Peter Port - Tumblr Posts
“What will always get you laid?”
If professors come to perform a play～
Low key forgot ooblek and port existed but now i have new blorbs to draw
Specialist Arc: Competition Part 3
Oh boy...
Jaune continued to rest in his bed, well trying to anyway. He feels like shit due to the cold and the fact that he let Winter and Glynda do classes by themselves, with him not with them.
He knows that those two hate each other's guts, but he hopes that they'll get along with each other.
And besides, those two are two of the most disciplined people he knows. Surely they won't cause many problems...
Right...?
Meanwhile...
BOOM!
Winter and Glynda clashed in the latter's classroom. Their respective weapons have long gone from their grasp as they just settled on fists to cuffs.
The two fierce women were pushing against each other trying to overpower each other. Both seemed to be on equal footing.
Winter: Not bad for an old hag such as yourself!
Glynda: How old do you think I am?!
Winter: smirk Old enough to be Ozpin's wife!
Unbeknownst to Winter, what she said REALLY cut deep, for only that she should be that lazy asshole's wife, but also implying she has lived since the beginning of Remnant.
With a rageful yell, Glynda manages to overpower Winter in their deadlock, and push her into the ground but the specialist intentionally did this so she could kick the angry deputy off of her, sending her flying to the other side of the arena.
Glynda managed to re-orient herself mid-air and land safely. She barely stopped Winter's punch at her face.
Glynda kneed Winter in the gut and threw her away. Winter's aura flared, but she wasn't bothered as much by the blow.
Winter: You call that a hit to the stomach?! Jaune has hit me multiple times there with his big, meaty swo-!
Glynda: SHUT IT!
While the two of them continued their brawl. The students watching were split into two; the ones cheering and betting, and the ones awkwardly watching the entire show.
Blake: This is so scuffed.
Yang: Are you kidding?! This is the best! 20 on Goodwitch!
Weiss: Xiao Long don't make bets!
Ruby: Don't worry Weiss, I got this handled! 30 on Weiss' sister!
Weiss: RUBY!
Ruby: Oh um, sorry! 40 on her!
Coco: 50 on Goodwitch!
Velvet: Coco no!
Coco: COCO YES!
Meanwhile...again...
Oobleck: Should we stop this?
Ozpin: And get in between THAT? No thank you.
Oobleck: ...Fair.
Port: Look at them go! To think this is all because those two are smitten with the Arc lad!
With Jaune...
Jaune: Meh...I'm sure it's fine.
[Hilarious de-railing one-liner]
(Kindergarten)
Bleiss: Hey, teach. Get the Molasses out of your ass and bring me that juice, will ya? You one mile an hour, walking, no-running ass, feet draggin' turtle, son of a bitch!
Port: Now, Bleiss, you can't go your entire life insulting people like that.
Bleiss: The hell I can, you bitch-ass, toupee wearin', fisheye'd, two year college degree earnin', no wife and kids havin', mustard stain on his shirt, kindergarten teachin' ass-
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(Graduation)
Bleiss: Diploma handin', dress wearin', funny hat-ass-
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(To Mirror)
Bleiss: First generation of your family to get into Beacon-ass-
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(Watching Jaune Get a Coffee)
Bleiss: Love at first sight ass, three sugars, two creams in a coffee-
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(First Date)
Bleiss: First date having, romantically compatible-ass, adorable man, hung like a-
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(Jaune Proposes)
Bleiss: Making me the happiest woman in the world ass-
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(Wedding Vows)
Bleiss: Love of my life-ass, til death do us part, I do, vow n'ring wearin'-
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(Pregnant)
Bleiss: Tiny embryonic-ass, no finger prints havin', third trimester, son of a-
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(To First-Born)
Bleiss: Beautiful ass, umbilical cord cuttin', little dick havin'-
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(Father & Son Playing Catch)
Bleiss: Bitch-ass, no baseball catchin'-
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(Son's Graduation)
Bleiss: Summa cumme laude, straight A's, makin' me proud-ass-
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(College Visit)
Bleiss: Cats in the cradle ass-
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(Grandchild)
Bleiss: First grandchild-ass, life begets life-ass, diaper full of shit stinkin'-
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(Final Moments)
Bleiss: Touchin' ass, surrounded by loved ones ass, wouldn't change a goddamn thing, makin' me cry-ass, mother fucking ready for death-ass... Me... shiiiit...
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(Years later)
Before her grave, Bleiss' grandchild looks upon their beloved grandmother's final resting place. Suddenly, an incredibly decrepit old man walks up to their side.
Port: Wow, I can't believe she actually did it. She was rude her whole life.
Grandchild: You knew my grandma?
Port: *Sighs as he pulls out the juice box she demanded from him all those years ago* She called me a bitch... *Empties out juice onto grave*
Grandchild: *Looks at Port perturbed before walking away* Weird, senile-ass, prune juice drinkin'-ass, mustard stain on his shirt...
Gravedigger: Grave's all ready sir.
Port: Great! *Falls back into grave*