Countless, Let Me See Your Phone.

Countless,” Let me see your phone.”

“Why are you texting them?”

“ Show me.”

“If you have nothing to hide then you should just let me see your phone.”

“ Why are you making this such a big deal?”

“ You’re just like the rest of them.”

“ You’re all the same.”

I was sick of being accused of the crimes of another. I was tired of you berating what makes me happy. I was sick of living in another’s shadow.

I am allowed some privacy.

“Did you sext them?” Are you serious? I have done nothing but drop friend after friend for you. I turned down people who made me happy. Opportunities to have unforgettable memories. Just so I could feel like this.

When I was alone, and you weren’t there, I was able to ask him for advice. Because he went through something similar. Not because I wanted to fuck or date him.

I needed advice. Or homework help.

I just want my privacy. I just want some time to myself.

I’m tired of feeling that way.

The amount of times my tears have just come out of nowhere.

I can’t control when I cry.

It just happens. I can’t stop it, I can’t prevent it, and I don’t know how to go about my day to day life. School, band, home life, when I’m around my boyfriend.

With my cptsd, I always have to put a cover around those I’m with. To appease them, calm the beast. Keep them happy, not angry not frustrated not sad not quiet not hurting

I have to keep them non threatening.

The truth is, all of the above are triggering. When they raise their voice, unnecessary cussing, when they have an attitude torwards me. When they’re quiet.

I have to shove trying to distance myself from them being triggering to keep them happy.

Because if I try to do what’s best for me, I always upset them. And that adds stress on me.

It’s a constant clusterfuck

“and for a second, i could’ve sworn you loved me back.”

— but now i’m not so sure.

“being in your arms was the first time in a long while where i felt at home.”

— now i feel homesick every second i’m not in them.

Reblog this for suicide prevention.

Wanting to post your fanfic, but scared of criticism😭