Figmentary Feelings - Adam Stanheight / Reader

Figmentary Feelings - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N Another one of Melanie Martinez’s songs, called Haunted, inspired this. Omg, I think I need help with this addiction.

Spirals spun in the walls, the air smelled smokey, the atmosphere was crisp, and the scenery was foggy. You sat in Adam’s apartment dazedly, not fully awake, and tried to solve the crossword puzzle that was displayed on your phone. You had found three words.

It had been a month since you had gotten proper sleep. Tiredness tugged at your eyes, but you kept them open. You didn’t want to sleep, but you were lucky; you couldn’t sleep - not anymore.

Adam Faulkner Stanheight was supposed to come home four weeks ago. The newspapers had announced him dead two weeks ago, but you didn’t want to believe it. Adam’s belongings were still situated in their proper places, it was as if he was still here. There couldn’t have been a way that he wasn’t ALIVE anymore. You refused to believe it.

But alas, four weeks was a long time. Adam still hadn’t come home, something that occurs when a person dies, the evidence couldn’t have been more clear.

You ignored the bright lights flashing in your eyes, or the ringing in your ears, and focused on finding the next word. It was ‘lightbulb,’ and you discovered this after about twenty failed attempts.

You put the phone in your pocket. You had a visitor coming over today. You didn’t know who it was, the landlady only said you had someone coming over. You wondered why the said ‘visitor’ hadn’t given you a heads up on their supposed arrival.

You got to your feet numbly. Immediately you spotted the black couch in the living room, and your heart sank low. You could remember when you would watch horror movies with Adam on Friday nights. You could remember when you would come home and find Adam smoking a cigarette after a shitty day ATTEMPTING to take good pictures of his clients but his camera’s lens had been dusty or misty, making it difficult. This was a common case.

There were also the moments when you would find yourselves laughing and joking with one another on the couch. Sometimes it would lead to tickling, other times it would lead to making-out. The mood decided it.

You turned harshly, hearing Adam’s voice in your ears. You flinched, but you could hear his words so clearly, so… real. You groaned in agony. “I love you.” But your words were met with silence.

You turned around and made for the kitchen, but this was also a bad idea. Adam’s presence was here, too. You could sense him standing by the oven, leaning on it with his back, and gazing at you while you tied an apron around your waist and walked over. There were many times when you would bake together. Adam had never liked cooking or baking but he seemed to have fun when he was with you.

Usually you made pies or cakes, but sometimes you would make dinner together. Those were the best nights. It was always inspired by the thought that you would play a game together. You had plenty of cards and boards in the gaming cabinet, it was more thrilling to cook dinner together first though. It helped to ripen the mood.

Right now you swore you could almost smell a baking pumpkin pie, but you knew that couldn’t be true. The oven was off, and you hadn’t gone to the store in at least two weeks.

You left the kitchen then, hurriedly, and headed for the bedroom. It was dark, and though most of your time spent here was sleeping, you still got a lot of memories. Memories you would have preferred to have left untouched. This was not because they were bad memories. In fact every memory you had with Adam was beautiful, even the bad ones, but that only spelled out the problem. You didn’t want to remember them because they were good, way too fucking good. And you couldn’t stand that.

The first thing that came to your mind was the time when you got locked out of the bedroom. The lights were off, and all you had was the sunlight shining in from the living room window. It was bright enough, but now that you thought of it, why hadn’t you turned on the lights? In the end, you ended up having to take the door off its hinges because you couldn’t find the key. But because neither of you could reach the last hinge on the top, you had to stand on Adam’s shoulders and use the screwdriver to undo it. You had felt really unsteady in that moment. The noise the door made when it fell to the floor was so loud, it was memorable. You shuttered.

You stumbled forward a little as a barrage of more images went through your mind. They were different from the last one. All of them were of Adam sitting patiently for you on the bed. Either he was sitting or laying but in some way or another there was something quite risque about his positioning. You grit your teeth hard, trying not to feel…

Well that was just it. You didn’t want to feel. You were trying not to. The statement was fine as it was, but… what you had been thinking was more like: ‘I don’t want to feel sad anymore.’

Both sentences were true.

Those weren’t the only things you recalled. You could still see Adam by the dresser as he picked out a dress for you to wear. And you could see him reaching for his camera on the bedside table.

He was staying up all night with you when you couldn’t sleep.

He was holding you tightly as you cried into his shoulder in the dark.

He was stroking your hair after a long, late, night.

He was pushing you to the mattress very dominantly - it wouldn’t have lasted very long though.

He was kissing you.

He was caressing you.

He was making you feel something, you know the kind.

And he was touching you, feeling you.

Your eyes stretched wide at the recollections. You backed away tensely, not even glancing at the master bathroom, and slammed the door closed. You were cursed to feel Adam’s hands and mouth on your body. Desperately, but failingly, you tried to ignore it.

You ran out the door, but it felt wrong. It was like Adam was still inside calling you to come back. And you clasped your hands together tightly. What the hell were you still doing here? You should have left long ago, like your therapist had told you.

You began to make moving plans. Hopefully you would be out of here by next week.

I’m sorry, Adam. I’m leaving you here. But just know that I will always love you. I would never stop. I just… need to get away from here, you thought miserably. It was about time you moved out anyway.

You got into the car and started driving. All you needed was some fresh air, and a long drive with the windows down. This was your escape.

When Adam had been with you he had always insisted on driving. But you hadn’t seen his car since he went missing. You only had yours now.

You connected your phone to the blue-tooth speaker. Your car speakers had died a long time ago, so you had bought a blue-tooth speaker. It worked well enough but it wasn’t like the car speakers, unfortunately.

You shuffled the playlist, and let it play. You didn’t have the energy to care about listening to your favorite songs first; whatever song played, played.

This was one of those times. The first song that played was a song you had forgotten about. It was Melanie Martinez’s song, “Haunted,” and you listened to it intently. Your heartbeat started hammering anxiously once you heard the lyrics again. It made you feel cold on the inside, and a little bit daunted by the real world. You wanted to crawl into your bed and feel nothing ever again.

This song was depressing! You realized it morbidly as the lyrics started.

“I could pull the sheets over my head and never get out of this bed. But what would that do?”

You rounded a corner quickly, but not too sharply.

“I avoid all mirrors ‘cause I’m scared to look into my eyes when I only see you.”

You inhaled painfully.

“It’s like you're always creeping on the walls and in my feelings. All those stories about ghosts are really true.”

You slammed on the brakes suddenly as the light changed red. You didn’t know where you were going.

“I put one foot in front of the other, in front of the other.”

You gazed around. There were people walking with their families on the sidewalks, there were cars with people laughing in them, there were stores with happy customers, there were children waiting at the bus stop together. But your life seemed so excruciatingly low right now, you didn’t even know how to comprehend it.

“Slowly, I turn every corner, turn every corner. Even when you’re nowhere in the room, I’m haunted by you.”

You tried not to relate, but the deeper meaning was too pressuring.

“I light all my candles, light all my candles. The darkness is too hard to handle, too hard to handle.”

You were losing your mind, listening to this. What the fuck, this song hit way too close to home, you needed out of here.

“Sleeping is just something I can’t do. I’m haunted by you.”

You were crying by the time the light turned green.

“I can hear your talking in the distance, your persistence is so cruel. And all your words pull at my feet and I fall back in love with you.”

Your hands trembling, you crashed them against the dashboard, thrashing and searching for the volume. You found it and twisted it violently to the right. The music got louder, and you screamed in shock. You could feel Adam’s arms around you still as you tried to breathe. Honking erupted from behind you, and other drivers started going around. You fumbled with the volume again, after your shock had worn away, and turned it off completely. That was enough for today. Now it was time to go home, and try to get some sleep.

You made a U-Turn at the intersection, and drove home in the silence. Your heart was the only sound you could hear, or even concentrate on. It was so loud you thought everyone could hear it.

Once safely inside the apartment, you grabbed a blanket, and a hot cider, and laid down on the couch. You had made it about a quarter of the way through your cider when you rested your head on the pillow. It was soft and squishy, and perfect. The spirals in your vision disappeared finally, and the atmosphere warmed up. Your mind was getting the sleep it needed at last.

Hopefully in the morning you’d be able to round the corner to the bathroom without getting lost in memory lane. That was something you had yet to accomplish, but right now you had achieved sleeping. Your therapist would be thrilled.

Stained - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N I had inspiration from Staind's songs, Something to Remind You and Right Here. So, the songs might not be about what I wrote, but this is what I had thought every time I heard them. I hope you enjoy it. (lol, I know naming the story after the artist is cliche and pathetic but I didn't know what else.)

You had a fever of one hundred and six degrees. You could barely feel or see anything. All of it was just a blur, the noise was muffled in the background, and the lights over head gave you something to concentrate on. You were exhausted, and hot. No, blistering was a better word. You felt like you were literally on fire, but you doubted that was the case. If you were on fire, you would be in a lot more pain than you were in now, and not to mention you'd probably be dead.

People moved around you, voices spoke above you, and things flashed in front of your eyes. You couldn't keep track of it all, so you eventually rolled your head to the side and closed your eyes. Your whole body was hot, you were getting hot flashes and chills, you were sweating profusely. You had wet cloths on your skin. Pretty much every part of your body that wasn't covered by the hospital gown, was covered in a wet cloth. The cloths were slightly cold to the touch and you tried to shrink away from them, but someone held it there for you.

Shivering, you tried to sit up only to be shoved back down. Uneasily and a little bit scared, you stared dizzily at the ceiling as yellow, fluorescent, lights flashed past you. Horror filled you as you tried to breath. You thrashed and kicked trying to free yourself, but you only exhausted yourself out greatly. In a matter of seconds heat flashed over you and you passed out.

Adam paced back and forth anxiously. He was desperate to see his significant other wake up, but so far it wasn't like that would be happening any time soon. There was a doctor in the room, watching over Y/N to make sure everything went as planned. He had a grave expression on his face.

"How are they?" Adam demanded for the fourth time.

The doctor stared at him over the rim of his glasses, and said in a clipped tone, "We are working on it."

"Well, clearly you're not doing enough! You can't just let them die! They needs more help!"

The doctor's calm voice answered directly; he was not taking anyone's bullshit. "What Y/N needs is rest. We are trying our best to keep their fever down, but it... Well..." The doctor trailed off, then said, as delicately as possible, "The patient's condition is declining rapidly, you see. Our best efforts may not be enough to help. Y/N might have to fight this on their own."

Adam was thrown off his guard at this. He shook his head repeatedly, as if he was trying to shake honey out of his hair. "You must be dull," he said at last. His tone was cool. "MY partner won't be going ANYWHERE."

"The body won't..." Adam heard the doctor mutter to himself, shuffling through some papers and moving across the room.

Adam was disconcerted now, not to mention a little bit angry. Who was this doctor, thinking he could stroll in here and act like he owned the place? Y/N wasn't going to die! It was quite inconsiderate of him to pretend that they were. Adam wanted to do something, but nothing would come to his mind. As he started pacing again, the doctor said from the corner, "If you've nothing better to do, I suggest you go for a walk."

Adam glared at the doctor. "Who are you to tell me what to do?"

"I'm the person keeping you lover alive, I think I would know a thing or two about health. And staying in here, isn't going to help yours."

Adam stared at the man in reluctance. He felt slightly offended, but also embarrassed. Of course the doctor would want to help EVERYONE he could, which would include Adam himself. The audacity he had to tell Adam to leave while his partner died on a hospital bed was more or less insensitive, but the doctor just wanted to help. That's why he took this job, right? So, really, all in all, how cruel was he being?

It still doesn't matter, Adam thought to himself. He still told me to leave Y/N all alone while they died. That's so overpowering, I think it was just rude at this point.

"No," Adam said quietly, taking a seat next to you. "I'm not going to LEAVE them."

The doctor nodded curtly. "Suit yourself then."

You were in a deep sleep. The covers were all put away, due to the fact that you didn't need to be hotter. You were hyped up on medication all the time, Adam wasn't sure what it was they were using. A towel was on your forehead, you were dressed in pretty cool clothes, but you did have a thin blanket over your lithe body. Your temperature was... wavering, in all honestly. It looked like your fever wasn't even beginning to die down. Adam's heart sank into his stomach miserably.

But unbeknownst to Adam, or even the hostile companion that was the doctor, you were no longer asleep. You had overheard their conversation, but had been unable to speak up. You were tired and weak, but now that you were awake you didn't want to go back to sleep. In fact, you wanted to see Adam one more time before falling asleep again. You feared it would be the last time you would get to.

You started humming to yourself a little bit. You were unsure why that was your first response, but you thought it would be the best way to grab your boyfriend's attention. Subconsciously, you started singing the song that had been playing on your first date with Faulkner. Now that you thought about it, this choice was actually very depressing. In fact, having the song play on your first date had been a little ironic, seeing as a first date was happy and the supposed song was not so much.

The song you were humming was by the artist Staind. You had listened to their songs before, but it wasn't like you deliberately sought them out. This one had a place in your heart because it was the one on the radio during your first date with Adam. Your boyfriend still hadn't heard you singing, but that was alright. The windows were open, so the traffic was loud.

As you kept humming though, you started to have enough strength to say the words. Very carefully, you raised your voice. It was steady and brave, though sickness was evidently present. It dampened your ability to sing, and gave off an eerie feeling to the room, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop; Adam should hear this, you weren't sure how long you had left. "When the day comes... the sun won't touch my face. Tell the ones who cared enough... That I finally left this place-"

"-Y/N!?" Adam exclaimed, looking at you in alarm. His eyes were wide with horror. "Shh! D-Don't say anything, you'll hurt yourself."

But you didn't care about hurting yourself. You simply smiled at him in a soft amusement as you continued, "That's been so cold. Look at my face, all the stories it will tell I can't erase..."

"Y/N, what? That's... the song we heard on the radio-"

You raised a weak hand up to his mouth, and hushed him with your finger. This was something you would never do, but today was different. You needed Adam to listen to you. You traced you thumb down his cheek. "The road is long... just one more song, a little something..."

Adam seemed to understand then what you were tying to tell him, and he got to his knees. He bowed his head on the bed, grasping both of your hands above his head. "You don't know what you're talking about. S-Stop... You're gonna be okay, just... go back to sleep."

You gazed wistfully at Adam's bowed head. "To remind you..."

"Stop it." Adam's voice cracked, and he looked up then. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "Please."

"When..."

"Don't!" Desperation clawed into Adam's tone. "Don't say it."

"I'm..."

Adam looked at you in the eyes. They were red from crying, and his face was pale white from nerves. "Goddamn it, Y/N! Why are you singing this right now? Are you trying to hurt me?"

You stopped singing and gazed at him dolefully. "I love you, baby." Your voice trembled brokenly.

Adam frowned at you, seeming to come to the conclusion that there was no avoiding this. Not in the slightest. "No."

Smiling encouragingly at him, you felt the need to continue the song. It was only traditional. In a sweet voice you started to sing. You were able to grab some energy and put it into you voice and emotion. You were scared, but at peace, and you needed you Adam to understand that everything was okay; he was okay. The words came out purely, boldly, lovingly. You placed your hand on his face, and traced it weakly down his cheek. Calmly, you sang out, not once stopping, not once faltering, and kept your eyes solely on Adam's. "Something to remind you when I'm gone."

Adam gasped sharply at your words. "Fuck..." he murmured.

"Don't be afraid, Adam... I'll be with you... I promise."

Adam hung his head, as if unable to look at you while the life of his lover was deprived slowly out of their fragile body. You stared at him dishearteningly.

Reluctantly.

Miserably.

"I love you," you repeated.

Adam let out a choked sob. But the words were still mustered, "I love you, too."

You rolled your head to the side. You didn't want to leave him all alone, but there was nothing you could do. You wanted to stay with him and help him recover from this, but, you knew you couldn't do that either. You just had to sit it out, and it would be harder for him to accept your death than it would be for you to die. But the lights started to envelop your vision, they were bright and blinding, and the blistering temperature threatened to swallow you whole, while cold chills ran up and down your back and limbs. Your voice was sore, and your head throbbed painfully; You had to get out of here, it was too painful.

You forced yourself into the bed and tried not to thrash, your suffering ten times worse now. The light expanded and you were consumed entirely, leading you into a black well of dark. It was quiet here, and not so hot. Your cold flashes had stopped and you felt energized at last. As you gazed around the place you couldn't really see anything. However the song that was playing caught your attention. It was perfect, though, not the song you had been humming earlier. It was Staind again, and this song seemed to accompany the last one so well, it hurt. It was the ending of the song, and it just had to be this one that was playing. You listened closely, and realized the lyrics resonated within you strongly. You couldn't even believe how much you related to them. It was funny how once you had experienced the life lesson, how painstakingly obvious the truth hurt. You closed your eyes and listened. You knew this song as well.

But I always find a way, to keep you right here waiting.

I always find the words to say, to keep you right here waiting.

But you always find a way, to keep me right here waiting.

You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting.

If I chose to walk away, would you be right here waiting, searching for the things to say, to keep me right here waiting?

An emptiness filled you up. "I miss you already," you whispered aloud. It was cold - too cold - and you drifted back, feeling Adam's presence fading. Peace would find Adam eventually, even if it was only a phantom of a feeling; a stain of ruin splashed across the art. He would make it.

Yes, he would.

Don't Forget About Me - Adam Stanheight / Reader

18 + A/N I dunno 'bout all y'all's... limitations... but this is strangely more detailed than what I've written... So like... have a warning just in case. Y'all lmk if it was needed

. 18 +

You woke up at eleven thirty in the morning. The room was bright with sunlight, which was being cast into the room from the window above the bed. There was a golden glow to the atmosphere, leaving a warmness to the air. You gazed up at the ceiling for a couple moments, feeling tired. It was cold in the room and you didn’t want to get out of the comfy bed. If it wasn’t for the empty side of the bed, you would have contemplated the idea, but sadly it appeared that your boyfriend was already up. That encouraged you to meet with him this morning.

Throwing off the blankets, and stepping out of bed, you shivered at the cold as it brushed along your skin. The wood floor felt like dry soap on your feet, and it splintered and creaked whenever you walked on it. You approached the dresser you shared with Adam Faulkner Stanheight; it was standing to the side of the room, up against the wall, looking lonely and old. It had a clutter of objects on top of it, mostly photo albums of you and him, most of which were half empty. You wondered why Adam didn’t just finish one before starting another.

Dazedly, you opened up the top drawer. Inside it were a mix of your shirts and your boyfriend’s shirts. You rummaged around for a little bit, before throwing on one of his white tees.

It was soft and silky, and smelled of him. You hugged it closer.

Stepping into the bright living room, your eyes were blinded by the harsh, overhead lights. You squinted instinctively, as pain hurt your temples for a short moment. It faded after a couple of seconds, allowing you to get your surroundings.

Your boyfriend was sifting through some recently taken pictures. You didn’t recognize them; they must have been photos of a client.

You sat down next to him, feeling fatigued and sleepy. Adam barely looked at you, but he did greet you brightly.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, and watched him sort photos. It was a very methodical process, rather soothing in fact.

Adam put down the last photo and looked at you. Your face was pale white, and you had dark circles under your eyes. Your eyelids blinked slowly, like you were about to fall asleep at any second.

“How’s your morning, Y/N?”

“Good, I think,” you mumbled.

“How’d you sleep last night?”

“Good, I think,” you repeated.

Adam stared at you blankly. “How about we get you some breakfast?”

“Sure.” You curled up on the couch with your legs under you.

Adam didn’t leave your side on the couch though, despite having offered you breakfast. Instead he dropped an arm onto your shoulders, and leaned in close.

You could feel his body heat from the close proximity. Blood rushed up your cheeks, and made you dizzy. Your stomach felt like it was being twisted with prickly rope. You swallowed nervously, your throat suddenly dry. “Oh… H-Hi Adam…”

“Hi, sweet thing,” Adam murmured.

He examined your face carefully, and then started to palm your stomach with his hands. You smiled at him, shyly.

Stanheight brushed his lips over yours briefly, you could feel light tingles of expectance travel down your jaws.

“Mmmmh,” you breathed.

Adam kissed you gently, his hands rising up your shirt. “That shirt looks good on you,” he informed you. “Much better than it could look on me…” he gripped the end of it, and started to pull it over your head. Chills ran up your skin.

Slowly, your boyfriend pinned you up against the couch cushions. His thumbs played in circles over your stomach. You were forced to relax under his insistent domination.

Adam pressed up closer to you, biting your lower lip delicately, leading to a high powered make-out session.

His lips were firm on yours but somehow managed to remain harmless. It was like drinking Hershey’s Syrup; so good you couldn’t get enough.

You moaned out a little bit, feeling the sweetness enter your mouth, and squirmed at the delicious aftertaste. It was warm and invigorating. You slid right up next to him. “Hmm. I love you, Adam…”

Adam blinked at you. “I don’t think you can love me as much as I love you,” he purred directly into your ear. He sent soft kisses down your jaw enticingly. “Lean back.”

You did as you were told, almost too eagerly. Adam turned your head towards him, keeping his mouth on yours. His hands caressed your cheeks and ears soothingly, pulling his fingers through your hair.

More Hershey’s syrup was poured down your throat. You gagged a little bit at Adam’s aggressiveness. Adam pulled back after a couple of minutes, panting. “Lay down,” he told you. “Make yourself pretty.”

You laid down on the couch, adjusting yourself carefully. Adam was watching you intently, making you feel extra self-aware. You kept moving, trying to please Adam with your best efforts. It was hard to tell what he was thinking under his calculating gaze. You felt completely vulnerable laying on your back with nothing but your underwear on. It made you apprehensive.

After a while you managed to twist yourself up in a way that appeared painful, it wasn’t though. Adam straddled you then. “That’s fine, baby. Thank you.”

You felt him cover you like a heavy blanket. You grunted at the weight, but Adam seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

“Do you know how lovely you look in my clothes? I wish you wore my shirts more often, you look so good in them, baby.” You opened your mouth to respond, but Faulkner covered it with his palm, and leaned over. “Perfectly fuckable, even.”

Your eyes stretched wide, and you groaned quietly into his hand. Adam seemed to relish the sight of his significant other looking up at him desperately. “Adam…” You muttered around his fingers.

“Where were you yesterday, anyway? I was missing you.”

“I was busy…” you informed him. “I had an appointment.”

“Where are you going today?”

“Well, I had made plans last week to meet up with a friend. You were invited, of course!”

“Reschedule,” Adam advised. “I think you’re gonna miss it.”

You squeaked. “S-Sure. Let me grab my pho-”

Adam pushed you down again. “Oh, no. I don’t think they’ll mind if you inform them afterwards.”

“Um…” You looked at your boyfriend, conflicted. “I want to be with them, too, you know. I’m excited about this trip.”

“When do you have to leave?” Adam’s voice was low and ominous. He started rubbing your stomach again.

“At one…” you whispered.

Adam shrugged, and started to pull the last piece of clothing from your body. He chuckled smugly. “We have plenty of time, dearest. I’ll even treat you to lunch, seeing as you won’t be having breakfast.”

You squished yourself further into the mattress. “Woah…” you said. “You really think so?”

“Ha. I’d bet a million dollars on it. Now lay down and let me fuck you, baby. I’ve been waiting all morning.”

“You don’t even have a million dollars,” you retorted.

“Obviously,” Adam cast one miserable glance around the tattered living room. “If I did, would I be fucking you in this shitty apartment?”

“Probably not…”

“ ‘Probably not’? Definitely not. Baby, I’d spend more money on you than whatever the fuck this is. I’d spend more like… fifty-two thousand dollars, or something. Enough for a suitable place to live and… a wedding. But… I don’t have that either.”

“Awe…” you couldn’t stop the smile from forming on your face. Adam’s words made you really happy. “I don’t care where we live, as long as I’m with you, baby. That’s all that matters to me.”

“Well look at that. You’ve outdone me, sweetie. Here I was planning our future, and all you have to do is remind us of our pleasant reality. I love you, baby.”

You sighed awkwardly..

“Now let’s get on with it, shall we? Don’t want to be late for your hang out.”

“No…”

“Good. Scream extra loud for me, okay? The window’s open.”

You glanced up in alarm, horror filling you. “Uh- What!?” But Adam started messaging you with his hands; rolling them up your stomach and chest, meanwhile his mouth planted firmly on your own.

It was too late to change anything now. Good luck my dear reader. ;)

Go to Sleep - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N This one was inspired by Melanie Martinez’s song ‘A thousand Words’. Some parts of the song really made me relate to Adam, so… I know I said I would post it at night but I have high confidence right now. Enjoy!

Nothing had been normal after Adam’s passing. You had never felt so cold before in your life. You hadn’t eaten a full meal for the last two weeks, but… you weren’t hungry. The crackers and the coffee were enough to get you through the day. It was nearing the end of the cold season, you and Adam had made plans for April but it looked like they wouldn’t be happening anymore. You didn’t know how to feel. All you knew was that you missed the one person that you desired. Adam Stanheight. But he was never coming back to you.

It was dark outside, eleven’o’clock at night on a Friday. It was unusual to see the bed empty even though it had been so long since Adam’s death. You couldn’t get your mind around that concept. He had his whole life in front of him, how had it been taken away from him so quickly?

You grasped the bedsheets miserably, trying to go back to sleep. You were tired, but your mind was active; you didn’t want to go to sleep. The bed was cold, and you were not used to it anymore. You missed how it felt when he was with you. You remembered his hands on your skin, his lips on your mouth, and his voice in your ears. But mostly you could still see his face in your eyes. It strangled you, defeated you, and corrupted you. Desperately, you wanted to reach into that image and be WITH Adam. Be with him one more time. But that could never happen, and it never would.

Your ears rang with the sound of your crying, your voice was sore, and your brain was fried. The phantom feeling of Adam’s arms around you, caressing you, drove you mad.

“I miss you,” you whispered to the empty room. “I had so many things to show you. So many things to do with you. So many things to say to you; so many things to talk about! And you were plucked right away from me like the last berry on the vine. Nothing more than a berry on the vine. That’s all. That’s all you are. That’s all you were.”

You closed your eyes, rolling your head to the side.

What happened to us? You wondered. We were young and healthy.

You let out a couple of strangled sobs, before getting up and walking over to the camera resting on the dresser. It had been two weeks since you had picked it up, but now you couldn’t stop yourself. You missed Adam, and all your memories were inside his most prized possession - his camera.

Well, that would have been his second most prized possession, because first place always went to one person: me.

You took the camera in your hands. It was cold and dusty, but still had its shine and its worth. You studied it for a short moment, then delicately pressed the power button on the top. It flickered on with a bright, white, light. It blinded you for a few seconds, but you recovered swiftly, eagerly.

You looked over the first couple of pictures plainly, not feeling anything - or at least trying not to. But when you skipped to the end you found the most recent pictures of Adam. Your heart collapsed into a bunch of glass shards. You flipped through the photos continuously, gradually getting faster and faster with every passing second. Taking in every detail of every photo, you crumpled to the floor, trying not to howl; your neighbors were all asleep at the moment.

Adam had given his heart to you, and it had been ripped out of your hands so mercilessly. You gathered yourself up, and shoved the camera onto the dresser again. Clearly, you were not ready to look at these quite yet. As you got to your feet, you could see out the window that was positioned up above the headboard. Dawn was peeking through the shutters, light blue creeping into the apartment, and purple streaks painting the sky; the sun was coming up. Hastily, you snatched up the camera and raced for the front door. These were the mornings that you and Adam would pose for pictures and take photoshoots of the sky. You weren’t about to lose this opportunity; you’d perform anything to make Adam's spirit last longer.

You knelt on the ground, the doorstep was cold, and raised the camera to your eyes. You snapped a picture of the sky, nostalgia eating you alive. You could almost feel Adam’s warm body pressing up against you from behind, and his soft hands casually placing themselves around yours so as to adjust your grip on the camera.

How did you do it again? Was it like this? You took another picture, and another, and another. Adam’s advice and instructions were coming to you naturally now. You could do it all on your own.

You took several more photos until you didn’t know what to do with yourself, and then you sat down on the stairs and looked through them. Everything was perfect! They all looked exactly the way Adam would have taken them. All the angels were correct, as were the shadows and the lighting. You started humming sadly.

“Our love’s a postcard on it’s way, heading toward no destiny.”

Adam’s words still whispered in your ears and you shook your head, trying to clear it before you gave way into fantasy. But you were not fortunate enough for that. You ended up falling asleep on the pavement, lucky for you it wasn’t supposed to start raining until tomorrow evening.

"I had a thousand words to say."

Your eyes fluttered shut as you drifted off to sleep, but Adam was still engraved into your vision. His dark eyes, his dark hair, his smile, his face, his clothes… He was the last thing that you were thinking about.

"You gave me your heart, then took it back from me."

Somewhere deep inside your dreams you dreamed about him, about Adam, and it nearly killed you all the while. It was like Adam was really with you in that moment. You could hear his voice like it was physically in the room with you, lulling you to sleep.

“This isn’t real, is it?” you muttered, interrupting yourself form your singing.

And the response was so actual, you almost woke up. “How would you know, baby?”

You gazed around, trying to find where the source was coming from. “Because the mind can work itself into seeing and hearing the things that it longs to.”

A hand traveled down your back. “Hm. I think when you wake up, you will know the answer to that question.”

You shivered. “Adam,” you murmured.

“Sleep well, my love. I know you need it.”

“Wait, don’t go,” you feebly choked out.

“I don’t think I have a choice,” there was a hint of amusement in Adam’s tone - if it even was Adam talking to you. It was hard to tell, between the dreaming and waking worlds.

One last time you finished singing the last part of the song. "Close my eyes and got to sleep. You're the last thing, the last thing that I see."

The pavement was digging into your thighs and feet painfully, and the cool wind blew into your face, and the approaching thunder disappeared into the background. The position in which you slept was nothing if not uncomfortable, but this was still the best sleep you had ever had in a long, long, time. Your heart was heavy, and your mind was blank, but just like every night, as you bowed your head and closed your eyes, Adam Stanheight was the last thing that you saw, and just like every morning, he was the first thing that you thought of.

Love Me - Adam Stanheight / Reader

A/N So, another song-inspired fanfic, lol, someone help.

We Found Love - by Rihanna.

Yellow, orange, and purple black light, laser-beams fanned the entire room, making the crowd scream in excitement. The walls had some kind of glow in the dark paint or wallpaper on them - you couldn't tell which - but sure enough they were glowing pink and blue, and yellow diamonds flashed wildly across the ceiling and floor. People surrounded you on all sides, noise blasted you from every direction, smoke filled your nose, alcohol stung your throat and caused you nausea, your eyes were wet, your jeans were sticky, and your palms and forehead were sweaty. You stared into the dark, spacious, room drunkenly. The moon cast its light directly behind you, casting your shadow onto the dark floor. You watched as a second shadow - taller, thinner - moved across yours. Your companion came up beside you casually, his walking clumsy; he'd been drinking. You laced your fingers in with your companion's. He tightened his grip on your hand. Outside, it was raining, and the wind howled and gave you chills, you pressed yourself closer to him; he had his arm around your waist. Your head hurt from all the alcohol you'd been pounding earlier.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you both huddled next to each other, shielding one another from the pouring rain. The heat wafting from inside reached you and helped to keep you warm. Your emotions were so laid back at the moment that you felt very underwhelmed, though at the same time, everything pulsed through you. You could barely form a single coherent thought. Was it the alcohol or was it HIS presence causing the blockage? You wanted to say something, but no words could be found; your mind was just blank. You allowed yourself to relax into your partner's caress. You were too nervous to be worried, all you wanted was to enjoy this. If only you didn't feel like you were walking on a tight rope above broken shards of glass; fragile, exposed. You clutched him closer and felt relief at the action; you waited to do this your whole life - or what seemed like it. Letting out a heavy sigh, you decided to come to terms with these feelings. There was no denying this.

You were head-over-heels for Adam Faulkner Stanheight.

Adam let out a long breath before leaning away. He stared into the sky and let the rain fall on his face. It was silent between you, but you didn't mind. Your voice would surely break from all the shrieking earlier. But the quietness was welcome; you liked it, wanted it. Eventually, you spot someone exiting. They looked familiar, an ex perhaps? As they approached, they greeted you wholeheartedly. "Y/N." The newcomer didn't even cast one look at Adam. "What are you doing all by yourself? I thought you weren't one for partying."

You glanced at Adam and shrugged happily. You'd attend anything if you were with him, even if it meant breaking the law. Still you didn't speak.

"Come on. Don't leave me all alone here." They stretched their arm out to you invitingly, and started to tread back into the building. "Join me. Don't spend it sadly looking in."

You turned your head away. "I don't need you," you found your voice. "I have-" You stopped yourself, suddenly aware of Adam watching you closely. There was a knowing, amused, glint in his eyes. You could feel your emotions spike dramatically with just one look from him. Your heart melted, and started to beat faster, harder, louder; you could almost feel it in your chest, hear it in your ears. A sliver of slithering adrenaline scalded you on the inside stirring up your stomach even more. You made eye contact with Faulkner, and held it for a long time. It was the best moment ever.

You couldn't stop yourself from drawing nearer, despite already being too close. You could feel heat rising in your cheeks, or was it the hot temperature coming from inside? It was definitely not the coolness from outside! Either way, the intoxicant was beginning to hit you hard now. You were losing control of yourself and your actions; being so close to Adam was probably not a good thing. You leaned in hesitantly, grabbing Adam's cheeks gently between your two hands and turning his head towards you. In an unconsciousness, you pulled Adam in. Your lips quivered, but not out of nervousness just out of bravery. It was like watching yourself from third view. Your body was moving for you, your mind was simply following along.

In a matter of seconds his thin, soft, lips, were on yours. They were tentative and unsure, but you kissed strongly, confidently; like you had nothing to lose. You found yourself pinning Adam up against the wall, shoving your hands in his hair and pulling his head back a little bit. As Adam wrapped his arms around your neck, you pressed closer. Now you could feel Adam's heartbeat against your chest. It was moving fast. So was yours.

Emotions weren't even thrilling through you anymore. All you could keep track of were your thoughts, which were spiraling wildly into chaos; pretty soon you wouldn't even have those to restrict yourself.

Love me, you thought. Love me, please. I need you.

Adam pulled away. "That won't be hard."

Panic pulsed through you immensely, realizing that you had spoken out loud. You blushed deeply and backed away, feeling super insecure suddenly. Adam pulled you back. "Where are you going?" Adam wondered.

You started kissing him again, unable to believe your situation. Holy hell, were you making out with Adam!? Your long-time friend? Maybe you were more than friends now? Maybe. Maybe.

If only you had the confidence to ask...

You pulled back as the laser beams started fanning the room again. You gazed at them tiredly, and let yourself rest your head on Adam's shoulder. Adam held you there and watched then lights flash with you. The yellow diamonds presented themselves once more. They spun, dove, and crashed into things right in front of your eyes, making you dizzy - or was it the alcohol? You sighed out happily, humming along to the song on the radio.

"I think I really like you," Adam mumbled.

"I think I love you," you responded almost instantaneously. You were far too gone now to care about your word choices. But it didn't matter, Adam was as well.

Adam's voice was so quiet you had to strain to hear him, but his words made you feel warm and fuzzy. You clutched his hand desperately. "Me too," he said seriously.

You leaned into him slowly, cautiously, and warily you began another make-out session. You were excited. It would be different this time knowing now that you both felt the same way. The beat started up, the lights flashed, and the diamonds spun crazily, but you couldn't care less about any of it. In fact, neither of you should even be here right now, seeing as you weren't even partying anymore. The alcohol was taking over your mind completely now, and you careened into Adam. The rush was overwhelming! You gasped then dove in; promptly, resolutely, with a strong amount of passion, you kissed Adam again. And this time, it was definitely more than just a kiss.

Hi... I'm new... I'm so nervous, but It's twelve forty in the morning, and I am feeling confident? What's that about? Well, I just wanted to let people know that I'm here! Hi! Welcome!

I like to write, so that's what this account is. Probably mostly fanfiction. I like writing readers specifically. And I recently watched the SAW movies, which were amazing, highly recommend. But I kinda fell in love with Adam Faulkner so... I'll be writing about him. But please excuse me for any delays. I have social anxiety, so working up courage will be hard. But I will still do it.

BTW I'm nervous AF, right now, but I am just doing it, otherwise I would never have done it. So, yeah... Please enjoy my stuff... which doesn't exist yet, so... good luck... :)