I Have Dealt With A Lot Of Grief, Already, Throughout My Not Very Long Life And Yet I Remain Surprised

i have dealt with a lot of grief, already, throughout my not very long life and yet i remain surprised by all of the different shades of it i still find myself experiencing for the first time.

processing the final members leaving today feels like a large, deep bruise i was ignoring but can no longer pretend isn't there, so purple it's almost black.

i wasn't expecting this level of emptiness? how it already feels like a long, dark corridor in a once full house that should give back an answer when you shout and yet only your own voice echoes between the doors.

maybe that sounds melodramatic, i know i don't know these people irl but i know other army get it when i say the amount of comfort bts provide as this steady, background hum in the trudge of daily life cannot be understated. just knowing they're out there, existing, together, maybe making more amazing music, pursuing their own forms of existential happiness is really grounding. it's inspiring. those are my long distance besties, i don't give a parasocial fuck.

so in contrast, knowing they have been fully removed from that individual pursuit, forced into a mandatory conscription to appease a government who they don't personally seem to agree with and who also would happily expend them for it's own gain feels like thorns. like knives. like an unwanted reminder of our helplessness in the knowledge that even the best and brightest of us are not exempt from the bullshit powers that be's whims while they look at all of us like pawns on a chessboard. low value and consumable.

for me right now, it's honestly just boiling down not to the fact that they're gone necessarily, if they were on a vacation of their own choosing, i would happily wait however long, but that they've been forced to leave. you can for sure keep any tirade of "it's an honor to serve, they always planned to do so, blah blah blah" to yourself too because their intrisinc loyalty and integrity does not make the system as a whole less fucked up.

bc mandatory military enlistment is fucked up. the military industrial complex is FUCKED UP. if you are sad today but also not a little bit angry at the system that has gotten us here, and i'm talking look past the blue house, the color you're searching for is white, i hope you can find a little bit of space at some point for some healthy indignation.

tweet. (not me, i just like and agree with it)

it feels better than grief and sure as hell mobilizes better, but per usual, i digress.

the grief is still insistent.

i cried when jimin took off his beanie in that live this morning. he had already said he didn't want to show us and yet the comments were full of people demanding he do so. ultimately the decision was his and i respect what he chose. i also hope he found some comfort in the flood of comments calling him cute and beautiful but it still broke my heart knowing what hair to someone like him (self expressed gender fluid, likely queer), how much of your identity can be wrapped up in it, probably meant. how it probably feels representative of this larger thing he is not eager to do as a whole.

hell, the idea of namjoon having to pick up a gun and point it at a person shaped target, edges not eroded but sharp and distinct, breaks my fucking heart.

i could go on for each of them individually tbh but i don't want to add to anything you may have not already considered, we don't all have to be victims to my imagination here.

i just need the world to not blow up between now and 2025. i'm begging. or even after that, really. what if we lived a few years in precedented times? is that even possible at this stage?

is this our monkey's paw? you get to live at the same time as bts but you're also gonna experience the (deserved, burn it down) collapse of the colonial empire? good luck!

i don't even know how to end this, i just needed to get some of it out. my biggest comfort in all of this right now is knowing there are people taking this just as well as i am at least. and by well i mean not very well at all, obviously lol. misery does love company, it's true. but i think because much like seokjin's views on embarrassment, it's easier to bear when shared.

and yet, please just step over my sad, fetal position body till i can get it together. i'm gonna need a moment, or ten. go on, i'll catch up.

AKAGES need to GO!!

There are akagaes who have targeted Jimin and Jungkook because of information being passed around that shouldn’t have been posted. Now both of them are being targeted for hate crime in the military. K-akagaes are actually tagging the ministry of defense. Please use the links to report to BigHit and for the love of God don’t engage just report, block and get rid of them. Who started it doesn’t matter. Both of them can be harmed and solos don’t care. They are pissed because their fave didn’t do what they wanted and now they want them harmed. Please report to BigHit, report in Twitter and block so we can get rid of these accounts. This is serious and it’s dangerous. No tweet, piece of ‘inside information ‘ or ‘yea’ is worth them get the harmed just to one up a TK, gloat or prove a point. If you really care about them then for the love of God stop plastering information they haven’t shared with us all over the place. The damage is done and now it’s being weaponized, so now let’s hope they don’t pay for it. Please go report the f you care at all.

https://x.com/villainje0n/status/1727363798162686221?s=46

if you're unfamiliar, anton is a korean to english translator who actually did the english translation for bts' book beyond the story. from what i understand, he has been on pretty good terms with army since and has not fallen into any of the traps a lot of other people who find themselves in the army spotlight usually do? but feel free to correct me if i'm wrong. though, even if i am, i don't think it detracts from his statements above.

i felt the need to highlight this opinion over here because i maintain the (unpopular, i guess?) position of if you're not being radicalized by this experience even just a little bit, then you need to widen your overall focus.

i do not want to be the bearer of only doom and gloom and please cope as you see fit within reason, but i have seen enough romantic takes on this whole situation that i kind of wish i could shake a few people.

the risk level here for the boys isn't zero. what happened to seokjin already proved that. all of them being strong both physically and mentally doesn't negate people's valid concern for their well being. it is not a lack of confidence in them or some form of "coddling grown men" to express distress over a situation that can go sideways at a moment's notice.

if you don't believe me, by all means, don't take my word for it and go find your own sources, that is something i will always encourage. but here's a freebie for you to start with.

some extra insight on this topic if you're just now seeing this post or are still interested! it's worth the watch.

if you're unfamiliar, anton is a korean to english translator who actually did the english translation for bts' book beyond the story. from what i understand, he has been on pretty good terms with army since and has not fallen into any of the traps a lot of other people who find themselves in the army spotlight usually do? but feel free to correct me if i'm wrong. though, even if i am, i don't think it detracts from his statements above.

i felt the need to highlight this opinion over here because i maintain the (unpopular, i guess?) position of if you're not being radicalized by this experience even just a little bit, then you need to widen your overall focus.

i do not want to be the bearer of only doom and gloom and please cope as you see fit within reason, but i have seen enough romantic takes on this whole situation that i kind of wish i could shake a few people.

the risk level here for the boys isn't zero. what happened to seokjin already proved that. all of them being strong both physically and mentally doesn't negate people's valid concern for their well being. it is not a lack of confidence in them or some form of "coddling grown men" to express distress over a situation that can go sideways at a moment's notice.

if you don't believe me, by all means, don't take my word for it and go find your own sources, that is something i will always encourage. but here's a freebie for you to start with.

Do you realise that this is it for them?

Jimin and Jungkook will enist when they return to Korea.

This little getaway will be the last chance they have to spend quality time together. These are the last few days they have to be young and in love and free to be together.

Dont ruin it for them.

I am BEGGING armys to leave them alone so they can be together. Don't follow them. Don't photograph them.

Please, let them be.

Who knows when they will see one another again?

The military criminalises same sex relationships, even outside the barracks and on leave passes.

Imagine that for yourself.

Imagine the person you love most in the world being taken away from you for 18 months, and even when you get to see them you can't be with them.

They've lived together for 13 years and loved each other for almost as long

They've been inseparable from the start.

Other enlisted men can go home to their lovers when they are on a pass but for same sex couples that's so risky.

The cruelty of it is palpable.

Stigmatisation and homophobia are scaled up to criminalise their love, when men in same sex relationships are in the military.

My heart breaks for them and for every man in a same sex relationship doing their MS in Korea.

With recent revelations that Jimin accompanied Jungkook to Qatar, we know for sure that even when we think they're apart they are not.

They've been there for each other through all the challenges and turmoil, from struggling to make ends meet, to dealing with the pressures of fame.

And soon they will be on their own.

So, how do you come to terms with spending 18 months far away from your person, knowing that if you're lucky and your leave passes line up, you can be sentenced to jail time for being with them.

No wonder Jimin won't let go of Jungkook for a single second.

So please, if you are trailing after them to take pictures or spy on them or even if you just want to catch a glimpse, please think twice.

I just tried to follow you after that post about Jimin and misogyny but then I realized I already follow you. So kudos for having consistently good takes, I guess 😅

anon, you flatter me, truly.

i'm a little late seeing this, but i needed it most of all today, so it all worked out. 💖