Tw Rant - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

B33 < system rant (again, iknow, im sorry)

:33 < iknow i say im a system but in reality, idont even know if im a system. its more of a precaution than a statement. yes, im a system, but am i really ? everyday i feel as though im faking, and even though ihave little notes from when others were fronting, or proof of people interacting with my alters, its so daunting and just makes me feel like im faking. idont always switch. idont have an inner world as iam unable to see one and never will be. we dont have any communication, as we lack the feel/need to talk to eachother, we (most of us) arent friends, and we lack healthy relationships. yea, my trauma made me multiple people, but what if it actually didnt and iwas lying to myself ? its so overwhelming being a system. i worry im faking my system hood and actually just lying, but when i even see that ihave the notes from the others and the headmates talking with the folks iknow, it still just persistently feels like im faking. so yea, im a system. at least, ithink so. isay so. idont know though. take that as a warning, a precaution, a note, not an exact statement. just a little "watch out if idont sound like myself because im a system and my alters might be fronting so thats why iwont sound like myself !!" not a "yea, we're a system and iknow that for a fact !! we're really proud of it, and it is of much importance to us !!" so yea, here we sit. or i. idont know for a fact. am i a system ? am i ? am i really.

haiii!!! i really like how much you advocate “uncommon” alterhuman identities!! the passion!! the care!! its all really cool. i appreciate you for that. my friend is a fictionkin (gregory of yardale) and i think thats pretty damn cool. one small problem though. i kind of dont understand alterhuman identities all that well! :( from my understanding, its when people have a spiritual connection with a certain nonhuman thing,, (or sometimes believe they were said thing in their past life),, but ive also seen some people say they think they ARE said thing instead of human. which i dont know if its true. it’d be pretty odd to not believe you were human after…you know, youre literally classified as human and al that jazz. i cant explain it. but at the same time, i dont wanna be judgemental…and theres gotta be some explanation. something deeper. something to destroy the misconception of “odd”, but i cant find it. :(

-🕸️📺 anon

:33 < velopppp !! :oDD im relally tabnkful for that !! honestly, i jusut want a community in whoch peopel dont feel left out !! where people arebt unseen, we are all fair !! thats what drives me iguess :o)) and thank yiu !! <3 also they sound really interesting !! ^_^ and, for the not unnderstanding allterhuman identitues that weel: honestky ? for starters, idont always truly believe youHAVE to understand. as long as you as a being can respect it, youdont always have to understand. [pt: as long as you as a being can respect it, youdont always have to understand.]

B33 < youcan be respectful, and kind, but if youdont understand, thats ok !! if youwant to understand, thats great !! if youdo understand, thats awesome !! its fine not to get things, you are not compelled to know everything !! but for starters, you arent wrong !! alterhumanity can derive from spirituality (eg: religion, believing your nonhuman soul was put into a human body, past lives, ectect) but it isnt always !! there are many reasons one would be nonhuman !! (im not speaking on all nonhuman behalves when isay tghis, but) it could be duue to mentally beleiving you are an alterhuman (psychological alletrhyman), being a fictive (taht is a system/plural term for anyone who doesnt know), delusions/mental conditions, (zoanthropy/lycanthropy, trauma, mental illness, ect) or maybe just being taht thing because they are that thing. most people say they "are" that thing because its the best way to describe their alterhumanity for them, like they (probably) know arent physically that being/thing, but saying they are it just makes sense instead of pputtijg the spiritual/psychological/anything else label on it. also, some people might physically believe they arent human because of delusions or mental illness, in which case it is not hest to reality check them. holotheres and physical nonhumans can identify like that because of their mental illness, but they do not have to. (please remember: not all physically nonhuman beings are alterhuman/holoheres/physical nonhumans, and not all holotheres/physical nonhumans have disabilities that impact them being physically nonhuman/have their disabilities impact them being physically nonhuman)

B33 < although on anithher note, ihave seen some news a while back that there used to be predatory activity with people claiming they could physically transform into their 'type, and would give steps on how to "do it" but im not sure if those "watch out" posts were made to harm physical nonhumans/mentally ill beings that identified as not human physically, or if it was true and there were actual adults saying this to minors so please do watch out. with that being said, please note that not every alterhuman experience is the same, if anyone had anything to add, whether personal experiences, thoughts and opinions, or other, feel free to !! thanks !! ^_^

HIHIHIHI ITS ME THE 🕸️📺 ANON!!!

i am so sorry i just saw these today i was on my main for the longest time ever ummmm. but holy cow you are so cool woah?!?!?!

and you also explained really well!!! ty :3 i understand it better now!!

i think the thing is that i like lerning anout stuff like minorities or certain groups, even if im not part of them to defend that group from the haters. because there will always be haters. and nobody deserves to be hated!!! except provlematic people like pedophiles and stuff. ew. also because i like having the knowledge to explain to people and stuff yk!! so i can help somebody who is confused like i was!! the thing is i know some people irl who judge alterhumans, and then online i know some people who are. so.

also i have my icp privileges back maybe ill get back into them 💔💔 my parents said i cant go to a gathering until im older though sign. which like i get it but yk…,???,?.?.?.

also my father doesnt like icp all that much. (neither does my grandpa but yk. old people/hj) it was fine until to catch a predator came and he completely misinterpreted the song ☹️☹️☹️. man i wish i had a time machine or a memory eraser or something so i wouldve never played the specific songs that git me in trouble (same thing for rainbows & stuff)

-🕸️📺

:33 < HEYA ANON !! ^_^ do not worryz about seeing my explanation latte, youcan see it whenever yiuwant its fine lolz idont mind :3c idont police when yiu read my posts read it whenever yiuwant dont worry :33 and thank you !! \(^w^)/ i tried my best, but am glad you underastand better now !! :3c me too !! i really do love getting educated on topics and cultures and identities im uneducated on !! its so amazing to defend groups who havent hurt anyone, love it when people arent apart of something but dont judge/support it even if not fully understand !! its amazing always feeling !! ido agree !! nobody deserves grusome hate !! hate tears people apart !! im all for peace for things that dont harm anyone !! somme people are just mean and choose to bully ithers thiugh :o( qlso im glad youhave your icp privileges back !! its sad that youcant go to the gathering though :o( ive never been, but only because idont live there !! idont know if my parents would let me go to one, but they are surprisingly supportive (ish) of me listening to icp !! recently my mother bought fake icp merch which is.... sweet of her !! because she had good intentions !! she wants to give it back though, after realising it was fake, but istill love and appreciate the gift !! my dad also dosent love icp all that muuch either xoD iwas liestenijg to one of shaggy's songs, and it mustve had a lot of swearing without me realising so my dad was like "heyyyy enough of that bro" xoDD im sorry your dad misinterpreted to catch a predator though :o(( its such a shame because that song is great, and has a meaning behinf it off supporting children from.... yaknow. predators. sometimes iwish ihad a time machine too, but them ithink "well maybe this happened for a certain reason !!" because everything in life happens for a scertain reason :o) !! anywayd, im not sure what else to write, so isill be finishing/rounding this off now !!

A quick vent cause I need to get this out.

I’m so angry all the time, I hate it and I’m so angry that someone talking to me(any way) can set me off.

Today I just told someone to move things that they took out away from my bed and dresser and instead they shoved it in my Knick nack space, knocking over some things. They’ve been doing this for so long and recently I’ve had enough.

And I’m always in pain, there isn’t a moment I’m awake that I feel relief unless I take 3 extra strong pain pills. I sprain my ankle a lot and two years ago I twisted my right ankle. I didn’t go to the hospital or a doctor and it hasn’t healed right. I can’t not walk as I have to get to school but it’s getting to be too much.

I slipped down the stairs two days ago and hurt my left hand. Which wouldn’t matter if when I got angry I didn’t hit things or myself to keep me calm(or at least to stop me from doing something I’ll regret). I could barely move my finger yesterday and it was swollen to the point I thought I had hotdogs for fingers. I was able to straighten and bend it a little today but the person that pissed me off earlier in the story decided to not listen to me.

They’ve been stealing my stuff and I just found my SPECIAL markers-case- that I barely use(so they stay nice and usable) in their stuff with only four left in them. The four that were left were the “ugly” and empty colours. They also been stealing my makeup products, my clothes, my underwear and anything I get that they want( and I’m black so the underwear part is disgusting ).

Usually I wouldn’t get as mad but because of a recent change in schedule I didn’t have anytime to cry or breakdown this weekend. So I got angry and hit my left hand on my bed post. I fell to the floor but they didn’t care and as I was silently crying they just asked “what I was going to do with that thing” the thing that they took out.

I threw it on the floor at their feet and went to my computer. The only thing that was stopping me from crying(which was my playlist) and I had to turn it off once the light was off. I turned it up a bit to get the last little serotonin left and l was told(very rudely) to turn it off. I slammed it closed and climbed up to my bed. I heard the person say how no one did anything wrong to me and how I’m angry for no reason.

I deserve to be angry for what they did and I’m crying as I write this. I can’t even do anything about it cause I’ll probably get in trouble. During this whole writing session I’ve been trying to move my finger to type and it’s so hard. I think I’ve done something to it but I’m already so tired. I just need to get all my anger out another way.

Their slowly ruining what I love and I care about them so much. They are hurting me with their comments and they know it. They steal what I like and leave what I don’t I’m done helping them.

Thanks Reader, you’ve been a great help.