It's Almost Like The Media Talking About People Being Lovers And Making Up Rumors Is A Really Bad Thing

It's almost like the media talking about people being lovers and making up rumors is a really bad thing and forces people into the closet with their own discomfort of the world seeing them in a way they know they'll be judged for being. And how much it absolutely ruins friendships.

Now, this one does come back to Kawi being the one to push Piseang away to push the issue but it truly comes back to the fact that relationships and personal lives shouldn't be the biggest part of so many media franchises and interviews.

When you have actors literally being reported on for saying that they were acting in a show because everyone assumes all actors that romance each other are secretly really dating... how do you handle that when you're not ready to be out of the closet to yourself, let alone to the entire world?

You shut it down. You shut yourself down. And you hide like a turtle in your shell, trying to protect yourself except that everything you're trying to protect yourself from comes with into that shell because you always have it with you.

I have often asked myself how many actors have lost friendships because of the assumptions of the media and the fans that they couldn't keep up with after the show and thus had to stay apart for the sake of their own lives even if they could have been very good friends or were. I really, really do.

But this scene also focuses on Piseang because Kawi might be the one getting the questions but it's Piseang who is truly suffering for it, who is being asked to give up a friend and to hide himself and to be less because Kawi is in the spotlight.

This is mainly a story about how Kawi hurts the people in his life because he can't look past his own desires and his own ideas to see how much the people around him hurt for his choices.

There are so many layers to this kind of pain and to the realities of how people are judged.

promotional video for the theatrical release of utsukushii kare in south korea

im slowly going insane

🌘 𝐜𝐲𝐜𝐥𝐞 🌒

Kawi's Journey with Self-Worth and Pisaeng's Reassurance

I don't know how to put it into words, but there is something so nice about Pisaeng always sticking to his guns about what interested him about Kawi was simply that he found Kawi to be cute.

Yes, there are millions of cute people in the world, but it was specifically Kawi's cuteness that intrigued Pisaeng. There was no ulterior reason that he found himself into Kawi, there was no deeper meaning. It's not like Kawi needed to do something to prove himself worthy of Pisaeng's love (even if Kawi thought that he had to.) Instead, Pisaeng was, initially, simply attracted to Kawi and that had been enough.

It's a simple reason that I think that Kawi will always have to grapple with for the rest of his life, probably because even though he may have found a sense of peace and serenity in his life after all the time-travelling, he'll likely still have some minor struggles with his self-worth. Love is not a fix-all, and (again) like what I'm positive has become synonymous with @bengiyo's brand here on BL reviews, "There's no magical dick. It doesn't fix." Even if it happens to belong to Pisaeng. When you have low self-esteem and issues with you self-worth, even when you take the most pro-active methods of care to combat these ideas, a part of it will always remain. Some days will be more of a struggle than others. So while his relationship with Pisaeng will not magically fix insecurities, the fact that Pisaeng is there to reassure him is incredibly important. I really doubt that Kawi will ever be able to fully understand why it was simply his cuteness that attracted Pisaeng, but the constant reminders are necessary in his journey to self-acceptance.

Combine that with the fact that Pisaeng comes from an uber-rich (and political) family, and Kawi spent ten years dealing with very little self-worth, it makes sense that Kawi will never fully accept it, even ten-years down the line into their relationship. Yet, the fact that Pisaeng's answer remains constant and never changes into something deeper than he just found Kawi cute is so critical in allowing Kawi to rebuild his trampled self-esteem.

While I think that compliments like that could potentially come across as either insincere or even shallow, it does more good than harm for Kawi. He spent ten years alone, in his small apartment with no significant social connection and his last true connection (his father) dead. He was detached from human relationships and he placed higher value on what he could bring to the table, doing so he shattered his own self-esteem because he had a sincere belief that he had nothing good to offer.

Pisaeng's consistent and persistent insistence that he adored Kawi due to his cuteness, at a time when Kawi believed that he wasn't worth much, is so important in ensuring Kawi that becomes aware of the fact that human relationships aren't solely transactional. His presence doesn't mean that he has to offer more solely to be loved and particularly a recipient of Pisaeng's love. Pisaeng's answer serves as a reminder of that, even if it's not said or understood outright.

It's a subtle reminder, a reassurance of sorts, to Kawi that he has worth even when he's not aware of it or when he doesn't recognize it in himself. His worth isn't tied to material objects or titles that are expected in fully transactional, interested, relationships. Rather it serves its purpose by becoming a verbal notice to Kawi that for Pisaeng, Kawi will always be enough just by being himself, that he always finds him cute, and that's was enough reason for him to fall in love with him.

Kawi's journey consisted so much of learning how to live in the moment, of learning the importance in actually making decisions, because there's only one thing certain about life: time moves on with or without us. When we live in such a capitalistic society, we often tie our self-worth to our social capital, the achievements that we make, the people we know. In turn, we can end up neglecting and stepping all-over our self-esteem in the moments that we don't reach those "social tiers" and start believing that in turn we have nothing to offer. When you let yourself believe that you're worthless and time moves on, you end up being left behind.

Kawi is worth more than his accolades and job titles, more than any achievements that he may receive. His worthiness derives from his authentic self and who he is as a person. He's loved for being Kawi. It's enough for Pisaeng to find him cute, because Kawi is enough and will always be enough. That constant reassurance is critical in shaping Kawi, allowing him to find his happiness and peace in life. He's now surrounded by the people that he loves and who love him back. He's no longer alone.

Without realizing it, you've become an important part of my life.

Episode 5 | Episode 8