Sekkais A Really Good Program And I Really Enjoy Using It. Expect Its Abuse In The Days To Come, As Those

Sekka is a really good program and I really enjoy using it. Expect its abuse in the days to come, as those roundels are the perfect size and shape to be projected in my magic lanterns. 

Heads for puppets. Soon, my puppet heads, soon.

Posing is fun.

Here's a real life update that's rather hard for me to make. I don't often make posts on my blog that aren't actually art, but what is a blog for but blogging? Because many of the people in my life who matter to me read this space to keep up-to-date with my art and my goings-on, I feel like I ought to be open about what's actually going on with me. 

First and foremost, I have my master's degree. Yippee.

In December, once I've officially graduated, I'll be heading back to the USA. It's not an easy thing for me to do, but I feel like I've not been given much of a choice. 

In part, it's because I financially can't afford to stay in the UK anymore. I'm pretty much entirely bankrupt and living off of the charity of my parents, which is very difficult for me to accept, as I have an awfully prideful disposition. That's not the whole reason, however.

The truth is, a couple of weeks after my show ended, I've been forced to face up to the fact that things have felt wrong for some time now. Since then, I've had the pleasure of learning that I'm suffering from clinical depression. I have entirely given up on looking for work and a way to stay in the UK, partly out of exhaustion and partly out of despair. I say it not because it's a cry for help, because I'm getting that through the NHS for now at least.

It's more an explanation and an apology than anything else. 

Sorry I haven't called or emailed or been in touch.

Sorry I've fallen off the face of the planet.

I know it's something that everyone goes through at some point, because depression is disgustingly common.

I know things will get better at some point, or at least I hope.

Right now, though, things are difficult, and I'm sorry that this has happened. I'm sorry that I'm finding it impossible to be as reliable and dependable and productive as I'd like. 

Right now, I feel like I am incapable of focusing, I am restless, I am terrified, and I don't know when it's going to get better.

I have a very difficult time putting my life out in the open, partly because I feel like it's no one's business and partly because I feel like it's not something people would care about. However, I recognize that those feelings don't come from a great place, and that the people who do care would be deeply hurt if they knew I felt that way. 

Also, as anyone who knows me would attest, my passions run high and I am always playing a game of detachment-versus-attachment, with one running towards implosion and the other towards explosion. I am terrified of putting things into the wilds of the internet that I would regret saying or doing. 

However, I feel like I owe it to the people I care about to be public about this.

So, there it is. Out in the open. 

I'm having a hard time, so I ask for your patience. 

Thank you. 

Grandpa's Camera: Part 1/???

So this is mostly for my friend Minty; I apologize that the photos aren't the best thing ever. This is just a minuscule number of cameras compared to the whole collection. In fact, this is just a tiny number compared to the ones I've already gone through, which is less than an eighth the whole amount. I've pulled these ones aside as my personal favorites so far, and the ones I am likely to keep for my own.

The very old Kodak is from 1909, and the Compur is from 1914 in Dresdan. To my knowledge, they all work. A number of them even had film in them. I'm particularly excited about the stereoscopic camera.  

My kingdom has light.