" They Seem To Be Awfully Interested In You, Dove. " Rigelig. Maren Uwu

" they seem to be awfully interested in you, dove. " rigelig. maren uwu

@rigelig

" do they? " agatha asks, looking through the honeycrisp apples with a hum, looking for some to make apple pie with. she doesn't glance up toward the women her wife is talking about, she isn't even interested. why would she be? besides, could they not see the ring on her finger or that maren had come right up to her? maybe it just didn't seem that a woman like her could be agatha's wife.

she looks up now, smiling at maren. " why would i show any interest when i have you right here beside me? " agatha asks, reaching for her beloveds' hand and slipping her own into it, gently tugging her down into a kiss. " you know i have eyes only for you, my love. "

ah— she had hoped he wouldn't want to delve too deeply into it, but as she'd thought moments ago, the subject matter would've come up at some point. the faerie shifts in the booth, toying with the fidget ring on her thumb. " they're—... " well, they're certainly nothing like the scars nnoitra had that came from losing his eye, that's for certain. it wasn't as though she'd been attacked, no one hurt her, there was no freak accident that resulted in injury. these were her own doing.

" i... was in a really dark place for a good, or rather bad, majority of my life. i mention getting bullied to others if the topic comes up and they usually have about the same reaction, that it couldn't have been that bad. but it was. it was really bad. " agatha admits with a sigh, not meeting his gaze. " it wasn't just verbal harassment but physical, too. it was very nearly every day. it... it took a toll on me. like i said, i was in a dark place. there was no light, there was no hope, it was just me forcing myself to push through the day. "

agatha falls quiet. " being in that dark place, i felt numb and it felt the only thing i could do to make myself feel something was to hurt myself. so the scars i have are ones i gave myself. i do regret doing that to myself because it further skewed how i saw myself, but... i can look at them now and use them as a reminder to not let myself go back to that dark place. i also haven't hurt myself in quite a while now, a couple years, i think. " she tells him, finally looking up at him. agatha manages to smile again, a soft laugh leaving her now. " i still can't wear bathing suits but i don't feel quite so self-conscious wearing short-sleeve shirts anymore. "

This conversation was turning somewhat... Stiff. It was hard to describe it, but Nnoitra didn't feel like it was genuine anymore. Mah, that was his own fault, for sure. Clearly Agatha didn't know what to say. She was reacting quite calmly. To Nnoitra, it just looked like she was distancing herself, rather than engaging with him. He didn't even know how he'd wanted her to react. This all just seemed kinda underwhelming to him.

Left him feeling disappointed, in a way. Or maybe not. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling.

Agatha told him that she too had scars. This came as a surprise to him, and it showed on his face, a small confused furrow appearing between his brows. How the fuck could a sweet girl like Agatha get scarred? That didn't make sense to him, and he tried to imagine how she'd gotten them, what kinda scars they were, and where they were located. Nothing came to mind, so maybe his gaze appeared spaced-out as he thought.

❝ Yo, wait up - ya don't wanna tell me 'bout 'da scars? ❞ He asked when it appeared like she wanted to change the subject by asking if he wanted more food or if he wanted to go see a movie. ❝ Ain't nothin' 'ta be self-cautious 'bout. ❞ Girls were often like that though, right? Ashamed and embarrassed about features that were not considered "pretty". He didn't even answer her question, too hung up on her confession. He'd shared about HIS scars, so it was only fair she did the same.

fellas how are we feelin about these

she takes nnoitra's silence to mean he was trying to figure out what to say. it isn't something agatha talks about very much and she doesn't expect sympathy or pity, she doesn't even want them, so she's glad when he doesn't give them. that part of her life is over and she is better thanks to therapy and friends and family. agatha was especially better after patching things up with her father. she was better, healthier, happier, still healing, and leaving the past in the past, exactly where it belongs.

still, it surprises her when he offers to hurt them in return for her. caught off guard, agatha just stares at him for a moment before laughing and shaking her head. " heavens, no. i couldn't ever ask anyone to do that, i wouldn't even want to. i wouldn't know where they live now since i moved away just to get away from them. moved as far as i could. " it had been rough, of course, but... aside from her parents and a small handful of friends, there was nothing there for her.

" they probably don't even remember me and i don't see any point in getting revenge after all this time. " agatha admits with a shrug. " if they remember and regret what they did, then they just have to find some way of dealing with that. if they don't regret it or don't remember, then, " another shrug, indifferent, " that's fine, too, i suppose. i'm moving past it, so all of that is just... in the past now." even if it wasn't in the past, even if she was still hurt and in that dark place, agatha still wouldn't wish revenge upon them nor would she want someone to achieve revenge in her stead. that just isn't who she is.

she looks back up at nnoitra with a genuine smile that reaches her eyes. " really, it's no big deal anymore. we don't even have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to. i know that kind of heavy subject matter can make some people uncomfortable or feel out of place. " she doesn't want to stay on the topic for very long and let it ruin their date, either. that is, if it hasn't already. does nnoitra see her differently now than however he saw her before? agatha hopes not.

To him, she seemed like such a happy person. He couldn't have imagined she'd been feeling so shitty she'd want to hurt herself. So, she'd what? Cut herself or something? Damn, that was some fucked up shit. Just from getting bullied? Nnoitra had... Little sympathy. He was the kinda guy who had BEEN a bully. If one of his victims had ended up hurting themselves? Fucking served them right! Nnoitra had never been in the situation she described. Feeling "numb". Feeling nothing. No. Because he'd always felt fucking terrible. Feeling nothing would've been fucking sweet!

What, was he in some sort of bitch-ass emo competition here, or what? Of course she'd be able to handle less shit than him. She was a girl. Women were fragile. Weak. And now she was so ashamed of her scars she had to watch what she was wearing? Damn. Talk about fucked up.

Even Nnoitra, with his limited social skills, understood that this hadn't been an easy thing for her to talk about. If he said the wrong thing in response, she'd for sure understand what sort of asshole he really was. What SHOULD he say anyway? It wasn't like he couldn't relate to self-harm. It was just that Nnoitra's self-harm looked different, because he'd rather let others do the work for him. But that wasn't about "feeling something". It was about punishment. About what he deserved. Surely, Agatha didn't think she did, or ever had, deserved pain?

It took a long moment for him to say anything, because yeah - he didn't know what to say that wouldn't make him sound like a total scumbag. Nnoitra wasn't going to say some lame-ass shit like: I'm so sorry that happened to you, or I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me this. Fuck no. The only thing he could do was push the conversation in a direction that suited him.

❝ Ya know where they're at now? 'Da ones who bullied ya? I can collect their teeth 'fer ya, if ya want. ❞ He cracked a knuckle, as if to demonstrate. The bullies were probably guys just like himself. Bad people. He wouldn't mind smashing their faces in. ❝ Ya regret hurtin' yerself, yeah? They should regret it too. ❞

someone was kind enough to donate the money i needed, so i've deleted the donation post <3