed to your cheeks and you swore you could have stumbled over from how lightheaded you became. And he simply laughed, quickly apologizing for his teasing.

“Haha I’m sorry, I just don’t know your name.”

In that line you stood, dressed in a messy accumulation of whatever clothes you could find in a rush out of your apartment and your hair tussled about.

You certainly didn’t feel beautiful but you found yourself believing his words, despite it all. Maybe you were the tiniest bit hopeful.

“Huh? Oh, it’s Y/N…”

“Right. Happy birthday, Y/N!”

You weren’t sure if he knew it then but in that moment, all of those wasted birthdays seemed worth it because you had endured them to get to that moment.

The moment he came into your life, the best birthday gift you could ever ask for.

Without even knowing who he was prior, Huening Kai was the first man you fell in love with, completely and beyond reason, beyond any shadow of doubt you knew. You finally understood was the books spoke of.

He brought you dandelions each date.

You asked him why, if he thought they were pretty.

“They’re as pretty as you~” He’d joke.

The real reason, you later found out, was so you would never want for wishes.

Even on birthdays, he began to bring you that weed.

Somehow, you found the weed more romantic than any flowers you’d been given before simply for the meaning behind it.

A secret meaning just for the two of you.

It wasn’t a long time before the two of you had given yourselves to each other completely, jumping in head first.

It was your first birthday with him.

You never explained to him your distaste for your birthday but it didn’t stop him from encouraging the two of you to celebrate together.

Until then, it had always been the same every year. As soon as the first match was struck, the smell of burning takes you backward through your memory.

It stopped you right at that moment on that warm night, after your first heartbreak where you watched the first trickle of melting wax hit the icing and you found yourself crying for the love you thought you had lost.

Now there you were, the wax melting ever so slowly again, pouring down to deface the beautiful cake he had ordered for you. Combing through your memory, you tried to find something to wish for.

Something new or something old, it didn’t matter.

But you couldn't think of a single thing you had wanted— because he was standing there, in the lickering light, asking you to make a wish.

Messy blonde hair in his face as he leaned into his hoodie with that smile, the one you fell in love with had you holding your breath in the candlelight.

You looked deep into his eyes and saw the very best of yourself reflected back, all with love.

And you knew: he loved you, beyond reason, beyond doubt, and with no hope of salvation.

You knew your being happy was an anomaly and no one knew you better than he.

But for once, your resolve was firm and without avoiding his gaze, without crossing your fingers behind your back; or the other things you did when speaking untruthfully—you told him you were happy.

On your birthday, warm in the candlelight where your heart felt as if it were floating away.

The rain doesn’t discriminate between day or night and either will hold its own light and dark, you had learned over the years.

Through years of crying in bedroom closets, office cubicles and club bathrooms: the rain never discriminates.

You smiled nervously, feeling almost guilty for not having a wish. Despite this, you blew out the candles.

But as you went to confess your strange lack of want for anything materialistic or otherwise, he cut you off in that same playful voice.

“I love you, Y/N.”

And it was then you knew in your heart, you would always look back on that time-not without a sense of melancholy— that it was the happiest in your life.

Birthday or not, it didn’t matter anymore as long as you were with him.

After that, he never pressured you to celebrate again.

Some years the two of you had your cake and others, when your anxiety of mortality crept up on you, the two of you would treat it the same as any other day.

Of course it was the same as any other day but not without the extra caresses and gentle ‘I love you’s.

Kai hadn’t completely changed you or somehow healed that broken part of you by gifting you dandelions and pinky promises but that didn’t matter.

And now this was the year you were sure you would spend the rest of your lives together. The two of you had fallen completely in love, for the first and last time with each other.

This year where there weren't any candles— just the two of you walking late at night through the city streets with your heart in each other’s hands.

How thankful you were that you had given yourself to the first stranger who called you beautiful on your birthday.

જ⁀➴♡ phone in ᝰ.ᐟ