This Is The Funniest Tweet Ive Seen In Months Bye

this is the funniest tweet i’ve seen in months bye

Sims 4 page on Steam. Not to be controversial but I think the CEO of EA should be beheaded for this

Is there an Echo in here?

S01x06: Decommissioned

On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions  of Gonzo the Great: Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it. 

But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?

Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.

Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.

Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.

If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.

This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.

Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.

Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.

choose some milfs and i’ll guess your childhood trauma

https://uquiz.com/jDB9Yf

Obi-Wan: *upon ‘finding out’ that Anakin and Padme are married, turns to Padme* I’m so angry with you, Senator.

Anakin: Master, you can’t just-

Obi-Wan: Yes I can, Anakin Skywalker! She didn’t even ask for your hand before stealing you away like some barbaric queen of old, defiling you in secret without my blessing. It’s just insulting.

Anakin: ...um... so she... hmmm... what would you have said if she asked for my hand?

Obi-Wan: The same thing any other Old Guard Master like myself would have done; given her as task of great importance. If she survived, she would have earned the right to love you as you both wish.

Padme: *deciding to play along* ...what sorta task?

Anakin: *gasp* Padme, you can’t do that! Nothing dangerous!

Obi-Wan: Oh, the most dangerous of all tasks.

Anakin: Obi-Wan, no!

Padme: I can handle it.

Anakin: *is precious dumb baby* :(

Obi-Wan: Steal Chancellor Palpatine’s Correlian brandy from his office.

Anakin: ...??? *fully thinks that Palps would laugh it off and hand it to her if she even asked*

Padme: Done. *heads off*

One hour later

Padme: *busting into Obi-Wan’s apartment in a panic with Bail Organa and Mon Mothma* YALL WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT HOLY SHIT WE NEED TO CALL THE JEDI COUNCIL-

10 years later

Obi-Wan: And that, my dears, is how your mother won your fathers hand in marriage and saved the republic by ending a war.

Luke: *plays with ship*

Leia: *braiding Luke’s hair* Mom did good. I will do better when I ask for my husband’s hand.

Obi-Wan: I’m absolutely sure of it.