Sir, I'm Trying Very Hard To Be Respectful, Please.

Sir, I'm trying very hard to be respectful, please.

Like I adore this man but what can I do when he keeps on radiating Daddy vibes?

I'm reblogging this without reading because I know it will be good. I've waited for this for a long long time! The story and where it left of surely left me on edge. While waiting for the update of a running fic is a torture, it's also exciting. And the storyline is worth it!

Shout out the author! ❤️

if I can never give you peace — three || Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x reader // Word count (chapter): 6.6k // Genre: Mafia AU, Hybrid AU, enemies to lovers // Ao3

↳ It starts like quite a few stories do, in your world. Girl meets boy, who happens to be a hybrid, girl buys him at an auction where hybrids are sold, boy falls in love with her, girl gets bored of him. Then it’s not so typical anymore, when the boy ends up forced into illegal fighting rings, until he makes a wrong move and the girl’s father decides he needs to be killed.

Where does that leave you? Well, you’re the one who handled Jungkook’s fights and generally organized his life, and, when the girl’s father, your boss and mafia leader, tells you he wants him ‘put down’, you’re the one who has to get it done. Except, instead, you let him escape, and everything turns out fine.

Until he comes back.

Warnings and tags (chapter): Violence, Death Threats, Choking (not in a good way), gets kinda heavy on angst

First · Previous · Next

You’re early the next day. There’s a taste of satisfaction dancing on your tongue when you get into the cab you called for instead of the usual limousine. It’s not much, meaningless, really, but for the first time since you’ve started working for him, you don’t have the feeling that Jungkook is breathing down your neck. For the first time, you’re not merely trying to outrun him, knowing that he’s just waiting for the right moment to sink his teeth into you. You're actually ahead of him.

Suga is waiting for you when you get to the meeting room you’ve been using recently. He doesn’t look as composed as he usually is, you note. There are bags under his eyes, his hair is messy, and there’s a deep frown on his face. If he was one of your men, you would probably send him home. In that state, he could be a liability.

But Suga doesn’t work for you, and you’re not about to jeopardize today’s meeting by making a comment on his state.

“If you fuck up today, Jungkook will have your head,” is the first thing he says to you, matter-of-factly, with even a hint of boredom in his voice.

To be fair, that's not exactly news at this point.

“I need a clearer understanding of the situation in the places where you guys have taken over,” you say, ignoring his statement. “Who’s running them, who’s still around, how they made it work. Ideally, I’d like to meet some of them, too.”

“They won’t like you,” Suga says. He doesn’t seem bothered that you didn’t react to his threat.

“They don’t have to.”

Suga raises an eyebrow, staring at your back while you busy yourself organizing your notes. You’re good, he is willing to — begrudgingly — admit that, especially after the conversation he had with you last night, but there are some things, some fundamentals about Jungkook and the way he runs things that you simply don’t get. If you don’t understand it soon, that might be the thing that ends up causing your fall.

He doesn’t say anything, because it’s not his problem. Maybe it will be, one day, if you manage to make yourself indispensable.

Fuck. That would be such a fucking pain in the ass. That’s exactly why Jungkook should have just taken his advice and killed you as soon as he got his hands on you.

“I’ll arrange that, but if something goes wrong, you’re on your own.”

You almost scoff. You’ve bent over backwards for the most powerful and most dangerous man in the city for years. You’ve had to compose with all of hismen, some of them almost as powerful, all of them dangerous. You’ve dealt with his enemies, a number that had been going down for years, in no small part because of you — or at least you thoughtit was going down. You think you can handle it.

You know what Suga means, you’re not stupid. He means they’re hybrids and they won’t be thrilled to have a human poking around and expecting them to answer to her. You wouldn’t be surprised to hear that, for most of them, nothaving to be under a human anymore was the main motivation for the coup.

You’re not sure yet what will work. Right now, with the threat of a counterattack looming over Jungkook’s organization, you working for him means you work for all of them. That might — will — change down the line. With the threat eliminated, alliances will shift, and you’ll have to make sure they don’t try to fuck him over.

But that would mean you would all survive to the next— year, you’d say, give or take, after which most things should be settled, and right now, you’re not sure you like your odds. So this really isn’t the time for all those considerations. You should focus on surviving the year, and then you’ll think about your position in the organization.

“I need to know more about them so we can decide how to organize,” you say. “Who’s competent and who isn’t, who’s loyal and who just wants to climb the ladder.” In your experience, those are the categories that really matter. Competence will take you a little longer to determine, you already know, because when it comes to using violence, people can always surprise you. “I’ll make it work.”

“It’s your funeral.”

That almost makes you crack a smile.

Because it’s true.

The presentation goes smoothly. Your voice rings, calm, precise and clinical in the room and, though the group of men had seemed surprised and a little displeased to see you at the front, they’re all listening to you attentively. You go through the motions quickly, change the allegiance board Suga had been using so far, and classify people based on what you think the final layout will look like.

“It’s not set in stone, but this is what we should start working with from now on,” you say. “We’ll be working on drawing out clearer opposition, and hopefully get people on this side as fast as possible. The reason why we haven’t seen any clear action taken against Mr. Jeon is because they’re not ready to do it yet. We shouldn’t let them get to that point.”

“Why’s Fred in the ‘Unsure’ section?” a bull hybrid who you think has taken over the underground fighting rings asks. “I thought he was with us.”

“Because we can’t trust him,” you say bluntly. “With Fred, we should always work under the assumption that he’s not entirely on our board.”

“Shouldn’t we just get rid of him then?” someone else asks.

“Fred’s an asset,” you say, shaking your head. “He’s smart, he has connections, and he’s good at getting people on his side. He is also always looking for a way of climbing up the ladder. He should be kept at arm’s length at all times — but no further. The last thing we want is for him to look for another ladder to climb.”

Silence follows as everyone in the room takes in what you’ve been saying, and you think your work might be done, but your pulse doesn’t slow down. It’s been a nuisance throughout the whole thing, uncharacteristic worry running through your veins, and it’s all because of your boss, because of fucking course it is.

Jungkook hadn’t said a word to you when he’d walked in, nor when he’d taken his place at the back of the room, but the way his dark eyes bore into you had you on edge, and that was not something you were used to. He’d stayed there the entire time, not once losing focus, and yet you weren’t sure he’d listened to a word you said. You’d watched him go from confident to suspicious to thoughtful, but you couldn’t tell if it had anything to do with your actual exposé.

Either way, it made you feel small and vulnerable and you absolutely hated it.

None of that showed when you walked to him as everyone was starting to leave the room.

“I’ve given your schedule for the day to your chauffeur, Mr. Jeon, and made reservations in the restaurant you’ve enjoyed recently, but if you’d rather eat somewhere else, I can always change that. I’ve also made some notes for this afternoon’s meetings,” you add, pulling out a sheet on paper.

“Send that to my phone,” he says dismissively.

“Will do,” you say with a sharp nod. He’s probably being annoying, but you’d anticipated that and the informations are already in your phone, so it will only take seconds to get it done. “I’ll be reachable at any time, too. If you don’t need me here anymore,” you add, “I have to meet with the owner of Heaven’s Doors.”

Jungkook glances at the board.

“You put her in the against section.”

“I think we might be able to make her change sides.”

He sends you a quizzical look, one that you’ve seen before. He gave it to you just minutes ago, and it almost made you stutter just minutes ago. No matter how hard you scan your memory to figure it out, you can’t tell what provoked it. You open your mouth, instinctively, to justify yourself, but manage to bite back your words at the last second. Jungkook can be— terrifying, to be honest. He’s towering over you, shoulders large and muscular under the black suit that seems to be his signature look. His jaw’s tense, and his eyes look like they can see straight through you. Authority is emanating from him, and if you gave in to the fear, it might easily cause you to make a mistake.

You can’t afford that right now.

You stay silent under the uncomfortable stare. Finally, Jungkook relents.

He doesn’t look happy about it.

“You better not be fucking this up.”

“I will be doing my best, Sir,” you say, bowing your head respectfully.

And then you’re gone, practically flying through the door. That probably gives away how you were feeling, but you don’t care. You just want to put as much distance between you and him as you can, and to get back to doing what you do best.

Finally.

“She can’t be trusted,” Jungkook tells Suga seconds after you’re out. Human senses won’t pick up on it.

“No, we can’t,” Suga replies calmly. Right now, he has to wait and see if you deserve your reputation, if you’re any good. He also has to check up on some of the informations you’ve given them. It would be extremely easy for you to lie about some of these people’s position on hybrids to impress them when you manage to flip them. Until then, he reserves his judgment.

After that, however, if it turns out you’re legit, if you manage to worm yourself an important place in the organization… They might just have to give you their trust.

He doesn’t tell Jungkook that, because he has no reasons to protect you, but he also doesn’t tell him that he should hurry up if he wants to kill you.

And maybe even something as simple as that is already an admission of how good you are at this whole thing.

The sound of your heels precedes you wherever you go. It’s a sound most people who work for the Family are familiar with. It often means bad news — means that someone tried to fuck Mr. X over and that they thought they could get away with it. On other, rarer occasions, it was a simple courtesy visit, or because you had to ask them for something. Usually, though, you preferred to meet them on neutral grounds for such things.

These days however, your heels clicking against the floor have become synonymous with inspection. Sure, you’re always there to meet with the head of the place you’re visiting, officially, but everyone says that you see everything, that you know everything, and that you’re here to make sure that people are loyal to the new boss. Some say you planned the takeover with him, others that you’re just an opportunist, but, from what you can tell, the most prominent narrative is that you’re doing your job, regardless of who you’re working for. Which is the not the worst thing they could come up with, you suppose.

You fly efficiently through your contacts, getting in touch with everyone who holds even the slightest amount of power, testing the waters. The board of alliances shifts every day, drawing a picture that gets clearer and clearer.

It’s not looking good.

Of course, you find some people who are on Jungkook’s side, or can be persuaded, especially within the least powerful, those who were never in touch with the higher-ups anyway, but these are small fry. The more power these people hold, the more likely they are to sneer at you in contempt and tell you that they won’t let a hybridorder them around.

It usually doesn’t take long for those ones to throw you out. The way they seem to expect you to naturally be on their side, as a human, to immediately join them in their deranged rants, confuses you at first, but it soon simply disgusts you. You keep your face as neutral as ever, of course you do, but neutral isn’t good enough for those people. They expect approval, reassurance, complete adherence to their words, and that’s something you’re unwilling to give them.

Your heels click on the floor as you leave and get back in your car.

“Next one, ma’am?” Hector asks you from the driver’s seat, and you invariably nod, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror.

“Next one,” you confirm every time. You wonder if he expects you to break, to tell him you’re too tired for this, to complain to him. You never do. Your work those days is harassing, and your leash is much shorter than it used to be, having to answer to Suga every goddamn time you walk out of a meeting, but you keep pushing through. Sometimes, you wonder if you even have the capacity to break.

Truth be told, though, even with all of that, you’ve found that your apathy has— receded. Not by much but, through the exhaustion and the work, you sometimes catch yourself feeling a little— something. Frustration, sometimes, satisfaction at others. You’re doing a damn good job, and you know it, but you think what really makes a difference is the fact that you’re actually fighting for something. Sure, it’s not a grand cause, or something you strongly believe in, or even someone you want to protect.

It’s just your life, and it’s not much, but it’s yours, and you’re not going to let Jungkook take it away from you. For you, that’s already a lot.

You’ve always been in this for your family, on some level, but it’s been a long, long time since that lost any meaning for you. Your relationship with them is strained. You can’t remember the last time your mother looked at you without guilt in her eyes, and yet she keeps you at arms’ length. Being good at your job saved your siblings. It’s also made you dangerous for them, and she doesn’t want you around the. It’s a rational decision. You understand it, intellectually, but you can’t say it hasn’t played a part in making your life feel completely meaningless.

As for your father, well. You don’t think he’s thrilled that you outrank him.

In the car, you text Suga, letting him know of the result of your last meeting. He still doesn’t like or trust you. You’ve heard he double-checks everything you say, but he hasn’t caught you in a lie yet. He knows how valuable you’re going to end up being, knows you’re going to make yourself indispensable. You’re pretty sure that’s at the heart of the problem he has with you, actually, but he hasn’t been saying it to your face lately.

Not as openly as he used to, anyway.

It doesn’t take long for you to get a picture, by one of his men, of the updated board. The latest development confirm the overall trend: things are looking better than your original prognostic had implied. Which is— Things are very much still not looking great, but it’s better than nothing, probably.

Overall, you’d even venture as far as to say things are going pretty good.

Or they would, if there wasn’t the problem of Jungkook.

You see him on a daily basis. You often meet with him in the morning to give him a run-down of what he’s supposed to do. If you don’t, you see him later in the day, though he refuses to meet you when he’s eating. Says seeing you ruin his appetite.

As far as you’re concerned, you’re doing things right. Sure, you’re making it harder for him to kill you, but if he only wanted your head, you’d be long dead by now. He got a reaction out of you, just like he wanted. And yet, it’s obvious he’s not happy with that development. His mood has only been getting worse, and you can’t figure out why. If it wasn’t you he was unhappy with, you’re sure you’d have heard of the issue by now. If it is you… Considering it almost makes your recent resolution waver. Are you doing all of this in vain? Will he just end up killing you, even if you play by his rules?

That’s not something you can dwell on. The question scares you too much.

But you also can’t hide away from the way Jungkook looks at you. The hatred, the absolute and utter disdain in his eyes. Just this morning, as you were updating him on the situation and telling him what his day would look like — if he followed your program, which he’d been a little better with, recently, now that you weren’t right by his side for him to ignore — you could tell he wasn’t listening.

You wondered if he was thinking about killing you. Wondered if he was thinking about how you might slip through his fingers, if he regretted making you that offer on the day he’d killed Mr. X.

You sigh, and Hector glances up at you. Another question you can’t answer. This one, though, leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and a painful pang in your chest. You weren’t a good person, you knew that. You weren’t two years ago, and you aren’t now. You couldn’t blame him for hating you, couldn’t blame him if he wanted you dead, but God, why keep you around,then? It had taken him a second to kill Mr. X. Were you— were you that much worse than Mr. X in his eyes?

All you’d ever done was try to make sure your siblings wouldn’t join the Family.

You bite the inside of your lip sharply. It’s not enough to taste blood, but enough for the pain to distract you from these considerations.

“We’re here, ma’am,” Hector says.

You recompose yourself in a matter of seconds. When he opens your door to let you out, no one could imagine the existential turmoil you found yourself into, just seconds before.

“Let’s go,” you say.

Your heels click on the pavement as you enter the building.

You get a call late one night, when you’ve already gone home. You’re not asleep yet, because of course you’re not, still going over everything for the next day and still planning for what you’ll do after, when the war inevitably breaks out. The light in your impersonal apartment is cold, making everything feel sharp and cutting, but it at least helps keeping you awake, despite how tired you are.

A glance at the screen of your cellphone tells you that it’s one of the many, many nameless informants you’ve collected over the years. Seeing it takes you by surprise. You have a well-oiled chain of command by now, and they’re not supposed to answer to you directly, so you have to assume they must have a good reason which, these days, is probably not good for you. It only takes you seconds to pick it up.

“Listening.”

The conversation is short and to the point, the person at the other end of the phone giving only the relevant informations. Usually, that’s exactly how you like for these things to go, but right now, there isn’t much about this specific conversation that you do like. After you’ve hung up — the call lasted less than two minutes — a curse falls from your lips. You quickly gather anything you might need before rushing out, already dialing for a taxi. You alternate between tapping your foot against the floor and your fingers against your arm while you wait, using that time to check up on the information you’ve just gotten, even if you have no reason to doubt it.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for you to find out that it’s true.

After hopping into the car, you call Hector. His work day ended hours ago, but it’s not the first time his service are required at this time, and it certainly won’t be the last.

“Meet me at The Circle” is the only thing you tell him before hanging up when he asks you what is going on.

Fuck. You haven’t stepped foot in there once in the past two years, and you had no intention of going back. You were even kind of hoping you wouldn’t ever have to do it again.

What the fuck is Jungkook doing there?

The Circle is exactly how you remember, hasn’t changed one bit since you’ve last been there. It still has a grubby exterior, is still surrounded by people trying real hard not to look suspicious, and staying in front of it for five minutes allows you to see at least a dozen crimes being committed. You’re not looking forward to going in.

You’re dressed far too well for the place, and so is Hector. Despite the fact that you very obviously don’t fit in, no one dares say a word. They just look in the other direction while you quickly make your way to the door, Hector preceding you.

You’re hit by everything at once as soon as you walk in. The heat, the smell, the noise. The crowd parts easily for Hector, but people are more intoxicated in here, drunk on the fights they’re watching as well as various other substances, and someone shouts at Hector “Wanna get in the ring too, big dude?”. You grit your teeth. You hate everything about this place, and the people that frequent it play a strong part in that.

The smell of sweat, smoke and blood, all entangled, hangs heavy in the air. Bodies are pressed tightly together, and you almost shiver at the thought of getting caught up in that. The worst part, though, is the noise, as always. You’ve never been one to enjoy screaming, unsurprisingly, but the sound of the hits is what gets you the most. It’s the main reason why you used to stand as far from the cage as possible. Bones cracking, flesh pounding flesh… You clench your fist tightly and endure as Hector guides you close to the ring. Where two hybrids are fighting.

At first, you only see his back. You recognize it immediately. The ponytail, the long ears hidden under the bandana, the scars… It’s changed since you’ve last seen him here, but you could still pick him out of a thousand. It can only be him, and yet, against all reason, you don’t let yourself be convinced so quickly. Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe everyone you talked to tonight was mistaken. Maybe Hector, who’d frowned and given you a meaningful look as soon as he’d gotten a whiff of the inside of the room, was wrong as well.

The man is light on his feet, moving quick, fists working like lightning. He’s clearly an excellent combatant — but he’s waiting. Dragging it out, making it last, giving a show. Playing with his food, you think, and a heavy weight settles on your stomach. You’re not feeling good.

Then he dodges a fist that’s coming towards him, making it look like this is all a cakewalk, practically dances around his opponent, coming out on the other side of him, though not before landing a nice punch in his ribs. You hear Hector’s impressed exclamation, but you barely notice it, because in that instant, the fighter is facing you, and any doubt you may have had is instantly lifted.

It’s Jungkook.

He looks worse than he usually did at the end of a fight back then, lip busted, bleeding from the arch of his eyebrow, some ugly bruises on his torso, but then again, from what you’ve heard, this isn’t the first fight he’s been in tonight.

And you don’t get it. You don’t understand any of this. You didn’t know why on Earth he was back in this business, but for him to be here, of all places? On this fucking ring, where he’d been left for dead and severely injured on several occasions before earning his reputation as an undefeatable fighter? Beaten up and bruised and almost killed?

It wouldn’t take much for tears to come well up in your eyes as you feel the guilt wash over you and swallow you whole. Just a slightly different version of you, one that wasn’t so jaded by the horrors you were constantly presented with, one that still had it in her.

You don’t. So all you can do is look at him as he toys with the man and takes some more hits in the process, and think “I did this”. You don’t even let yourself entertain the idea of crying. You don’t deserve it.

The thing is, you rememberthe Jungkook from before all of this. You may be the only one who does. Anna knew him, too, but Anna was quick to forget. You remembered. Vividly. Two years ago, you’d hoped he’d be able to surface again, once he was free from all this shit the Family — you — had forced him into.

That had obviously been in vain.

You jump back, startled, when Jungkook gets thrown into the wire net that forms the cage. He doesn’t seem surprised to see you. In fact, a cocky, mocking smirk lifts the corner of his lips as his dark eyes look straight into yours. It only lasts a second, before his adversary grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him back into the fight, but it feels like hours. Hours trying to understand what he’s telling you, what you should do, what the hell is going on. By the time you give up on that, he’s got his opponent cornered and his back is turned towards you again.

You’re going to be sick.

“I’ve seen enough,” you tell Hector. Much to your surprise, your voice isn’t shaking. The inner turmoil doesn’t show in any way. It’s a good thing, probably, means you don’t appear weak, but it makes you feel wrong, broken, inhumane. Why do your feelings never come through the way they do for everyone else? “Take me to the changing rooms.”

And Hector guides you away, so you don’t have to think anymore about the boy you helped destroy and the man he is now.

“It’s his last match,” the organizer promises you before slipping out of the room, more than happy to escape you. You know the obvious disapproval you’ve just shown puts him between a rock and a hard place. He doesn’t want to be on your bad side, everyone knows that’s a terrible idea, but he can even less disobey to Jungkook.

So once he’s out, you wait, Hector staying silent by your side. You’re pretty sure you tore him away from a family dinner, having gathered he had one based on a few sentences here and there, but he never actually says a word about his family. You don’t blame him for that. It’s an excellent reflex to have, in your line of work. You take some notes on your phone, trying to get back to what you were doing before that one call, but your mind is all over the place right now, and it's all in vain.

Usually, you consider that feeling anything, no matter how negative, is better than your usual apathy, but this, right now… This might be the exception.

You try to block it all out, but it still seeps through, slowly dripping back in and filling your thoughts. Again and again.

When the door opens, you were almost about to lose it. Or, at least, you think you were.

No matter how many times something like this happens, you never do lose it. You don’t know if that’s something you’re even capable of.

Jungkook walks in, looking triumphant, practically glowing, with a wide grin on his face that just might be sincere. Despite the number of injuries he’s suffered and a discreet limp, he’s walking without help. Sweat is dripping from his body, and he continuously wipes it with a towel that’s hanging around his neck. He ignores you completely, beelining for the mini fridge, from which he fishes out a can of something you don’t identify and downs it quickly.

Despite yourself, you find your eyes lingering over his muscular body. He’s more imposing than he used to be, larger. His biceps are perfectly sculpted, and the tattoos that cover them and his entire arm, all the way up to his shoulder, shift elegantly whenever he moves. It seems like they’ve started to make their way on his chest as well, taking over his body. They look good, fluid, and, from what you’ve seen, they look perfect when he’s in movement. When he was fighting, he looked like a walking work of art.

But he also has more scars. You recognize the old ones, could probably tell how most of them were made, but there are quite a few fresher ones you haven’t seen before. This is what you can’t take your eyes away from. He has the body of a greek god, you’re aware of it — you can’t notbe — but the only thing you see are the scars.

“Is there a problem?” His voice cuts through your thoughts and you glance away. For the first time, he sounds neutral when he talks to you. It’s progress from his usual antagonizing, but you’re pretty sure it’s just due to the high of the fight and that it won’t last.

“I’ll meet you outside, Hector,” you say, giving a quick nod to your bodyguard. He gets the message immediately and leaves the room without a word, prompting a scoff from Jungkook.

“It’s a dog-hybrid you should have gotten, not a bear.”

You ignore his quip.

“Mr. Jeon,” you say, and you’re so focused on what you’re trying to express that you miss the surprise that flashes on his face, just for an instant, when you call him that. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

There’s a moment of silence, and his expression hardens.

“What isn’t?”

“By entering this kind of fights, you make yourself look challengeable,” you push through despite the dangerous edge in his voice. “This is not the time for that. If people think they can defeat you, if they see you being defeated or in a vulnerable position, even if it’s just on the ring, they’ll try to reproduce it elsewhere. Mr. X looked so unapproachable that no even dared to think about it. This is what we should be striving for.”

“I’m not Mr. X,” Jungkook replies, annoyance seeping through his tone, “and I did think about it.”

With that, he very clearly turns away from you. You should take that as a dismissal. In any other situation, you would. But in that moment, you’re too focused on your objective to take it into consideration. You’re rationalizing it to the extreme, and yet, deep down, part of you just wants to get him out of here.

You never wanted him to have to fight again.

Fuck. Where did things go so wrong?

“Everything could fall apart because of this, Mr. Jeon,” you say, instead of anything else, anything you feel, because this is what you do. You’re the voice of reason, at all times. “I strongly urge you to reconsider.”

For a second, nothing happens. Jungkook stands still, staring into nothing, seemingly chewing on the inside of his cheek. Your shoulders droop. You’ve had this interaction with Mr. X thousand of times. You know when you’re defeated.

But Jungkook isn’t Mr. X, and suddenly, something snaps within him. He spins around to face you, and his eyes zero in on you. You’ve faced lots of dangerous people in your life, some of them who absolutely wanted you dead. You’ve seen the way they looked at you, but no one had ever made you feel like a prey the way Jungkook does in that moment.

It takes you a second to realize he’s started walking towards you, and at first you just stand there, frozen in place. But soon enough he’s a little too close for comfort, and you feel your body moving to take a step back. And then another. And another. Your heart is beating erratically, and though your brain remains clear, it feels like it’s completely separated from the rest of you. Your body reacts on instinct, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

You’re not surprised when you back hits the wall, but it sends a wave of terror throughout your entire body, hands tingling uncomfortably. Jungkook towers over you, only inches away from you.

His body radiates heat, but more than anything, he radiates anger and power. You can almost feel it rippling over your skin, and that only makes your fear spike. You try your best to hold his gaze. Distantly, you wonder what you look like to him right now. Like a terrified mouse, about to be eaten, or like the emotionless bitch he’s convinced you are?

Even emotions that you feel consuming sometimes don’t show in your demeanor.

He raises a hand, and comes to rest his forearm against your neck. His movement is slow and deliberate, and his teeth are gritted like he has to exert immense willpower not to just kill you on the spot. When he starts pressing down, you still don’t move. You feel the air forcefully pushed out, and your face heats up when you can’t breathe in, but you don’t do anything, even as you start to choke. Just when you think that this isn’t just some intense physical intimidation, something you’ve seen happen — fuck, ordered — dozens of times, and that this might actually be the end of the line, he releases the pressure, though he doesn’t let go of you just yet. His large hand keeps hold of your shoulder, fingers digging harshly into the fabric and into your skin.

“Just give me a reason,” he practically spits at you. “Just one good reason.” He looks into your eyes and a joyless smirk spreads on his face. “It’s not so nice when you’re the one whose life is on the line, huh?”

You think he’s trying to mock you, but there’s so much anger in his voice that it just comes off— Bitter. It sounds bitter.

And hurt.

For the longest seconds of your life, he keeps you firmly in place, where he could kill you in a heartbeat, if he just chose to, and there’s nothing you can do but wait. Wait for him to get bored and move on to something else.

From the corner of your eye, you see him raising the arm he’s not using to pin you to the wall, and you flinch when you see it coming towards you. A loud noise explodes by your ear, and Jungkook drops you. Your legs immediately give in and your knees hit the floor.

You stay there, immobile, panting, hand shakily rubbing your neck. You’re trembling.

When you look up, he’s flexing his hand with a frown, and that’s when you understand he just punched the wall. Relief spreads through you, and you resent it, but knowing that he wasn’t aiming at you feels— Kind of nice. If he’d meant to badly injure you… You don’t know what you would have done.

Strangely, it sounds worse than the death threat you’ve just been subjected to.

“I don’t,” you croak out, throat dry, and he turns to look at you, like he’d almost forgotten you were there, “I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

His expression changes to an irritated look.

“I told you before. I’m just doing the exact same thing you did to me. Giving you some stupid small opening and letting you do all the work to get yourself out.”

You still don’t understand.

“I told you they wanted to kill you, and you’re alive,” you start, and you realize that you’re angry. You don’t know the last time you’ve let yourself be angry, without immediately squashing it down so it wouldn’t get you killed, “and if I hadn’ttold you, you’d be dead.And that’s why you think I deserve less mercy than Mr. X?”

This time, something other than anger finally flickers in his gaze.

“I don’t— It’s still a chance. You’re not dead.”

He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself.

“This is torture and you know it,” you say. Anger has left you as fast as it overwhelmed you. Now, you’re just tired again. “If you want me dead, you should just kill me.”

Your voice sounds small, quiet, defeated on that last part. Like you’ve already given up.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything for a long time. He just stares at you. You’ve always looked absolutely unshakeable. You did anything that had to be done without flinching. This is not— This is not remotely as satisfying as he imagined it would be.

And then, he watches you take in a deep breath, and fucking metamorphose under his eyes. You push yourself back on your feet, carefully rearrange your clothing. Maybe your hands are still trembling a little, but your face is back to being void of anything human.

And just like that, he hates you again.

“Do you have a car waiting for you?” you ask. Your voice is perfectly even. It’s like nothing happened. Like he didn’t just watch you break. He could doubt the sincerity of what he just saw, but he feels, with absolute certitude, that you wouldn’t go that far to manipulate him. He doesn’t think you could if you wanted to.

“None of your concern,” he says, but he can’t give it any bite, despite his efforts.

“I’ll call for one, then,” you say without missing a beat and pulling out your phone. “If you’re going to keep coming here, I’d advise you get that sorted in advance. In case you’re not in a state that allows you to get home otherwise.”

He scoffs in answer to that, but he knows he’s probably looking at you like you’ve grown a second head while you make your call. He doesn’t know what the fuck is wrong with you. You used to do that shit back then, too. Anything you did, you rationalized as something that was the best thing to do.

But it just looked like you cared for him.

“Unless you need me, I’ll get going now,” you say with a nod.

He lifts an eyebrow, and he sees in your eyes that you’re begging for him to let you out.

“Sure,” he shrugs.

Mercy. That’s what you wanted, right?

He watches you walk out, and groans when the door has closed behind you.

Outside, you make your way to where Hector is waiting for you. Your legs are numb, but at least they’re supporting you. You can’t keep doing this. You know it. Because, as it turns out, a key part of acting like you’re not feeling anything is not feeling anything. And these days, you haven’t been able to do that. Those emotions are forced out of you, but it doesn’t change anything to the damage they’re doing.

You shiver when you walk outside. It will take you time to recover from what happened in there. You don’t know how you’ll make that happen, in the current situation, but you immediately fixate your mind on that. Problem-solving. That’s your thing, and if you’re devoting all of your energy to it, you just might not completely fall apart.

And so you don’t even consider the possibility that you’re not the only person whose mask fell tonight, even if it was just for an instant.

Tagging: @chaiwivluv @mintyrae @btswdwsmhrdt @xxqueenwxtchxx @fekitza @kimmieloveswho @deeepvibes @lonleycoffee @gookiebts @kpop-baka @taecallsmenoona @dabbingangels @capriciouscapsss @jooahchu @mrcleanheichou @damned-fangirl @jeonlovescoffee @haechans-sunflower @jeonlovescoffee @indiesy @gukieater @yoongi-bias @j-koookies @kaleidoscars @xxminilah

Fic idea 2 (With Detailed Plot) : Stereo Heart | 

Pairing: Jungkook x OC (f) X Namjoon

Genre: Idol Jungkook, Celebrity, BTS Members, Student OC, Publisher OC, Heavy Angst, fluff, age difference.

Disclaimer: The plot is very detailed although it is not a full fiction or story, it is a very elaborated plot for how the story might progress. Please read this post before proceeding. If you are reading this, you can reblog the post if u want to!

Writer's Note ( Pleaseeeeeee read it before you proceed):

This was supposed to be a plot. But when I started writing it, it just became a elaborated version of what I originally had in mind. I just had some ideas about how the scene could unfold. In case I do decide to write the full story myself, I put them in here before I forget them. I kinda threw in a fit before posting because I myself was confused what I'm actually trying to write. So please read it at your discretion because I know how incomplete stories can feel irritating to someone. And also I don't proof read them so I apologize for the mistakes. Please do consider I'm no writer, just a enthusiastic reader trying to put her own idea together!

Plot or Synopsis: How bad a date with a fan could go? Apparently, a lot.

Detailed plot:

Jungkook and Y/N are living a very different life but one thing they have in common is that both of their lives are extremely extremely stressful and somewhat lonely. At this s point they are both confused which one is triggering which.

Jungkook, an young, thriving idol from a rising kpop boy group,BTS, debuted just 3 years ago. Being the youngest and most seeked member of the group, Jungkook learned popularity comes with a cost.

He's okay most of the time but it does get to him at times, then it really gets the best of him. People expect him to act a certain way when in reality he's just 19 year old kid who has a lot of learning to do on his own too and people constantly hurdling things on his way, prying over his actions doesn't make it any easier. So he choose to be silent about his own struggles.

OC on the other hand lived in her own world, not too oblivious of the world, just choosing not to take any part in it.

Growing up in a family without her mother or any other siblings, she never learned how affection worked, how socialization was important or how looks are important.

When her mother left, she was too young to understand what she felt, but she grew up with it's prominent existence in her life, abandonment. She never bothered for human contact or thought too deep of friendships.

She knew no one could hurt her if she doesn't let anyone in in the first place, not realizing the root of her defense mechanism or how bad it became. But she always felt that void in her soul that she couldn't explain.

So she did what she did best. Ignore it till it became numb, worked hard and drowned herself in comfort food when it became unbearable, a little too frequent as she transitioned into adulthood. And obviously, these demeanors did not led to a healthy mind or body.

Y/N per se wasn't obsessed but she looked older than she was. She was at most, what people often termed as chubby, afraid of being called out for fat shaming. She didn't exactly had an ideal figure either but one thing that she wasn't was lazy.

She constantly worked hard, determined to make a place for herself so she could finally make all the decisions for herself that she couldn't when she was younger. And a place for herself she made.

By the time she was finishing her 2nd semester she's already being called to South Korea as a foreign exchange student to learn first hand about venture creation and a permanent enrollment given her program goes well.

Y/N didn't believe in supremacy, not until she got her transfer certificates and decided to apply for internship. She did not initially planned for it but she wanted to experience how companies worked first hand before going in as she will have quite the time in hand before the program actually started.

Y/N always thought ahead, saw things and visualized them in patterns. So often she tend to have tunnel vision. She was calculative, worked for what she wanted to achieve and there always was a value on the other side of the equation, whether it's grade, the events she helped put up or the workshops she volunteered to organize. What she didn't know one not only had to put up the best effort but also look the part.

As she sat for one video- conference after another, she realized landing an international scholarship wasn't as hard as an internship. It's not like they were being upfront and rejecting her, or that she wasn't qualified. They simply stated that she's just not gonna fit in with their work culture that they needed someone who looked more dynamic. Did they even read her CV?

She managed to land an internship after all, she was just not gonna give up like this. It was not a big company, a small start-up that just started to grab attention, run by a group of young entrepreneurs, apparently they liked her persistency and how it shows the way she express herself. Just that the entire ordeal left her somehow a little more concerned and self-conscious about herself.

Y/N inherited a chaotic mind since her childhood, which was very hard to tell since she was a quite kid. As quite as she was, her mind was the complete opposite, a place off horror, often too much for her to bear. It would leave her with terrible headache, sometimes even worse, anxiety attacks. Unlike everyone she would not heave or grasp for air, she would straight up go rigid. Like her mind was ticking bomb and a simple movement like inhaling for air seemed like to set it off.

Amidst all the chaos and struggle she voluntarily filled herself with, one thing that somehow helped kept her afloat was music, a newly found coping mechanism of her after one day her school counselor insisted that existing one's was not the greatest or the healthiest.

She started to look into different music and somehow ended up discovering BTS, a freshly debuted boy band. They had such contrasting voice, yet they complimented each other. Just like her mind, it was both a place of her damnation and a way out of it, to her salvation. Now they each had their own uniqueness but she found solace in Jungkook's voice. It always managed to calm her nerves when she's having a meltdown or too stressed.

She's had always been an passive supporter, taking their songs as a means of comfort but something always stopped her from openly expressing her fondness for the boys or their music. She saw the girls- the fans of them in her school, so pretty, so well dressed and put together. They wore their identity as ARMY like second skin, with so much pride- she never felt worthy. But now that she was going to be there, in the same country, maybe she'll get to see them perform without having judgmental eyes on her as no one knows her, she thought one time or two.

She doesn't even remember entering a fan-sign contest of them, so when she receives an email for an invitation of the fan-sign and now that she already landed an internship, she doesn't see a reason why she can't spend up her savings to finally go see them a month prior to her actual plans of moving to S.Korea. 2017 was going so good so far, what could go wrong anyway?

So she goes to attend the fan sign first after landing in Korea. 

When she arrived at the fan sign, she not only got to meet them but surprisingly lands a date with Jeon Jungkook, the golden Maknae of BTS, as part of the event. Before attending the fan sign, she read the invitation hundreds of time fearing she will forget something but she didn't notice about this part of the event, in fact nobody did, and she certainly did not expect to win it also.

Y/N was fidgeting in her hotel suite. She had so many things to ask, to talk about, share and discover theories, she was bored of watching the same questions on repeat in the interviews they appeared in. Now that the day is here, she should feel excited, but she's not. She's nervous, painstakingly so. She's usually not the one who tends to dwell on her shortcomings and beat the life out of her self-worth. But today every single flaw she had, seemed to look bigger  ten fold to her.

The circles under her eyes seemed darker, the hairline looked thinner, the bulge on her belly felt heavier. She hated it, knowing her mind's playing tricks on her, that she never defined herself on the basis of her exterior but they seemed too important today. So she started wondering whether should she be even going on the date if that's making her feel bad about herself instead of enjoying it.

But Y/N was no quitter, so she reached out for the most comfortable cloths she could find instead of the nicest one and reached there a little earlier than designated.

Jungkook on the other hand was feeling frantic. This was supposed to be a promotional event prior to the release of their new album, a very important one at that. A lot was riding on this album and they put their everything on it. The segment was supposed to bring a lot of coverage. Now he absolutely had no care who he went on a date with or how they looked. It was rather a nuisance which he was willing to go through as it benefitted the group despite having his own issues and complications. 

But people cared, people cared who he talked with, what he said and it mattered more than he felt comfortable with. He saw Y/N and he immediately knew this will cause a problem. He didn't know if something he says or does will spark a debate or her existence alone will cause the coverage to plummet. 

He remembers Y/N from the fan-sign, he acknowledges that she seemed nothing short of a nice person but he still couldn't help but blame her. The thought of the promotion failing had pushed him on the edge. So when he saw Y/N on his way to the practice room sitting on the waiting area way early before the time and later on Namjoon came in to ask if he was ready for the big date, the dam broke. 

He kept on coming how this girl was going to ruin the entire thing, that it could be anyone but it had to be her stupid self. And before he knows, he's shouting and throwing heavy & nasty remarks at her, remarks he didn't even know he was capable of making. He didn't intend on sounding so mean but it wasn't exactly directed towards her, she just happens to be the only outlet Jungkook saw to let out the pent up frustration and he could only take so much.

Wrong person, wrong time- but the damage was done.

Y/N was right there, waiting outside the door, ready to knock. When she got a heads-up from the stuff that she could go and talk to Jungkook she was debating her decision to come here like this. She hesitated before knocking, how exactly she's going to explain this to him? Is this necessary? Is she taking things way more serious than she should? This was just a part of their promotion right, it's not even a real date. 

But she shrugged the confusions of. She just wanted to make sure if Jungkook felt comfortable doing this, coming from her own anxiety of encountering new people, let alone go on a date with someone she never met. She wanted to tell him not to treat it as a date at all and that she just wanted to know more about her favorite boy group, rather than just focusing on Jungkook. She even wanted to tell him he could call the entire thing of or get someone else who he felt comfortable with if it seemed to much to him, she knew how suffocating it could feel if he wasn't actually okay with this. 

But what she didn't know what about her made Jungkook so angry that he repelled her? What did she do? She didn't even meet Jungkook until last week? The questions doesn't stop and she could feel nausea build in her belly.

She makes a beeline for the nearest bathroom before she could embarrass her any further.

She locates the first empty stall she could, hurls her gut out, gets up and gets cleaned, calls the company after reaching her hotel and request them not to reach her further about this and apologize for the inconvenience before hanging up. 

She doesn't cry, doesn't feel sad, just sits at her bed feeling exhausted. Her hands were shaking, an early tell tale of the attack. She picks up her phone wanting to listen to music to ground her a bit but she  stops. She knows all too well that this won’t work anymore, that they had probably lost the comfort once they held for her.  So she goes to sleep, making a mental note for going good shopping and looking for cheap hostel to stay in when she wakes up. She was retorting back to her old habit of burying the issues, the hurt deep deep within until they fade away rather than dealing with them, refusing to feel them. Sleep fixes everything, right? 

Right. Now Y/N was no quitter, but she is only human.

Namjoon on the other hand, saw everything. From the moment she ran for the bathroom to her phone call from the hotel reception. He could sense she heard everything, Jungkook wasn’t exactly being subtle when he was throwing a fit. He was worried this will backfire on them if she decides to open her mouth. Besides, He felt responsible as he went there to inform Jungkook about her arrival but instead he said something that set him off.

He went out to go tell the staff right after that maybe it isn’t a good time for her to meet him and it would be wise to reschedule the entire thing. Before he could, you have already heard everything. So he also wanted to take responsibility as the group's leader and wanted to talk personally and reason with her himself rather than involving someone else. Because you did not deserve this from any of the members.

When he made it to her suite the next day, he saw her bags were packed. He knew he was taking a risk by trying to talk to you like this. So he was prepared when you opened the door for him. He was expecting you to make snide remarks, even lashing out and demanding that they pay for the emotional damage done to her, and he was ready for it. He was ready with blocks of arguments against the things he thought you would throw at him what happened yesterday, it was only normal after yesterday.

But what he doesn't expect hearing you refusing their offer to stay even though you cancelled or accept the commodities that came with the stay (courtesy of Kim Namjoon, in case verbal apology was not enough) instead checking out from the hotel. He doesn't expect you to open the door with such passive expression, asking him to sit down. He certainly does not expect an apology from you for offering cold coffee in the morning saying the convenient store one's are cheaper than what they sell at the hotel, and that she didn't know which one of them are good so she doesn't even know if he will like it or not. 

And he definitely does not expect you to dodge the discussion saying she'd rather not talk about this with him or anyone at that, sensing his worries. You said although you don't understand why it happened but it did not matter and talking about it won't do her or them any good anyway and requested him not to bring it up, not to her, not to Jungkook or anyone else. She assures that she understands there must be a reason for what happened and she didn't blame anyone and the entire thing is better forgotten. 

Namjoon observes you, how you stated each sentence with assertion, like you deeply thought about them. Although the entire thing ought to be very painful and emotionally traumatizing for you yet your expressions remained stoic, like you weren't emptying your bowels on an empty stall in their company bathroom just yesterday, because of what happened. 

This cold, composed exterior of yours intimidated him. Behind those stone cold eyes, he could sense the warmth of a considered heart. He wondered if you put up this persona of yours to protect a heart that was indeed, fragile. So managed to make him a bit curious too. 

So when he walks you out of the hotel and you asked him where she could find cheap hostels to stay in where communicating in broken Korean was not a crime, he smiled and said he would help you find them. 

Start to a friendship doesn't always have to be pleasant.

Fast forward to 2022. Big hit, a small company that struggled to keep their ends meet and a group that didn't know if they would make it- this was a distant memory. Big hit made it, so did the Bangtan Boys and the world knows it.

 Everything they touch, everywhere they go, success follows but that doesn't stop the boys to ground themselves, not to lose their root- something they learned was very important along the way. Whatever they do, they try to give something back to their ARMY's, whether it's an album, a show, tour or signing with a brand. 

Now that big hit turned to Hybe Labels and they are planning to venture out, they also want something that will involved giving something out to their fans, not just in passive manner. ARMY’s always expressed their love in their unique way, whether its a cover for their song, remake of their choreography, through art or even through writing. They wanted to recognize that.

So when a consultant for venture management from their overseas office offered to merge with a re-known publication house that will benefit the army's who wrote and created fanart, by involving them in the process, they leaped at the offer. BTS inspired army's in more ways than they could imagine, whether it by fighting of depression or finding long lost inspiration to march on with life, or by creating a world of their own surrounding the seven souls woven by the magic of words. The net is brimming with stories and fictions and cover arts  that cast BTS and their members as main characters and a lot of them are so good, they were worthy of being published as books. 

On the hind side, it also worked as tool to create pseudo persona of the seven members that lead to negative speculation as some of them took them took it too far or seriously than necessary. So if Hybe were to feature chosen authors in their publishing house, not only the authors will receive royalty, rewarding their work but also they will have better control over the content that flows in the web. The initiative would be small but the impact will be global. So the members are called in a meeting to meet the new consultant for venture management.

As usual Jungkook is feeling a bit antsy about going to such meetings but they hold a certain share in the company, their opinion and approval being vital before they can move on with any decision. In his years in the industry the years, he has grown out of his personality where he threw tantrum at every inconvenience he felt but he can’t help but feel annoyed about sitting still in one place for such long time. 

So while he's fidgeting with his thought of 100 of reasons why this room would be perfect as a dance room rather than what it is being used for currently- she enters. Dark long black straight hair pulled behind ears, brown eyes accentuated with dark liners, deep deep navy blue burlap sack that didn't fit tight but hugged her curves just right. She looked like someone ready to seal the deal. She looked around the room as their manager introduces her, taking note of everyone and everything. Her sole presence making him nervous, so when her gaze stopped at Jungkook- he froze. 

Confident women always intimidated Jungkook but it also infatuated him. The aura around them makes him feel like he could let the control that he so desperately holds on to all the time go, without feeling lost, rather content, carefree and safe. So in an interview when he said he would date someone who is older than him, who's more assertive and knows what they are doing, he was serious. 

But wait, why was he thinking about that again?

By the time Jungkook realized he was zoning out, the meeting was almost over, it was an introductory meeting anyway which did not take long. They were all getting up to leave then Jungkook noticed Jimin and Jin teasing Namjoon about something. What did he miss?

So  when he went up to them and asked what's going on, everyone looked at him like he suddenly grew a pair of horns. Taehyung asked if he slept through the entire meeting or else how did he miss Namjoon trying to suppress his grin everytime his eyes met with the new consultant but poetically failing to do so. Hoseok pointed out even Yoongi noticed it and he grumbles at that. Jungkook usually catches on to such things first so how did he not notice it?  

“Because I was too busy ogling her myself,” he thinks to himself. 

The topic of current conversation did not sit well with Jungkook, in fact, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. As the the discussion about Namjoon and her is proceeded further, it made Jungkook somewhat nauseated and he finds it very strange. Intimidated or not, besides her very impactful presence, Jungkook couldn't shake the feeling that he somehow knew her. Jungkook is bad at making eye contact, specially women. But when she looked at him, her eyes felt so inviting yet so distant and cold. He felt this familiar tug of longing in his heart- unable to look away. 

Like it's not the first time they are meeting. 

He's trying to think hard but all the commotion about Namjoon and her making him both disoriented and surprisingly pissing him off. What was wrong with him?  He tried to remember her name but their manager only mentioned her last name in the meeting. Jungkook asked annoyingly what was her name and he saw Namjoon get tensed at that a bit- strange.  Namjoon smiled at Jungkook's question and told them he'll introduce her to them. The way Namjoon said it, it made Jungkook's inside churned and something told him whatever it is that he has with her, he's not going to like it. And why does Namjoon know already you but they don’t?

They all head to the lounge where she was being introduced to the business team. As they walked in there, they took it as a queue to leave, the team wrapped up their discussion and vowed to them before leaving. Namjoon took a step closer to stand next to her, he placed his hand at the small of her back. Its such a small and simple gesture but Jungkook felt a sharp sting in his chest. 

Namjoon pushed you a bit forward and you looked at him a bit surprised, he nodded as if to assure you. He introduced you to them, Y/N, he said your name was. You both met about 5 years ago and have been friends ever since. The unease settled in Jungkook's chest as if there was more to your story. 

They all were a bit surprised because Namjoon never mentioned you nor they ever saw you in the last 5 years. Namjoon was always very much private person but they always shared things with each other. Anyway, its a discussion of another time as everyone took their turn to introduce themselves to you, you greeted them with a warm smile but Jungkook kept fidgeting in his spot, failing to properly introduce himself. 

When everyone was done with the introduction and engaged themselves in a small talk with you, Namjoon cleared his throat and looked at you, he looked at as if asking for permission, when he received a little nod in return, he continued. He addressed his fellow members and sad that he had little something to announce, a little smile adorning both of yours cheeks. He continues saying they have been friend for long enough and although they didn't have a great start with their friendship, it was more like a damage control but somewhere along the way they discovered it didn't matter and they want something more out of it, adoration visible in his face, he takes a breathe as he continues- 

Considering all goes well when the project is up and running, or unfortunately even if it doesn't, they are going to announce their engagement to the public- and everyone’s jaw drops on the floor at that.

Jungkook doesn't say anything, taking the situation in, watching his Hyungs squealing in shock at the happy surprise they received. He watches Namjoon trying to hush them to keep their voice down as they congratulate them- overwhelmed. He watches you lowering your head in an attempt to hide your blush. You also have dimples when you smile, he notices. You have such a pretty smile, its so warm. But he could not find it in himself to feel the warmth in  this very smile you are offering- instead it is breaking his heart.

He does not understand, he did not even know you 1 hour ago, but why did it feel like he lost something before he could even had it. You did not know him then why did it feel like you discovered the deepest valley of his heart, a place so well hidden, kept away from accessing by anyone. You found it just to rip it off his chest to crush it under your feet. It sounds so dramatic but how could he ignore the burning sensation in his heart. 

Or did he know you? Didn't Namjoon said he had known you for 5 years. So he met you in 2017. Why did the year felt so significant to him all of a sudden? Namjoon mentioned something about damage control, what happened? Why does your name sound familiar?

And then it all comes back to him. 

Jungkook was dreading the day as he was getting ready for the date. One of the staff member came in to inform that the date has been cancelled and this segment is probably going to change into something else. Apparently the person who won the contest ditched it just few hours prior to it. Apparently the said person called the company and said, she didn't feel confident enough to go out with him and that she won't force herself to do something she didn't like doing.

Fair enough. 

But it did not settle right with Jungkook. 

Although It wasn't a real date, just for show and the reason you stated had nothing to do with him. Yet Jungkook felt utterly humiliated and rejected. He couldn't half believe the reason you said because he saw her waiting there, rather eagerly. As he recalls the things that took place later he saw her, the feeling of guilt sat heavy on his stomach. The horrible things he said about her repeating in his memory, as remorse settled in. He thanked his lucky star that she did not hear what he said about her, because Jeon Jungkook maybe good in many things but apologizing is not one of them. Yet given whatever sorry excuses u gave were true, he still could not shake the feeling off  that he was the reason she felt the way she did. And maybe that’s why she ditched the date, ditched him - and he could not deny it hurt his ego a bit, maybe a little bit too much. 

So what did he do to sate his wounded ego?

He secretly started stalking her on socials.

Lucky for him she was not concerned about the privacy of things she shared online so most of the contents were pretty accessible. He saw how most of the songs she posted in the past were very close to his heart the posts contained eerily close description of what he personally felt about them. He felt a little proud as he saw most of the songs she posts are either sang by him or centered around him.

He could sense she had little to no regard of others opinion about her appearance or how she presented herself to the world. He would smile at she stupid selfies, random pictures she would post, loving her carefree mindset. Sometimes it would be with a caption so cheesy or so funny, it would make him crawl onto the floor to properly ground himself so he doesn't fall off laughing.

Sometimes it would be filled with thoughtful words that made him rethink about the things around him, make him see things in different perception- better perception. Whatever it was, no matter how simple it was,  she had a way of analyzing things that he found really deep, insightful and oh so different than the people he meets. He never met her, not properly, yet everyday he learns something from her that he couldn't learn from the people around him. 

Her perception, her thoughts, her habits, how she saw the world, little things about her- her entire persona started to bleed into his and he didn't find it unpleasant. Few weeks into following her socials, he started noticing that she did not post about music anymore. Even if she did, it's never the songs he sang, liked or recommended, although he would deliberately leave song suggestions or covers, subconsciously hoping they would reach you. 

Did you not like his songs anymore? Did you not like music anymore? Were you upset? Did it have something to do with the date? He couldn't shake the feeling that it had something to do with what happened after the failed date. Although he would see her engage in post belittling him or BTS and watch her destroy them with her collected remarks or intelligent jabs- never crossing the line. He enjoyed them with fascination, it gave him deep deep satisfaction- made him feel like a child being protected by warm, protective hands. It still disappoints him that she does not talk about music, his music, like she used to but he lets it go.

At least he still gets to watch her, know about her as she go about her life.

Almost 2 years into following you, he realizes his fondness for her grew more than he would like to admit in this time and she her presence has turned into a routine for him. Everyday he's like a eager child on his first day at school, anticipating what exciting things he'll learn today. Jungkook admits she helped him shape into a more mature version of himself even though she was never explicitly present in his life and for that, he feels grateful. She somehow taught him to ground himself, how having a control over certain things were more important than just showing a response. He learned it all from her or guided to learn by her at the very least. 

He wishes to meet her one day, confess what he did on the day of the date, apologize and start fresh, he so wanted to make it happen. But he notices how her posts started to become less and less frequent. She would still share her insights on things and they weren't any less thoughtful. But she would not post her goofy pictures anymore, she even archived her previous one's and he missed seeing them. He wondered if something happened to her or if someone said something had upset her. The thought alone makes him angry and rush to her to protect her but he knows, she would not let others and their opinion get to her that easy. So he waits, patiently waits for her next post and with each day the time to wait gets longer and longer- until one day.

We often don’t realize what we had until its gone, out of our reach.

One day he couldn't find her socials anymore. At first he thought maybe she was just too busy to be spending time on her social or taking a break. He bet her stingy professor must be giving her hell of a run for her degree. He comes up with excuses for her absence to calm his agitated mind and urges himself to wait. She would come back, right? 

One day, two day, two weeks- weeks turned into months, he still waits. One day he wakes up in the middle of the night, mind too worked up to sleep. And the first thing that hits him is that he can’t remember your face. He can’t remember how she looked. He didn't even save her pictures on his phone thinking  of some stupid rumor that would erupt if somebody saw them and now he feels like an idiot and angry at himself. 

His panic rises as he can’t remember how she looked in that picture she uploaded right before his bedtime- engulfed in a monster hoodie, one that he went to bed hugging his phone after seeing it, slipping into  comforting slumber thinking she is right next to him. Its okay, he will gradually remember, there is no need to rush. He'd be okay, all he needs to do is just be patient right?

He had his 1st panic attack after 2 years that night. 

The numbing feeling gradually settles in- maybe she won't be back anymore, maybe he won't get to read her comforting words anymore when the world closes in. He feels a knot in his stomach as bile urges to rise up to his throat. On a day like this everything burns, he hates everything. But then he tries to remember her, how she would ask him to be strong if she was here, not give up. 

He goes about his day, practices, eats with his Hyungs, laughs at jokes, making some as well and the day bleeds into darkness. He had a good day and they all feel relaxed after a long long time. So all of them heads out for dinner but Jungkook went a bit hard on training that day and every single limb on his body screaming against the idea. 

Telling them he would order something in, he heads to their shared home. He enters the house, darkness engulfing the eerily quite rooms. He goes into the bathroom to freshen up. He thinks about his day, how well it went, how good the practice was, silently smiling at himself, proud of his productive day. His smile falters for a second and suddenly everything goes completely silent as he looks at his reflection. He doesn’t think, doesn't move. 

He could feel the familiar twist in his stomach, something that he has been suppressing the entire day. Throat constricting, he tries hard to submerge the sob that threatens to rise by quickly splashing water in his face. He inhales hard as he stares at his reflection in the mirror. He watches it going blurry as the bravado of the façade he put on the entire day comes crumbling down before him.

His legs feel weak, unable to stand anymore Jungkook crashes into his knees. Isn’t this how your face faded from his memory? These days he can’t even remember her name whenever he wanted, let alone her face. He thought he would be fine if he didn’t remember. Something his therapist told him, selective memory suppression. That his brain is consciously blocking an unwanted memory as a defensive mechanism. But was she really an unwanted memory ? If she was, why did it frustrate him so much that he was slowly forgetting about her?

He thought it didn't matter much, that he would be fine, she wasn't present in his life anyways not actively at least, how hard it could be? Jungkook felt stupid about how oblivious he was to the impact she had on him. About how much her presence meant to him. And the thoughts came down crashing on him all at once.

She had abandoned him, didn't she?

He is never going to see her again, is he?

She didn't even know how much he needed her in his life, did she?

Where was she? Was she hurt? God! was she dead? Or was she happy, carrying on with his life. Maybe she was happy with someone you found?

No.

Lying on the bathroom floor, frustrated, confused, angry- Jungkook wails, the questions haunts him, mourning the loss of someone he never truly had, who never existed in his life. On the cold, dark tiles, he shivers- feeling rejected, unwanted and abandoned.

Again.

With acceptance, It did get better, with every day. Or he should say he got used to it. He eventually thought less about her, looked for her less, depended on her less. But he had his moments where he felt lost and immediately sought your words, that always lifted him, comforted him and somehow guided him. He also got used to the absence. He was stronger than before, better at handling his feelings. He smiles at himself thinking maybe it was her last gift to him before she left. It still felt sad that he was forgetting how you looked or how comforting your words felt after a long day. Bur the half forgotten memories pricked him more than they comforted him. So decided to let them go.

Until today.

It was you- the one he tried so hard to hold on. And then tried even harder to to let go.

He used to imagine hundreds of scenarios about how the reconciliation with you would go. But none of them resembled today, how he actually got to see you again, after all these years. Memories come rushing back to him as he takes in your form in front of him, on the flesh. You've gotten leaner, more slender- more polished, like you tried so hard to get rid of the imperfections you used to wear proudly. And somehow this is making him angry. Like you've taken the perfectly sweet girl he knew and turned her into this shell of someone he doesn't recognize anymore. 

Why did you change like this?

Why did you disappear?

What happened?

And why does Namjoon knows you for 5 years? Did you meet him on the day of the date? Did he discover how amazing you were and decided to take keep you for himself? His anger at Namjoon grows. Gears were turning in his as he put two and two together. Namjoon knew you when he used to follow you around in your socails, so did Namjoon somehow  discovered what Jungkook was doing and decided to tell you everything? Is that why you closed everything and disappeared? Did you loathe him? or hate him now? 

He instantly hated the thought of you hating him. He knew now where the longing for you came from the moment you entered the room- the pull towards you, why he was upset when Namjoon looked at you so affectionately, the anger and resentment he felt for the man you were so close with- the man he respected, looked up to so dearly. But he still had questions he didn't know the answers of, answers he couldn't take not knowing. 

Jungkook had to know and he couldn't be anymore curious.

PS: Bloody hell it was big ! I'm sorry y'all for who will be reading this, finishing this long ass paragraph just to find it's ends on a cliffhanger. But I did warn you, didn't I? I'm curious to what happens next too. Let's see who gets to finish it, or if anyone does at all.

Tags:

@cleverzonkwombatsludge

Check-In Tag

I was tagged by @candlewaxandp0lar0ids

Sorry, it's late, I had a murderous week (not really but it felt like it because now the week is over, I'm bedridden, sick with 104°F fever)

Thank you for tagging me though love 💓

1. why did you choose your url?

It was nothing well-thought rather random. I was basically devouring Jungkook fanfics ( it seemed more popular on Tumblr, I was newly admitted in this fanfic kingdom) so that kinda inspired the url I guess?

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them

Umm, I'm not a fanfic writer. I do sometimes try to write plots for fanfic though (try!?). And no, don't have any sidebloggs. I'm trying to put together some fic recs based on category though.

3. how long have you’ve been on tumblr?

If I correctly remember it was around March, April this year? I don't exactly remember because I've been using it without an account since December, 2020 I guess. So the lines are kinda blurred.

4. do you have a queue tag?

Nopppeeee. I'm still figuring out Tumblr. (sometimes I feel dumb using it)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

To read, share & cheer on the fanfiction I was reading on Tumblr. I mean come-on they share gold stuff that's worth publishing for free! The least they deserve is all the love and appreciation the readers can give them. Huge shout-out to the big hearted writers there ❤️

6. why did you choose your icon?

I have this thing for Namjoon, I don't know how to explain it- Its like sometimes I find him so adorable that makes me weak on my knees also intimidates the hell out of me. Okay put short, because it's Namjoon- the one and only!

7. why did you choose your header?

I was having a Muster Jeon Flush 😅 (Will probably change it soon)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

It's not exactly a fic ( cause I don't write them) but a fic idea. That would be Apocalyptic Heart.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don't know, I've never checked it

PS: I literally googled what's Mutual in Tumblr to ans it. Dumb, told yàa.

10. how many followers do you have?

15

Again I had to check my Tumblr to answer that question.

11. how many people do you follow?

73

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Nah. Rant-post maybe.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

However my schedule allows me. I may as well spend the entire day or even go days without using it.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I don't think so, I spend most of the time reading fics on Tumblr.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Umm, debatable. And I don't think I've come across such post yet?

16. do you like tag games?

Yeah! When I have the time to do them!

17. do you like ask games?

I love sending authors ask!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@sunshyngal -she's a sweetheart and I love- the sister I never had

I have so many other name but in case I miss out someone, it would be unfair. I'm kinda biased towards this woman(I feel no shame admitting and I shall not!) so I'm specifically mentioning her.

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

Naah I don't think so.

So I'll tag - @sunshyngal @babeejk @craztextae @bibbykins @chinkbihh

Well you guys can try it if you find it interesting and willing to do it or have the time!!

About Fic Idea 2

I was thinking, maybe I can create a multi-story idea series. With the continuation to "Apocalyptic Heart" the next fic idea will be "Stereo Heart".

Update: Stereo Heart is up. You can follow the pinned post or follow it here.

Here's a little glimpse of what I've initially planned-

Sneak Peak: Jungkook is an Idol and OC is an kind and assertive foreign exchange student but suffers from inferiority complex due to her weight. Things take turns as she wins a exclusive date with The Golden maknae in a fan-sign. The dilemma leads to series of heart breaks and she decides against going. Years later she's Back to bighit (Now Hybe Labels) as part of their foreign expansion program and Jungkook can't shake the feeling of knowing her. He becomes sure of it when Namjoon introduces her as his close friend to the rest of bangtan and now Jungkook couldn't be more curious.

PS: Exams are bad for health. I'll get to it when I'm done with my finals this Saturday 🥱

BTS Exam paper translated :D

BTS debuted around 8 years ago on 4th June and surprisingly enough, it's my birthday! The fact that BTS and I share a special day is enough to make me melt into a puddle of emotional goo !

And more surprisingly, I became BTS fan this year. And this year they decided to take army back to school on their anniversary and I also had my final that day 🤣

Good riddance! the string of co-incidence 😈