One Person At Work Likes To Go Into The Bathrooms And Switch The Toilet Paper The Wrong Way And I Dont

One person at work likes to go into the bathrooms and switch the toilet paper the wrong way and I don’t know who they are. All I know is they’re the bane of my existence and my sworn enemy.

Me: No I’m not into calling anyone daddy and quite frankly I think it’s a bit gross

Me after watching Bo Burnham call himself daddy in his new comedy special: Aw fuck

Another day, another unwanted porn bot following me.

Man I love going to the bar with my one guy friend because he can never get the bartenders attention for the life of him so I have to order for both of us. Problem is he only drinks fruity drinks and I tend to order whiskey, so every time the bartender sees this intimidating 6’4 dude and this barely 5’3 chick and has to guess who gets the cosmo, and who gets the whiskey on the rocks. They have yet to guess right.

I can’t even blame babies for wanting to stick their hands in fire. I’m a grown ass adult and I want to stick my hands in fire. Fire is fucking gorgeous and God nerfed us by making it deadly.

Let’s see, I’m going on vacation for 4 day plus a days worth of driving that means I’ll need to pack....all of the underwear I own. Yes. Perfect. Completely reasonable.