Being The Eldest Daughter Is Like Them Putting A Lid On The Love Shower You Soaked Up When You Were A

Being the eldest daughter is like them putting a lid on the love shower you soaked up when you were a little kid, all so you don't end up this big-time spoiled brat. Instead, you're supposed to grow up all responsible and mature (which earns you those "you're mature for your age," "you're an old soul" comments). So, you end up being the person everyone turns to when things need straightening, even if you have to push your feelings aside. Eldest daughters become experts at sacrificing, so when they actually let go of things they care about, it throws everyone off. They pretty much become the third parent for their siblings, and sometimes they're even parenting their own parents. And here's the twist – you can't really vent about stuff because you're the oldest daughter. Making compromises becomes your middle name. All of this adds up to bottling up feelings and not really letting your parents in on much. But, when the whole act slips and you finally show how you truly feel, parents come back with, "Why are you so down? You've got a roof over your head, everything you need – some kids don't even have that." So, you end up feeling guilty about opening up. They do care, seriously, but it's mostly about your physical well-being. They're always bugging you about drinking water and eating on time. And their logic? "Who's gonna be stuck next to you in the hospital if you get sick? I've got a ton of important stuff to deal with, you know!" So, you dodge emotions. Then you get blamed and yelled at because your younger sibling gives your parent attitude and somehow it's your fault because you're the oldest daughter. You're taught that oldest daughters have to be soft, kind, and gentle, even when someone's wrong, even when the other person is acting like a jerk – you're told not to lose your cool. How does it start? You know, from simple things like "don't be like that, share your stuff with your siblings," "you're a bad kid for scolding your sibling because they wrecked your project, come on, they're just naive, you can do it again, right?" "You're a grown-up, stop whining about that." So, giving up on things becomes a casual thing, and then your whole life you're seeing yourself giving up on people, hobbies, everything, and you let other people take your stuff without a complaint or a single tear because that's selfish and oldest daughters aren't supposed to be like that.

now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me

I want to hug the moon, it looks like she would like one

this girl was bitching about me and when I found out, she said she is sorry not because she actually was but because I found out, basically, she got exposed and all okay but ykw she said to me she was like- "I am really sorry yaar flow flow mein bol diya tha tu toh hai bhi 'therapist friend' toh maaf kardegi na. We good?" 'we good?' jaaye tel lene, mtlb yaar chomu bhi mein banu aur dyaalu bhi aur god ji I was toh flabbergasted. She was acting all 'not my fault' about what she did like totally avoiding being accountable for her actions, the AUDACITY

I think something is wrong with me but at the same time idk what is right with me so does that automatically make it sound like something is wrong with me? Does this make sense? I hope it does.

I heard someone say, "Naps don't help when your soul is tired", and this couldn't be more real