Esc-arsonist - I Just Want To See The Eurovision Stage Burn

Ok fuck it, Käärijä should have won, so I'll treat him like the winner he is. Love, Love, Peace, Peace Ranking let's go. (Here's the one for Loreen)

Get everyone's attention He's in a box. Why is he in a box? Intriguing 1/1

Drums! There has to be drums, +1 for gorgeous topless men and/or a grandmother No drums, but he definitely counts as topless 1/2

Using an old traditional folklore instrument, +1 for an old man, +1 if he has a beard Sadly the human centipede doesn't count as a folklore instrument 0/3

A violin Alexander Rybak fixed that on Tiktok 0/1

Add A DJ who pretends to scratch No DJs in sight 0/1

Costumes, something that the viewers will notice Probably the most meme'd outfit of the past decade 1/1

The song is about love or peace Nah but there's still lots of love going around 0/1

3/10 There's some room for improvement there but that's not gonna stop us

Let the song beginn with passion He's coming out of a cage and doing just fine. 1/1

Let the wind begin to flow No wind, only wild running 0/1

Look into the TV camera The first thing we see of him besides the green jacket is his eyes. 1/1

Smile Käärijä and all of his dancers are smiling after the second chorus 1/1

Fill the stage with light After he leaves his box the light is everywhere 1/1

Dancers will join us The box opens and here they are! 1/1

Old women baking bread He could probably do with some bread after a night of drinking 0/1

A man in a hamster wheel Running around a box sadly doesn't replace a hamster wheel but he IS inside something (you're so right @munuaispapu) 0.5/1

Our hands will touch He doesn't touch hands with anyone but his dancers do and at one point they're touching his arms 0.5/1

We change the key The song changes drastically 1/1

It begins to snow Their dancing fired up the stadium too much to get cold enough for snow 0/1

Burning fake piano They could have at least set the box on fire imho 0/2

Russian man on skates Sliding a dancer across the stage by her legs isn't quite the same 0/1

Party for everybody Cha Cha cha! 1/1

More tricks in the hamster wheel They did the "wheels on the train" move but that's a different kind of wheel 0/1

End result:

11/26

Clearly we have a winner, folks. Iconic. Groundbreaking. Outstanding. Better score than both Måneskin and Loreen got. Cha Cha Cha.

Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter | Germany 🇩🇪 | Grand Final | Eurovision 2023

Hey Europe... we need to talk.

How can Estonia be in 4th place when she didn’t even have the common decency to set her piano on fire

Fixed it