The Self-loathing Bits Of My Brain Are So Mad At You Right Now, OP.

The self-loathing bits of my brain are so mad at you right now, OP.

if being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now

Since covid, I’ve been in conversations where my mind has just gone blank.  “What have you been up to?”  “How have you been?”  

It’s back to “I have no idea.  I exist, I guess.”  If only I could actually say that.

a mess

Thinking about this one again today.

I'm certain he has someone.

I wonder how much he uses his time with me to torture her.

I bet he’s always suspicious and checking her phone, and tells her he can’t help that he can’t trust; his ex was such a whore.

I bet he screams and throws things at her when she brings up something he does that hurts or bothers her. He’s sorry, but he can’t help it; his ex was a bitch and she just said something like his ex would say.

I bet he calls her as stupid as his ex when she forgets something.

I bet he’s hit her when something is out of place. His ex couldn’t be trusted to be responsible or keep house properly, and he doesn’t want to live with a pig again.

On the other hand, I’m sure he’s told her that he was practically addicted to sex with his ex. It would just be a coincidence that he’d bring these things up when she’s not in the mood or doesn’t want to do a specific sex act.

I’m sure he’s mentioned that his ex made great food when she’s burned dinner or made something he didn’t like. Or worse, when she didn’t feel like cooking.

I’m sure that he’s mentioned how dutiful his ex was with the housework when she wants to go do something fun or socialize.

I’m sure his ex’s agreeableness (code for: door mat) has come up when she’s feeling vulnerable and jealous about the strippers and other women he flirts with.

I’m sure I, his ex, am a very useful manipulation tool.

How to Finish

I drew this poster for Jon Acuff and his FINISH book tour. Big thanks to Jon for this collaboration, his book has some great ideas about how to complete creative and life goals.

My woman drives through every puddle she can find because she knows i like the splash.

Small things are big things.

it’s so true that the greatest weapon against nihilism and existential despair is to find joy in the mundane and never stop chasing after love

My partner is brushing her teeth before bed and clearly watching something very funny because all I can hear is her giggling from the other room.

My heart is so full and I'm crying.

I couldn't have imagined such a simple pleasant home some years ago.