When Batman Meets A New Orphan

When Batman meets a new orphan

“Young man, there’s no need to feel down

I said

Young man, go and beat up that clown”

i did that adult thing you can do where you buy an entire cake and just eat it

i am eating an entire cake

me explaining to the other trainers that apricorns are unknown outside of Johto because of deliberate suppression by the Silph and Devon corporations to present artificial pokeballs as the only means of capturing pokemon and establish regional monopolies after they eliminate renewable sources

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

That time all of the entire batfamily was sleep deprived

Dick: “Tim? Tim! Can you read this? I feel like I’m slipping”

Tim: [slowly walks over]

Dick: “so, what I understand is that the whole operation is settled in New Jersey”

Tim: [reading it over and over] “Dick, there’s nothing about New Jersey in here. Get it together, man”

Jason: “Dick, go lay down man”

Dick: “m’fine”

Tim: [turns around] “I forgot where I put my sandwich”

Dick: “do you want me to call it?”

Tim: [stares at Dick]

Jason: “yes. Please, call Tim’s sandwich”

Dick: [pulls out phone]

Damian: “Grayson, think about it”

Dick: [calls Tim’s phone]

Tim: “hello, this is not Tim’s sandwich”

Bruce: [leans back in his chair] “Dick, leave a voice mail”

Stephanie: “this… this would be so funny if I could hold my eyes open”

Dick: “I’m waiting for the beep”

Tim: [looks at Bruce]

Dick: [realizes] “wait, god- fuck you guys”

Bruce: “I’m honestly shocked you got that far”

Cass: [enters with Tim’s sandwich, eating it]

Tim: [groans]

*extends one long demonic claw out from under your bed and tickles your foot*