Have A Crumb While I Work On A Meal

Have a crumb while I work on a meal

FOODS FOR WORMS, wen junhui

♡⸝⸝ loving junhui comes to you as easy as breathing. so it's only right that you love him with everything you've got till you're nothing but foods for worms to eat.

.ᐟ fluff. comfort. junhui cries and he should never cry, especially on his birthday. very mild soonyoung slander because he's an alleged furry.

🎧 everywhere, everything - noah kahan, gracie abrams

A/N - This is a love letter to Wen Junhui and nothing less, nothing more. I hope he receives all the love he deserves not only on his birthday, but for the rest of his life <3

The tenth of June was probably one of the most special days for you.

It was circled with a red marker on the calendar on top of your desk, there was a permanent countdown on your phone leading up to the day and it was also the sequence of numbers that acted as the password to all kinds of devices you owned.

Which, now that you think about it, is probably the most predictable thing and also the reason Soonyoung keeps getting access to your wifi from a five-mile radius of your apartment. But even after years and years of using it, you still haven't gotten the heart to change it. Not even when your internet provider, very concerningly, handed you a bill of your rising wifi charges and a list of browsing history you were honestly too scared to look at.

( You should probably ask him about the context of 'Help I accidentally started a cult' and 'Is it illegal to own a pet tiger?' but it's Soonyoung, so you're sort of glad you never did )

( It's still not as bad as 'Am I a furry if I pretend to be a tiger around people?' though, you have to agree )

The moral of the story is surprisingly not the fact that you should change your wifi password from 100696 so your boyfriend's best friend can't easily feed off of the service that you pay for with your money. ( For diabolical reasons that is, by the way )

The actual moral of the story, however: June 10th is a special day.

Junhui likes to call it his birthday. You like to call it his heritage day, his womb escape anniversary and the day that gave the world what would be the best gift of your entire life.

The fascinatingly beautiful being that is Wen Junhui was created nine months prior and was grazed upon this earth on the 10th of June.

Okay, that's a weird way to put it.

It's Junhui's birthday.

And you are anything but normal about it.

As always, the celebrations start on June 1st itself. You wake him up with a celebratory birth-month breakfast consisting of his favorites - pancakes with blueberries for eyes and a whipped cream smile for a mouth. Junhui gets up every year with a shy smile and a 'Sweetheart, you didn't have to do this' knowing damn well you're not going to be stopped from celebrating him at any point.

The two of you usually stay up the day before his actual birthday. Curling up on the couch with a show on the TV, it's tradition for the two of you to just rest and enjoy the silent night.

This time, Junhui saunters up to you just as you're finishing cleaning up the kitchen after dinner on the ninth of June. With a coy smile, he pulls you into the living room before sitting down next to you on the couch, quickly draping all over you and finding his comfort spot tucked into your side.

As some kind of show plays in the background, you pull him impossibly close to you. Between zoning out and focusing on the plot of the show, you press small fluttering kisses to the crown of his head. Junhui preens and leans into you like a cat, chasing the press of your lips with a tilt of his head. When you pull away at some point, he turns to you with the smallest pout on his lips.

The two of you spend the majority of the night like that, basking in each other's warmth and counting the minutes leading up to the second the clock strikes midnight.

And when it finally does and your phone chimes with a buzzing alarm to announce that yes, the day that you've been counting down is finally here, you turn to him.

Junhui knows the drill so he easily goes when you shift him to face you. There's a hint of a smile pulling at his lips because he knows what's coming.

The clock reads, ⩇⩇:⩇⩇

"It's your womb escape anniversary" Your voice is nothing above a whisper because the two of you are that close already.

"You're never going to stop calling it that, are you?" He sighs but he's clearly trying to hide a grin as he does.

"Never" You shake your head before you bring up a hand to gently cradle his face.

You let yourself stare shamelessly at the face of the man you've loved for what feels like an eternity.

"Happy Birthday, my love" You let the back of your fingers caress the soft skin of his cheeks. "Thank you for letting me share all your days"

Junhui smiles before he brings up a hand to wrap around your wrist. He tilts his head to press his lips to your palm before he holds it close and peers into you with his eyes that you fall in love with every day.

"Thank you"

When you lean in to kiss him, it's all slow and languid, much like the love the two of you share. There's nothing urgent about it, just a continuous press of fluttering lips like you're breathing each other into your lungs. You hold him by the back of his neck, fingers tangling in the fabric of his t-shirt as he presses his lips to yours in a final kiss.

"I love you"

"I love you more", comes out easier than breathing.

On the day of his birthday, usually, the two of you would get an off day to spend the day by yourselves doing whatever Junhui's heart desired.

The year before last, he wanted to go to the Ghibli Studio Museum. The trip, no matter how impromptu or unplanned it was, had been one of the best trips you've ever been. More than the shops, the rides or seeing all the characters from your favorite movies, what made you happy was the sight of Junhui running around the place with twinkling eyes, a beaming smile on his lips and a stuffed Totoro tucked under his arm.

Last year, he very cheekily asked if he could go to one of those build-a-bear showrooms and you were getting in the car as fast as you could, driving to the place at god's speed with Junhui beaming happily in the passenger seat. Totoro from Tokyo gained two new brothers that day - a rainbow bear Jun had named 'Sir Bear the II' and a brown bear you very confidently decided to call not Dirt but 'Durt'

This year, everything was usual from the birth-month breakfast in bed to the mandatory birthday shenanigans Junhui decided to be a part of. But when you'd asked him what kind of adventure he'd like to take on the day itself, Junhui had very carefully sat you down on the edge of the bed with his hands lacing yours.

"Will you believe me if I said I just want to spend the time with you?"

You swear your brain short-circuited for a moment before you managed to kick-start back into reality, asking him what he's trying to say. He had been so sweet as he explained how exhausted he was after all the work he'd been buried under recently. Moving back and forth through countries, doing an ungodly amount of work and on the edge of a teetering peak of his career, he cast his eyes down as he asked you,

"I want to stay home this time, spend the day with you. Just us two, is that okay?"

Not that you were going to, but how can you ever say no to a man ( a child in disguise ) with big brown eyes and a pout that can make you kill for him.

"Of course it's okay. It's your day angel, we're celebrating you. We can stay at home, of course." You had assured him "But there must be something fun that you want to do, no? You can't spend your birthday stuck at home with me all day. That'll get boring, Junnie"

"Never"

So that is what led you to this situation - slipping out of bed at six in the morning to quietly make your way into the living room.

In hopes of not disturbing Junhui who's still curled up on his side, soft hair falling to his face as he sleeps, you grab your clothes and make your way to the guest washroom to get ready for the day.

Once you're done with your shower, you pad into the kitchen to start breakfast. The pancake mix had been sitting in the fridge already so you turn on the stove before pulling out a batch of berries you'd picked up from the market yesterday. And as quietly and fast as you could, you get the signature pancakes with blueberry eyes and whipped cream smiles done before he wakes up.

It's almost seven when you're cleaning up the kitchen, the plate of breakfast sitting on the counter next to a large gift bag and a pink envelope addressed to my moon.

My moon,

Hi, my angel. By the time you find this, I'd probably be out of the house. If not I'm probably hiding behind the couch but don't look for me there. I know you don't like waking up to an empty house but I promise love, I'm just out to get you some flowers. That's an excuse for you know I can't stand the sight of you even slightly sad and that's why I ran.

But I'll be back with your flowers before you even realize I'm gone, okay? Don't worry too much pretty boy.

You know that I'm not good with words, Jun, that's why I'm writing a letter in the first place. If only I had the guts to say all this to your face. Because you deserve nothing else, baby, nothing else. But I'm a coward when it comes to voicing out my love to you so here I am in the kitchen at three in the morning, two glasses of wine deep because I'm scared I'll mess this up if I'm sober or if it's not dark outside.

So, it's your birthday today - and no matter how many times you ask me to be normal about it and not call it your womb escape anniversary and make a whole scene - you know I'm going to

When else am I going to celebrate you, my Jun?

You know that if I could, I would, everyday for the rest of my life. Because you deserve nothing less than that.

Sometimes you say that you don't deserve me, or that I'm too good for you. And it makes me so sad because, Jun, what you don't realize is how lucky I am to have you in my life. If anything, I'm not good enough for you.

When I met you years ago, you still in your bleached hair, I never thought for a moment that you'd be the person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. Not because I never saw you as someone I'd want to share my life with, but rather because how? How in the world can I call you, the kindest, the prettiest and the most beautiful soul I've ever met, mine.

Every single day that I wake up to you lying next to me, I thank the moon for bringing you to me. I don't know what good I'd done in my past life to have this kind of love, have you in my life.

I hadn't realised something was missing from my life till you showed up in front of me, Jun. With your silly little smile and your pretty face and the bounce in your step, you slowly opened the door to a world I had never even known to exist before. I hadn't realised what it meant to love until you came along angel.

I thought I'd been in love, before, you know? I thought love was fancy dinners in restaurants I couldn't afford for a night. I thought love was kisses that you share for the whole world to see. I thought it was going our my way to make myself better for someone else.

But, no.

You're the one who showed me that love is the 'good morning' you mumble around a toothbrush, the leftovers you put in the microwave for me, the sticky notes on the fridge, sending pictures of the sky even if it looks ordinary, the hair tie you keep around your wrist. Love is the way you follow me around the house, the way I cling to you when I come home. Love is putting a blanket on me when I fall asleep on the couch. Love is raising little pixel babies and running a shop in cats & soup.

I think loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done, Junhui. It comes to me as natural as breathing. I didn't need a handler or a guidebook to learn how to love you - actually, I don't think I learned at all. Loving you was so easy that I didn't even realize I did. I didn't realize how much I loved you until I thought about losing you.

You asked me once what my biggest fear was and I said heights because I'm a coward like that. But in truth, a life without you is my biggest fear, I think. Now that I have you, now that I've gotten a taste of what being loved by you feels like, I don't think I'll ever want to let you go. I'm scared I'll never want to let you go. I hope you never want to let me go either, my love. I don't think I'll ever be okay with that.

People like you and me, we don't let ourselves have nice things, Jun. We think it's a burden to be loved, to love. We think it's too much to want to be held and cared for. We think we don't deserve to be loved. But we do. We can have that, my love. You, me, we all deserved to be loved gently. We all deserve the impromptu flowers and the good night message and the 'I love you's. It's hard to not listen to the tiny voice in the back of your head saying you don't deserve this, but you do, Junhui. You deserve to be loved for your soul if not much more.

As much as you don't believe me when I say you're the best thing that happened to me, deep down we both know that each other is what keeps us grounded, we both know. You keep me afloat, Junhui. When I feel like a ship wrecked in the middle of the ocean, you're the one who keeps me afloat and guides me to the shore. You might not know it or not believe it, but without you, I'd be falling apart.

Without me, I believe you would be okay. Manage. But ultimately, I wouldn't be okay without you.

So, as selfish as it sounds, I'm going to let myself have this one thing for the rest of my life. I'm going to keep you next to my heart and love you for as long as you let me have you.

Selfishly, I can only ask you to do the same. Love me as long as you can, keep me in your heart for as long as you can, my moon.

Happy Birthday, angel. I love you for an eternity.

From earth, to the moon, underwater, on shore, with every star in the galaxy, I will love you with everything I have till we're foods for the worms to eat.

Yours forever.

You knew it was going to make him cry, you knew. That's one of the main reasons you left the house with an excuse to get flowers. You could have gotten the goddamn flowers delivered to your doorstep. Hell, you could have even done it yesterday. But if there was anything you hated, it was seeing Junhui cry. So running away with a flimsy excuse seemed like the best thing to do at the time.

Junhui knew it too - how much it pained you to see him cry. He also knew that it had taken a lot out of you to write that letter. You've never been comfortable with professing your feelings into words and voicing them upright. You showed your love through random gifts thrown his way with a shy 'saw this and thought about you' or occasional 'did you eat?' messages throughout the day that translated into a quiet I love you.

Your love was quiet, but it was strong.

It seeps from you and circles around his whole being, holding him tight until he's grounded to the very earth he stands on. It kept him whole, kept him together.

So this, writing down everything on your mind, two drinks in or not, he knows it must have taken a lot out of you. And the mere thought of you sitting in the kitchen with your head in your hands, trying to turn your feelings into words, destroyed him.

He knows he should have stopped crying when he hears the familiar sound of the front door opening. You're back. You're back and god, he needs to get himself together.

"Jun?"

You call out and he can hear the hesitance in your voice. You know he's read the letter and it breaks him to realize that you're probably nervous to face him after such a vulnerable pour of emotions. He wishes he could stop crying but it's so so hard when the words on the paper made him feel like he got stabbed in the heart. And the way some words were blotched in a way only tears could do, twister the knife in the wound even more.

So, here he is now, bleeding on the kitchen counter because he feels loved more than he has ever felt in his entire life of twenty-eight years.

"Jun"

You stand in front of him, lingering in the kitchen door as your face falls at the sight of him. He guesses he doesn't look his best right now. He's bracing himself up against the counter, trying not to fall even more apart as his fingers grip the letter. Valid.

He can't even answer you, let alone acknowledge you. He's still trying to stop his crying and failing miserably right in front of you.

Junhui watches as you carefully approach him with the bouquet you had brought home for him. It's a mix of daisies and baby's breath wrapped in a see-through paper and Junhui thinks it's so pretty. If he wasn't so preoccupied with his sobbing, he would have bounced up to you and accepted it with a big smile and a kiss on your cheek.

"You're crying" Junhui almost laughs as you blindly state the obvious. Your eyes are wide as you reach him, the bouquet still in your clutch. "Why are you crying"

"You're the one who made me cry" He says through his tears, tone accusatory. "This letter- what you wrote, yn it's- It's so...I don't even know- god"

With the force he throws himself at you, he's surprised you manage to stay upright. Junhui curls around your body, arms winding around your frame as he pushes his face to your neck. You can feel the way your skin dampens with his tears.

Carefully putting down the bouquet on the counter, you circle your arms around his shoulders and pull him into your embrace a little tighter.

"I didn't want to cry on my birthday" Junhui whispers, lips fluttering against your skin.

I'm sorry. "I'm not sorry, Jun"

You feel him still in your hold for a fleeting moment before he pulls back to look at your face.

"I'd wanted to say all that for a long time, Jun" You say as you bring a hand up to cradle his face. As always, he leans into it like a preening cat. "I'm sorry for making you cry. But I'm not sorry for anything I said"

Junhui lurches forward to hide his face again, another one of those heartbreaking sobs on the tip of his tongue. You hold him tighter, if it's even possible, as he breaks down on you. One hand rubbing comforting circles on his back, moving the both of you back and forth in a rhythm, you hold him until he's calmed down enough to breathe through his nose. When he pulls away this time, his face is crumpled in a kind of embarrassment and shyness.

"Oh, my baby" You can't help but coo at the sight of his flushed nose and damp eyes. "You're a wreck"

"Your fault" Junhui grumbles before bringing up a hand to wipe at his eyes. You chuckle as you cradle his face and wipe away the tears clinging to his cheek.

"Happy Birthday" You almost whisper, holding his face in the palms of your hand. "You look beautiful"

Junhui averts his eyes from yours, the shyness slithering up his spine at a rapid speed. He doesn't voice out his thank you but it shows in the way the tips of his ears turn red under wisps of soft brown hair.

"Oh- the flowers" You quickly move to pick up the bouquet from the counter. With a coy smile of your own, you hand it to Junhui who takes it with a smile and a soft,

"Thank you. They're so pretty"

Junhui is taller than you, so to land the kiss perfectly square on his forehead, you have to reach up on your tiptoes. Junhui laughs and ducks down when he realizes what you're trying to do. Lifting to hold him by the neck, you press your lips against his forehead.

Junhui only pulls you back in after putting away the bouquet. He takes you by the waist before leaning down to catch your lips with his, pressing forward and dripping honey sweet pure love onto you with a sealed kiss. Your hands cradle the back of his neck as he leans forward, tipping you ever so slightly backwards as his love bleeds through every press of his lips against yours.

Even when he pulls away to breathe, he keeps his forehead pressed to yours, holding you as close as he possibly could.

"I love you so much" You whisper. "I think I made that clear in the letter"

Junhui laughs before pulling you into a hug again. A proper one this time with your face pressed to his shoulder and his lips pressing kisses to the crown of your head.

Your fingers unconsciously grip the back of his shirt tightly like you're scared he'll disappear into the day before you. It makes him think back to what you're written on the letter. About how your biggest fear is a life without him. How you won't be able to live if you didn't have him.

And it makes Junhui come to a realisation of his own. Ultimately, he wouldn't be okay without you either.

Thinking back to how you had claimed you're going to keep holding on to him as long as you can, as selfish as it may sound, Junhui realises that yeah, this is what love means to him. This is the sole reason he's been standing for so long.

Even though there's still a voice in the back of his head screaming that he doesn't deserve this kind of love, he decides that yes, he's going to let himself have this. The pure need to selfishly love you for the rest of your lives overpowers whatever voice screaming at him anyway.

From earth, to the moon, underwater, on shore, with every star in the galaxy, he's going to hold on to this for as long as he can bear. Because there's nothing more he wants than to love you with everything he's got. All until you're food for the worms to eat.

Junhui, true to your words, very selfishly hopes that you keep his hands in yours and your heart in his until your fingers decompose.

For you're his forever as well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOSHI! 🐯🧡 (1996.06.15)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! thank you for reading and also for the feedback omgg 💕

FOODS FOR WORMS, wen junhui

♡⸝⸝ loving junhui comes to you as easy as breathing. so it's only right that you love him with everything you've got till you're nothing but foods for worms to eat.

.ᐟ fluff. comfort. junhui cries and he should never cry, especially on his birthday. very mild soonyoung slander because he's an alleged furry.

🎧 everywhere, everything - noah kahan, gracie abrams

A/N - This is a love letter to Wen Junhui and nothing less, nothing more. I hope he receives all the love he deserves not only on his birthday, but for the rest of his life <3

The tenth of June was probably one of the most special days for you.

It was circled with a red marker on the calendar on top of your desk, there was a permanent countdown on your phone leading up to the day and it was also the sequence of numbers that acted as the password to all kinds of devices you owned.

Which, now that you think about it, is probably the most predictable thing and also the reason Soonyoung keeps getting access to your wifi from a five-mile radius of your apartment. But even after years and years of using it, you still haven't gotten the heart to change it. Not even when your internet provider, very concerningly, handed you a bill of your rising wifi charges and a list of browsing history you were honestly too scared to look at.

( You should probably ask him about the context of 'Help I accidentally started a cult' and 'Is it illegal to own a pet tiger?' but it's Soonyoung, so you're sort of glad you never did )

( It's still not as bad as 'Am I a furry if I pretend to be a tiger around people?' though, you have to agree )

The moral of the story is surprisingly not the fact that you should change your wifi password from 100696 so your boyfriend's best friend can't easily feed off of the service that you pay for with your money. ( For diabolical reasons that is, by the way )

The actual moral of the story, however: June 10th is a special day.

Junhui likes to call it his birthday. You like to call it his heritage day, his womb escape anniversary and the day that gave the world what would be the best gift of your entire life.

The fascinatingly beautiful being that is Wen Junhui was created nine months prior and was grazed upon this earth on the 10th of June.

Okay, that's a weird way to put it.

It's Junhui's birthday.

And you are anything but normal about it.

As always, the celebrations start on June 1st itself. You wake him up with a celebratory birth-month breakfast consisting of his favorites - pancakes with blueberries for eyes and a whipped cream smile for a mouth. Junhui gets up every year with a shy smile and a 'Sweetheart, you didn't have to do this' knowing damn well you're not going to be stopped from celebrating him at any point.

The two of you usually stay up the day before his actual birthday. Curling up on the couch with a show on the TV, it's tradition for the two of you to just rest and enjoy the silent night.

This time, Junhui saunters up to you just as you're finishing cleaning up the kitchen after dinner on the ninth of June. With a coy smile, he pulls you into the living room before sitting down next to you on the couch, quickly draping all over you and finding his comfort spot tucked into your side.

As some kind of show plays in the background, you pull him impossibly close to you. Between zoning out and focusing on the plot of the show, you press small fluttering kisses to the crown of his head. Junhui preens and leans into you like a cat, chasing the press of your lips with a tilt of his head. When you pull away at some point, he turns to you with the smallest pout on his lips.

The two of you spend the majority of the night like that, basking in each other's warmth and counting the minutes leading up to the second the clock strikes midnight.

And when it finally does and your phone chimes with a buzzing alarm to announce that yes, the day that you've been counting down is finally here, you turn to him.

Junhui knows the drill so he easily goes when you shift him to face you. There's a hint of a smile pulling at his lips because he knows what's coming.

The clock reads, ⩇⩇:⩇⩇

"It's your womb escape anniversary" Your voice is nothing above a whisper because the two of you are that close already.

"You're never going to stop calling it that, are you?" He sighs but he's clearly trying to hide a grin as he does.

"Never" You shake your head before you bring up a hand to gently cradle his face.

You let yourself stare shamelessly at the face of the man you've loved for what feels like an eternity.

"Happy Birthday, my love" You let the back of your fingers caress the soft skin of his cheeks. "Thank you for letting me share all your days"

Junhui smiles before he brings up a hand to wrap around your wrist. He tilts his head to press his lips to your palm before he holds it close and peers into you with his eyes that you fall in love with every day.

"Thank you"

When you lean in to kiss him, it's all slow and languid, much like the love the two of you share. There's nothing urgent about it, just a continuous press of fluttering lips like you're breathing each other into your lungs. You hold him by the back of his neck, fingers tangling in the fabric of his t-shirt as he presses his lips to yours in a final kiss.

"I love you"

"I love you more", comes out easier than breathing.

On the day of his birthday, usually, the two of you would get an off day to spend the day by yourselves doing whatever Junhui's heart desired.

The year before last, he wanted to go to the Ghibli Studio Museum. The trip, no matter how impromptu or unplanned it was, had been one of the best trips you've ever been. More than the shops, the rides or seeing all the characters from your favorite movies, what made you happy was the sight of Junhui running around the place with twinkling eyes, a beaming smile on his lips and a stuffed Totoro tucked under his arm.

Last year, he very cheekily asked if he could go to one of those build-a-bear showrooms and you were getting in the car as fast as you could, driving to the place at god's speed with Junhui beaming happily in the passenger seat. Totoro from Tokyo gained two new brothers that day - a rainbow bear Jun had named 'Sir Bear the II' and a brown bear you very confidently decided to call not Dirt but 'Durt'

This year, everything was usual from the birth-month breakfast in bed to the mandatory birthday shenanigans Junhui decided to be a part of. But when you'd asked him what kind of adventure he'd like to take on the day itself, Junhui had very carefully sat you down on the edge of the bed with his hands lacing yours.

"Will you believe me if I said I just want to spend the time with you?"

You swear your brain short-circuited for a moment before you managed to kick-start back into reality, asking him what he's trying to say. He had been so sweet as he explained how exhausted he was after all the work he'd been buried under recently. Moving back and forth through countries, doing an ungodly amount of work and on the edge of a teetering peak of his career, he cast his eyes down as he asked you,

"I want to stay home this time, spend the day with you. Just us two, is that okay?"

Not that you were going to, but how can you ever say no to a man ( a child in disguise ) with big brown eyes and a pout that can make you kill for him.

"Of course it's okay. It's your day angel, we're celebrating you. We can stay at home, of course." You had assured him "But there must be something fun that you want to do, no? You can't spend your birthday stuck at home with me all day. That'll get boring, Junnie"

"Never"

So that is what led you to this situation - slipping out of bed at six in the morning to quietly make your way into the living room.

In hopes of not disturbing Junhui who's still curled up on his side, soft hair falling to his face as he sleeps, you grab your clothes and make your way to the guest washroom to get ready for the day.

Once you're done with your shower, you pad into the kitchen to start breakfast. The pancake mix had been sitting in the fridge already so you turn on the stove before pulling out a batch of berries you'd picked up from the market yesterday. And as quietly and fast as you could, you get the signature pancakes with blueberry eyes and whipped cream smiles done before he wakes up.

It's almost seven when you're cleaning up the kitchen, the plate of breakfast sitting on the counter next to a large gift bag and a pink envelope addressed to my moon.

My moon,

Hi, my angel. By the time you find this, I'd probably be out of the house. If not I'm probably hiding behind the couch but don't look for me there. I know you don't like waking up to an empty house but I promise love, I'm just out to get you some flowers. That's an excuse for you know I can't stand the sight of you even slightly sad and that's why I ran.

But I'll be back with your flowers before you even realize I'm gone, okay? Don't worry too much pretty boy.

You know that I'm not good with words, Jun, that's why I'm writing a letter in the first place. If only I had the guts to say all this to your face. Because you deserve nothing else, baby, nothing else. But I'm a coward when it comes to voicing out my love to you so here I am in the kitchen at three in the morning, two glasses of wine deep because I'm scared I'll mess this up if I'm sober or if it's not dark outside.

So, it's your birthday today - and no matter how many times you ask me to be normal about it and not call it your womb escape anniversary and make a whole scene - you know I'm going to

When else am I going to celebrate you, my Jun?

You know that if I could, I would, everyday for the rest of my life. Because you deserve nothing less than that.

Sometimes you say that you don't deserve me, or that I'm too good for you. And it makes me so sad because, Jun, what you don't realize is how lucky I am to have you in my life. If anything, I'm not good enough for you.

When I met you years ago, you still in your bleached hair, I never thought for a moment that you'd be the person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. Not because I never saw you as someone I'd want to share my life with, but rather because how? How in the world can I call you, the kindest, the prettiest and the most beautiful soul I've ever met, mine.

Every single day that I wake up to you lying next to me, I thank the moon for bringing you to me. I don't know what good I'd done in my past life to have this kind of love, have you in my life.

I hadn't realised something was missing from my life till you showed up in front of me, Jun. With your silly little smile and your pretty face and the bounce in your step, you slowly opened the door to a world I had never even known to exist before. I hadn't realised what it meant to love until you came along angel.

I thought I'd been in love, before, you know? I thought love was fancy dinners in restaurants I couldn't afford for a night. I thought love was kisses that you share for the whole world to see. I thought it was going our my way to make myself better for someone else.

But, no.

You're the one who showed me that love is the 'good morning' you mumble around a toothbrush, the leftovers you put in the microwave for me, the sticky notes on the fridge, sending pictures of the sky even if it looks ordinary, the hair tie you keep around your wrist. Love is the way you follow me around the house, the way I cling to you when I come home. Love is putting a blanket on me when I fall asleep on the couch. Love is raising little pixel babies and running a shop in cats & soup.

I think loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done, Junhui. It comes to me as natural as breathing. I didn't need a handler or a guidebook to learn how to love you - actually, I don't think I learned at all. Loving you was so easy that I didn't even realize I did. I didn't realize how much I loved you until I thought about losing you.

You asked me once what my biggest fear was and I said heights because I'm a coward like that. But in truth, a life without you is my biggest fear, I think. Now that I have you, now that I've gotten a taste of what being loved by you feels like, I don't think I'll ever want to let you go. I'm scared I'll never want to let you go. I hope you never want to let me go either, my love. I don't think I'll ever be okay with that.

People like you and me, we don't let ourselves have nice things, Jun. We think it's a burden to be loved, to love. We think it's too much to want to be held and cared for. We think we don't deserve to be loved. But we do. We can have that, my love. You, me, we all deserved to be loved gently. We all deserve the impromptu flowers and the good night message and the 'I love you's. It's hard to not listen to the tiny voice in the back of your head saying you don't deserve this, but you do, Junhui. You deserve to be loved for your soul if not much more.

As much as you don't believe me when I say you're the best thing that happened to me, deep down we both know that each other is what keeps us grounded, we both know. You keep me afloat, Junhui. When I feel like a ship wrecked in the middle of the ocean, you're the one who keeps me afloat and guides me to the shore. You might not know it or not believe it, but without you, I'd be falling apart.

Without me, I believe you would be okay. Manage. But ultimately, I wouldn't be okay without you.

So, as selfish as it sounds, I'm going to let myself have this one thing for the rest of my life. I'm going to keep you next to my heart and love you for as long as you let me have you.

Selfishly, I can only ask you to do the same. Love me as long as you can, keep me in your heart for as long as you can, my moon.

Happy Birthday, angel. I love you for an eternity.

From earth, to the moon, underwater, on shore, with every star in the galaxy, I will love you with everything I have till we're foods for the worms to eat.

Yours forever.

You knew it was going to make him cry, you knew. That's one of the main reasons you left the house with an excuse to get flowers. You could have gotten the goddamn flowers delivered to your doorstep. Hell, you could have even done it yesterday. But if there was anything you hated, it was seeing Junhui cry. So running away with a flimsy excuse seemed like the best thing to do at the time.

Junhui knew it too - how much it pained you to see him cry. He also knew that it had taken a lot out of you to write that letter. You've never been comfortable with professing your feelings into words and voicing them upright. You showed your love through random gifts thrown his way with a shy 'saw this and thought about you' or occasional 'did you eat?' messages throughout the day that translated into a quiet I love you.

Your love was quiet, but it was strong.

It seeps from you and circles around his whole being, holding him tight until he's grounded to the very earth he stands on. It kept him whole, kept him together.

So this, writing down everything on your mind, two drinks in or not, he knows it must have taken a lot out of you. And the mere thought of you sitting in the kitchen with your head in your hands, trying to turn your feelings into words, destroyed him.

He knows he should have stopped crying when he hears the familiar sound of the front door opening. You're back. You're back and god, he needs to get himself together.

"Jun?"

You call out and he can hear the hesitance in your voice. You know he's read the letter and it breaks him to realize that you're probably nervous to face him after such a vulnerable pour of emotions. He wishes he could stop crying but it's so so hard when the words on the paper made him feel like he got stabbed in the heart. And the way some words were blotched in a way only tears could do, twister the knife in the wound even more.

So, here he is now, bleeding on the kitchen counter because he feels loved more than he has ever felt in his entire life of twenty-eight years.

"Jun"

You stand in front of him, lingering in the kitchen door as your face falls at the sight of him. He guesses he doesn't look his best right now. He's bracing himself up against the counter, trying not to fall even more apart as his fingers grip the letter. Valid.

He can't even answer you, let alone acknowledge you. He's still trying to stop his crying and failing miserably right in front of you.

Junhui watches as you carefully approach him with the bouquet you had brought home for him. It's a mix of daisies and baby's breath wrapped in a see-through paper and Junhui thinks it's so pretty. If he wasn't so preoccupied with his sobbing, he would have bounced up to you and accepted it with a big smile and a kiss on your cheek.

"You're crying" Junhui almost laughs as you blindly state the obvious. Your eyes are wide as you reach him, the bouquet still in your clutch. "Why are you crying"

"You're the one who made me cry" He says through his tears, tone accusatory. "This letter- what you wrote, yn it's- It's so...I don't even know- god"

With the force he throws himself at you, he's surprised you manage to stay upright. Junhui curls around your body, arms winding around your frame as he pushes his face to your neck. You can feel the way your skin dampens with his tears.

Carefully putting down the bouquet on the counter, you circle your arms around his shoulders and pull him into your embrace a little tighter.

"I didn't want to cry on my birthday" Junhui whispers, lips fluttering against your skin.

I'm sorry. "I'm not sorry, Jun"

You feel him still in your hold for a fleeting moment before he pulls back to look at your face.

"I'd wanted to say all that for a long time, Jun" You say as you bring a hand up to cradle his face. As always, he leans into it like a preening cat. "I'm sorry for making you cry. But I'm not sorry for anything I said"

Junhui lurches forward to hide his face again, another one of those heartbreaking sobs on the tip of his tongue. You hold him tighter, if it's even possible, as he breaks down on you. One hand rubbing comforting circles on his back, moving the both of you back and forth in a rhythm, you hold him until he's calmed down enough to breathe through his nose. When he pulls away this time, his face is crumpled in a kind of embarrassment and shyness.

"Oh, my baby" You can't help but coo at the sight of his flushed nose and damp eyes. "You're a wreck"

"Your fault" Junhui grumbles before bringing up a hand to wipe at his eyes. You chuckle as you cradle his face and wipe away the tears clinging to his cheek.

"Happy Birthday" You almost whisper, holding his face in the palms of your hand. "You look beautiful"

Junhui averts his eyes from yours, the shyness slithering up his spine at a rapid speed. He doesn't voice out his thank you but it shows in the way the tips of his ears turn red under wisps of soft brown hair.

"Oh- the flowers" You quickly move to pick up the bouquet from the counter. With a coy smile of your own, you hand it to Junhui who takes it with a smile and a soft,

"Thank you. They're so pretty"

Junhui is taller than you, so to land the kiss perfectly square on his forehead, you have to reach up on your tiptoes. Junhui laughs and ducks down when he realizes what you're trying to do. Lifting to hold him by the neck, you press your lips against his forehead.

Junhui only pulls you back in after putting away the bouquet. He takes you by the waist before leaning down to catch your lips with his, pressing forward and dripping honey sweet pure love onto you with a sealed kiss. Your hands cradle the back of his neck as he leans forward, tipping you ever so slightly backwards as his love bleeds through every press of his lips against yours.

Even when he pulls away to breathe, he keeps his forehead pressed to yours, holding you as close as he possibly could.

"I love you so much" You whisper. "I think I made that clear in the letter"

Junhui laughs before pulling you into a hug again. A proper one this time with your face pressed to his shoulder and his lips pressing kisses to the crown of your head.

Your fingers unconsciously grip the back of his shirt tightly like you're scared he'll disappear into the day before you. It makes him think back to what you're written on the letter. About how your biggest fear is a life without him. How you won't be able to live if you didn't have him.

And it makes Junhui come to a realisation of his own. Ultimately, he wouldn't be okay without you either.

Thinking back to how you had claimed you're going to keep holding on to him as long as you can, as selfish as it may sound, Junhui realises that yeah, this is what love means to him. This is the sole reason he's been standing for so long.

Even though there's still a voice in the back of his head screaming that he doesn't deserve this kind of love, he decides that yes, he's going to let himself have this. The pure need to selfishly love you for the rest of your lives overpowers whatever voice screaming at him anyway.

From earth, to the moon, underwater, on shore, with every star in the galaxy, he's going to hold on to this for as long as he can bear. Because there's nothing more he wants than to love you with everything he's got. All until you're food for the worms to eat.

Junhui, true to your words, very selfishly hopes that you keep his hands in yours and your heart in his until your fingers decompose.

For you're his forever as well.

seventeen as harry styles songs but it's so hard to pick one for woozi because literally every song goes with him???

svthub presents ... ☆ 2024 world tour ☆

This summer, SVTHUB is coming to a venue near you! From Tokyo, Italy, and Hong Kong to Brazil, join us and check in at your favorite cities all around the world! Our special guests have worked hard to prepare their performances, and we can't wait to share these chart-topping hits! parental advisory warning: you must be 18+ to attend the show. some songs on the setlist are explicit. see each individual city for more details and warnings. Get your tickets now before they sell out - click here to join the taglist!

now playing: "when in rome" by @highvern NSFW 💿 0:08 ─ㅇ─────── 4:05 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 최승철 choi seungcheol > genre: pop, r&b, elevator music, jazz — smut, fluff, comedy, romance > key: E minor, G major — friends to lovers, idiots to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar, harmonica, xylophone — non-idol au, happy ending, drunken confessions, tbd > lyrics: "After months of no contact, Seungcheol isn't sure what to expect when he sees you again at Jeonghan's wedding. He's prepared to apologize, to grovel, to bear the weight of a cold shoulder. Whatever it takes to have you back, his best friend since diapers; or whatever will ensure the last third of your trio has the best day of his life. But when he overhears the most recent development in your relationship, he must come to terms with something he was never prepared for, or risk losing you for good."

now playing: "somebody" by @onlymingyus NSFW 💿 0:08 ─ㅇ─────── 4:05 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 최승철 choi seungcheol > genre: pop, r&b, indie, jazz — smut, fluff, angst, romance > key: E-flat major, G minor, G major — neighbors, fake dating, idiots to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar, clarinet — non-idol au, happy ending, single parent au > lyrics: "When you need someone to help you out of a bind quickly you pick the first person you see to be your 'boyfriend', you just didn’t expect it to be your single hot dad neighbor, Choi Seungcheol..."

now playing: "ashes seattle, left behind" by @synthetickitsune SFW 🎧 1:00 ───ㅇ───── 4:05 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 윤정한 yoon jeonghan > genre: indie, electronic, punk — angst, supernatural, horror > key: D major, B-flat minor — strangers, unrequited love > instrumentals: synthesizer, cello, trumpet — non-idol au, flower shop au, reincarnation/soulmates au > lyrics: "Everything eventually comes to an end. Life. Love. Even marriage only lasts until death do us apart. So why should a soul bond be any different?"

now playing: "the mirror blue night" by @neoneun-au NSFW 💿 1:23 ────ㅇ──── 3:05 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 홍지수 hong jisoo > genre: indie, jazz, pop — angst, romance, suggestive (not explicit) & mature themes > key: D major, D minor — strangers, forbidden love > instrumentals: synthesizer, xylophone — non-idol au, infidelity/affair au > lyrics: "After the discovery that your husband is having an affair with a woman in your building, you run into her husband. At first you simply cling to each other in mutual destruction and betrayal, but as your lives entangle further you think there might be more there than just misery between you."

now playing: "when we met in venice: half past five high prologue" by @multi-kpop-fanfics NSFW 💿 1:23 ───ㅇ───── 3:05 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 홍지수 hong jisoo > genre: r&b, pop, elevator music — fluff, smut, comedy > key: D major — strangers to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar — non-idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "In the world of fashion, social media and influence, you're one of the game changers. But you never knew that a smaller player in the form of a freelance photographer would be able to change you."

now playing: "ocean view" by @junkissed NSFW 💿 0:06 ─ㅇ─────── 6:10 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 文俊辉 wen junhui > genre: r&b, jazz, pop — fluff, romance, smut > key: D major — strangers to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar, trumpet — non-idol au, happy ending, soulmates au > lyrics: "An all expenses paid trip to Greece for your friend's wedding seems too good to be true, but it gets even better when you meet a handsome stranger on the beach. With the help of a mysterious old lady, her magic deck of tarot cards, and one too many coincidences, you're starting to believe things really do happen for a reason."

now playing: "tracing time" by @wooahaeproductions NSFW 💿 0:06 ─ㅇ─────── 6:15 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 권순영 kwon soonyoung > genre: pop, r&b, indie, jazz, elevator music — smut, fluff, angst, romance, comedy > key: D major, F major, E-flat minor — strangers to lovers, enemies to lovers, neighbors > instrumentals: synthesizer, cymbals, electric guitar — non-idol au, college au, happy ending > lyrics: "In order to cope with your mother’s death, you decide to study abroad in Rio for the summer just like she did. You come upon the diary she kept during that time, following all that she did 20 years ago. However, you didn't expect finding love would be part of that process."

now playing: "rain or shine cafe" by @wonustars NSFW 💿 0:06 ─ㅇ─────── 6:15 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 권순영 kwon soonyoung > genre: pop, r&b, elevator music, jazz — smut, fluff, comedy, romance > key: A major — coworkers > instrumentals: synthesizer, violin, xylophone — non-idol au, coffee shop au, meet-cute/divine encounters > lyrics: "With no umbrella in hand on a rainy day, you felt like your life couldn’t get any worse. Losing your glasses while it’s pouring cats and dogs, well maybe your life really was the worst. Thankfully a faceless stranger was there to pick up your glasses and hand you his umbrella. You weren’t able to ever thank him for his act of kindness, but the sweet memory stays with you for awhile. Soonyoung was in need of a new job and on the first day of his interview he stumbles across a blind stranger with no umbrella, and no glasses. He didn’t think too much about the stranger then, not until his first day of work at Rain or Shine Cafe."

now playing: "strawberry wine" by @seokgyuu NSFW 💿 1:12 ──ㅇ────── 6:22 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 이지훈 lee jihoon > genre: pop, r&b, jazz — smut, fluff, romance > key: D major, G major — strangers to lovers, idiots in love > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar — non-idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "After breaking off your engagement to your cheating fiancé, you decide to take the planned trip to Paris anyway. A vacation alone with the honeymoon suite all to yourself seems like the perfect distraction. Just that, due to an internal error at the hotel lost soul Jihoon, who still isn't over his first love's death five years ago, is staying in the same honeymoon suite as you."

now playing: "asellus australis" by @wongyuuu NSFW 💿 1:17 ───ㅇ───── 7:17 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 전원우 jeon wonwoo > genre: pop, r&b, jazz — smut, fluff, romance > key: D major, G major — strangers, idiots to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar — non-idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "Wonwoo couldn’t possibly be the only person living in Sydney who didn’t know how to swim, so he reluctantly says yes to the lessons his friends signed him up for. When he learns that you are his instructor, he figures learning how to swim as an adult isn’t all that embarrassing after all."

now playing: "34.6037° S, 58.3816° W" by @the-boy-meets-evil NSFW 💿 1:17 ───ㅇ───── 7:17 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 전원우 jeon wonwoo > genre: indie, pop — angst, smut > key: D major, F major — strangers to lovers, enemies to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, xylophone — non-idol au, tbd > lyrics: "Your latest assignment has you jetting off to Argentina hoping to finally catch the infamous art thief that's escaped your agency one too many times already. You know what's at stake if you lose your focus. Enter: the beautiful stranger that has you questioning everything you know."

now playing: "prince of belvedere" by @drunk-on-dk NSFW 💿 1:17 ───ㅇ───── 7:11 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 徐明浩 xu minghao > genre: pop — smut > key: A major, F major, G minor — coworkers, enemies, fake dating > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar, cymbals, harmonica — non-idol au, happy ending, college au, drunken confessions > lyrics: "As an architecture student, you couldn’t have felt more blessed than when you received the opportunity to visit Austria with the firm you’re interning at. The only shortcoming? The fact that you were stuck with your coworker and classmate Minghao for the week. He’s always been your main competitor in class, somehow landing the same internship as you, and did you mention, he’s also quite the art snob? However, regardless of the rift between you two, you both are all too similar. Can a trip to Vienna allow for you both to enjoy the finer things in life, together?"

now playing: "meet me in amsterdam" by @okiedokrie NSFW 💿 1:17 ───ㅇ───── 7:11 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 徐明浩 xu minghao > genre: pop, r&b, indie, jazz — smut, fluff, angst, romance > key: F-sharp minor, B-flat minor, G major — friends with benefits, unrequited love, idiots to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar, banjo, harmonica — non-idol au, happy ending, religious themes, drunken confession > lyrics: "Y/N and Minghao are both artists who grew up together, feeling a connection to each other because of the subject of their work, they start a friends with benefits situation. Of course, someone falls in love and they break the arrangement. "If there is a 'next time', meet me in Amsterdam." "

now playing: "food wars" by @beomcoups NSFW 💿 0:46 ──ㅇ────── 4:06 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 김민규 kim mingyu > genre: r&b, pop, indie — fluff, smut, angst > key: A major, E minor — coworkers, friends to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar — non-idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "You and Mingyu are rival but friendly chefs competing for a spot to be an executive chef at a new location in Madrid. This position would change your life; no matter how attractive he is, you WILL get that spot."

now playing: "i get to love you" by @millennial-fangirl NSFW 💿 0:46 ──ㅇ────── 4:06 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 김민규 kim mingyu > genre: pop, jazz — smut, romance > key: C major — established relationship > instrumentals: drums, electric guitar — idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "Y/N and Mingyu decided to spend both of your honeymoon in Glascow. This is the first time in a long time that you spent so many days together without interruption. Whatever will happen."

now playing: "head over heels" by @gyupremacy NSFW 💿 0:28 ───ㅇ───── 2:18 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 이석민 lee seokmin > genre: r&b, jazz, pop — fluff, romance, smut > key: C major — established relationship > instrumentals: drums, electric guitar — idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "Dokyeom decided to take you away for a fun week in New York City. With his career as an idol always taking center stage, it'll be a refreshing change of pace. You can't help, but think your boyfriend has something big in store."

now playing: "after nightfall" by @wonuvs NSFW 💿 0:28 ───ㅇ───── 2:18 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 이석민 lee seokmin > genre: r&b, pop, disco — fluff, smut, historical au > key: D minor — forbidden love > instrumentals: piano, electric guitar — royalty au, happy ending > lyrics: "Deemed as the goody-two-shoes of the palace by your sisters and friends, you'd never not abided by your parents' rules—but when your eyes met his in the turmoil of your older sister's wedding preparations, breaking every single one of them had never seemed more appealing."

now playing: "strawberry jazz: love on the train to tokyo" by @idyllic-ghost SFW 🎧 1:16 ───ㅇ───── 6:16 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 부승관 boo seungkwan > genre: r&b, jazz — fluff, romance > key: E-flat minor, D major — neighbors, strangers to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, electric guitar — non-idol au, happy ending > lyrics: "In an attempt to let go of your past, you travel to a new city and pretend to be a new person. On the train to Tokyo, you meet a handsome stranger but miss the opportunity to get his name and number before you part ways. Lucky for you, your fates seem to be intertwined as you meet again just a few hours later."

now playing: "fall from grace" by @kwanisms NSFW 💿 0:18 ──ㅇ────── 2:18 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 최한솔 chwe hansol > genre: pop, electronic — smut, supernatural > key: D minor — forbidden love > instrumentals: synthesizer, banjo, xylophone — non-idol au, religious themes, guardian angel, demon au > lyrics: "Vernon has spent the past 26 years following Seungkwan around, protecting him from harm and the forces of evil; such is the life of a guardian angel. His abstention is put to the test when he meets Y/N, an initially unassuming server working in a club in Shanghai where Seungkwan is currently performing. He soon learns that Y/N is more than what she seems and intends on taking Seungkwan's soul to Hell, even if it means she has to corrupt him along the way."

now playing: "continuity error" by @nebulousbrainsoup NSFW 💿 0:18 ──ㅇ────── 2:18 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 최한솔 chwe hansol > genre: pop, r&b, jazz, indie — smut, fluff, romance, angst > key: E-flat minor, F major, G major — neighbors, enemies to idiots to lovers > instrumentals: synthesizer, cymbals — non-idol au, college au > lyrics: "The dreaded film bros of 1104 are the bane of your existence, none so much as Vernon Chwe. You've shared courses for the past two years and kept your distance, and as you go into your junior year, you don't see any reason to change that. Fate seems to have something against you, though, as you soon find that not only is he your next door neighbor this year, but you're stuck in the same thesis course, filming together all semester. You're not sure how or when, but before you know it, everything has changed."

now playing: "fate" by @cheolism NSFW 💿 2:11 ─────ㅇ─── 5:05 ⇆ ◁ II ▷ ↺

> vocals by: 이찬 lee chan > genre: pop, jazz, electronic — smut, romance, supernatural > key: D major — strangers > instrumentals: synthesizer, trumpet, harp — non-idol au, reincarnation/soulmates au, magic au > lyrics: "You never see his face; only the white hem of his robes, the way his hands grip the hilts of his dual swords as he twirls and dances alongside the river. You do not know him, this mysterious dancer; you know not the emotions that swell within you, that leave your chest sharp with pain. You do not know him, this river dancer, other than the fact that he is yours and belongs to a time before your blood turned black and the demon's mark was seared into your wrist. Meanwhile, shrouded in mist, unknowing who is truly friend or foe, Lee Chan is set up for a blind date by his company's ceo. (or: a my demon au)"