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To everyone saying that technically Tolkien never said male elves have long hair.

Glorfindel did not get pulled into the abyss by his long blond hair for you to dismiss his hairstyle!

Celeborn doesn't translate to 'silver tree' because he had a buzz cut!

Finrod's golden locks aren't mentioned multiple times for no reason!

And Neuvillette doesn't even eat his, he uses it to (SPOILER ALERT)

FRAME US FOR TREASON

Each of them having a whole ass cake is sending me–

Agreed but also, like, someone has to run the Yashiro Commission

Thoma not being in this event is homophobic

Varka will inevitatbly spend a good ten minutes sitting in complete silence when he learns the sheer amount of war crimes committed by his golden child (Diluc).

Varka: What have I missed?

Diluc: You missed the mass homicide. And the 74 counts of arson. Oh, and the manufacture of weapons of mass destruction. And the desecration of a corpse. And the rising from the dead like a phoenix. And the stealing of a bird. And the tax evasion. And the espionage. And the kidnapping. And the drug trafficking. And the petty theft. I'm banned from Snezhnaya.

Varka: You're WHAT?

Diluc: Homicidal.

Rights, drunk: You're telling me a ginger bred this man?

Bright and Cimmerian, in perfect unison: DAMN STRAIGHT