I Just Wanted To Say Thank You For The Well Spoken Words On The Caiti Situation, As A Victim Myself In

I just wanted to say thank you for the well spoken words on the Caiti situation, as a victim myself in almost the exact same way minus the alcohol, the rhetoric going around on this situation is so incredibly harmful.

There are so many obvious logical fallacies that will now just be used on other victims after this in the impact zone of the internet involved.

People saying that if it was actually bad, then someone in the room would have put a stop to it, when bystander effect, normalized bad practices, and alcohol exists.

People saying that since George didn’t do it purposefully without consent means it isn’t SA.

People saying that if it was serious she would have gotten the justice system involved when most cases aren’t going to be prosecutable in a court of law with minimal proof, and in general often damage the victims more without an outcome that helps anyone, and is often morally objectionable due to the inhumane aspects of prison and US punishment without good rehabilitation.

People saying that she’s either too much or too little traumatized for the experience to be valid, when the incident being morally wrong doesn’t require more or less of an impact.

People saying that people supporting Caiti are saying it’s exactly the same as Shelby’s situation and because it’s not, it’s less valid, when although abuse and SA can have different scales of harm caused, doesn’t mean that SA doesn’t deserve condemnation. Weaponizing someone’s lengthy painful experience to say that we shouldn’t treat another’s seriously is awful. Her story is exactly what Shelby meant to inspire sharing, because this stuff happens in all shapes and forms.

People saying that being emotional or not describing every part in excruciating detail when coming forward for the first time is manipulative and proves bad character or smth.

People saying that because a perpetrator is drunk both sides were equally as wrong and no one can be held accountable.

People saying that cuddling, flirting, being friendly before or after, freezing, not immediately leaving, not saying no, is consent.

People saying that this must be for clout or money because subs are turned on.

People saying that George’s response was a good apology when he said that because the act wasn’t extreme for him he didn’t think much of it, and focusing on many details not actually related to the incident or on other general hatred for dteam to imply bias against them, and generally implied that he was sorry that she felt uncomfortable rather than for what he did. And accepting the apology for Caiti.

People saying that to come forward (especially while not even naming the person) was only to ruin their life, and that that’s the only thing you can get out of coming forward publicly instead of support, peace of mind from not keeping something inside so long, and awareness so other people could come forward etc.

People saying that it was wrong to not handle this privately when that isn’t a viable option for a lot of cases particularly with powerful people involved, or when what you are seeking isn’t necessarily anything from who hurt you, like this is just some petty drama.

People saying that only acts considered more “extreme” and even more sexual should be taken seriously.

People saying because she angrily laughed in her recent response and was extremely explicit about what happened to her that she couldn’t have been shy or hesitant in her first response and is lying.

People actively victim blaming and overemphasizing underage drinking because “she isn’t a victim” when this exact rhetoric will and has been used in these cases time and again and shouldn’t be brought up when SA is even in the discussion, and will be used to guilt people who see it when they become a victim.

People saying perceived consent for other acts or the same act previously is consent for another.

People now believing in an incredibly dangerous definition of nonverbal consent because of dream’s statement, when nonverbal consent has been promoted for the protection of people who go nonverbal, it has to be as clear and exact as verbal consent, either as predetermined signals with a partner, nods, or moving someone’s hand somewhere, not just interpreting body language of a drunk stranger. The whole point of the consent movement is to have signs that aren’t misinterpretable to avoid hurting your partner or someone. If someone internally does not consent, but these signs prove consent, then what is the point? If I thought the signs I was using with someone I loved or a human I respect as I living being, didn’t actually express their wishes, I’d sure as hell try something else.

People saying that because Caiti expressed these signs that they’re calling nonverbal consent that she was lying to George.

People saying that because of that, this is a false allegation and is damaging victims, and some victims weaponizing their own experience to say that Caiti isn’t a victim and should shut up.

People saying that she just changed her mind, and anyone who isn’t reacting absolutely negatively in the moment who hasn’t consented is just having self guilt and is projecting.

People saying that anything other than enthusiastic consent is consent.

More real actual victims are going to fall into one of these categories of criticism and false logic, with it being much rarer that a ‘perfect’ victim comes along by these standards, and an intricate framework for ignoring them has been developed from this incident. If dteam hadn’t promoted and encouraged all of these fallacies from the start I think Caiti could have gotten a proper response to help her move on and not be so much more damaged, and many people wouldn’t have started to see dteam as so tainted by ugliness. In that way everything they’ve done since Caiti first came forward has done perhaps more long term damage than the act itself.

Because of their bias and falling for these manipulative tactics, this audience would just as easily invalidate me, and that hurts, even as I didn’t get as hurt as Caiti and I actually got validation from the people I told and had the confidence to know it was wrong immediately even though I froze and such, all these years later, this fact somehow hurts.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed this off my chest. Thanks again.

Ofcourse it means the world to mean hearing other peoples story’s and your rant is incredibly well worded. I show my support for victims because I know how hard it is. I was always silent for the longest time but now all I can feel is anger and I want people to understand that is more complex than it actually is and you can’t always go to the authorities. When I was 9 I had my 2nd experience this one being me realizing what sexual harassment actually is. I did go to court and I talked to authorities but in the end “I was lying.” I was 9 and they expected me to give full detail on what had happened when in reality all I wanted was to play with my Barbie’s. I didn’t understand what was actually happening cause I was a child. The justice system is incredibly flawed. Sad part is I still see him when holidays come around. It’s sickening. People constantly jumping to blame the victim makes me irritated. To them no matter what you’ll do you’re never gonna be considered a real victim. The idea of how our society reacts to these topics deeply upsets me. I speak for victims who are always told be silent cause they deserve to be heard. Saying she just wants clout is ridiculous when she has so much more to lose than George does. This why most of my post are on these serious topics because I’m not allowing myself to ever be silenced again. I’m also so sorry that you had to experience something similar, I wish every victim the best healing journey. It’s important to remember you’re not alone and there’s people here who believe you and think your story is valid. No matter how big or small your story is, no matter how big or small the impact it had on you is, your story will forever be valid.

Definition of domestic abuse:

Domestic abuse is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature.

Wilbur repeatably bit Shelby hard enough to cause bruises and pain, implanted a safe word to which he always ignored and weaponized. still bit her hard and would even purposely bite down harder if she screamed the safe word. Poke at the bruises for “fun” just to hurt her. Lock her inside his filthy home and make her clean up his filth.

William Patrick spencer gold domestically abused Shelby.

Definition of sexual assault:

The term sexual assault refers to sexual contact or behavior that occurs without explicit consent of the victim. Some forms of sexual assault include: Attempted rape. Fondling or unwanted sexual touching. Forcing a victim to perform sexual acts, such as oral sex or penetrating the perpetrator's body.

George put his hand under caiti’s shirt and touched/fondled her boobs in a room full of people while she was drunk and she didn’t explicitly consent.

George Davidson sexually assaulted caiti.

I want to also say I am so proud of shubble for being strong and speaking her truth. I feel so bad for her and what she went through with Wilbur cause she did not deserve that! I have not watched the fall stream but I’ve seen clips. As of right now I don’t think I can manage watching the fall stream cause even hearing clips made me nauseated. From I’ve heard and seen so far I am in disgust. But shubble is a wonderful person and she deserves the love and support. Also btw this isn’t DRAMA it’s fucking ABUSE! There’s a difference that I think a few of you can’t fucking see. Shubble was abused, she’s a victim but most importantly she’s a survivor. A person who deserves so much better, deserves all the love she can get in a time like this.

You’re right. You don’t always need to verbalized consent, yes technically it’s not always needed. Does that apply to a women you have just met a day ago? No. You don’t know her so don’t act like you do. Does that apply to a drunk women? No. She’s drunk, no drunk person can consent to anything so fuck off.

You guys are missing the import aspect of this whole situation! Yes technically consent isn’t always verbalized, it can be in body language. Yet that only applies to a person you’ve known for a long time, you know them, their way of thinking and how their body language is. Doesn’t apply to a drunk girl you’ve met a day ago.

Yet as much as consent doesn’t need to be verbalized, it’s important to ask. Even if you knew the person for 1 year or even 10 years. Ask consent, it’s really not that fucking weird to ask! It won’t kill the mood, and if you think asking for someone’s consent is killing the mood that tells me a lot of what type of person you are.

So is consent always verbalized? No. Does it always have to be verbalized? No. Is it better to be verbalized? Yes. Ask for consent, it’s not that fucking difficult.

🧍🏻‍♀️me right now cause I wrote a long ass paragraph about my experience with my first ever boyfriend about how he literally sexually harassed me and now I don’t know what to do with it.

I wanna say that sexual harassment isn’t just physical but also verbal. There’s many forms and both are harmful, just because the person never physically touched the person doesn’t mean that it isn’t still harassment. Sexualizing someone, threatening them, or making overly sexual comments to someone after they say they aren’t comfortable with that is still sexual harassment! It’s a form of harassment I don’t see getting recognized enough and I want people to know that just because it isn’t necessarily physical it’s still valid!