I Need More Smart McCree, Because The Fandoms Just Put Him On Simmer And Reduced Him To Bumbling Cowboy

I need more smart McCree, because the fandom’s just put him on simmer and reduced him to bumbling cowboy who shoot nice. 

Give me mechanic McCree, who used to ride and repair motorcycles. Who knows the inner workings of a variety of Omnic builds and can do quick on site fixes to their Omnic/cyborg companions. He knows how to fix, and drive just about any vehicle he comes across, both due to the pressure to learn back in Deadlock, and the education he received in Blackwatch. 

Give me a McCree who’s Deadeye isn’t some supernatural ability he was born with, or just wicked stupid luck, but precisely calculated and practiced moves. Who’s so good at following his target with hand eye coordination, and taking in the wind and angle factors into firing, along with the recoil from his gun and where he needs to hold and fire, that he can take down six enemies in a second. 

Give me a McCree who knows guns inside and out. How to disassemble and reassemble them in seconds, and can use a variety of weapons with ease. Who’s not just a sharpshooter with his peacekeeper, but can rival Widow and Hanzo with a sniper rifle or bow. Who can pick up any teammate’s weapon and use it to help get them out of the pickle they found themselves in. A McCree who would hands down grab Mercy’s staff and get to fucking work helping his team while she’s down. 

Give me a McCree who used to work with horses back on his family’s ranch, and knows how to ride professionally. He has such steady footing you can find him strolling across a floating log in in a river. He knows how animals think and work, and how to take care of them.

Give me a McCree who used to work for tips at the diner down in Route 66 on his off time, who knows how to cook a damn good meal on nothing but scraps and a quarter. Who understands not everyone has the same taste as him and can adjust his recipes as needed so everyone’s happy. 

Give me a McCree who’s an actual covert ops agent, who can get through the busiest bases, and flank without a damn sound. Who, back in Blackwatch, they had to give him a pair of spurs so he’d stop sneaking up on everyone because of how silent he became during training. Who’s accuracy in taking down enemies from the inside reflects Reyes’ standards for his agents. That he’s not just a hothead who goes in howling, that he’s the top dog they trained him to be. 

This cowpoke could be so fleshed out, but people just play him as a joke. Do Jesse better. 

“Everyone’s gone. Odin’s gone. Frigga’s gone. The Warriors Three are gone. Asgard is basically gone. So Thor and Loki turn to each other and say, ‘You’re all that I have left. And actually, that’s enough.’” — Tom Hiddleston, Life As Loki Interview Special @13:45

You know when you open your mouth and your parent comes out? I feel that happens more and more as I get older. Anyways, you think that ever happened to Vader? Like he's in his big dark castle of tasteless doom and insulting every Imperial officer that visits then boom, all of a sudden a Kenobi-ism pops out (probably with a hint of a Coruscanti accent to boot). Obi-Wan did have an awful lot of one liners, after all.

Oh gosh, I love this. Yes. I hope it happens after Obi-Wan is dead, too, so his ghost can observe this and drag Anakin for it later. “Why do I get the feeling this project is going to be the death of me?” he murmurs to himself during a Death Star Team Meeting, pinching the bridge of the nose on his helmet. The first time he haughtily chides some officer that he “needs to learn his place”, he cringes. 

I also hope it comes out when he has an Evil Ruler of some random planet that’s colluding with the Empire over (he hates when Sheev makes him host these guys GOD WHY CAN’T HE JUST BE LEFT ALONE IN HIS MISERY WITH HIS PICTURES OF CLONE WARS OBI-WAN DAMN IT.) 

He’s sitting there at his edgelord dining table trying to make small talk and be charming because Sheev INSISTED that they make nice with this guy, but like…the only material Anakin has to refer back to is from Obi-Wan negotiating with people, so he sort of ends up hitting on the guy by accident? And since it’s coming from A) Anakin B) as Vader, it’s just incredibly awkward and also terrifying. By the time he sends him off (with one of those dopey salutes that Obi-Wan always did,) he hates himself even more than he did before. 

Open Secret

Obi-Wan: [smiling expectantly with a giant bouquet tucked behind his back] Hello, Anakin! Welcome home.  Anakin: [nervously taking his bags off his ship] Uh, right, hello Master. You sure seem chipper, considering everything that’s going on.  Obi-Wan: Oh, well, you know…sometimes there are still things worth being happy about, even in these troubled times. Worth celebrating, even? [pauses, waiting for Anakin to speak] [clearing his throat] Well. So…you had a pleasant time escorting the Senator back to Naboo? Anakin: [panicked] Uh. Yeah. It was fine. Whatever. Super boring. Look, I’ve really gotta…go.  Obi-Wan: [frowning slightly] Ah. Nothing…nothing important you need to tell me? About…anything? Anakin: [scowling] No, what are you talking about? Just because I’m your Padawan, do you need to butt in to everything I do?! [shoving past him] God. 

Anakin: [nearly running into Yoda] Oh, uh, sorry Mas– Yoda: [wearing a boutonniere] Ah, Young Skywalker! Returned, you have! Much excitement there has been, about your homecoming.  Anakin: [confused] Um, OK? That’s…nice. Th-thank you, Master. I…should get back to my quarters.  Yoda: [happily] Yes, rest you must! [slyly] I suspect, many plans we soon have to make, hmmm?  Anakin: Uh, sure. Lots – lots of plans for the war. [walks away] Yoda: [perplexed] 

Mace: [standing, foreboding, at Anakin’s door] Anakin: Oh, h-hello, Master Windu.  Mace: I heard you were back.  Anakin: …yep. Mace: Is there anything I should know? Anakin: [voice cracking] I…no, Master! I don’t…why is everyone being so weird?! All I did was take the Senator back home. Now I’m here again. I just want to go to sleep.  Mace: [frowning] So you…and the Senator…don’t have any news to share with us? Anakin: [eyes widening] Wh-what?! News like…what would I even have…news with Pa– with Senator Amidala about? Like what kind of news, like news like the news on the holonet? Because I don’t see how I would have any kind of joint news with Sen-Senator Amidala, that would be weird, I’m a Jedi and she’s a Senator and that’s that, that’s the – I mean, news? News to share? Why would anyone think I have news, I don’t, I don’t even know anything about any news, anywhere, and you know what they say, no news is good news! [laughing nervously] Actually I think I’m gonna go inside my room now and, and watch the news. You should do that too, Master! Important to stay informed about the galaxy! [hurries into his room and deadbolts the door]   

[in the Council room, later]  Ki-Adi-Mundi: I don’t understand it. The records office sent that copy of the marriage license to the Temple weeks ago!  Luminara: …maybe he just needs a little more time to keep the news to himself. [frowns] I do hope nothing’s gone sour in the marriage already.   Mace: [sighing] I hate to say it, but I think we need to consider that maybe he doesn’t want us to host a reception.  Yoda: [ears drooping] Shaak Ti: Is it actually possible that Skywalker doesn’t want a big party thrown in his honor?   Obi-Wan: It seems difficult to believe. Remember that very ornate birthday party he threw for his speeder last year?  Mace: [nodding] Those canapes were amazing. Have you at least been able to find out where they’re registered, Master Kenobi? Obi-Wan: [shaking his head] I tried to ask him over lunch recently, but Anakin told me he had to “check on his laundry” and then never came back. He hasn’t spoken to me for the last 4 days and I’m pretty sure he’s been walking around the Temple wearing a wig, fake beard, and glasses in an attempt to avoid detection. [holds up a closed-circuit camera photo of Anakin looking ridiculous]

(Insp: x)

how evil organization getting ass-kicked by a mere 10-years kid

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