G R E E N

G R E E N

- Ticcy Toby 🪓🕰️

Monster bf who is the epitome of perfection when you’re feeling down and have spent all day rotting in bed.

He’ll open up the floor to it but won’t push you to talk unless you show clear signs of wanting to talk about what’s bother you.

He won’t try and make you get up out of bed either, understanding that while sometimes it may help, it can also sometimes make things even worse and maybe today is just a bed rot day. And that’s ok.

He’ll rot with you.

Big Monster bf comes padding up onto your bed, the room is dark and quiet. The silence stifling yet the idea of doing anything to bring noise is just exhausting. So you lay there, perhaps you’re playing on your phone or reading a book you’re not fully paying attention to. Just looking for anything to bring you some comfort.

That’s when he comes like a ray of sunshine in darkness. Who would have thought? This big monstrous creature that many fear to even outrightly approach is your absolute everything. Your beacon.

Your Monster bf who knows just what you need. Who doesn’t being with him the pressure of typical company. With him comes peace as he slides up behind you, wrapping his arms around your body like a cocoon that’ll protect you from the rest of the world, and he brings you into his chest.

And he rots with you.

He just lays with you but somehow you feel even the tiniest bit better. Your heart aches, your body aches, your mind aches… and with his touch and the acceptance that comes with it you feel just a touch better. But it’s enough to make you feel like you’re on cloud nine.

Your Monster bf is worried about you, of course he is. But he’s seen you like this before. He’s seen you beat this before and he knows you’re gonna be able to do it again. He has faith in you and he’s going to be by your side for every minute of it. He realizes that all he has to do. Is be there. It’s enough, it’s what you want more than anything.

So he’ll happily rot with you until you decide it’s time for you both to get up and try facing another day.

when weve been so conditioned to believe every minor inconvenience will cause who we love to unalive themself so when someone has a real crisis were stuck in a state of overwhelming panic with no way yo soothe it because even all the "im okay"s or "its fine"s were lies that was told to us, and by us for years. there is no feelings safety or trust left in this pathetic shell of a being :3

- Mania 💫💔

Home isnt home to us. all we want to do is go home everyday but when we are home we still wish to go home. no where feels safe, we have no place where we dont have to be anxious or on edge the whole time. sure spending time with parents can be fun and silly sometimes but it always falls back to the constant ridiculing and comments about what were doing isnt good enough. Schools coming around and they say their gonna leave us alone this time, they wont and they never do, no matter how many promises they make, no matter what its never the truth and all that we do will never be enough :)

-Ticcy Toby 🪓🕰️

I wish I actually had cohesive memories of a time I didn't have psychotic symptoms or psychosis. I wish i actually had a chance to like, not be presented as "weird" to everyone i knew. I wish i got a chance to understand the world even a little bit better. I find it so hard to talk to psychiatrist's because they ask you if you're having hallucinations or delusions and 99% of the time i genuinely don't know. Like i can't make that differential, and the only time i can is if i've previously over come a feeling or sensation like it and i can semi recognize it might not be grounded in reality. I don't know what to say to people because it's like, I cant differentiate that kind of thing because i've always experienced it. I genuinely only really comprehend very few things i've experienced as delusion or hallucinations because I can't make that distinction myself and i have to be told by a professional and even then i usually don't believe them.

me when sad cos bae is asleep :(