See, It Looks Normal, And Then You Get To That Last Part.

See, it looks normal, and then you get to that last part.

Rottmnt

thoughts to live by

neither “that’s not canon” nor “fuck canon we made this all up” but a secret third thing (canon shouldn’t be taken as gospel but is useful as a reference point for building upon and recontextualizing characters and details. if you worship the source material as unchangeable then fandom in general probably isn’t for you. if you have complete disdain for the source material you would probably enjoy yourself more in a different fandom)

i love it when characters are codependent. i love it when losing someone feels like losing a limb. i love it when two people "complete" each other so wholly and terribly that one can barely function without the other. i love it when the fear of losing the only person who understands them is so all-consuming they'll destroy anything to stay together, including themselves.

I really would like to read something like this, amazing concept @rosrets!

shadow and maria fall off the ark and escape from gun and become train hobos annnnd post

How could you ever resist teasing this dude.

Original Text

"Perception Check" -- Tom Cardy Lyrics:

On the horizon of this forest path, you see a group of dark cloaked figures slowly trudging towards you. What do you do? My half-orc barbarian braces her greathammer and- that's a one Critical fail. Steve, what do you do? Well, I believe in anticipation, my rogue would try and hide behind a tree- okay, I rolled a one That's another critical fail. Tom, what does your human bard do? Active Perception Check ...That's a natural 20 Let's fucking go

I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes These muthafuckas mean to harm us And they got to go So come on, get 'em now! You picked the wrong day to fuck around with my Tight crew There's no escaping it I can perceive you Here's what we're gonna do Me and ma boys gonna mess you up

I rolled a one I rolled a one

Fuck My boys are otherwise engaged So I'm gonna bring it all myself

Hey, I forgot, you're supposed to tell me what I see, right? Yes, thank you. Let's just slow it all down a bit. So, you notice that one of the hooded figures is a little shorter- I cast Vicious Mockery, nat 20, let's go

You're a short muthafucka And nobody likes you SHORT! Everybody says "Look how fucking short that guy is" And that stops you from forming meaningful relationships When you were born, everybody thought that you were just a head But then the doctor said "Wait, this stupid muthafuckin' tiny short ass baby got a tiny little itty bitty body and I hate it"

Your attack lands and absolutely shatters the mind of the cloaked figure. Perception check, please Nat 20, let's go! You perceive the figure was so short because it was a CHILD It's always a kid Specifically the child you've been looking for for the last 15 days game time and 5 days of our actual lives Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'll be better. His body's just lying there, right? Right? Yes...? Don't-

Loot that body Gotta loot that body now Loot that body! Gotta loot that muthafucka! Play my flute when I loot that dead kid's body Bitch

original version here:

Suffice to say: -Shadow and Tails likely took Maria dice shopping. -Tails is no longer allowed to play a bard again. -Shadow's going to have Silver DM next time.