Ah She Had Hoped He Wouldn't Want To Delve Too Deeply Into It, But As She'd Thought Moments Ago, The

ah— she had hoped he wouldn't want to delve too deeply into it, but as she'd thought moments ago, the subject matter would've come up at some point. the faerie shifts in the booth, toying with the fidget ring on her thumb. " they're—... " well, they're certainly nothing like the scars nnoitra had that came from losing his eye, that's for certain. it wasn't as though she'd been attacked, no one hurt her, there was no freak accident that resulted in injury. these were her own doing.

" i... was in a really dark place for a good, or rather bad, majority of my life. i mention getting bullied to others if the topic comes up and they usually have about the same reaction, that it couldn't have been that bad. but it was. it was really bad. " agatha admits with a sigh, not meeting his gaze. " it wasn't just verbal harassment but physical, too. it was very nearly every day. it... it took a toll on me. like i said, i was in a dark place. there was no light, there was no hope, it was just me forcing myself to push through the day. "

agatha falls quiet. " being in that dark place, i felt numb and it felt the only thing i could do to make myself feel something was to hurt myself. so the scars i have are ones i gave myself. i do regret doing that to myself because it further skewed how i saw myself, but... i can look at them now and use them as a reminder to not let myself go back to that dark place. i also haven't hurt myself in quite a while now, a couple years, i think. " she tells him, finally looking up at him. agatha manages to smile again, a soft laugh leaving her now. " i still can't wear bathing suits but i don't feel quite so self-conscious wearing short-sleeve shirts anymore. "

This conversation was turning somewhat... Stiff. It was hard to describe it, but Nnoitra didn't feel like it was genuine anymore. Mah, that was his own fault, for sure. Clearly Agatha didn't know what to say. She was reacting quite calmly. To Nnoitra, it just looked like she was distancing herself, rather than engaging with him. He didn't even know how he'd wanted her to react. This all just seemed kinda underwhelming to him.

Left him feeling disappointed, in a way. Or maybe not. He didn't know exactly what he was feeling.

Agatha told him that she too had scars. This came as a surprise to him, and it showed on his face, a small confused furrow appearing between his brows. How the fuck could a sweet girl like Agatha get scarred? That didn't make sense to him, and he tried to imagine how she'd gotten them, what kinda scars they were, and where they were located. Nothing came to mind, so maybe his gaze appeared spaced-out as he thought.

❝ Yo, wait up - ya don't wanna tell me 'bout 'da scars? ❞ He asked when it appeared like she wanted to change the subject by asking if he wanted more food or if he wanted to go see a movie. ❝ Ain't nothin' 'ta be self-cautious 'bout. ❞ Girls were often like that though, right? Ashamed and embarrassed about features that were not considered "pretty". He didn't even answer her question, too hung up on her confession. He'd shared about HIS scars, so it was only fair she did the same.

i wanna write but not the asks i have oof

begging for money (again) bc our internet bill is through the roof bc the government ended the affordable connectivity program. it's $96.51 and i'd really appreciate any help i can get so i can pay it off asap. paypal is allfr0gs.

" would you still love me if i was a worm? "

𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝: a little assortment of prompts revolving around painful, bottled up affection and endless yearning, as well as the possible result of finally taking action. remember to tag your dark themes. add +reverse to swap the roles.

[ 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 ] : receiver notices sender looking at them longingly. [ 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 ] : receiver hears sender calling their name while asleep. [ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐭𝐡 ] : sender drapes a coat / cape / etc. around receiver's shoulders. [ 𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭 ] : receiver is hugging a coat / cape / etc. that belongs to the sender. [ 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦 ] : sender is helping the receiver through a panic attack / severe anxiety. [ 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝 ] : sender takes a hold of receiver's both hands. [ 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 ] : sender and receiver are spooning for comfort and warmth. [ 𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 ] : sender and receiver are finally about to kiss, but are interrupted. [ 𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 ] : sender and receiver are finally sharing a passionate kiss. [ 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 ] : sender has just found the receiver who's been missing for weeks. [ 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬 ] : after being misinformed that the sender has died, receiver is grieving. [ 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 ] : sender is expressing anger over receiver's constant recklessness. [ 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 ] : sender is voicing their negative opinion about a person who appears to be close with the receiver. [ 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 ] : sender has just told receiver "you belong to me". [ 𝐰𝐡𝐲 ] : sender has just asked receiver "why don't you love me". [ 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 ] : sender has harmed someone who threatened the receiver. [ 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐦 ] : sender has killed someone who threatened the receiver. [ 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 ] : sender has gotten injured protecting the receiver. [ 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 ] : sender is getting frustrated with their repressed affection and asks receiver to leave them alone. [ 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐞𝐥 ] : unable to handle their fondness towards receiver, the sender lashes out and they end up in a heated argument. [ 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 ] : sender is apologising for appearing cold. [ 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 ] : sender is telling receiver they "deserve better than whatever this is".

" i'm glad it doesn't make you uncomfortable. " agatha tells him with a smile. she feels a bit better about talking about this particular subject, feeling less uneasy and anxious now. to hear nnoitra had been bullied too, it wasn't all that surprising. they'll pick on anyone they know they can, unless that person puts a stop to it, like he did. height can certainly be intimidating, and agatha wasn't very tall as a kid. she certainly isn't tall now, either, still needing step stools and such to reach things on the top shelf in the kitchen and in other places, like libraries and stores. she wasn't so short as to be made fun of for it, though.

when he asks her what she was bullied for, she looks away and fidgets. " i think the list for what i wasn't bullied for would be shorter. " agatha laughs softly, looking back down at the table, then back up at nnoitra. " i wasn't one of the hot girls, though, that's for sure. i was awkward, quiet, shy. that got made fun of. it just made me keep to myself more and more. i was a bit chubby as a kid, too, so... there's that. nothing like being a little kid and hating every fiber of your own being. " she smiles sadly, fidgeting more with one of her rings. " over the summer between that school year and the next, i lost the weight. i didn't need to lose much, but... but then suddenly i was too thin. i wasn't eating enough and i forced myself to skip meals. "

boy, is it unpleasant to remember all of this, or at least, what she could of those years of her life. " even before i needed glasses they were making fun of my eyes. not like i can help being born with a condition that make my eyes look as they do. " another laugh, shaking her head now. " as the bullying progressed, i developed a stutter, so that was made fun of. it wasn't really long before they started getting physical. hair pulling, pushing me against the lockers, shoving me aside, tripping me up in the halls or the cafeteria... they'd destroy my things sometimes, too. rip up my books, shred my notebooks, broke my pens and pencils. my teachers and my parents tried so hard to do something about it all, but you can only suspend them for so long. " agatha shrugs her shoulders.

" people have asked me, 'how can you be traumatized after a little bullying? everyone gets bullied at some point,' and i just tell them they would've had to have been there to understand why it traumatized me. people also say being in school, highschool especially, is the best period of a persons' life, but for me? i... " agatha trails away and shakes her head again, her voice quieting a little when she continues. " i can't look back on those years and feel fond for them. i don't feel nostalgic, i just feel pain. "

YEAH, he should've figured she wasn't the vengeful type. While ( in his experience ) girls could hold grudges for ages, they weren't willing to DO anything about said grudges. Nnoitra... Was not the type to "let things go". If he came across anyone who'd wronged him, no matter how distant the incident, he'd be sure to take the opportunity to get even. It was the manly thing to do. Not to mention it was incredibly satisfying to see people get what they fucking deserved.

But that was because he generally liked seeing people suffer. Not just people who'd wronged him. Agatha wasn't like that. She was gentle. Kind. She didn't wish hurt upon anyone.

He doubted that the bullies regretted what they'd done to her. Which was why they should be MADE to regret it. By getting punished.

Agatha having a completely opposing view to his own might prove to be a problem down the road. For now, Nnoitra didn't care enough to make a big deal out of it. If she didn't want those guys to be punished then... Fine. Whatever.

❝ Mah, 's yer choice, but ya can lemme know if ya change yer mind. ❞ He rolled his shoulders in a shrug. ❝ Ya ain't gotta worry 'bout makin' me uncomfortable, 'cause I ain't like that. ❞ Getting "uncomfortable" wasn't something that happened to him too often, and when it did, it wasn't something he was going to show. He wasn't some pussy ass bitch.

❝ People tried 'ta bully me too, mostly in middle school before I grew this tall. ❞ He brushed his hand over the top of his head, as if to indicate his height. ❝ Of course they learned that I ain't takin' no shit from nobody. ❞ He didn't want himself to look like a victim. He was just trying to make her see that he wasn't completely unsympathetic to her story. Even if he thought her way of handling the bullying had been pretty tragic. Then again - that was the curse of being WEAK, right? You couldn't stand up for yourself so easily. ❝ What did they bully ya 'fer anyway? Ya look more like ya'd be one 'a 'da hot girls. ❞ It was probably a sensitive topic. He should've asked more delicately. Too bad he wasn't like that. He WAS actually trying to be considerate though. He wanted to know, because whatever it was they had bullied her for... Surely that would be one of her insecurities, and he wanted some pointers about what to stay clear of. He might still forget, but at least if he knew what she was insecure about, he could TRY not to comment on it. Whatever it was.