So.

So.

Things are gonna be quiet here for a lot longer than anticipated, and I am sorry for that. Well... It's better for me to get it out of the way quickly.

One of my dogs passed away this morning.

At the time I'm writing this it's been at least a couple of hours since I found her. I would have been... Not prepared, per say, if it was my eldest dog, because frankly who the heck is ever prepared for the death of their pet, no one ever is. But I wouldn't have been surprised, she's an old but good girl and I'm terrified every day I'm going to wake up and see her gone, but it wouldn't have been a surprise.

It being one of my youngest to go first was a surprise. And definitely not a good one to wake up to when you are just trying to go to sleep.

...

Her name was Crystal. She was a soft good girl, quiet and with the fur the color of ivory and gold. She was really gentle and affectionate, every time I was home she'd immediately come bounding over, tripping over her own paws to pat at my legs for pets and hugs and kisses. She has an elder sister which has the fur opposite to hers and is incredibly hyperactive but just as sweet, but I've been raising them both since they were pups with my eldest dog as their resigned surrogate mom and a stray I was raising at the time as their brother.

She was such, such a gentle and kind girl. And I... I don't even have any words, she was alright yesterday you know? The rest of this week in fact, running around, barking and playing and cuddling with her sister while my eldest watched on because she has no patience for puppies but Lord willing she'll let fights break out and I had to hold their brother back because he's too big and he'd bowl them both over and I was still trying to teach him how to not accidentally crush them because he's a silly but good boy and I just... Can't process this right now. I just can't. I don't know why or how she passed away and it just... Hurts, I'm numb and I'm empty and I'm so, so, so darn tired I wish I could just tear the pain out of my heart but unfortunately if I tried I'd just find a useless organ that is used to pump blood onto my body so it has oxygen to continue working. Grief is always such a clawing, biting, gritting, cutting thing and it destroys anyone from the inside out and I'm tired of it, I wish I didn't have to mourn again and that she was still here but well, the thing about wishes is that they don't come true.

... But that's not important right now. I'll always, always miss her. I loved you so, so much Crystal, still do. Probably always will though we've barely spent a full year together. I hope you know that, that you're happy wherever you are now and hopefully not in anymore pain, and that you won't worry about your useless owner. I'll make sure to watch over your sister and everyone as best as I can, so just rest in peace okay? Wherever she is, I hope she doesn't worry about me.

(I'd give you guys a picture of her, but she was also my mom's since she helped take care of her and she's... Well, devasted is too soft to put it. Out of respect to her wishes I won't be putting it here.)

... I might go silent here for a while due to this. I know I was going to post a lot more Linktober stuff I didn't yet because I hate to leave stuff incomplete, among other stuff and projects and asks I've been working on. And for those who have read and liked my writing I'm sorry I won't be able to post anything any time soon, and for the unanswered asks in my inbox, I was getting to them in between essays and well. This happened. I... Need to take some time for myself, and to keep an eye on my dogs and on my mom too to make sure they're going to be okay. I'll probably be writing and rewriting a lot in the meantime, writing was and always will be one of the better ways I coped and it's the only way I really can get this out of my system since somehow I doubt I'll have the proper space and time to properly grieve. Hopefully I'll be back soon and until then my apologies, hope you all can be patient with me until then.

Till next time guys. And thank you everyone who liked any of my writing until now.

Warriors/Hyrule Warriors Focused WIP Sneak Peak

“... So, you came here not as the ‘Captain of the Knights of Hyrule’, or even as ‘The Hero Who Wields the Sword of Evil's Bane’...” You started, light and raspy and something close to hollow that made Warriors ache, you both breathing heavily and bloodied and bruised, and still standing, you were beautiful, taking the place of the late hyrulean sun as you had your knee to his chest and your dagger to his neck, but he wasn’t worried, not with you  “... But rather as an ‘old friend’?”

The way you practically spat the words through clenched, bared teeth would have been mistaken by loathing by anyone else, snake venom and the shape of winter winds in your eyes and mouth in your frigid fury, if he couldn’t tell how your usually steady hands shook like icicles in early spring. Knew as well as you did that all it would take is one slip of the blade and his neck would be split open.

“You heard me the first time, didn’t you?” he spoke calmly, breathing and taking you in as if that single moment would be your last.

(And maybe it might, if he didn't do this right.)

You paused, then a snort, then a chuckle, then a laugh, something close to a yowl, or maybe a howl as you sobbed.

Your blade misses his neck by inches, stabbing into the ground below and he doesn't flinch. Doesn't allow himself to flinch, knew you'd pounce on any hint of weakness and hesitation

“Aah… I suppose it’s my loss, Link.” You laughed, it was a bitter, ugly sound. Something that made him hurt and want to hold you in his arms as he did back then, in unwanted ballroom nights where you'd both slip to vacant rooms and talk about everything and nothing. When he felt comfortable speaking, when the vitriol of his fellow men didn't burn against his skin and the loathing both from others and himself for why the war started didn't tighten around his neck like a noose. When you'd both go horseback riding while on leave and you'd smile for him with all the brilliance of a star and all the sharpness of a blade, ready to take on the world so long as you were together.

He hated seeing you like this, broken down and ruined by war and thirst for justice never given, hated how he burned away pieces of himself and didn't think to look more into the situation before he lost you. 

(And why would he have? Good soldiers follow orders after all, even if it's against their own comrades.)

He missed you so, so much.

“It never ends, does it?” You snarled out, hurt and tired and something that was all the melancholy of a trapped animal, “You hurt me, you come back, I hurt you right back, you still return. I just can't keep doing this anymore.” You bare your teeth in a smile, half mocking, half desperate, “I can't even slit your throat to shut you up properly now, pathetic, isn't it, hero?” 

He felt flayed open, who knows, maybe it would be a kindness if you did slit his throat open. He'd prefer that in the place of seeing the one person he cared for the most a hollow mirror of their old self.

(He knew Mask, Linkle, Spirit, Tetra and the Sailor would give him a good shake for it. But he couldn't help it.

It wasn't the first time he considered ways to end the war after all.)

“It doesn't have to be like this,” He offered, somewhere between the charm he sometimes had to use when interrogating the enemy and a desperate plea, “We can do better, we can make things better.” 

“You really think I can just let it go? That they will also let it go?” You say, scoffing bitterly, “Everyone has seen me fighting you today, hero, all remember what I've done. The only route waiting for me is execution if I throw it all away now.” There's conviction in your voice, but hesitance in your gaze as he dares to place a hand over yours, over the sharpened, but old blade, the one he once gave you, “I hurt you, you hurt me. There's no going back from that.” 

You don't push him away, so he presses on with cautious hope in his breast, courage rekindled. He is so, so tired, but he'll be darned if he loses you a second time, he's come this far after all, “There isn't. But we can move forward from this, there's no need to let it go, but it's not too late to try and make things better either. Not yet anyway, I know you can't trust me after everything I've done to you, and I can't fully trust you after all you've done either, but I don't know about you, but I'm done with trying to hate you. I'm tired of letting those doubts turn into hate.”

Your grip tightens, suspicious as a fox in the face of a wolf, “And what makes you think I'm done hating you?”

“You wouldn't have let me keep speaking if you were.” He bites back, he doesn't have much time left until the rest of either of your companies arrive, “Come back with me, please.”

His tone is soft and kind, and something in your expression breaks, it is the conflict between loathing and grief and longing, all clashing spears and swords and none winning.

You let the blade go, and he doesn't waste any time holding you as you choke on a sob, doesn't mind the way one of your hands curls into a claw, cutting against his wounds. He's sure he's holding you a bit too tight too after all from the way you wheeze, but you don't push him away, and that's enough.

‘Finally.’

tumblr has an AI toggle you should turn on to prevent your work being shared with training models/etc! it's under settings & visibility.

The inherent wish to post most of my other writing on Tumblr including a very niche story focused on the Ancient Era of Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom and the Hero's Aspect Link's journey with his Zelda from the eyes of an outsider but not really an outsider so I can scream into the void about that specific era of Hyrule we likely won't see anytime soon like a historian mourning the destruction of primary sources of information (read: damaged manuscripts and many other forms of documentation lost to time and as a history and culture student that hits too close to home) and trying to fill in the blanks as well as they can as well as other LU or Zelda related things vs My inherent anxiety over what's going on with Tumblr adding to my irl stress joining forces with my insomnia as I try to write that plus it interfering with the writing and editing of other projects due to sleep deprivation

FIGHT!