Bruce Wakes Up One Morning And Shoves His Socked Feet Into A Pair Or Birkenstocks, Puts A Nasty Old Robe

Bruce wakes up one morning and shoves his socked feet into a pair or Birkenstocks, puts a nasty old robe on over his bare chest, and shuffles downstairs in his boxers. He sits at the breakfast table and blinks down at his blueberry pancakes.

“Looksgood,” he mumbles.

Damian, Tim, Cass, and Dick are seated at the table as well. They’re all eating various breakfast foods. Dick is wearing a neon green leisure suit. Damian has a frog next to his plate. Cass and Tim are poking each other with their forks.

Bruce cuts into his pancakes and takes a nice big bite. He chews. Swallows. Everyone is staring at him.

“These are not blueberries,” he says softly. “Who put olives in my pancakes?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer. He just gets up and walks outside.

—

A few hours later, Tim needs some help with a fingerprint and tries to find Bruce.

“Where’s B?”

Damian, who is reclined on a chaise lounge and reading manga, points outside. Out in the distance, at the very edge of the horizon, is Bruce. He’s just a little speck. Tim squints.

“What’s he doing?”

“He’s mowing the lawn.”

Tim blinks a few times and sees that Bruce is, indeed, pushing a lawn mower.

“Damian,” Tim says, “the Wayne Estate is 150 acres big.”

“Grayson said that Father is having a breakdown due to the Olive Prank. He said to just let Father mow the lawn until he collapses. I am keeping watch.”

Tim watches as Bruce shuffles off into the horizon with the lawnmower. It’s a sorry sight.

You can’t tell me this didn’t happen at least once when he first took Jinx in..

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZTdxoYNwj/

I see your TikTok and raise you this Vine.

Teen Jinx 100% convinced Sevika to help her prank Silco after having to listen to his river story for the millionth time

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

That time all of the entire batfamily was sleep deprived

Dick: “Tim? Tim! Can you read this? I feel like I’m slipping”

Tim: [slowly walks over]

Dick: “so, what I understand is that the whole operation is settled in New Jersey”

Tim: [reading it over and over] “Dick, there’s nothing about New Jersey in here. Get it together, man”

Jason: “Dick, go lay down man”

Dick: “m’fine”

Tim: [turns around] “I forgot where I put my sandwich”

Dick: “do you want me to call it?”

Tim: [stares at Dick]

Jason: “yes. Please, call Tim’s sandwich”

Dick: [pulls out phone]

Damian: “Grayson, think about it”

Dick: [calls Tim’s phone]

Tim: “hello, this is not Tim’s sandwich”

Bruce: [leans back in his chair] “Dick, leave a voice mail”

Stephanie: “this… this would be so funny if I could hold my eyes open”

Dick: “I’m waiting for the beep”

Tim: [looks at Bruce]

Dick: [realizes] “wait, god- fuck you guys”

Bruce: “I’m honestly shocked you got that far”

Cass: [enters with Tim’s sandwich, eating it]

Tim: [groans]

Didn't know dishonored 3 had a children's hospital

*extends one long demonic claw out from under your bed and tickles your foot*