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The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 19: 'Life in Praxus' Part 3

Aka: Daily Life?

So, Jazz and Prowl are now back from the second visit to the gardens with Jazz as a now full citizen and given to all the perks, including his own crystal starter kit. 

The chapter begins with Prowl waking up and doing a scan for Jazz, since Jazz is still understandably terrified and prone to curl up in his sleep. Though this night, whether due to exhaustion, joy still from the day before, or just wanting someone else to curl up with, Prowl wakes to find Jazz curled up against him.  

Prowl, finding it cute and probably more in line of what is expected of sub behavior, decides to indulge in being curled up around Jazz. Prowl also starts showing more physical affection to Jazz via petting his wings. Jazz of course responds positively to this sort of physical affection after being so long without. Prowl acknowledges that Jazz will need much more time to become calm around Prowl, though I do wonder what Prowl’s full imagined timeline is since I can’t believe he has it fully open to letting things progress naturally at any point.

Jazz of course, after awakening to find his kidnapper/torturer so close to him, freaks out. In Jazz’s desperate bid to get away, he ends up spraining his wing by hitting it wrong. It can be due both to the wings still being relatively new additions to Jazz’s frame so Jazz has less time to account for their size and movements along with Jazz’s unfamiliarity with the room itself. Prowl, at least, and probably through his police training knows to approach Jazz slowly and to speak softly as not to startle Jazz into trying to flee and injure himself further. This of course fails and Jazz ends up falling off the berth.

Prowl then mistakenly puts Jazz in a hard place since Jazz can’t fix the wing on his own yet doesn’t trust Prowl not to hurt him. Thus unable to run or fight Jazz falls back on freezing as a natural reaction. Prowl feels distress that Jazz is distressed yet unwilling to let Prowl help, as Prowl feels that it is his duty to do so and feels as though the punishment part of the training should be over. Jazz however has never gotten a memo about this and is instead in a constant state of anxiety over the uncertainty of his predicament. Jazz can only plea for Prowl not to hurt him, as he did before in THAT ROOM.

Prowl then promises Jazz he won’t hurt Jazz, probably meaning it as well until he feels Jazz does something wrong again. Jazz, of course knowing Prowl has hurt him before has no reason to believe that he will not be hurt this time but is in no position to refuse any offer of help. So Jazz is forced to calm himself down.

It is funny that Prowl asks Jazz to be strong for two klicks to reset a wing when we have seen Jazz endure torture before at Prowl’s hands. Though in the moment Prowl is probably just trying to be more comforting and perhaps falling back on learned police scripts for dealing with hurt civilians.

I wonder if Prowl was able to sense any of the hatred Jazz felt towards him for a moment or if it was drowned out by the pain that Jazz was in.... Prowl then automatically went to give Jazz a pain blocker since he is now in “good dom looking out for his poor sub” mode of operating. And Prowl does want Jazz to now play as the sub in need of comfort, shown by Prowl repeatedly asking if Jazz is in pain, or okay, and extending his field out to Jazz. 

Jazz himself is arguing about whether to take the comfort Prowl is offering him, or not allow himself any comfort with Prowl and therefore protect himself more when Prowl turns on him again. It is interesting to see these problems come up and reminds me of a prior fic where ‘Prowl” was erased and the “new” Prowl was mated to Soundwave but still loved Jazz. Jazz, undertaking his own mission to bring both to his side even thinks to himself multiple times how easy it would be to just take comfort in the two and forget everything else, or in his own words “go insane”. The Jazz in that fic never did, though he did come very close. The Jazz here, with no Spec Ops training and currently no visible hope of escape, does go and accept comfort from Prowl. And he is comforted by this, allowing himself to drift away and forget his current situation for awhile.

Prowl allows this to go on till it is time for him to leave for work, at which point he tries to convince Jazz to move up onto the bed. Jazz, having been “woken up” and given orders by Prowl once again retreats back into himself, answering the way he assumes Prowl wishes him to. Though even if he asked Prowl to stay, Prowl would probably say it would be ludicrous to stay by Jazz’s side for a bent wing and that he has to go. 

Jazz, in an act to comfort himself in a tactile fashion without having to rely on Prowl, wraps himself in a blanket. The blanket can also serve as Jazz’s attempt at protection going back to childhood fears of monsters under the bed who would grab you if you were not covered. Prowl then gets Jazz some of his diluted energon. 

Jazz is then given run of the building for the ....third time? With no explosions for once. Though Prowl is extra weary when entering his home. Jazz, for his part has continued to take comfort in the blanket and move on to tending to his crystals, which are dependent on him to develop. 

Prowl then tries for the most awkward attempts at small talk with Jazz. Jazz however takes this to be in a condescending tone and is defensive thinking Prowl is saying that Jazz wasted the day away when Jazz just wasn’t up to causing anymore harm. Prowl doesn’t even offer how his day went in return. Instead Prowl decides to change topics to get Jazz to speak to him a bit more by complementing the garden Jazz has started. Jazz is not up to conversing though and remains quiet before returning back to his work leaving Prowl with no idea how to continue any conversation. Prowl though takes comfort in that at least Jazz has shown an interest in something and is not just catatonic, assuming that the awkwardness will naturally fade with time as Jazz get more used to Prowl as his mate.

 I wonder if Prowl simply doesn’t want the embarrassment of a mate wrapped in a comfort object which is why he thinks to only allow Jazz to continue on for a day longer acting like that? 

Prowl also offers still to take Jazz anywhere in the city Jazz would like to go before or after the doctor visit.

Jazz does actually show some of his growing comfort with Prowl in this new situation by making a joke about the blanket accepting him as family now. Or it is a joke to simply cover his real fear of being separated from it. Unfortunately, Prowl is unable to determine how to respond and the joke dies a sad and lonely death on the kitchen table.

Thus we leave again to return on Jazz’s check-up.

Till Next Time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 21: 'Life in Praxus' Part 5

Aka: Blanket Negotiations End in a Standstill

So we have Prowl waking up happy to see that Jazz is still on the bed and not exploded, missing, or freaking out. Little victories I guess. Though I love how Prowl just assumes that after one morning freak out its over. Especially since  he isn’t even sure Jazz is awake yet.

Then cue an almost normal morning of Prowl asking if Jazz wants to sleep in after the medical center, racing and such from yesterday and Jazz showing appreciation for it (via wing flicks). Though then we get into problems once again coming about because Prowl seems to constantly wanting to act as though he and Jazz are just happy mates now without acknowledging any damage from before. This can be seen in when he tells Jazz that he would hate for Jazz to be in pain from overexertion. I’m sure Prowl’s thought process is that Jazz should not be in pain because the outing was not a punishment, but for Jazz it doesn’t matter. 

Though part of me wonders if even some part of Prowl did acknowledge the statement because he goes to fetch them both a meal. Though that could just as easily be Prowl wanting to get up and do something or not have Jazz injure himself by quickly trying to carry some cubes up to them. 

This then causes Jazz a breakdown since he can’t understand Prowl’s behavior’s. It almost seems like a person on the outside looking in on an abusive relationship despite this being him in one. Jazz wondering why Prowl isn’t always violent instead of thinking how it could be a cycle at this point. Jazz seems to believe it should be a constant violence instead of how some abuse survivors write about trying to keep one nonviolent cycle going as long as they can. I wonder if Jazz just hasn’t been exposed to realistic stories of abuse, if he found it too violent to see it as part of a normal abusive relationship, or if those simply are not common in any city state Jazz has been to? Or maybe a type of victim blaming for the people remaining in the relationship but because Jazz has so constantly been against it and trying to escape he sees it as something different? Food for thought.

Though I can easily understand Jazz’s confusion over it then since from his point of view it seems like Prowl must be given a Shakespearean like act for an audience of one who will never appreciate it. Jazz can’t reconcile the two different versions of Prowl he’s seen.

Prowl on the other hand is in full “everything is fine now, we are a perfect couple, look at me acting like *I assume* my sire did”. He is preparing Jazz’s energon diluted as he wishes to, asking after Jazz’s emotional state, telling Jazz he call tell him anything, etc. Though we get this an what has been proven to otherwise be an empty gesture since we know that every time Jazz brings up his problems, Prowl simply brushes it off. It also brings up the problem of Praxus with “You should work out your own problems, or have your mate help you but it should ALWAYS stay in the house” as it were.

We also see Jazz falling into depression where he sleeps and then with nothing to really look forward to seems to just want to sleep more. But we get the return of the adorable blanket monster Jazz at least. And Prowl responding to this in an equally playful matter. Jazz even reflects how it is nice to pretend that everything is fine the same way that Prowl is. And it seems as though after Jazz has been however long there, Prowl has gotten some energon more to Jazz’s tastes. Though this seems almost as though Prowl is once again trying to shower Jazz with gifts for if not good, at least not horrible behavior. It should be noted that Prowl keeps the humor going even though he thinks about how absurd the whole thing is. 

....I should probably do a full on analysis sometime about the parallels between the blanket/Jazz and Prowl/Jazz sometime in the future.

Then we get to hear more about Jazz’s budding little crystal garden that seems to be the main thing giving him joy and keeping him going at this point. He is also able to make the garden intricate at this point showing how much time and effort he has put into it. 

And then Prowl leaves with not a great, but no where near a bad foot with Jazz. Jazz then checks on Prowl to see both where Prowl is and why he is still awake. We then end on them falling asleep on the berth.

Till Next Time!