This Is A Reoccurring Scenario & He Doesnt Get The Hint

This is a reoccurring scenario & he doesn’t get the hint 🗿

An Ineffable Plan, Part 4

What if God had a corporate form? What if God had been more easily accessible during the Almost Apocalypse? What if Aziraphale and Crowley had a direct line to The Almighty?

Well, buckle up kiddos, we’re about to find out.

Just a fun bit of fanfiction for my own amusement. Don’t know how many parts there’ll be. Can be found under the tag #an ineffable plan

Word Count: 1,136

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5

“I do not sully the temple of my celestial body with… gross matter.”

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God liked the garden. She liked the calm and the quiet and the absence of all Her many, many creatures. They were Her responsibility, and She loved them all very much, but sometimes it was nice to just be. It was something that humans, demons and angels alike were all very bad at – just being.

She, however, was very talented at it. In this moment She was hovering, in between the atoms (or perhaps, more accurately, as the atoms), underneath the Tree of Life (a beautiful pomegranate tree), relishing in the simple joy of existence. Nothing could touch Her here. Nothing at all –

“Your Gloriousness?”

Except that. Had She not been an infinitely patient deity She might have told the owner of the voice to bugger off and leave Her in peace for once, but She was patient, and so She didn’t. And, after all, She was very fond of him. Instead, She quickly became corporate.

“Oh, there You are.”

“Where else would I be?” She mused, turning around to watch him approach (even though She had no need; She could always see everyone at all times).

That appeared to stump him. He paused in his tracks to ponder it, taking off his cashmere scarf and threading it through his fingers in thought. “Well. I don’t know. Sometimes, You just… disappear.”

She smiled at him affectionately. “If you always knew where I was, I wouldn’t be ineffable, would I?”

“I, uh… I suppose not.”

It was clear he didn’t like this conversation – he never did like to think about things too much. Her sweet Archangel liked to be told what to do and when to do it. He liked to know exactly where things were headed and how to feel about it. To not know something – it troubled him, to say the least. She could see it, the discontent bubbling behind his eyes. They were grey, like hers, but muddier, with flecks of brown. She couldn’t tease him much more without upsetting him.

Gently, She held out Her hand to appease him. “Come here, Gabriel.”

It always amused Her to do this. Despite being Her most loyal Archangel, the second creature She had ever made, who had stuck with Her throughout the War and who had been Her companion for millennia at this point, he was still ever so shy. Tentatively he took Her hand, allowing Her to guide him underneath the tree.

“Sit with me.”

He didn’t seem too keen, but he shot Her one of his pained, fake smiles and went about laying his tailored overcoat on the grass so he could sit next to Her. She wondered what made his trousers more valuable to him than the overcoat, but decided not to trouble him with the question.

“It’s so hot in here,” he murmured, taking off his tie and undoing the first few buttons of his shirt. He put the tie down next to his scarf. “You need aircon. Heaven has aircon.”

“Maybe I like it warm,” She said, leaning back lazily against the tree trunk. “Maybe I don’t need aircon – maybe you should wear more appropriate clothes when you come to visit.”

“Absolutely not,” Gabriel shot back immediately, giving Her own white robes a condescending look. “I am so glad that bed sheets went out of fashion, they look flattering on no one.”

Ah, Gabriel. My dear, emotionally stunted Gabriel.

“If you’re so unhappy here, why did you come?”

He seemed affronted that She would even ask. “Because I wanted to see You.”

“But why?”

He paused – he didn’t have an answer for that. “Well,” he said eventually, “I thought I should let You know that I talked to Aziraphale.”

Now this – this interested Her. “Oh? About what?”

“The Apocalypse, of course.”

“And what did he say?”

“You know what he said.” Gabriel frowned. “You’re omniscient.”

He was getting frustrated again. “I know, but I like to hear about it from your perspective.”

She took his hand in hers, tracing patterns on the back of it with the pad of her thumb. This appeared to do the trick.

“He didn’t say much. What would he say? He’s not supposed to have an opinion, he’s just supposed to do what he’s told.”

He reached up and undid another button. If he was actually human he would have sweated through his shirt by this point. Thankfully, angels don’t have sweat glands – another perk of being ethereal. There was something irritating him, The Almighty could tell, but with Gabriel it was always best to let him tell you of his own accord. It didn’t generally take too long.

“He was eating human food.”

There it was.

“And?” The Almighty watched his face closely. His nose was scrunched up in annoyance. “What sort of food?”

His frown deepened. “I don’t remember – sooshin or something like that.”

She suppressed a smile. “Sushi, most likely.”

“I just don’t understand why he would do it. It’s not like he needs to do it.”

“Usually, darling, one eats food because one likes how it tastes.”

This did not appease him. “But it’s human. It’s disgusting.”

The Almighty raised an eyebrow. “Did you just call a part of my most wonderful creation disgusting?”

“No – I mean – I –”

“I’ll have you know that sushi tastes very nice. I am particularly fond of sushi.”

For want of a better word, Gabriel’s expression could best be described as disgruntled. “But You don’t eat, how would You know?”

“I’ve tasted many a dish in my time. I have to keep busy, you know.”

“Are You not busy enough running the Great Plan?”

“Yes. But when you’re omnipresent, you can do lots of things at once, if you so desire.”

He took his hand back from Her in order to press both hands against his temples in an attempt to stifle the oncoming tension headache – that was enough challenging of his worldview for one day.

“You should keep an eye on Aziraphale,” She said, being serious at last. “Let me know what he’s up to.”

“Of course,” Gabriel responded tersely. “I know what I’m doing.”

“I know you do, my dear.” Her voice was kind, designed to lull him. “That’s why you’re my Archangel. Now rest.”

Angels didn’t need to rest per se, but Gabriel did tend to get more stressed than the others. Grudgingly he allowed Her to manoeuvre him so that his head was resting in Her lap.

“I can’t wait until the War,” he muttered, allowing Her to run Her hands through his dark hair. “Then finally we can get on with things.”

The Almighty said nothing in response, simply looked out into Her garden, which Raphael had so carefully and lovingly constructed. Whatever will be will be.

The Battle after Armageddon - part 3

I know you were testing them, God. But is this part of your plan as well, i wonder…

Part 6

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 6 (final) Whatever happens, for good or for evil, we are beside you. This has been great fun, making a sh

Part 5

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 5 I thought I'd never be able to see you again, my dear Part 4 here

Part 4

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 4 Have we lost all hopes, is there no chance that the world could be saved?

Part 2 https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com/post/186860176827/the-battle-after-armageddon-part-2-aziraphale

Part 1 https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com/post/186841791347/the-battle-after-armageddon-i-pray-this-is-not

Fic where Aziraphale takes Crowley’s glasses off his face without asking and Crowley realizes Aziraphale is a demon in desguise because his angel would never violate his privacy like that

The Battle after Armageddon - part 2

Aziraphale, the Principality, angel of the Eastern gate, is on the front line

part 1 is here https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com/post/186841791347/the-battle-after-armageddon-i-pray-this-is-not

Part 3 https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com/post/186890580192/the-battle-after-armageddon-part-3-i-know-you

Part 4

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 4 Have we lost all hopes, is there no chance that the world could be saved?

Part 5

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 5 I thought I'd never be able to see you again, my dear Part 4 here

Part 6

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 6 (final) Whatever happens, for good or for evil, we are beside you. This has been great fun, making a sh

Angsty ficlet #💎🌱🌷

Situation: crowley and aziraphale have been drinking, aziraphale yet agains mentions crowley's nature and his " incapacity to love ".

"Why do you look so offended, my dear?" Asked aziraphale breaking the silent.

"Offended, offended? Yeah I guess you can called it that." Snaped crowley

The confused look on aziraphale's face, was the final push down the slide.

"I mean it's not like you have been treating me like I am always here to personally attack you or it's not like you have been putting every fucking problem of this earth on my back just because I happen to be there, and yeah I know I know that what demons do but I was expecting you to understand after a bit... or when you keeped telling every soul that we meet that we aren't friends" crowley's voice began to crack, but he didn't care anymore.

His glasses were giving him enough protection to hide the pain in his eyes and the litteral pain caused by the liquid that had started to gatter up in his eyes.

" but the worst the worst is that even after everything, the 6000 years, the armageddon and the trial.. you still think I don't-"

his eyes really burned and he had to closed them, make the red liquid run out of his eyes onto his cheecks.

" that I don't care, that I don't cherish you, that I don't love you " he shouted, the blood had reached his jaw and dripped on the floor.

Aziraphale look mortified, he couldn't know if it was because of the blood or his words.

" I never meant to fall, I never meant to be a demon " crowley rubbed off the blood off his face and stand straight.

he started to walk to the door, as he was about to pass it, he stopped and hoped

But nothing happened, the demon disappeared in a sob.

Aziraphale had forgotten to breath.

Tear were running down his face, he couldn't think. This was to much. He remembered every interaction he had with crowley.

The demon had always been there for him .The angel couldn't believe his eyes, crowley had taking out his heart so many times and every time aziraphale had stepped on it like it was nothing. He had pushed him away so many times, that had been the final one....

Should I continue this?

Okay I did, here is part 2