Kristsingto - 🌀

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Kawi is the worst, honestly

TLWR: Kawi sucks and episode seven told us exactly why.

We all know I love Be My Favorite, but the one point I love the most is how awful the show allows Kawi to be.

And before we try to defend our poor little meow meow, let's remember that Kawi knows he is the worst.

In fact, he repeats it all the time.

But episode seven honed in on why Kawi is the absolute worst.

Because Kawi IS the worst, so much so that he is even worse than Not, but it's not due to Kawi's low self-esteem.

The first reason Kawi is an asshole is because he only thinks about his future.

Others have mentioned how Kawi phrases wanting his dad alive because without him, Kawi isn't motivated to excel. It's not to simply have his dad alive, but because Kawi needs his dad to be alive. It's semantics, but Pear throws this in Kawi's face during the argument; Kawi has only thought about his future and not how his changes affect others. Even when Pear was left at the altar, Kawi went back to be the one to marry her. Kawi isn't present in the moment, which is the lesson he needs to learn, because he is always thinking about HIS future and how others will help him achieve that future.

The second reason Kawi is a jerk is because he doesn't think about anyone else's future.

This is different than the first reason because what happens when Kawi gets the future he wants? To Kawi, getting Pear, being a musician, and his dad being alive are all goals for him. He didn't think beyond that. One day, his dad will still die. Pear and him will break up. His career might not satisfy him. But Kawi never thought beyond that. Kawi never thought beyond this future moment for himself, and he certainly didn't think about it for others. Pear still wants a future beyond this moment, but Kawi has his ideal future and stopped moving. Pear wanted a present WITH HIM, but Kawi refused to keep evolving because he had everything he wanted.

The third reason Kawi sucks is because he isn't honest with himself.

This show harps on honesty, especially honesty with oneself. Kawi is oddly forthcoming about everything except his emotions. He offered up a lot of information to Pisaeng's mom, and when singing in the bar for the first time, he told the entire audience why he was going by Kawi instead of his full name. When Pisaeng tried to kiss Kawi, Kawi told him to be honest with himself about his feelings. When Pisaeng went to the gay bar to find answers, Max told him the answers were within himself. We see Pisaeng give the same advice back to Kawi in this episode in a full-circle moment. We've now seen Kawi, who blurts out everything, bury his emotions four times (the first night at the club, the beach club where he declared he was a virgin, outside the pink cafe where he told Pisaeng sorry, and now in front of the RV). Pisaeng has been there for each spell and had to take care of Kawi, so the common demeanor of Kawi's lack of honesty stems from Pisaeng and the feelings he has regarding him. The answer to Kawi's issues have always been within him. He likes Pisaeng.

But the biggest reason Kawi is the worst (even worse than Not) is because he isn't honest with others.

Pear knew Not was seeing both her and Kwan, but Kwan said Not wouldn't even admit they were together. Even if Not didn't tell Pear, she had years of practice in seeing the obvious.

Kwan has always liked Not. When he gave her the book then gave Pear one, she was sad. Not has always liked Pear, which is why he gave her the book and wanted to embarrass Kawi. The crumbs were always there.

Pear commented to Kawi back in university that he and Pisaeng seemed like they had been friends for a long time. Not questioned Pear about Kawi's sexuality. Pisaeng told Pear about Kawi's dad needing surgery and texted Pear about his emergency surgery instead of Kawi himself. Pear didn't need Not to admit to being with Kwan because she never needed Kawi to admit his feelings for Pisaeng. Mostly when it's so obvious to everyone else what is happening since the crumbs have always been there.

But Kawi continues to bury the confession. He tells Pisaeng how much he needs him and how much Pisaeng brings to his life, but he won't admit what matters.

When Kawi showed up to the beach and broke down in front of Pisaeng, Pisaeng asked him if he was still not over Pear. Kawi, who immediately reached out to Pisaeng when he needed comfort, who had been spiraling not being able to talk to Pisaeng, who demanded Max tell him where Pisaeng was, who if he was being honest with himself would have known this wasn't about Pear but about not having Pisaeng next to him, has even Pisaeng convinced that the feelings aren't really there.

Which is why Pisaeng lied.

Pisaeng saw those messages. Pisaeng knew Kawi needed him, but Pisaeng, a rich boy who is living on the beach out of an RV which implies he has distanced himself from his mother and her control, is tired of not being honest and has already had to take care of Kawi in all his moments of drunkenness which all included some raw confessions from Kawi. But how can Pisaeng trust a person who only says he's sorry when he is drunk? How can Pisaeng believe a guy who only kisses him when he has been drinking? Not to bring The Eighth Sense into this, but as Ernest Hemingway said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

Kawi wants to get in the water, but doesn't want to get wet. He wants to do everything with Pisaeng, but doesn't want to admit they are in a relationship. He wants to kiss Pisaeng, but he wants Pisaeng to give him an out each time. He wants Pisaeng to know how much he loves him, but doesn't want to tell him. He wants Pisaeng to always be by his side without committing to him, so it's ironic that he yells this at Not.

Because the simple truth of all of this and what really hurts everyone is Kawi could change.

Kawi could be better.

We saw Kawi's future in the form of a good dad but a terrible person. Pear's dad admitted to drinking a bottle of wine a day. Pisaeng's mom immediately offered Pisaeng a drink to pacify him, but he refused because Pisaeng, who now lives in an RV on the beach, wants to live an honest life unlike the others who know they aren't well, yet can't seem to change for the better.

Kawi could change his present for the better, but he only cares about his future. Kawi is so focused in a future that he already lived that he continues to miss the point about being present. Instead of waiting in the past to see how events unfolded, Kawi jumped to the future. Instead of Kawi being honest about his emotions and how they are evolving, he focuses on what he he used to feel. Kawi is so focused on how the past affected his future, that he doesn't realize the only place he needs to be is the present.

Kawi shouldn't have jumped back to the future. Kawi shouldn't have shown up to that wedding. And Kawi shouldn't have gone to Pisaeng.

Because Kawi is the absolute worse when he tries to make the world fit into his predetermined idea of what his perfect future looks like and how his past influenced it instead of just allowing himself honesty in that moment.

Kawi can't change the past with the idea of changing his future in mind. He needs to change his present for the sake of changing himself regardless if that is the past or future. He needs to focus on the moment regardless of where the moment is.

Pisaeng's drunk kiss on his wedding day exposed this vicious cycle between them of holding onto an idea for years until it destroys them, but, hopefully, Kawi will see that hiding their real current feelings behind plausible future excuses only hurts them.

Moving Forward

Every week, I make some wild ass theory about this show, and every week it goes in the opposite direction since this show has been unpredictable.

Because this show is telling us we need to exist in that moment, not the future.

The show will end how it ends regardless of how I want it to end.

Much like Kawi is learning, we have to be present, and we have to be patient.

Because good things come to those who wait.

Sidenote: There is only one this week because this is the only one we need.

Without realizing it, you've become an important part of my life.

Episode 5 | Episode 8

Explaining Thai to the Casual BL Watcher - It Has Registers

So I’ve been immersed in Thai BL for a while now and also learning Thai in order to travel to Thailand soon. My best friend is Thai American. There were a lot of things in Thai BL that confused me linguistically so I thought they might be confusing some of you, thus I decided to explain some shizz in case it would assist in BL enjoyment. Here’s the most useful foundational info I’ve learned about Thai. 

Codicil: These are generalities to help with comprehension as a consumer of Thai BL, not nuances to help with emersion if you plan to live in Thailand. 

Here’s a quick guide to train your ear for particles

(These will come at the end of sentences, simplified for comprehension.) 

So, you might find it easiest to think of particles as spoken punctuation. So the “polite particle” is really just a sentence ender, like period. 

So for example, ha/ja are both particles, but that are not strictly polite HOWEVER they’re still called polite particles by non-Thais, to distinguish them from other particles like those used to indicate question/entreaty na/la/wa (pretend there are spoken ?), and mandates/orders si/di. 

Just err on the side of using a particle whenever possible, otherwise you’re speaking without punctuation, which is low register and quite rude.

Formal polite particles:

krap/kap/krab used by male identified individuals

kha/ka used female identified individuals

si for imperatives and mandates (orders)

na to soften, question, and plead

Informal but still somewhat polite particles:

kha used by third gender identified individuals

di for imperatives and mandates (orders)

sa for forced encouragement

la for mild entreaty

Informal household particles

ja used with very close friends/family and by the queer community, friendly and informal

kha used by a male identified person for certain VERY specific reasons

ha as used with lovers and close family members, intimate and informal

Rude particles, to be used ONLY with piers after an established relationship

gu/mueng for I/you pronouns (not particles, but it’s important to know this as BL uses this all the time but travelers NEVER SHOULD)

wa for questions

also… no particles or honorifics at all = rude

The Thai language exists in registers 

Thai has what we call linguistic registers: 

high

low

frozen 

Registers dictate word use so far as: pronouns, polite particles, and honorifics. Registers also contain specific words used only in them. Registers are not codified, they are situational (so there are no hard and fast rules). Your register depends on your current social situation, relationship to others around you, and what form the language is taking (written, spoken, sung). All those aspects can change and shift over time. 

Thai uses the above particles (and honorifics, see this post) to indicate registers: 

formal, 

informal, 

rude (impolite), 

polite, 

(also ultra formal, written, legal, ancient, and royal = mostly frozen, so not used much in daily life). 

What’s difficult to understand is that these can be combined. Something can be formal and polite, formal and rude (I know, which is why you much be careful), informal but polite, informal AND rude (guu/mueng). 

FROZEN REGISTER 

These are words and terms considered mainly old-fashioned, servile, overly polite, or used only with royalty. They may appear in poetry, in a historical context (including dramas), or written down but you will almost never hear them spoken in Thai BL. Occasionally, you may hear them sung. Usually they’re only used in formal speeches, pledges, and contracts. (Here a post on ter which is semi-frozen in its you form, but you can hear TIne sing ter to Sarawat at the end of Still 2gether.) 

Words can move from frozen into everyday use. There’s some hypotheses that the much increased use of rao (for I instead of we) in everyday use these days has to do with the huge popularity of several Thai historical dramas. 

The closest we have to this in English is legalese, or in the UK super posh accents and behaviors when meeting the Queen or her family. 

HIGH REGISTER  

When you’re learning and writing Thai, in the workplace, or dealing with elders and strangers you are in high register. You’ll be using formal and polite language. If you’re traveling to Thailand casually as a tourist, this is the version you should speak. Unfortunately, it’s not common in BL. 

The easiest way to spot high register outside of context is: 

men use pom/phi or their own names for I sometimes chan/nai and very rarely rao

women will use chan or their own names for I 

everyone uses gender neutral khun for you or name (for someone younger/same age) or phi/P+Name for someone older  

The use of pom & khun are easiest to spot in Thai BL. 

Characters tend to use the following particles (you can think of these as the spoken punctuation at the end of sentences that make you sound less rude or curt) for high register: 

krap (m) or kha (f) in general (formal gender neutral is hard to come by) 

si = for imperatives (orders, mandates) 

na = to soften or plead or question 

There are more but these are the most common. 

High register: polite & formal = Pete 

Pete in Love By Chance uses very polite high register. Even when he is in informal situations (alone or with a lover) he never drops to impolite, the “worst” he goes is rao (sounds like lao). He’s the only character I’ve heard use this word for I* regularly, even when alone talking to himself. (It’s old fashioned and rather sweet/cute.) For you Pete tends to use the person’s name. You’ll note he says “Ae” A LOT? Where as Ae tends to respond with mueng and not say Pete’s name to him that often. 

If you’re male identified and planning to travel to Thailand, you should use Pete as your linguistic model. (Aside from the rao, pom is fine. Unless you want an old fashioned but gender neutral term for I, in which case you could use rao with friends, but they might be a touch amused.) 

* Tir & Masuk use rao with each other in Y-Destiny and it’s SO CUTE. Team, Manaow, and Pharm also use rao with each other when first meeting in Until We Meet Again. So age mates but not rude. Yok drops from khun (formal) to rao (formal but sweet) with Dan after they kiss in Not Me. 

High register: polite & casual = Pharm 

Pharm usually uses a slightly less formal version of high register in Until We Meet Again, even with Dean. Especially with Dean. (Dean uses semi-formal low register but is VERY curt.) Pharm will usually say his own name for I and P’Dean for you, when talking with Dean. 

Note both Pete and Pharm have a gentle shy reserve to their natures? That’s also linguistic. Most of the younger males in relationships with older males where they are the uke are using casual high register with their partners - e.g. Rome, Wayo, and Wayu (the exceptions are tsunderes Team, Pi & Duen). 

Seme males who are younger than their targets also use this register but they aren’t always as polite about it. So: Kong, Thun, Ming (up until a point), and Solo (very curt). Also Tin, who is the same age as Can but very high class, tends to default this register. 

High register: formal but not polite = Day 

Day in SOTUS uses high register in a formal but not necessarily polite way. It’s part of his character trait as an egalitarian bucking the codified informal phi/nong allegiances in college. And it is a source of contention in his relationship with Tew and resistance to participating in the SOTUS system. 

You can see this in his language because he often drops the polite particle (which is curt, see Dean & Solo) but then he uses khun for you, which is very formal. He refuses to use P’name for older characters and responds badly if one of them calls him nong. He doles out khun and expects khun in return. 

Just grow the f up = Bun & Tan 

I talk about the fact that Manner of Death is not typical Thai BL and part of that is based on their language. Tan and Bun are adults who meet as adults and exist in adult workspaces (we get that in BL from Taiwan and Japan but not often Thailand). 

With each other Tan & Bun use the formal khun for you. I rarely hear them using pom or own name for I, which makes sense, as there is a certain quality of youthfulness or lesser power when using these as I-personal pronouns. Instead, they tend to leave off first person pronouns all together. Which is actually really common in spoken Thai. 

In Episode 2 of Lovely Writer Gene and Sib use khun and chan and very much not phi/nong. They talk openly about using casual, formal, or age defining language and why they should/shouldn’t. It’s Sib who insists on grown up formalities. 

It’s a plot point because Sib intends to change his terms for Gene but only after “something” happens to make them closer. Dah dah dah dum. 

LOW REGISTER AKA GUU-MUENG 

Because of the high school and university setting for most Thai BL (and the codified phi/nong sibling relationship encouraged amongst Thai youngsters) the most common register you’ll hear in Thai BL is low register. 

This is only for use amongst equals, friends, intimates, and informal acquaintances. We used to have this in English for you - it’s thee/thou/thy in the archaic use (not the modern Scots). If you use this register in Thailand as a tourist you will be considered very VERY rude. 

Low register characters tend to use the following rude and informal particles & pronouns: 

wa, ha*, ja* (gender neutral) instead of krap or kha    

di instead of si = for imperatives 

la instead of (or in addition to) na = to soften or plead or question 

mueng for you 

guu for I/me 

* ha is generally used amongst blood family only, see Phun use it with his sister in Love Sick. An older male may use it to flirt with a younger one (or a male with a female) especially in bars as part of a pickup, see Team with Mon in the elevator scene in Y-Destiny. 

* ja is an interesting case and I could write a book on it, but it is intimately associated with 3rd gender and queerness and the social occupancy of liminal cultural spaces. Thus its rudeness is… relative? Ladyboy characters like P’Money in Love By Chance will use ja, even shout it or over emphasize it as a kind of declaration of identity. In a way ja has a touch of fabulous campiness to it. (these days) 

Low register: rude & impolite = Ae  

Except when talking with Pete’s mom, Ae in Love By Chance is pretty much always using low register, extremely informal and impolite speech. 

He’s crass. 

This version of low register will be strongly characterized by use of mueng, guu, and wa. As well as a ton of swear words. Ae’s niece takes him to task for using gu/mueng in particular. 

Many other BL characters who are the same age and in a relationship will also use this mode of speech (also close friends of the same age): Tharn & Type, Sarawat & Tine, Pete & Kao, Phun & Noh, Forth & Beam, etc… 

I think sometimes writers choose protagonists of the same age just so they can jump to the faster level of intimacy out the gate that this linguistic register emphasizes. 

Can speaks low register to Tin (but Tin doesn’t usually speak back informal). Tin finds it both annoying and attractive. 

The daddy dynamic they casually joke about is partly a result of their miss-matched linguistics. When Can starts using polite (and cute diminutive younger male) language with Tin (who is his peer, remember) at the breakfast table after sex, it’s a huge turn on for Tin. It’s kind of like baby talk but also Can is making an effort to fit into Tin’s world and be the kind of uke Tin wants. 

Across age lines? Almost never. 

Bohn uses this level of crassness with Duen, but to be fair, Duen started it. 

Low register: familiar, somewhat impolite, but not necessarily harsh = Pick 

Usually, when an older male is courting/befriending a younger male he will use this style of modified low register. Basically it is still familiar and objectively rude but somewhat softened and gentled by tone and particle use. 

Pick uses this with Rome in Puppy Honey (which is part of why Rome is encouraged to think of him romantically). Dean manages to do this with Pharm while STILL being curt and leaving off particles in UWMA. Other examples include: Fighter with Tutor and Saifah with Zon (Why R You), Win with Team (and everyone else in UWMA), Vee with Mark (Love Mechanics), and King with Ram (eventually in My Engineer). 

Linguistic brats 

In BL (for years) the only character to flip this dynamic is Duen in My Engineer and it is so impossibly rude that he uses this kind of informal language with P’Bohn (who is OLDER) out the gate, it’s actually hard to articulate how rude he is. It’s just NEVER done. 

* Updated to say Pi flips this dynamic with P’Mork as well, in Fish Upon the Sky too. So we have a new entry into the ultra brat category. 

I talk a bit about how these dynamics and portraying them physically and linguistically on screen pan out in real life actor to actor relationships here.

Low register: impolite, aggressively familiar, and somewhat rude = Ming 

When a younger male is courting an older male he will eventually try to use this version of low register. Basically it is a kind of attacking familiarity (he is the seme character after all) and also impolite. You might think of this as calling your crush babe or baby, but before there is any established relationship. 

Ming does this with Kit in both versions of 2 Moons, also Mark with Kit in Gen Y. Kong, however, does not do this with Arthit in SOTUS. Kong is quite polite, actually, he’s like the seme version of Pharm. 

Multicultural Aspect = Team 

To really complicate matters you will hear some younger characters use hia for you instead of phi or khun or P+name when addressing older characters. 

Team uses hia with Win in Until We Meet Again. This is a pronoun used by Thai speakers with/on Chinese ancestry/upbringing only. It is similar to phi but a little less formal and slightly more household intimate. 

Conclusion 

Okay so I hope you can kinda see how the linguistic register effects every aspect of a BL? What pronouns and particles characters use and why says a lot about their class, relationship, intentions, feelings, and so forth. It also speaks to the seme/uke dynamic. 

It impacts plot: 

We can watch Pete use extreme politeness and high register to extract himself from very sticky situations (like with P’Money’s squad). 

Characters can step up to high register for sarcasm (a long drawn-out rolled-r krap will often do this) or they can drop to low register to emphasize insult. 

Okay, that’s it. Waffling done. 

Others In This Thai Language for BL Watchers Series 

More on which BL couples use which register and which pronouns with each other and why it’s interesting from a BL character and story perspective 

Touch & Daisy in Secret Crush On You - Queer Coded Language and 3rd Gender Identity (the ha particle) 

Why Thai nouns are great & fun 

Why Thai verbs are great & easy 

The Thai Verb “to be” has only 3 different forms 

How registers/linguistics impact age dynamics also affects Thai actors’ relationships with each other so I drew up a list of Thai actor age brackets 

Because of that I also did an analysis on how Thai actors’ age dynamics with each other might impact their on screen portrayal of BL characters 

Explain that Word? Ter 

Explain that Verb? Song 

Resources post here. 

(source, kept up to date)

Be My Favorite: I’m All Caught Up!

So two nights ago, I kind of lost it, HAPPILY, in a binge of Be My Favorite – I’m here to report that I’m all caught up, I’m VERY SEATED for the ongoing episodes, and hopefully I can get it together to do episodic meta from here on out. 

First off, I’d like to say, publicly, that I had written multiple times in previous posts that I would NOT be watching BMF after having watched SOTUS, SOTUS S, and Our Skyy x SOTUS for my Old GMMTV Challenge. I thought Krist Perawat’s acting in SOTUS, etc., was awful, especially compared to what Singto Prachaya was delivering. While Our Skyy x SOTUS was markedly better than the two full series, Krist wiping his mouth after the airport kiss still gave cringe, and I was like, peace out, cub scout, hope you never do another BL again.

I RECANT. Clearly, much has improved by way of Krist’s acting skill – and, likely, by way of how GMMTV workshops their actors and scripts before filming a BL. (And I REALLY want to thank @rocketturtle4​ here for going very hard in the paint for Arthit and tagging me in your post, because your SOTUS meta absolutely had me thinking about Krist’s acting again. That piece was part of the inspiration and urge that led me to pick up BMF. Thank you! Good things happen when you clown, friend!)

(As well, I want to note that while Krist’s reputation regarding homophobia has not, by way of general public judgment, been fully redeemed, that I think recent discourse surrounding the early days of the pressures of shipper culture and how his comments were received is very interesting to peruse – especially for me, as I develop a MUCH sharper eye towards the toxic, negative impacts of shipper culture. This amazing dialogue between @absolutebl​ and @thelblproject​ has been EXTREMELY helpful to me in setting that history and context for me.)

So, with all that said:

Be My Favorite is a FABULOUS SHOW. The writing is SHARP, the acting is GREAT, and the chemistry between Krist and Gawin Caskey is SUPERB. 

Catching up to episode 7, I want to review what I’m seeing as the major themes of the series, ones that I’m seriously enjoying:

1) As I noted in my Monday night liveblogs, this show is structured in part around the inspiration of a few old yt dudes philosophers and physicists regarding time, space, truth, and relative existence. We gots Nietzsche, Einstein, Orwell, and – gah, the Thai writer of the book that Max was reading early in the series about Thai social hierarchy, and I cannot find the post that explains that book (if someone has the link for that post, please send, and I’ll edit it in here). (EDITED TO ADD: thank you to @grapejuicegay​ for sending me the link! The book Max was reading was The Face of Thai Feudalism, and here’s a wiki link for the book). Otherwise, receipts!

Just to recap what I wrote in underslept franticness on Monday night: the first of the old dudes to enter the ring of this series is Einstein, regarding time travel. I mentioned that I am a huge fan of Jack Finney’s Time and Again – I loved that book in high school. It’s a fantasy about how the American government uses Einstein’s work on weight and light to understand the dimensional aspects of time, the present, the past, and the future, and how multiple existences may be present – if you can create a pathway into them. 

I don’t know at all if BMF is talking to Time and Again, per se, but it IS talking to Einstein and relativity, along with Nietzsche and what’s referenced in the slide above – Nietzsche’s On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense (and, yooo: here’s the text! Read it! Everyone: READ MORE NIETZSCHE! Let’s meditate on power together when we have the time, eeee!)

I really want someone with a Ph.D to not allow me to say this, but let me offer a blasé summary of the text to say: what’s essentially being said in the dialogue between Einstein and Nietzsche is that truth is relative to the moment in time in which truth is being sought, and to the individual to whom the truth may have meaning. Truth is relative to the beholder of that person that is seeking truth. 

In other words: what, exactly, is the truth that Kawi is seeking? 

2) @respectthepetty​ (here) and @lurkingshan​ (here) are writing excellent meta on the dislikability of Kawi, and how this search for his “truth” is fucking him the hell up. First: I TOTALLY AGREE. This dude wants to spin that damn ball to find out if his life gets “better.”

And what we’re seeing is that he’s slowly relaxing the parameters of what “better” means. What “better” HAD meant to him, early on, was that he’d be in love with Pear, and that his dad would be alive. In episode 7′s rock star world, we see neither of those things happening; in fact, in none of his presumed worlds do we see that happening. 

Besides Kawi’s dislikability, which I’ll get back to in a second, I just want to say:

Him jumping to world after world is SO important to this story, and I really like that this series isn’t trying to hone in on ONE world being THE RIGHT WORLD, because – Nietzsche, Einstein, and Orwell aren’t necessarily the guys you want on the bench arguing in favor of a ONE RIGHT WORLD perspective. They’re the dudes who are like – bend some light here (Einstein), throw in a linguistical concept there (Nietzsche), and add some questionable politics and power control issues (Orwell), and, well, you got some messy worlds there, my friends.

In other worlds: this show is set, per episode, in the world in which Kawi is existing at that moment. It has relativity to his other worlds – because he’s an anchor in all these worlds – but not one specific present moment is his absolute truth. YOW.

3) Sooooo, where does that get us? It gets us to episode 7, an episode that really moved us…“forward” (??) (ha) in this series. In that, Kawi changed enough in his initial state at the start of the series to create a new future for himself that was vastly different than the ones in which Pisaeng was going to marry Pear.

What I am loving about this series is that by being anchored by the influence of the philosophers, in part, that we get to see a lot more light into Kawi and Pisaeng. Pisaeng, as we now know, was pressured by his mother to stay in the closet at a young age (cc @brazilian-whalien52 and @respectthepetty on the linked post!). 

What is your truth if you’re in the closet for so long?

In episode 7, Pisaeng has disappeared from the lives of his friends and Kawi for months. We don’t exactly know why at this point. But we get a hint at the very end of the episode – that he is ultimately spending his time, possibly in multiple worlds, being patient for Kawi to come around to Pisaeng’s love. 

Early in the series, as well, Kawi notes to Pisaeng that Pisaeng wasn’t being honest to Pear about not having feelings for Pear. I think this extrapolation has already happened in previous posts, but I’m not finding them at the moment, so let me give flowers to everyone who has said: that Pisaeng’s internal reality is also a world, a present, that Kawi doesn’t necessarily share by way of absolute reality – in that, what Kawi demands of Pisaeng early on is relative revelation for the sake of the people around him. And how will Pisaeng’s truth affect others? How will it affect Kawi, how will it affect his mom? How does it affect Pear?

All of that is relative truth that each individual, involved in these circles, must translate AND accept and digest in their own individual, micro-level perceptions. Pisaeng’s own truth BECOMES a kind of truth that is slightly different for each person that’s receiving it. 

4) And the same for Kawi. Except, we’re seeing it develop differently for Kawi. I think we have known, up until the end of episode 7, what “better” meant for Kawi, as I wrote previously – Pear, his dad’s health, etc.

But I think we’re going to see a change in Kawi now (hopefully). We’re seeing that Pisaeng keeps returning to Kawi, in almost all the worlds, as Kawi improves himself and checks himself against his “present.” Surely, what we want to see in a BL is Kawi warming up to Pisaeng’s affections. The fact that time travel is the modality by which Kawi will experience that change – vis à vis some VERY fascinating perspectives on what “truth” really means – is FABULOUS.

It’s unique, because – I think – in the story of Pisaeng, do we see a macro commentary on the reality of being queer in majority cishet societies that may view queerness as dangerous or something to be kept secret, as Pisaeng’s mom indicates. 

To keep one’s queerness in the closet – FOR THE SAKE OF SOMEONE ELSE, damn it – isn’t that a violation of one’s own truth? And one’s own reality?

5) And, final point (for now) (ha) is: a theme that’s been running through my head on this series is how both Kawi and Pisaeng CHALLENGE EACH OTHER TO CHANGE themselves. Maybe even… for “the better.”

Previously to all of this time travel stuff – neither of them experienced external pressure to change their worldviews. Pisaeng was going to marry Pear as a closeted queer individual. Kawi was going to live out his life friendless and companion-less.

Instead, THROUGH the time travel, and through their growth in all of these different worlds – BOTH of them have been forced to change.

I really like this lesson. One can become complacent. As Theory of Love so deftly demonstrated: behavioral change is really hard. But it might be a little less hard if you have a companion, a friend, maybe even a lover, going through similar changes as well.

Kawi is still dislikable, I think, because he’s not aware of either HOW or WHY he’s changing. But he’s changing, alright. He doesn’t have the context, yet, as to why this might be good for him.

Maybe the crystal ball will tell him that?

OR, MAYBE: he’ll come to realize that contentment in the present is ultimately what will give him the most happiness. As Pear said to Kawi during her wedding in episode 7:

“But as we grew older, lived our lives, and continued to make mistakes, we’d have to accept that this was the farthest that we could achieve.”

What Pear is saying here is: you can stop striving sometimes, Kawi. If you can just – BE – and accept that life is not PERFECT – then your future WILL just BE the result of THAT work THAT YOU DO NOW, THAT WILL CONTAIN MISTAKES.

What I hope to see in the future episodes of this series is Kawi recognizing that that work is what will be his revelation, and his ultimate truth for himself – the truth that makes him the most happy and fulfilled.

We’ll see. I haven’t even gotten into all the subtle references to Krist’s past that this script holds, but @lurkingshan​​ is holding that down in her meta (yay, Shan!).

I am in LOVE with this show, and am SUPER EXCITED to join y’all in watching it! I am VERY IMPRESSED with GMMTV taking another chance on Krist in a BL, and Gawin was a perfect choice as an onscreen partner.

(CCing a few friends who were holding me down during my Monday liveblog, here ya go, some meta for ya – THANKS FOR YOUR PREVIOUS FEEDBACK, FRIENDS! @dribs-and-drabbles​​, @grapejuicegay​​, @rocketturtle4​​, @chickenstrangers​​, @lurkingshan​​) 

P.S. I FORGOT TO ADD:

GAWIN. CASKEY. DAMN. CAN THE HOMEY ACT, OR CAN HE ACT? He is SO GOOD IN THIS, MY GAWD! Their CHEMISTRY! MEEP!

One of the things that's frustrating about bmf in the best kind of way is how it alludes to the future without giving us the full story

Like when pisaeng comes to kawi's house after running away from his wedding and he's got an injured cheek you wonder who did it. Was is pear? Was it pears dad? We'll never know

And then in the recent episode 8 where pisaeng pulls away from the kiss and tells kawi he needs to stop doing this we have to wonder how many times it happened? How many times did pisaeng give kawi and easy out like he did the first time?

All these allusions make these futures feel like real, like they are fully fledged existences that kawi (and us the audience) have been dropped. These futures are given weight to them, given complexities. the writers have taken the time to really flesh them out, even the parts we don't see, even the parts we'll never get to know, even if the future stops existing once kawi returns to the past