An Ineffable Plan, Part 4

An Ineffable Plan, Part 4

What if God had a corporate form? What if God had been more easily accessible during the Almost Apocalypse? What if Aziraphale and Crowley had a direct line to The Almighty?

Well, buckle up kiddos, we’re about to find out.

Just a fun bit of fanfiction for my own amusement. Don’t know how many parts there’ll be. Can be found under the tag #an ineffable plan

Word Count: 1,136

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5

“I do not sully the temple of my celestial body with… gross matter.”

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God liked the garden. She liked the calm and the quiet and the absence of all Her many, many creatures. They were Her responsibility, and She loved them all very much, but sometimes it was nice to just be. It was something that humans, demons and angels alike were all very bad at – just being.

She, however, was very talented at it. In this moment She was hovering, in between the atoms (or perhaps, more accurately, as the atoms), underneath the Tree of Life (a beautiful pomegranate tree), relishing in the simple joy of existence. Nothing could touch Her here. Nothing at all –

“Your Gloriousness?”

Except that. Had She not been an infinitely patient deity She might have told the owner of the voice to bugger off and leave Her in peace for once, but She was patient, and so She didn’t. And, after all, She was very fond of him. Instead, She quickly became corporate.

“Oh, there You are.”

“Where else would I be?” She mused, turning around to watch him approach (even though She had no need; She could always see everyone at all times).

That appeared to stump him. He paused in his tracks to ponder it, taking off his cashmere scarf and threading it through his fingers in thought. “Well. I don’t know. Sometimes, You just… disappear.”

She smiled at him affectionately. “If you always knew where I was, I wouldn’t be ineffable, would I?”

“I, uh… I suppose not.”

It was clear he didn’t like this conversation – he never did like to think about things too much. Her sweet Archangel liked to be told what to do and when to do it. He liked to know exactly where things were headed and how to feel about it. To not know something – it troubled him, to say the least. She could see it, the discontent bubbling behind his eyes. They were grey, like hers, but muddier, with flecks of brown. She couldn’t tease him much more without upsetting him.

Gently, She held out Her hand to appease him. “Come here, Gabriel.”

It always amused Her to do this. Despite being Her most loyal Archangel, the second creature She had ever made, who had stuck with Her throughout the War and who had been Her companion for millennia at this point, he was still ever so shy. Tentatively he took Her hand, allowing Her to guide him underneath the tree.

“Sit with me.”

He didn’t seem too keen, but he shot Her one of his pained, fake smiles and went about laying his tailored overcoat on the grass so he could sit next to Her. She wondered what made his trousers more valuable to him than the overcoat, but decided not to trouble him with the question.

“It’s so hot in here,” he murmured, taking off his tie and undoing the first few buttons of his shirt. He put the tie down next to his scarf. “You need aircon. Heaven has aircon.”

“Maybe I like it warm,” She said, leaning back lazily against the tree trunk. “Maybe I don’t need aircon – maybe you should wear more appropriate clothes when you come to visit.”

“Absolutely not,” Gabriel shot back immediately, giving Her own white robes a condescending look. “I am so glad that bed sheets went out of fashion, they look flattering on no one.”

Ah, Gabriel. My dear, emotionally stunted Gabriel.

“If you’re so unhappy here, why did you come?”

He seemed affronted that She would even ask. “Because I wanted to see You.”

“But why?”

He paused – he didn’t have an answer for that. “Well,” he said eventually, “I thought I should let You know that I talked to Aziraphale.”

Now this – this interested Her. “Oh? About what?”

“The Apocalypse, of course.”

“And what did he say?”

“You know what he said.” Gabriel frowned. “You’re omniscient.”

He was getting frustrated again. “I know, but I like to hear about it from your perspective.”

She took his hand in hers, tracing patterns on the back of it with the pad of her thumb. This appeared to do the trick.

“He didn’t say much. What would he say? He’s not supposed to have an opinion, he’s just supposed to do what he’s told.”

He reached up and undid another button. If he was actually human he would have sweated through his shirt by this point. Thankfully, angels don’t have sweat glands – another perk of being ethereal. There was something irritating him, The Almighty could tell, but with Gabriel it was always best to let him tell you of his own accord. It didn’t generally take too long.

“He was eating human food.”

There it was.

“And?” The Almighty watched his face closely. His nose was scrunched up in annoyance. “What sort of food?”

His frown deepened. “I don’t remember – sooshin or something like that.”

She suppressed a smile. “Sushi, most likely.”

“I just don’t understand why he would do it. It’s not like he needs to do it.”

“Usually, darling, one eats food because one likes how it tastes.”

This did not appease him. “But it’s human. It’s disgusting.”

The Almighty raised an eyebrow. “Did you just call a part of my most wonderful creation disgusting?”

“No – I mean – I –”

“I’ll have you know that sushi tastes very nice. I am particularly fond of sushi.”

For want of a better word, Gabriel’s expression could best be described as disgruntled. “But You don’t eat, how would You know?”

“I’ve tasted many a dish in my time. I have to keep busy, you know.”

“Are You not busy enough running the Great Plan?”

“Yes. But when you’re omnipresent, you can do lots of things at once, if you so desire.”

He took his hand back from Her in order to press both hands against his temples in an attempt to stifle the oncoming tension headache – that was enough challenging of his worldview for one day.

“You should keep an eye on Aziraphale,” She said, being serious at last. “Let me know what he’s up to.”

“Of course,” Gabriel responded tersely. “I know what I’m doing.”

“I know you do, my dear.” Her voice was kind, designed to lull him. “That’s why you’re my Archangel. Now rest.”

Angels didn’t need to rest per se, but Gabriel did tend to get more stressed than the others. Grudgingly he allowed Her to manoeuvre him so that his head was resting in Her lap.

“I can’t wait until the War,” he muttered, allowing Her to run Her hands through his dark hair. “Then finally we can get on with things.”

The Almighty said nothing in response, simply looked out into Her garden, which Raphael had so carefully and lovingly constructed. Whatever will be will be.

Another post about @/peazecatch‘s AU (on Instagram) I drew while I was on vacation :)

Angsty ficlet #💎🌱🌷

Situation: crowley and aziraphale have been drinking, aziraphale yet agains mentions crowley's nature and his " incapacity to love ".

"Why do you look so offended, my dear?" Asked aziraphale breaking the silent.

"Offended, offended? Yeah I guess you can called it that." Snaped crowley

The confused look on aziraphale's face, was the final push down the slide.

"I mean it's not like you have been treating me like I am always here to personally attack you or it's not like you have been putting every fucking problem of this earth on my back just because I happen to be there, and yeah I know I know that what demons do but I was expecting you to understand after a bit... or when you keeped telling every soul that we meet that we aren't friends" crowley's voice began to crack, but he didn't care anymore.

His glasses were giving him enough protection to hide the pain in his eyes and the litteral pain caused by the liquid that had started to gatter up in his eyes.

" but the worst the worst is that even after everything, the 6000 years, the armageddon and the trial.. you still think I don't-"

his eyes really burned and he had to closed them, make the red liquid run out of his eyes onto his cheecks.

" that I don't care, that I don't cherish you, that I don't love you " he shouted, the blood had reached his jaw and dripped on the floor.

Aziraphale look mortified, he couldn't know if it was because of the blood or his words.

" I never meant to fall, I never meant to be a demon " crowley rubbed off the blood off his face and stand straight.

he started to walk to the door, as he was about to pass it, he stopped and hoped

But nothing happened, the demon disappeared in a sob.

Aziraphale had forgotten to breath.

Tear were running down his face, he couldn't think. This was to much. He remembered every interaction he had with crowley.

The demon had always been there for him .The angel couldn't believe his eyes, crowley had taking out his heart so many times and every time aziraphale had stepped on it like it was nothing. He had pushed him away so many times, that had been the final one....

Should I continue this?

Okay I did, here is part 2

A kind of continuation of this little comic. 

I love this sweethearts <3 And the slowest slow burn. And my heart melted seeing the responses to the bus comic. Thank you guys very much. <3

An Ineffable Plan, Part 5

What if God had a corporate form? What if God had been more easily accessible during the Almost Apocalypse? What if Aziraphale and Crowley had a direct line to The Almighty?

Well, buckle up kiddos, we’re about to find out.

Just a fun bit of fanfiction for my own amusement. Don’t know how many parts there’ll be. Can be found under the tag #an ineffable plan

Word Count: 1,050

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

“It may help to understand human affairs to know that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Where am I?”

The angel looked blearily around them at the – well, at the nothing, as far as they could tell. There was just dark, dark all around. It was scary, and depressing, and oppressive, and they were lonely, very lonely, in this void, this nothingness, this –

“Do not be afraid.”

And then, out of nowhere, there was light. The angel blinked, all the thousands of their eyes at once, as they adjusted to their new surroundings. There was still nothing, absolutely nothing, but at least now it was a little brighter. They looked around for the source of the light – which seemed to be the same as the source of the voice – but it appeared to be almost inside them, emanating from them in a soft glow.

“Who are you? Where are you?”

For a moment, the angel thought that the voice had gone, but then –

“I am.”

The angel blinked their many eyes once again. They made an odd shuttering sound as they opened and closed. “But – but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Nothing means anything, child. Because there is nothing yet. Nothing but you and I and your friends.”

“Friends?” That was too much for the angel to comprehend in this particular moment, so they filed it away for later. “But then… where is the light coming from?”

They couldn’t tell for sure, but they thought that the space grew warmer when they spoke. They felt something – an emotion – swelling around them in some kind of aura. They didn’t have the word yet, but they were feeling amusement. The voice was amused.

“My child, it’s you. You are the light.”

The angel immediately turned all their eyes inwards to see that, indeed, they were the source of the light. They appeared to be a ball of fire, hovering in the air by the grace of two white wings. It was an odd sight. Indescribable, one might say – especially for an angel that had no reference point.

“Where did I come from?”

“I made you. I created you, out of the nothing.”

“But… how?”

“With great effort.”

The angel hovered anxiously. Their eyes whirred in all directions, trying to spot these friends that the I AM spoke of, but they couldn’t see anyone. The I AM seemed to sense the angel’s concern.

“You are still frightened. Why?”

“Because you said there were others, but I can’t see them.”

“I asked them to wait to introduce themselves until you were more at ease.”

“How many of them are there?”

“Seven: Lucifer, Gabriel, Michael, Uriel, Saraqael, Raguel, and Remiel. And now, you.”

The angel flapped their wings nervously. “They have names?”

“Indeed.”

A small pause. “Do I have a name?”

That same, warm aura encompassed the angel again. “I was thinking ‘Raphael’. Do you like it?”

The angel gave it some thought. “I suppose.” After another moment, “Yes. I think I do.”

“Well then, Raphael. Any other questions?”

“Do you have a name?”

“I am The Almighty. I am the Lord.” Raphael thought that the voice was finished, but then, “You can call me Your Gloriousness.”

Raphael was literally humming in curiosity now that their initial nerves had worn off. “But what makes you glorious?”

“The fact that this is all my Glorious Creation.”

The angel considered this. “But… but surely, then, you should be calling us Glorious? Because we’re part of the Glorious Creation?”

There was a longer silence now. Raphael was not aware, but The Almighty had been slightly stumped by the question. Eventually, She spoke again.

“You would think, but there we are.”

This answer didn’t particularly satisfy Raphael, so they tried again. “Why do you need us?”

“To help me create. And, if all goes well, to help carry out my Ineffable Plan.”

“But how can we help you carry out the plan if it’s ineffable? Surely that defeats the purpose?”

“I will guide you.”

“But how?”

“I just will.”

“That sounds like you don’t know.”

“I do know, I know everything, I’m omniscient.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound very sure. Maybe you should be sure before –”

“ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED?”

The Almighty’s voice thundered across the abyss and Raphael finally fell quiet. An odd, burning aura surrounded them – The Almighty was ashamed.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice. But my goodness, I haven’t had anyone ask me that many questions in such a short time in my infinite existence, including Lucifer. You are a being of faith, child! exercise it!”

“Faith. Right.” Raphael tried their best to be faithful. “If I have faith in you, can I ask one more question?”

If The Almighty had had eyes to roll at that moment, She would have rolled them.

“Very well. But after that, no more!”

There were a few moments of hush. Raphael wondered if She was simply tricking them and that She had actually abandoned them there, but then, in the distance, they saw a face illuminated in the dark. The figure was too far away to be lit up by the angel, so Raphael assumed that The Almighty was also a source of light Herself, though it was softer and less brash. She glowed.

“Satisfied?”

Raphael watched as She walked closer to them. She was so different. She had legs for a start. And only two eyes.

“Can I have one?” they asked, forgetting their promise. “A body like that?”

“What did I say about more questions?” She replied dryly, but after a moment She seemed to decide to humour them. She held up her hand and clicked.

Suddenly Raphael felt very different. He felt…

Well, corporate.

“What do you think?” She asked as he ran his hand over his long limbs and flat chest. He didn’t look quite identical to Her, he noticed. She was softer – She appeared to have more squishy bits and Her hair was a different colour to his – but they were the same. He smiled for the first time (now he had a mouth).

“It’s brilliant!” he said softly. And to his surprise, and great joy, She smiled back.

The Battle after Armageddon - part 3

I know you were testing them, God. But is this part of your plan as well, i wonder…

Part 6

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 6 (final) Whatever happens, for good or for evil, we are beside you. This has been great fun, making a sh

Part 5

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 5 I thought I'd never be able to see you again, my dear Part 4 here

Part 4

Nekocat

Nekocat

The battle after Armageddon - part 4 Have we lost all hopes, is there no chance that the world could be saved?

Part 2 https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com/post/186860176827/the-battle-after-armageddon-part-2-aziraphale

Part 1 https://pinkpiggy93.tumblr.com/post/186841791347/the-battle-after-armageddon-i-pray-this-is-not