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yours forever in 786

PAIRING ▸ private investigator!jay park x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ social media au (smau), smut, fluff, angst, mystery, drama, enemies to lovers au, college au, rich kid au

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, slowburn, alcohol/drug consumption, portrayals of addiction, sexual jokes, sexual content, betrayals!! backstabbing!!, toxic relationships, order of kryptos isn’t a real secret society but heavily inspired by the ivy league secret societies, emotional cheating (BOOOO! not from mc or jay tho), jay and mc have a small age gap (2 years), most of the characters are pretty toxic so please note that this is not attune to their real life personalities at ALL

SUMMARY ▸ after being blackmailed into accepting an assignment, jay park, a young private detective, is thrown back into college. this time, though, he’s at an ivy league and tasked to follow you to uncover what dark secrets your old money family is hiding. in doing this, jay must fraternize with your inner circle by joining a secret society called the “order of kryptos.” what he doesn’t realize is that the deeper he gets into his mission, the more he starts to lose himself.

UPDATE SCHEDULE ▸ every day

PLAYLIST ▸ still sane by lorde • this is what makes us girls by lana del rey • too good by troye sivan • paparazzi by lady gaga • old money by lana del rey • i was never there by the weeknd, gesaffelstein • prisoner by the weeknd, lana del rey

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hello !! i’m back with another smau but this one’s less lighthearted and more heavy ? sort of an experiment let’s see how it goes, but hope u enjoy and lmk what u think !! ♡

Keep reading

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COOL ABOUT IT - JAY PARK

— synopsis: you came prepared for absolution, but were only met with what seemed like self-punishment.

— word count: 6.7k

— warnings: alcohol usage, cursing, bad parental figures

— featuring: jake, iz*one minju

— genre: angst, exes to friends, a bit of hurt/comfort

— playlist: cool about it - boygenius

— a/n: anyone else a jay lover here

The air was damp and smelled like rain as you hopped out of the Uber. It was a moderately humid April night, though a cold breeze wrapped itself around you, sending an odd sensation down your spine. It wasn’t a chill; no, it was more of a relief. You had missed how the air could leave you with this feeling.

The Uber bid you a goodbye when you slammed the door of the black car shut. You sent him a thankful wave as you started walking.

You were headed towards a dive bar: a dingy, locally owned, little shack that was a couple miles from your apartment. You’d been there multiple times in the past; in fact, the visits had become more frequent ever since you’d crashed your car — hence the Uber.

It was sprinkling. You let your eyes trail the sidewalk and saw reflections of the bar’s LED signs in the small puddles on the ground. In a way, the situation could be beautiful. 

Emphasis on could. It really wasn’t to most people.

More raindrops danced on your hair as you finally reached the door of the bar. There wasn’t a bouncer tonight; there hadn’t been one for the past few times you’d gone. For it being a dive bar, you figured that they just didn’t care about busting minors in there anymore. It hurt to think about in a sense: since when did this generation stop caring about the youth?

But then you remembered that no one cared for you when you were that age. You pushed the thought out of your mind.

You patted your hair down in an attempt to de-frizz it from the humid raindrops and look a bit more presentable. It was a dive bar, so no one would bat an eye at you for the state of your hair, but then again, appearance in general was moderately important.

You strode up to the bartender and asked him for a Vodka lemonade on a closed tab. You hadn’t come here to drink, really, but more to just enjoy the environment here. It was a sketchy location, the dim lighting casted shadows upon the faces of strangers and majorly kept you from seeing anything. In general, the bar wasn’t very popular, but you still had to keep a guard up, even if you did find yourself comfortable here.

The bartender handed you your drink after you paid and watched you stalk your way down a small, dimly-lit hallway towards the pool tables.

On nights like these, you opted against listening to conversations with others or trying to socialize with anyone new. Most of the time you had come with a friend, but this time was different. You weren’t sure exactly what it was, but tonight needed to be a solo event. 

Which was why you were headed in the direction you were. If you didn’t want to socialize, you’d just watch people play pool. They always asked you if you’d want to join, to which you’d always decline. They never seemed to mind when you stayed and watched the game, though.

You brushed a piece of hair out of your face as you entered the doorway of the pool room. It was yet again another dimly-lit room, but because you were familiar with the surroundings, you could still make out everything. There were four pool tables: each in a line starting from about three feet from the entrance of the room to all the way to the opposing wall. The noise was surprisingly quiet tonight.

You made your way to a stool that was sat against a wall at a high-top table. Setting your drink down on the surface, you scanned your surroundings. No one you knew seemed to be here, so you’d just watch the games, just like you’d planned to.

You opted to watch the game closest to you; it was being played at the second table from the entrance by a group of three men and two women. You had friends of your own, so you didn’t even feel anything like yearning towards the group of friends in front of you, not even wishing that yours were here with you. Instead you smiled at the fact that love is found everywhere. In its own way, it was beautiful.

You rested your head on your hand and let your eyes wander around the place. A group of men in the back of the room laughed melodically as their friend failed a shot miserably. The dark haired boy threw his face in his hands as his friends teased him.

If you had to guess, you’d think he just lost a bet of some sorts. Your guess was proven right after you’d focused your attention on the first game again; the aforementioned raven-haired boy passed right by your line of sight.

On his return, he carried three different drinks with him. You let your eyes scan the man up and down; he looked devastatingly familiar. It wasn’t the alcohol in your system, but you almost called out an all-too familiar name when you’d seen him.

“Y/N?” A question from a familiar voice cut through the crowd at you. Your hunch was right.

The voice came from your ex-boyfriend, Jay Park. Seeing him at the drive bar wasn’t something you expected, but it wasn’t a negative experience to see him. He looked good, almost better than when you’d seen him last: your breakup.

You remembered the moment as clear as day. Jay’s swollen eyes, his fucked-out lips that began to chap from him biting them, his messed up hair, his red face, the emotions, the words exchanged, everything. The sudden interaction hit you like a freight train, every emotion that you had tucked away since that time making themselves known.

You widened your eyes at his figure in surprise, swallowing the ghost of a lump in your throat. “Jay,” you breathed out at him.

He also swallowed and his face softened into a small smile. Jay began approaching your high-top table, drinks still in hand. You let your eyes trail to the drinks while his eyes were trained on you still. You heard another familiar voice call his name from the furthest pool table, “Jay! The drinks?” 

Squinting your eyes, you realized the voice had come from someone you hadn’t seen or heard from in many months, yet still, somehow, you recognized it like it had been yesterday when you’d seen him last: Jake Sim, one of Jay’s best friends.

Jay’s head whipped around to his friends. He sent you an apologetic look as he scrambled over to his friends. You assumed that the small interaction you two had engaged in would have been the end of it. A small run-in with your ex at a dive bar and it would be one and done.

That was until he approached your table again, this time with no drinks in hand, just himself. He ran a hand through his hair and stood across from you.

“Long time no see,” he smiled, hints of sadness on his face.

“Yeah,” you said, slightly awkwardly. It was weird to see Jay again. You’d done really well at not running into him for the time between when you two broke up until now, and a part of you had wished that your streak of not seeing him had continued. Every single feeling you had towards the man was rushing at you at the speed of light; you weren’t sure how to handle it. It’d probably be best if you just left. But a part of you wanted to relive the past and talk with him.

“Kinda dead in here, right?” Jay joked as he sat himself on the opposing stool very cautiously, “Do you mind if I take a seat?” You shook your head at him, nodding your head towards the seat as you took a drink of your Vodka lemonade, “Go ahead.”

He sent you a quick nod and scooted his chair forward, “What are you doing here?”

You swallowed the lump again, and laughed softly at him. Why else would you be at a shitty dive bar, if not to drink?

“I don’t know,” you offered, stirring your straw in your cup, eyes trained on it, not wanting to make eye contact with Jay. You let out a breath before attempting to make small talk, “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Yeah,” he laughed semi-dryly. He looked over at the pool table with his friends and then turned back to you, “but I’m here with people. I feel like that makes more sense than coming here alone.”

“How do you know I’m here alone?” You shyly teased him.

Jay laughed, “I can tell when it comes to you. I think you may have forgotten that I dated you for quite some time. Those kinds of things don’t just leave your memories.”

The confession felt like an anvil being dropped on your chest. He was right, he did know you extremely well. The two of you had only broken up a couple months ago, so obviously things like that would not have left his memory in the short time period. You fought back a frown as you responded, “Yeah. You’re right.”

An immediate silence consumed the two of you. Even with the background noise of the other dive-bar-goers, you still felt like you could hear a pin drop. You took a look outside the small window at the end of the room. Though it was mostly covered by blinds, from what you could see, the rain had picked up quite a bit. You brought your eyes back to Jay, whose gaze had never left your figure. He was yet again the first one to break the silence:

“Um… so how’s life? Do you still work at that flower shop?”

You blinked at him once before finding the words to respond, “Yeah… yeah, I do.” You smiled softly at the thought of your workplace; it was a little corner store that sold locally grown flowers. It was right beneath your apartment, so you could wake up and smell the flowers, which always put you in a good mood. You relaxed a bit, “What about you? Do you still work at that restaurant?”

“No,” he admitted, “I quit a bit ago. I work at a record store now, the one we used to always go to.”

“Oh,” you remembered, again finding your gaze on your drink. The record store had been one of the first places Jay had ever taken you, so of course you knew what place he was referencing. It caught you off guard with the fact that he was so willing to reference the past you two shared, for it was still a sensitive topic to you.

“What made you leave?” you inquired, looking back at him.

“Well,” he started, “I moved. The record store was way closer than the restaurant, and I hated the management anyways.”

“I remember you mentioning you hated it,” you said, nodding at him, “but I didn’t think you’d quit. Where’d you move to?”

“I have a new solo apartment about a street away from the record store.”

You nodded again, “Does that guy with the weird hair still work there?”

He gave you a genuine laugh, “Yeah. Somehow, his hair is now worse.”

You also laughed, recalling the odd man’s hair. You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and tilted your head at him, “Did you ever end up changing your major?” The small talk was becoming more and more relaxing as the minutes passed by. In a way, it hadn’t even felt like you two were exes. It was more like catching up with an old friend. The way the dim lights illuminated Jay’s features ached your heart. The rain outside started to rattle on the roof.

Jay swallowed again. His phone suddenly lit up with a text notification, and he opened it. “Shit,” he commented, locking his phone. He placed it face down on the table and brought his attention back to you.

“What’s up?” You asked cautiously, furrowing your eyebrows in worry at the man in front of you.

“Nothing, nothing.”

He played off whatever had occurred on his phone and shook his head at you, hints of being defeated ghosting the features on his face. He glanced back down at his phone.

“No,” you furrowed your brow deeper at him, “Jay,” you placed a hand on his forearm, gaining his attention again. You sent him a caring half-smile before asking again, “What happened?”

Jay shook his head once again, “Nothing… it’s just…”

You left your hand on his forearm, not going unnoticed by him. Your ears perked up at the sound of thunder outside.

“The guys left. They didn’t even tell me,” he sighed, “but it’s fine. I drove here. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized. You knew it wasn’t your fault that he was left alone, but you still pitied him.

As if on cue, thunder struck again, causing the lights to flicker before going out shortly after. You didn’t expect the rain to have picked up as much as it did, let alone cause a power outage. You sighed, “What comedic timing.”

Jay laughed again, turning his phone flashlight on. He looked at you through the darkness, “I feel like that may be a cue to leave.”

You nodded. Looking at your phone, you realized that the Cellular tower nearby must have also gone out, because you had no service. You rolled your eyes as you hopped down from your seat.

“Everything okay?” Jay asked, copying as you did and getting down from his stool.

“I would lie to you,” you laughed, “but in this situation, I quite literally cannot. I have no service, and I took an Uber here.”

“Oh,” he said, “I can drive you home. I drove here. What happened to your car, though?”

“I crashed it.”

“Not out of character for you,” Jay teased, “but let’s get going. The rain is probably going to keep picking up.”

You nodded as you two navigated your ways to the exit of the bar. To no surprise, the rain had in fact picked up. It was pouring. You spotted Jay’s car to the left of the bar, grateful that it was as close as it was. As you approached the car with an urgency, you shielded (or attempted to shield) your hair from the rain.

Jay unlocked his car and you quickly sat in the passenger seat, watching the rain pound on the front windshield. You could barely see anything in front of you.

“Are you sure you’re okay with driving?” You asked, facing him. You were both drenched, even though you’d only been outside for around 30 seconds. Jay removed his wet jacket, took at look at himself in the rear view mirror, and then finally brought his gaze to you.

“Y/N,” he smiled, “I really don’t mind. I live pretty close.”

“Okay.”

Jay started the car and a soft flow of AC filled the vehicle. He turned on the radio, which was at half volume, so he lowered it to talk to you.

“Do you want aux?”

The question was simple, but it still made your heart ache for the man. You knew for sure that there was a part of you that was still in love with him, no matter what you told yourself. It killed you to know your past was over.

“If you don’t mind.”

You plugged your phone into the aux and queued a song that reminded you of him. He didn’t know, and you would try to keep it that way. He seemed happy now, and you were too, on the surface. The breakup was mutual. You had no reason to be sulking over it.

“Damn, it’s pouring,” Jay commented, his windshield wipers going at record speeds. He took a look at the time, it read 8:49pm. Sighing, he continued, “I really didn’t think it would rain this much.”

“Jay, it’s probably not safe to drive,” you said, looking at him as he put the car into drive, “you really didn’t have to drive me home. It’s probably too far to drive there safely.”

“Well,” he started, “I live close. We could just go to my place until the rain blows over, if you want?”

You contemplated before answering, “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind? What if your power is also out?”

“We have an energy generator,” he said, “so it should be fine. Plus, it’s only around a two minute drive.”

“As long as you promise you don’t mind.”

“Y/N, it’s you. When have I ever minded?”

You breathed a laugh out of your nose, trying to hide any hint of sadness that had seeped its way into your heart. Jay really was an amazing guy. You hated that things ended like they did with him.

The rain picked up even more as Jay pulled onto the road, and it was almost impossible to see anything. You worried for the man- if it were you, you’d have probably just stayed in the car and waited out the rain. He truly was a caring person.

The car ride to Jay’s new apartment was silent, but it was majorly a comfortable silence. You could still feel awkwardness leaking through the air, but you were just grateful that there was even a lack of noise. You needed to sort out your thoughts. It wasn’t necessarily a bad idea to go to Jay’s alone, but you were afraid you’d have a hard time not spilling everything you could towards him. You two would catch up as friends, and then you would leave as soon as the rain passed.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and attempted to push away the sinking feeling in your chest.

The car ride ended with Jay somehow smoothly pulling onto what you assumed was the side of a street. You couldn’t tell- it was raining too hard to see anything. 

“Here,” Jay handed you his jacket, “hold this over your head.”

“Jay, it’s okay,” you replied, not taking it. You tried to lightly push it back to him, “you should use it. It’s your jacket.”

Jay tilted his head and rolled his eyes at you, “Please just take it.” No other words were exchanged as you held the jacket over your head and shoulders and quickly exited the car, waiting for Jay to also leave.

He met you outside of the passenger door and spoke over the rain, “Follow me.”

You trailed behind his figure as he led you both to the landing of the first floor, then beckoning you to follow him upstairs. To your surprise, he was right, and despite the thunderstorm, he still had power. The whole building did.

Once you two reached the third level, Jay stopped you and dug in his pocket for the apartment keys. He quickly found them and unlocked the door to his apartment.

He opened the door for himself and beckoned you in, then turning on the lamp in his hallway. Jay walked to the room that you assumed was the main living space, where a couch that looked to fit two people sat. “Take a seat,” Jay offered, moving to the electric fireplace in front of the couch. You cautiously followed him and sat down as carefully on his sofa, positioning yourself as best as possible to not touch any of his furniture with your wet clothes, though realistically that was impossible.

“Do you want me to take my shoes off?” You asked, looking at the trail that your shoes had left with water from where you’d walked in the apartment. Jay looked back at you and shook his head, “You don’t have to. I forgot to take mine off too.” He turned back to the fireplace and within seconds, he had turned it on and it had started heating up the room.

Thunder struck again from outside the apartment, causing you to turn your head suddenly at the noise.

“I have a bit of a headache, so I’m going to turn off the lamp as long as that’s okay with you.” He said, getting up from where he was crouched in front of the fireplace.

“Jay, if you have a headache, I can leave-”

“No,” he responded immediately, not facing you. “Stay.” Jay paused as he switched off the lamp, then walking back slowly to the couch. The next word was much softer than his previous ones:

“Please.”

You felt your face freeze at his words and felt his presence sit at the other side of the couch. 

“Okay.”

You attempted to relax at the situation, but you couldn’t take your eyes off the fireplace. It was killing you to be around Jay; every single emotion you had towards the breakup had been pushed aside for so long. It would be impossible to ignore it all now, and it was. You tried your best to keep a happy front.

“It’s been forever since I saw you last,” Jay started from the other side of the couch. You could tell he was facing you, but you refused to give in and look at him. The last thing you wanted was for him to see you in this weak spot when you’d done so well at pretending you were okay. He laughed bitterly, “If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought you were avoiding me.”

You finally turned your neck to look at him, catching him pursing his lips. You relaxed back into the couch, “Very funny, Jay.”

“I like to think I am,” he said.

“I know.”

You tilted your head at him, waiting for him to say anything in response to your comment. He waited a few moments before saying anything, “It’s really nice to see you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, it is,” you agreed, rubbing nervously at your forearm. It was a mutual break up. You needed to get your head in the game and not be willing to admit your feelings as easily as that.

Another silence fell across you two and you looked back into the fireplace. The crackling of the flames was inaudible in comparison to the thunder that was still making its presence known outside. Furrowing your eyebrows, you let your heart win, and sighed out:

“I’m sorry.”

Jay’s eyes, which were once trained on his hands, had joined his head in snapping up to look at you. Your words could barely be heard, but they cut through the excess noise like a knife.

“Huh?” He asked, taken aback. You didn’t let your attention leave the fireplace. Out of your peripheral, you could see that he had leaned slightly forward at your words, “You’re sorry? About what?”

“I don’t know,” you said, still not facing him, “everything, I guess?”

Jay scooted closer to you, leaning his head so that you could see it if you just shifted your gaze to the left of you. He cautiously put a hand on your knee, “Y/N. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I mean,” you said, finally looking at him again, “I feel like there’s a lot to be said. At least from my end.”

“You can tell me whatever you want,” Jay replied, a genuine look in his eyes. He removed his hand from your knee, “I won’t judge. I feel like you know me well enough to know that’s true.”

“That’s the problem,” you sighed, covering your face with your hands, “because that’s exactly what I’m sorry about.”

“What?” Jay asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “You’re sorry about knowing me well?”

“No, no,” you rushed to ease his nerves, removing your face from your hands and looking at him, “no. I’m sorry for knowing you so well but making us strangers.”

His gaze immediately softened and you saw him swallow. Jay blinked a few times before turning his face to the fire, “I appreciate the apology.”

A beat of silence followed. He turned to look at you before he started again, “I guess I should also apologize.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Jay. I initiated everything and it was my fault that-”

“I’m sorry I ever let you go.”

His words made your own get caught in your throat. You weren’t sure if Jay meant it in the same romantic way you did, but even as a friend, his truth still stood strong. You were sorry you ever let him go too, even beyond the relationship. But back then, you knew deep down that distancing yourself would hopefully make the healing process easier. And you thought that was true; until, of course, you caught sight of Jay just hours earlier in the dive bar.

You breathed a shaky breath as you tried to formulate your next processes of thought. As if a dam had been opened, feelings and truths that you’d withheld from Jay all those months ago during the breakup had come rushing out at full speed.

“Jay, it’s not your fault that we fell apart,” you said, feeling tears brim in the corners of your eyes, “it’s mine. I pushed you away. I should have been honest with you but I was a coward. And I ruined something really good. I- I just want to, y’know, apologize for putting you through that. Because you deserve better.” 

So much for being cool about it. Your voice cracked at the last sentence and tears threatened to fall. Turning away from him again, you pursed your lips and fought a frown as you breathed heavily.

“Y/N,” Jay started, grabbing the hand of yours closest to him to get your attention, “I want you to know that I never, never was mad at you for that. Never.”

Thunder struck again from outside the apartment window and yet your attention never faltered from Jay. You blinked at him twice, nodding at him slowly.

“That’s good to hear,” you said shakily, “but even if you were never mad, I still want to give you an apology. I put you through some bullshit because I couldn’t get myself together. And it’s not fair to you.”

“Y/N, it’s okay. Our past is the past. We had some great times, yeah? But you’re happy now, and that’s what matters. Dwelling on what happened is only going to take that happiness away from you.”

Nodding again, you snuck a glance at the hand of his that was still laid on your own. Your heart fluttered for a second before you realized that you yet again needed to get a hold of yourself.

“Can I ask you something?” Jay started cautiously. He looked worried, but continued, “I mean, now that the breakup has been months past at this point, I hope it isn’t a very sensitive topic for you.”

You shook your head at him, lying through your teeth, “It isn’t.”

He took a deep breath before laying the question down on you, “What happened?”

The two-word question was exactly what you expected him to ask, yet hearing it was like a tree falling silently in the woods. You, of course, knew that the tree would’ve fallen no matter what, and although you didn’t hear it, it still fell. It was just a matter of time before you discovered the fallen wood.

You swallowed the lump in your throat before trying to explain yourself, and as you told the story, everything came back to the both of you. An image was painted well in your minds:

It was about a year and a half into your and Jay’s relationship, around May. You and Jay had both just finished your second years of college. Jay had recently finalized paperwork for a transferring of universities, which would occur around late August.

He had received a scholarship from his dream school that he had applied for on a whim months prior to the acceptance. He, of course, loved the university that you were both dually attending, but Jay wanted to give his dream school one more shot. This worked out well for him, as he not only got accepted, but received a scholarship for the honors program. You both were beyond stoked.

The excitement ran through both of your veins for the first few weeks after the acceptance letter, but Jay’s seemed to last much longer than yours did. The school was seven hours away by car. With this information, there were multiple ways you thought of outcomes:

Jay would accept the scholarship, he would move up to where the school was located, and you would also have to try and transfer to his school.

This was ruled out almost immediately- you loved Jay, but you knew if you tried to transfer for him, you’d be sacrificing your own stability. With your financial state, the likelihood of you even being able to afford a school of a higher level was out of the picture.

So you considered another option:

Jay would decline the scholarship and stay with you at home. 

You didn’t even entertain the idea at all. There was no way Jay wouldn’t accept the scholarship; it was his dream school and the major was even covered. The odds of him staying home were next to zero.

So finally, you settled on what seemed like the final option:

Long distance.

To be honest, you were totally against it. Knowing how in-deep you were with Jay, you had no clue if you’d even be able to handle long distance. But even so, you tried to stay happy for him. It was really a dream come true for him, so to the best of your ability, you would act like it was for you too.

You still tried your best even when he started figuring out housing, which was when he left for a week in July to go to the college town.

It was in that same fateful week that you’d gotten news from your sister, who was the only person in your family that you’d been in contact with, that your grandmother, who had raised you, was in a critical condition in the hospital.

To say you had a simple home life would be the definition of a lie. Your life growing up was majorly normal, at least from what you were aware of. Now reflecting on that, you knew that wasn’t the case. Your father was deadbeat and your mother was in and out of rehab constantly. So, at age five, you and your sister had been sent to live with your grandmother.

At age ten, your mother had remarried and regained custody of you and your sister. Your new stepdad was the worst person you’d ever met, and he regularly abused your mother and manipulated her into thinking you and your sister were some sort of villains. Your mother ultimately ended up relapsing. As soon as you were able to, you fled. You found yourself hours and hours away from your hometown, and had no intentions of returning.

The only people you’d kept in contact with were your sister and your grandmother.

With the news of your grandmother’s condition and the lack of emotional support you had from Jay (as he was not only a time zone away, but also was extremely busy), your world began to implode in on itself.

You had decided to keep your family troubles a secret from Jay. Of course, he already knew about your past, but with everything that he was dealing with, you didn’t want to dampen his mood with your own problems.

By August, Jay was still riding his high and had found not only housing, but had visited the school many times. Meanwhile, your grandmother’s condition had only worsened. On top of it all, your estranged mother had tried contacting you, asking you for money. Your only support system at that point had been your sister; you’d still refused to talk to Jay about anything.

As a result, you kept distancing yourself from him, more and more. You started to get in your head about everything more as time progressed, with your brain being plagued with thoughts like ‘Jay is happy, and if I bring any of my problems up to him, I’ll probably just ruin his happiness’ and ‘my problems will only become a burden for him’. 

Right before Jay was set to move, you decided you needed to finally break things off with him. You knew deep down that it wasn’t really fair to him, but you had way too much on your plate to even consider his feelings at the time.

“So I didn’t want to become your burden,” you finished, breathing out a deep breath that you didn’t realize you’d been holding in.

“I see,” Jay said slowly, his eyes trained on the floor, processing everything you’d just laid down on him. It obviously wouldn’t be an easy situation to swallow, but with the heavy rain, you’d try to give him all the time you could. He licked his lips, “I wish you would’ve been honest with me, Y/N.”

“I know, I know, and I think about it almost every day-”

Your rushed words were cut off by him, “I would’ve stayed. You meant so much more to me than that scholarship did.”

“I-” your words got caught in your mouth as you tried to respond to him. You let a tear fall, “I’m so sorry, Jay.”

No words were exchanged as he pulled you in for an embrace and you just let the tears fall. You had desperately needed this closure, and unbeknownst to you, Jay did too. You were almost sure he had also let a tear or two slip.

Within the silence, you’d picked up how the rain had slowed. The once rumbling thunder had regressed into a regular shower.

You two finished the embrace and looked at each other. You cleared your throat before speaking, “I can’t explain in words how sorry I am for leaving you like that. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.”

“But I’ve forgiven you.”

You nodded, trying to change the subject. You wiped at the tears that had now nearly dried against your cheeks, and tried starting a new conversation:

“So, how’s the new university?”

“I left after a semester,” he admitted honestly, shrugging. You took his hand in yours again, not lacing fingers, but giving his hand a squeeze before responding to him, “Why?”

“I couldn’t imagine a future without you. Sure, the university was great, but that wasn’t what mattered to me. I missed you, you who were the only person I could come to after a long day, you who I brought home to my parents, you who my parents liked more than me, and you who made me feel like I meant something to someone.”

You were unable to form a response.

Jay continued, “It was never about the scholarship money. Y/N, I would’ve gone years in debt if it meant I spent those years next to you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. I would do it now, too. I came back for a reason.”

Jay laced your fingers with his and pulled you slightly closer to him, “Even if you never wanted to be near me again, I would be fine living in the debts of my past just knowing that I had you at some point.”

“Don’t say that, Jay,” you said, teasing him, “I’ll fall in love all over again.”

“I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

Your heart melted as you eased into the fact that even after what you’d done, Jay still had some feelings for you. And you obviously did for him. You squeezed his hand again, relaxing into the couch, laying your head on his shoulder and looking down at your interlocked fingers. You brought your attention back to the fire.

Jay broke the silence, “How’s your grandmother doing?”

“Oh, uh,” you trailed off, feeling the lump reappear in your throat, “she.. um, she passed away. About two months ago.”

With no response, Jay released his hand from your own and wrapped his arm around your back, bringing you in for a more intimate embrace.

You stayed tucked in his chest for a couple minutes before breaking the silence again, “I appreciate you. So much.”

“It feels good to be appreciated by someone that you appreciate,” he said, looking down at you. He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear before speaking again, “I appreciate you, too.”

You smiled into him, “I’m glad you appreciate me.”

“You know who I don’t appreciate?” Jay started, suddenly fired up. You giggled at the sudden change in attitude, “Who?”

“Bryan.”

“Who…?”

“The guy that I work with. With the weird hair.”

You laughed, “Oh, I see now. Why? His hair is… he’s… got gusto!”

“That’s one way to put it,” Jay laughed too, bringing his arm from your back to your shoulders. He sighed, “He’s also just a dick.”

“No way,” you feigned shock, “the guy with the most ridiculous appearance you’ve ever seen is a dick? I can’t believe it!”

Your phone suddenly rung from the table in front of you, making you pull yourself out of Jay’s grasp and reading the caller ID.

“Minju”

It was your roommate and closest friend. You picked up, but sent Jay an apologetic look.

“Hey!” Minju called from the other line.

“Hi, Minju. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I was just wondering where you are? I don’t recognize your location. Is everything okay? Oh- am I being a cockblock?”

You laughed melodically at her realization but quickly eased her nerves, “No, you’re not. I saw an old friend at the dive bar and we decided to catch up at his place.”

“Oh, okay. Did you forget about our plans for tonight?”

You bit your lip before letting out a slow and guilty, “Maybe…?”

“You’re horrible,” she teased.

“I know, I know. We can still go, though.”

“Okay, great! Do you need me to pick you up?”

“If you want to.”

“Okay, be there soon. Bye!”

“Bye, Minju.”

You hung up the phone and looked back at Jay, “Sorry about that.”

“Everything okay?” Jay asked, tilting his head at you. You nodded, “Yeah, I forgot I agreed to plans with Minju tonight.”

“Oh, I see. Do you need a ride home?”

“No, I think she’s coming to pick me up. I appreciate the offer, though.”

He nodded, watching you sink back into the couch next to him. You craned your neck to look at him and said, “Thank you for letting me stay here until the rain blew over. I really needed this.”

“So did I,” he replied, craning his neck to look at you, “I’m glad we could have that conversation.”

You smiled genuinely at him. Pausing before your next statement, you let your mind wander. You swallowed, “Do you think that in the future we could ever try a-”

Your sentence was cut short by your phone ringing again, and to no surprise, it was Minju. You answered the phone:

“I’m outside!”

Minju only said that and immediately hung up, leaving you at a loss for words.

“Oh god,” you laughed, shaking your head, “I think that may be my time to leave.”

You stood up from the couch, grabbed your stuff, and watched Jay copy as you did, walking you to the door.

“It really was good to see you after all this time,” Jay admitted once you both reached the door.

“I agree,” you said, facing him.

“What was it you were going to say earlier?” 

His question seemed eager, and so you smiled at him genuinely. You grabbed his hand as you answered him, “I was going ask if you thought that in the future, we could ever try again. But I don’t think I need you to reply to know the answer.”

You let go of his hand, started opening the door, and got ready to walk out the front door. Within seconds, Jay grabbed your wrist.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

You laughed at him, “I was supposed to go see some friends but… I think my calendar is suddenly free.”

He let go of your wrist.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

a/n : i love boygenius. and jay from enhypen

---

𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 (p.js)

pairing: doctor!jay x reader (f)

summary: you’ve always thought dating a doctor was hot until you started realising his job was taking your place— but don’t worry, being a doctor meant jay could always stitch your broken heart up!

warnings: fluff (like, 3am typa fluff), early 2000s au, childhood friends to lovers but they’re already lovers, angst (with comfort) cuddling and kissing, a little suggestive (no smut), they grow up together (narration starts from 18), mentions of stress and fainting, mentions of pregnancy, fighting, if more lmk. NOT PROOFREAD.

published: 29th April 2024

wc: 10.5k (longer than i intended ;-;)

tag list: @stolasisyourparent @jaeyunsbimbo @heelvsted @wtfhyuck @kim2005bomi @luvpjs7 @sundoie @sunghours @anittamaxwynnn

It was the last summer of a enior year at high school, the year that everyone would choose what path to undertake, the life they wanted to live, the job they wanted to get.

As scary as it sounded, you didn’t want to think about it yet, just to focus on living your last summer as a teenager before adulthood kicked in with all its difficulties and challenges.

You were laying on the bed at Jay’s holiday cottage at the lake, the temperature of the afternoon was too hot to let you stay outside, so you seeked some escape from the humidity in his bedroom. The grids were only slightly open to let some sun rays enter the room, just enough not to turn on the light.

You were reading a pook, wearing only a dump swimming suit and a pair of jeans shorts, you drenched the sheets but you knew it would be perfectly dry by the evening, so you didn’t really care.

Jay laid on the other side of the bed, your feet beside his head as he studied an anatomy book. You had a clue on how difficult it was to enter the medicine faculty, but seeing your boyfriend giving up his whole summer just to bury his nose in those headache-bringers books made you feel sympathy for all the doctors.

The book in your hand had become boring five minutes before so you just closed it, letting it rest on your chest. You nudged Jay’s arm with your foot “I’m bored.” You let out a small sigh

He looked up from his study material and gave you a soft smile before reaching out to pat your ankle. "I know you're bored, baby. But I'm only an hour away from finishing this.” Jay gave you a reassuring smile

“After I’m done we could go outside and sail the small boat?” A couple of minutes of silence passed and he was ready to you making a fuss about how boring and dull studying was until you said “Or maybe I can help you with your studies?”

"You sure that you wouldn't mind helping me with my studies?" He replied, raising his eyebrows. He let go of your ankle, but he quickly pulled you by your knees while you were curled up on his bed and laid you on top of his lap instead, so now you were using his body as a mattress.

“I’m not as smart as you,” You murmured, snuggling comfortably on his chest as he placed the book in front of both your faces. The amount of latin and difficult words made you close your eyes right away “I’ll just flip the pages when you need.”

Jay let out a low chuckle and pressed a featherlight kiss on your head. It was a small team game, he tried to involve you in his studies, making you ask him some questions to know if he had said it right.

You felt a warm sense of pride in your chest to know that your boyfriend was working so hard for the sake of his dream. You flipped to a page that had a big skeleton drawing on it, beside it there was a man with all the muscles without skin.

You scrunched your nose at the amount of names all the bones and muscled had “You memorised all those names?”

“Not as easily as others do," He confessed, letting out an audible sigh as he caressed your head. "I find it easier when I explain the answers to someone who's willing to listen."

You looked up to his face, your eyes shining with endless love “I’m always willing.”

Jay gave you a sheepish smile, hooking one arm under your knee to intertwine both your legs together. He squeezed your hip in response and you two resumed studying together.

After around fifteen minutes, you started to become bored again. All those letters made your eyes feel heavy, you blinked them a few times “Are you done yet?”

He chuckled softly as he shook his head from side to side. "I still have to memorise more chapters," He sighed, looking up at you with an apologetic grin.

Despite his efforts, it was clear that he was having troubles memorising the contents of the page, and even he knew he was going to be up for quite a while more.

You caressed his chest, feeling the heat radiating from his body even under the white sleeveless shirt he was wearing.

You toyed the necklace you had given him for his fifteenth birthday in your fingers, the same jewel he had sworn to never take off “What are you studying now?”

He raised his eyebrows and looked down at you, smiling as he watched you play with the necklace. "Right now I'm studying about different body systems and conditions, the respiratory system." he said, looking back down at you

You laid your ear on his chest and he fell silent, you tried to hear his breath and commented with a forced funny voice “Your lungs function well.”

“I guess they do.” Jay chuckled, rubbing your back as he continued to study.

The room fell silent once again but your head was full of thoughts.

You started thinking about your future, you pictured yourself in different situations or workplaces but none of them seemed good enough. Or maybe it was you not good enough.

"You know, it's admirable that you already know what you want to be in the future..." You murmured, snuggling closer to him.

The corners of his lips spread into a small smile as he heard your compliment. "Is it admirable for someone my age?" He asked softly, brushing your hair out of your face

“Uh uh,” You hummed, flipping another page for him “I don’t know what I want to be,” You confessed quietly “I don’t see myself anywhere.”

Jay raised his eyebrows as he stopped studying for a long moment to give you his whole attention.

He then looked down at you and lifted your chin to face him. "Are you really unsure about what you want to be in the future?" He asked, his eyes searching for yours.

Your eyes met his deep brown once, and you shook your head, feeling vulnerable. “No, I don’t.” You sighed softly “My mother… My mother wants me to go to some sort of job counsellor.”

Jay let go of your chin to caress your back again “That’s a great idea, actually.” He encouraged, smiling gently. “I mean, it’s better to ask for help now than choosing something you don’t want to do… ain’t it?”

You hummed, dropping your head on his chest “I guess so.” Your tone went quiet and he had been with you enough to know you didn’t want to discuss that topic anymore.

A few minutes passed by and your yawn caught Jay’s attention. He caressed your head, letting his hand run through your hair “You should get some sleep, Y/N.”

“And who’s gonna flip your pages?” You asked, your tone sleepy and your eyes clearly fighting to stay open

He chuckled, placing an incredibly soft feather-like kiss on your nose “I can flip them myself, you look like you’re going to pass out from your tiredness.”

“I guess I could.” You rested your head more comfortably on his chest and closed your eyes. “But when I wake up you better be done studying.”

Jay nodded “Alright baby.” He smiled, watching as you drifted off to sleep right there in his arms. At moments like that, he thought he was the luckiest man alive to have you— and he planned to never love you.

⪩⪨

College years had arrived and to no one’s surprise, you and Jay were still a couple. Seriously, you two loved each other too much to stay away from the other, even with your busy schedules.

You were laying on the lower bunk bed in his dorm. His roommates were out for dinner and left the whole house for you two. And obviously, what was Jay doing instead of spending time with you? Studying.

You acted like you didn’t really mind, flipping through the pages of a magazine. But seeing his back facing you, his hand moving as he was scribbling things on his notebook— you couldn’t help but feel sorrow.

“Are you going to study the whole night?” You asked quietly, not wanting to sound rude as you rolled on your wide to face him.

Jay raised his brows and finally turned around to look at you. His face was tired, pronounced dark circles under his eyes and he had probably skipped his self care routine for a few days. That didn’t make him less attractive, though.

“Pretty much,” He replied “I’m kind of behind on a lot of study materials.”

“Oh.” You nodded, shifting again to face the mattress of the other bed on top of Jay’s. He took in your bored expression and grimaced “You know you don’t have to stay here while I study, right?”

“But we don’t have time to spend together apart for some evenings,” You stated, looking back at him with a pout.

He chuckled softly, letting out a quiet sigh before closing his study materials and walking over to the bed. He climbed in beside you so he was under the covers with you. He then pulled you in and cuddled you tightly. "I know," He murmured, squeezing you a little tighter “I know baby.”

You rested your forehead on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I don't want to disturb you.”

Jay laughed quietly as he kissed the top of your head. "You're not disturbing me in the slightest bit, so don't apologise,"

He said, running his hand through your hair gently. "I honestly don't mind having you beside me while I study." And you knew that, but sometimes you felt as if you were just an element of disturbance in his daily life.

It all started when you saw him fall into a deep slumber anytime he sneaked in your dorm, like he hadn’t closed eye for weeks; then how he’d always find a way to escape your dates to review a few materials and like now, when he’d study with only you in the room.

You knew he didn’t do it on purpose, he was just trying to survive college, and you felt guilty to have such resentment.

You looked up at him from his shoulder “I just… miss you nowadays.”

His eyes instantly softened "I miss you too.” He sighed “I know I’ve been studying a lot more lately, and I understand if you feel like I'm not spending enough time with you," He admitted.

“And I understand that you’re busy,” You acknowledged “You always work so hard for your degree.”

Jay smiled sadly and rubbed your arm up and down "I know I study like crazy, but it's because all of these things matter so much in the future.” He started explaining “It means that I'll be able to have a more secure job and..." he sighed again and paused before continuing “And i wouldn't have done this if I knew I couldn't spend time with you."

Your brows knitted “Don’t say that.” You raised your head so you could look into his eyes.

“You’ve been wanting to be a doctor since we were kids, Jay, And—“ Your voice cracked a little “I can’t guarantee we’ll be forever together, but you’ll always have a stable job with the degree you’re studying for.”

Jay nodded “I know that too…” He rubbed his temples, frustrated “I just wish I could spend more time with you.”

You smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek “It’s okay, when exams season is over we’ll go on a small vacation, sounds good?”

He chuckled softly, wrapping his arms tightly around your body while pulling you closer towards him. "Sounds nice." he murmured, planting gentle kisses on your forehead “Although…”

You asked in a quiet voice "Although?" Jay looked away, “I still have a big exam coming up next month," He confessed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't know how well I’m going to do, honestly."

“Oh,” You gulped, blinking “And why do you think so?”

Jay gave you a half-smile "I Just feel like I'm not studying enough. The material i need to memorise.. It’s so much— I'm worried that I won't be able to remember most of it when the time comes."

You stayed silent for a few beats, trying to find any solution to help him “Maybe we should do a no-contract month?”

It took him a moment to process what you said "A no contact… month?" Jay repeated, looking away at the wall "Do you mean.. as in no contact with each other? For the entire month?"

You nodded slowly, not sounding sure of your own choice “So you don’t have any distraction and can concentrate on your classes?”

He raised his eyebrows, letting out a long and steady breath before speaking. "I understand it might help me with my studies, but.." Jay looked away from you again, unsure "Don't you think it's a bit too extreme?"

You fidgeted with the blanket, looking down “I know..”

“I mean... it seems pretty extreme." His fingertips then began to massage his temples. "You're right though, I do get pretty distracted when we're together, and my studies have been lacking because of that."

You tried to mask the pain you felt in your heart with a small smile “It’s just a month.”

Jay couldn't help but frown at the idea of not talking to you or seeing you for an entire month. "Yeah, but—" he started, but then suddenly realised. "Wait, does this no-contact month also mean that we can't meet either?"

“People usually do it after a break up, but we can do it just to focus on college. It’s like we’re off but we aren’t, we just don’t talk to each other for a month.” You exclaimed, nodding

He bit his bottom lip “We really can’t meet for a whole month? At all?”

“Baby, listen,” You caressed his cheek, propping yourself up on your elbows. “I don’t like this either, but it’s for the best?” You asked “I don’t want to get in your way.”

He sighed once again “You’ll never get in my way, never say that.” He then slowly nodded his head.

"I completely understand your point, but...it just feels way too bizarre.” His brows were furrowed. “I mean, we're used to talking every day, for us to stop talking for an entire month, it's just..." His words trailed off as he sighed and looked away.

You moved some hair away from his forehead “Just until your next exam.” You said “I’ll work my part time job, save some money and we’ll rent somewhere for a week, just us.”

Jay looked at you, worry painted all over his face “And you’re sure you’re completely okay with doing this?” You gulped down “No,” You whispered “But I’ll have to.”

He seemed to debate your suggestion, silence filling the room. After a couple of minutes, he caressed your cheek “Fine, I guess it's what's best for the both of us right now." He murmured.

“Just stay with me tonight,” You begged, “We’ll start tomorrow.”

His heart broke a little at your wobbling bottom lip “Let’s make the most of the night, my roommates will be back in early morning anyways.” Jay was still surprised you suggested that weird break, and he was even more stunned he had accepted.

You took his face in your hands, bringing him in for a kiss. “I love you.” You murmured on his lips.

Jay softly smiled against your mouth before he kissed you back, wrapping his arms tightly around your body as he started to pull you into him. His arms squeezed you more as he deepened the kiss a bit more, letting out a soft groan into your mouth. "I love you more.”

“No, I love you more.” You stated. He smirked and shifted position so he was now on top of you, resting his weight on his elbow not to crash you down “Bet?”

His hand cupped your cheek before slowly sliding down on your chest. You gasped since it was cold. “Jay… someone might hear us.”

“I don't care,” Jay shook his head, his tone breathless. His mouth claimed yours once again, full of unspoken but mutual feelings “Be mine for the night.”

“I’m always yours.” You said, letting him do anything he wanted, knowing you had made an oath to never leave his side.

⪩⪨

Finally, college had almost finished and it was the last day before university. Anyone would’ve been on cloud 9 but you felt a pang of sadness. It meant you and Jay had to part ways, the university he had chosen was in the big city, five hours away from your hometown.

You waited for him outside the graduation hall, seeing groups of overjoyed students throwing their hats in the air.

Jay came out of the room, rushing after having read your message. He wore his graduation gown and looked ever so perfect.

He saw you, a bright smile immediately appeared on his face as he started to walk to you.

He was incredibly nervous about leaving for college and it showed on his face as he approached you, but seeing you there made everything else seem a bit less threatening.

He finally reached you, wrapping his arms around your waist. "You came," he said softly, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

You hugged his chest and whispered “How could I not?” Jay squeezed you back as he grinned, "I'm glad that you did, but I was already sure you would.”

He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek “You never miss a single big milestone of mine.”

“I’m afraid you’re stuck with me, doc.” You teased him with the nickname, but your teary eyes gave away your true feelings.

“This year has gone by so fast.” He murmured, caressing the back of your neck "And of course I’m stuck with you. I wouldn't have it any other way." His smile was so gentle it made you fall for him over and over again.

But the grin on his face disappeared as quickly as it appeared, making you frown “What’s wrong?”

Jay shook his head, “I’m just worried about us now since we'll have to do long distance."

Your lips trembled but you still managed to let your words out “We’ll be okay, right?”

His heart sank as he noticed your trembling lips. He gently squeezed you and gave you a small, reassuring smile. "Of course we'll be okay. If anyone's going to make long distance work, it's the both of us.”

Jay caressed your cheek with his thumb “I believe in us, and I’m going to come back as often as I can so we have time together. It'll be okay."

“Right,” You forced out a smile “We’ll make it work.”

“I’ll be back for summer, we can always go to the lake cottage,” Jay reassured, knowing you’ve always loved your summer trips to his holiday house

“And whenever we have a holiday—" He muttered, a small frown appearing on his face when he realised that you wouldn't be able to see each other as often as they used to.

You couldn’t hold it anymore and a few tears fell down your cheeks, you sniffled “Of course.”

His eyes widened when he noticed you were crying "Hey... hey, hey, hey," He murmured softly, wiping away your tears with his thumb. "Don't cry right now, everything's going to be okay, mh?”

“I’m sorry,” You shook your head, smiling with sad eyes “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Jay’s face contorted into a painful expression, his heart pounding heavily in his chest.

He had always hated seeing you crying, but knowing that he was the reason behind your tears made his stomach close. “You know that I'm going to miss you just as much as you'll miss me once we're long distance, right?" He asked.

You chuckled and nodded, sniffling once again “I’ll be here waiting for you, Jay.”

"I'll be back for you every chance I get," He promised, squeezing you a bit tightly.

"Remember to keep in touch constantly, alright? No matter how busy we are, let's always make time for each other over the phone." Jay took out his phone from the pocket. “I bought this new Nokia only for you.”

You smiled widely and showed him your phone, a Nokia of the same type just in a pinkish colour “I bought this for you too.”

Jay pulled your face close to his chest, caressing your head and hair in a gentle manner, just like he always did.

He never failed to make you fall for him with every small action, treating you as if you were worth it. And to him, you were worth every fight, every difficulty coming with relationships. He’d endure it all just to be with you.

“I’m sorry,” You took a deep breath, trying not to let your voice shake. “I didn’t even congratulate you.” You smiled widely, “I’m so proud of you, baby. I really am.”

Jay hadn’t realised how much he needed to hear that until he did.

“Thank you. Seriously, thank you, for always being by my side.” He placed a featherlight kiss on your forehead "You know, since it was your graduation today as well... Maybe I should give you a graduation present.” He trailed off “I actually have a surprise for you, if you would like it."

Your brows shot up in surprise “You do?” Jay nodded and motioned you to wait.

He battled a little with his gown before retrieving a tiny velvet box from the pocket “Here you go, baby.” Your eyes scanned it, “What is it?”

Jay bit his bottom lip to hide his smile “Open it.” He held it out for you to take. You gave him a small stare before opening the small box, revealing two couple rings.

Inside there was also a note that said ‘One day you'll get the wedding ones.’ Your breath hitched.

He smirked as he watched the expression on your face change, becoming incredibly surprised and even a bit teary-eyed as you opened the box.

His eyes softened as he glanced down at the rings “I know they're not the actual wedding bands and it'll take a while until we get to that point... but I wanted to give you these as a symbolic gesture of me promising that we'll be married someday."

You mumbled nonsense for a few seconds, happy tears rolling down your cheeks as you felt overwhelmed by his sudden actions “I love them, I love them so much— I love you.” You blurted out.

Jay held you against his chest as you both embraced each other. "I love you too," He whispered, burying his head into your hair. "I love you so much."

“Oh lord,” You stumbled a little back to look at the rings once again “How much did you pay— They look so precious.”

“Don’t mind that,” Jay wiped the remaining tear stains “You’re worth it, so very worth it.” He tucked your hair behind your ear “And you’re right, they’re precious. Like you.”

You rolled your eyes and hid your face in the crook of his neck “You’re so romantic.” Jay planted a small kiss on your head “You like it when I’m romantic.”

You stayed like that for a few more minutes, just melting into each other’s embrace.

You then sniffled and took one ring out of the small box “Doc, would you mind giving me your right hand?” He chuckled and held his hand out for you “Not at all.”

Jay smiled back as he let you place the ring on his finger, his heart instantly warming up when he realised how real this all really is.

He was finally going to be able to say that he was officially engaged, that he was soon going to be married to you. Jay looked down at the ring as you finished and his eyes started to tear up a bit.

"Thanks," his voice barely came out of his throat, but he was still able to softly smile.

You then gave him the small box and held out your hand for him. He gently squeezed your hand “Shall i?" He asked as he motioned towards your finger, wanting to put the other ring on it.

“Please, do.” You whispered, the anticipation killing you.

Jay carefully took out the ring and looked it over for a couple of seconds.

He then slipped the ring on your finger very slowly, making sure that it was fitted well “It fits perfectly.” He commented, kissing your knuckles, barely brushing his lips on them, like a true gentleman.

You sniffled again and let out a euphoric chuckle before wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your lips on his, never wanting to get away from that boy.

The moment you kissed him, his arms tightened around you, not wanting to let go of you ever again.

He had never felt this way before until you came into his life, back in third grade. He had truly felt complete, that he had finally found the person he would spend the rest of his life with. “I want you always," he mumbled softly between the kisses.

“I want you forever,” You murmured back with the same sincerity. He kissed your lips once more, needing to fill his nostrils with your sweet scent, his mouth with the taste of you before he had to move away for five years.

⪩⪨

A couple of years passed and between ups and downs, you and Jay were still strong. Long distance was difficult, you couldn’t lie, but keeping yourself busy with your small café and meeting whenever you two had free time was enough for you. Besides, you could still call with your matching Nokias.

Which was your plan for that afternoon, you sat down on a table at your café and dialled his number, mindlessly playing with the ring on your finger as you waited for him to pick up, hoping it wouldn’t go to voice mails.

One the call reached Jay, he smiled as he recognized your number on screen, picking it up immediately. It had been some time since you both had called each other, so hearing your voice brought a smile to his face before he opened his mouth and greeted you. "Hi, babe.”

“Hey,” You whispered, relief evident in your tone “Am I calling in a bad moment?” You asked, hearing chatterings from the other line.

“No, no, not at all.” He sat down on a bench outside his university building “What are you doing? Just working?”

“Yeah,” You sighed “But business hasn’t been going well nowadays.”

His heart instantly sank as he heard about how business hadn't been well. He wanted to be your support system always, even when he wasn't there physically as much as before. “Oh no… I mean, you're doing your best with it, right?"

“I guess I am.” You replied "No, you are." He quickly corrected you “Do you want me to come over so that we can talk about it? We can work on solutions or at least brainstorm."

You were quick to dismiss “No, don’t do five hours of train just for a small complaint of mine.”

Jay tried to recall in mind his schedules, he had finished lectures for that day, which meant he could come to you and then take the late evening train back to the city “Baby… Don’t tell me not to come over if you need me there.”

"I’m serious, Jay, it's okay," You murmured quietly "I just needed to hear your voice, if you have free time you should use it to rest."

The way that you cared for him made his heart beat fast. "I'll gladly come over," He said softly. "I have time to spare. plus.. if I come over, I can actually hug you and comfort you better than over the phone, can’t I?"

“You already came over three weeks ago.” You stated “I know, but like I said, I’d rather spend time with you than not.”

You dismissed him once again “I’m fine Jay, you don’t have to.”

“Babe, don’t tell me you’re fine if you’re not.” Jay pleaded “I don’t think you are, let me come over.”

You stayed silent a few beats “What about uni?” He knew you’d ask “I finished classes for today, I can come over for a few hours and then come back before classes tomorrow.”

You sighed, your voice cracking a little “I could really use one of your hugs.”

“Okay,” Jay breathed out “I’ll be there, wait for me at your café.”

Hating that he couldn’t teleport right to you, he hurried to the train station and waited, knowing you were going through a rough path.

You hardly ever asked for help, and Jay was sure whatever was going on had been haunting you for a while for you to call him in such a state.

After a few hours, the door of your café opened, making the small bell ring. You turned around and started saying “Welcom—“ When you realised it was your boyfriend.

Jay entered the cafe, his eyes instantly searched for you and his face lit up when he found you. It wasn’t hard, you were the only one there.

You were running towards him and he felt his whole heart melting. His arms were wide open and he smiled warmly, taking you into a warm embrace.

Jay immediately pulled you close to his chest, burying his head in your hair and breathing you in.

It had been three weeks since he last was at your side and the scent you had filled his lungs as he finally was this close to you again took him aback by how familiar and comforting it was.

You sobbed quietly, letting out all the tears you’d been holding as you hid your face in the crook of his neck, smelling the familiar scent of lavender of his clothes softener.

Your whole body quivering almost uncontrollably, and he knew you were hiding so much sadness behind those tears. “Shhh... shhh.. It'll be okay," He hissed softly, his voice calm and soothing as he kept whispering those same words to you over and over again.

You pulled away slightly, your whole face contorted in a frown “They want— They want to shut it down.”

Your sentence lacked context but he realised that your cafe was probably going to be closed down soon.

He didn't want your business to close, especially when he knew that it was your pride and joy. He pulled you back into his chest again, “It'll be okay. We'll figure something out.”

“It won’t!” You snapped, your voice breaking “It never does…”

Jay’s heart hurt even more as you shouted, your voice sounding so defeated and sad.

He didn't like the harsh reality you were facing and the fact that you would be going through this— Jay was supposed to protect you from the world, but he had neglected you for too long.

“Oh God—“ You blinked faintly, realisation hitting you “I didn’t know why I shouted, I’m sorry.”

The corner of his lips turned upwards briefly. "Hey, don't apologise for showing emotions." He gently dried your tears "It’s just... so frustrating to hear how you're losing something that you care about, that you've put so much effort in and that you're so passionate about."

You let out a bitter chuckle “It always goes this way.” Jay wanted to scold you for always thinking so low of yourself and never fighting, but he was in no position for that.

“I don’t know what to do,” You shook your head to emphasise your words “If it shuts down how will I pay the rent? I won’t have any money.”

Jay could feel you panic and didn’t want that stress and worry to get to you. "We'll figure something out," He said as he gently cupped your face and lifted it up so that you were staring at him. "We'll figure something out. You're not going to be in this alone, I promise."

You shook your head once more, sobbing “I’ll have to move back with my parents— we’ll be even further away.”

The possibility of you moving into your parents' home still made him feel sick. He wanted to keep you close to him and wanted to share a home with you.

He wanted to move in with you, not have you move back to your parents' house.

"Y/N, it's not going to come to that," He muttered softly, kissing your forehead. You sighed and let yourself go, your weight pressing on him “I’m just so tired.”

“Let me take some of that weight off you, baby,” Jay whispered “I’m here.”

You stayed silent a few beats, letting the mere presence of Jay put back the shattered pieces of your soul. “You just had five hours of train and all I did was complain.” You dried your tears with your thumb.

You showed him a faint smile “Sit, I’ll make you a cup of coffee.” He nodded and walked to the nearest table, sitting down.

You made him a cup of coffee and sat down on the chair opposite to him, smiling “It's on the house.”

He grinned softly as he took the cup, the smell of the coffee filling him with delight.

It was such a simple thing and yet it meant so much to him, given you made it. "Oh, so even though you're in a rough patch, your hospitality has not gone," he teased playfully before taking a sip.

“Call it boyfriend pass.” You winked at him. You then cleared your throat and fidgeted with the ring “How’s uni?”

Jay took another sip “Just uni, lectures… assignments here and there, many exams.” He trailed off “Just very busy.”

Your brows knitted in guilt “I’m so sorry you had to come here.” Jay took your hand in his, your rings tingling as they touched “You needed me, You needed comfort." He chuckled lightly. "And there's nowhere else I should have been other than here."

You answered with a smile and took your chair, scooting close to him. You put your head on his shoulder “Want me to stroke your hair for a bit?” He asked and you nodded “Please.”

Jay started stroking your hair, sipping the coffee with the other “How do you feel right now? Better?”

You chuckled “Less like a wreck.” A few minutes of silence followed until Jay asked “Are you scared of losing the café?”

"I feel like all the efforts I made weren't enough." You closed your eyes "I should've settled for a more stable job."

"But that would've made you so unhappy, you know?" he spoke softly. "Baby, I feel your enthusiasm every time you talk about your café, don’t regret something that made you happy.”

“What about you?" You raised my head and rested your chin on his shoulder to look at his face "Do you ever get so tired of studying you want to quit?"

"Sometimes," Jay admitted. “There were plenty of all night studying sessions that kept me up and made me question how I got to this point in life." He laughed, nudging your side playfully.

"But I would've never thought of quitting. I know it's going to pay off in the end." You hummed “Of course, You always work so hard.”

"And so do you," He whispered softly, squeezing your hand gently. "Sometimes I don't understand how you work at your cafe for so long and still have energy left to do other things... and sometimes I'm just worried about you overworking."

“You don’t push yourself too much right?” He asked, his voice laced with worry. Your sudden silence made him wonder if you were not telling him something.

“I fainted once.” You confessed. His grip tightened around your hand as he looked down at you, “You fainted? When? Why didn't you tell me about it?"

“Before Christmas break.” You whispered “It was exam season, I didn't want to distract you.”

It was in moments like those that Jay felt like giving everything up. Because why on earth would you think you were being a burden, a distraction to him when you literally fainted?

"No, no... you should have told me, even if I was busy. I would've come to you then." You sat up properly “I didn’t want you to.”

He was speechless for a minute, his mind trying to process what had happened. "Why wouldn't you want me to know? How could you go through it on your own?”

"Jay, Jay," You said, taking his face in my hands. "I'm grand, alright? I'm doing fine."

"I don't like that you hid something so serious from me," Jay muttered softly, his eyes meeting yours. "It's too important to hide from me."

“I know,” You nodded, letting go of his face “And I’m sorry.” Jay nodded at your apology “How did it happen?”

You sighed “I couldn’t afford to keep other workers so I had to run the café alone, I ran around and around and then I had a few other things.” You gulped down, recalling the moment “I went to bed feeling a little dizzy, I paid it no mind but the next morning as I woke up I fell flat on the floor.”

Jay’s whole world shuttered. He looked down to the floor, his jaw tense as he took in your words “You should’ve never ignored those signs, Y/N.” He called you by your name only when he was serious, his low voice sounding a little scary

“How could you—“ Jay took a sigh, trying to calm down “It could’ve been worse, something could have happened while you slept, you could’ve hit your head..” He looked as if he was on the verge of tears.

“Jay..” You murmured “I’m okay now, I know the risks I took, I was incoherent.” You took his hand in yours “It won’t happen again.”

“I should just transfer back here.” He got up from the chair, pacing around the room “I can take the train everyday to the city, I can do that, yeah.”

“No.” You stopped him “Jay, no.”

“Yes,” He turned around, facing you. His breath was heavy “Y/N, you— you could’ve died.”

“I didn’t.” You tried to soothe but even you felt like your efforts were worthless. “That doesn’t change the fact that I almost lost you— and I wasn’t even aware!” Jay looked like a maniac, his hands in his hair and his eyes bloodshot from frustration.

There was a moment where you both just stared into each other’s eyes, no words exchanged. Your eyes were full of regrets for having kept that from him and his were filled with the same emotion for not having taken care of you the way he should’ve.

“Don’t give up now, not for me.” You shook your head, slowly walking closer to him until you touched his forearm with your fingers, letting him know you were there. Breathing.

“You’re worth it.” Jay breathed out the same words he’d been repeating you, looking down at you, studying out features. His glance was so soft it almost hurt “Not this.” You shook your head.

Jay pulled you into a hug, so tight and full of emotions “Just three more years and we’ll be together.” He murmured “Just a little bit longer and we'll be able to share an apartment together. Just you and me."

You smiled on his chest, hugging him back “And we’ll get married.”

His entire face lit up with glee whenever you mentioned the idea of marriage, his finger swirled around the ring on your finger. “And we'll get married," He whispered softly, his eyes still focused on yours. "We'll finally be married and our families will finally stop asking us about our wedding plans," He laughed, the previous tension already forgotten

“Don’t even get started.” You laughed as well

"Yeah, for me it's my mom constantly bothering me with 'so when is it going to happen?'" He paused for a moment and cocked his head to the side playfully. "And for you? Is it your dad that's constantly bringing up the topic?"

You smiled and nodded “He’s afraid he’s going to die before he can walk me on the aisle.”

“That’s just a better incentive to wife you up.” Jay held your arms in his hands, gently rubbing them. You looked up at him and couldn’t help but cup his face, bringing your lips to him once more.

Jay’s eyes lit up the moment you kissed him. He let out a soft murmur, his lips responding to your kiss softly.

“I missed you,” You murmured between kisses “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Jay responded, his lips travelling to the back of your head, tilting it to deepen the kiss “Only three years and you’ll be mine forever.”

“I think I’ve always been yours.”

⪩⪨

Another year had passed and New Year’s Eve came. A bummer that Jay could not come back to you those holidays because he had found a job to maintain his studies and was simultaneously studying for an extra course. After the small fight you had at the café (that shut down not long after) you two grew closer, if it was even possible.

Despite the long distance, you felt so connected to him. You dialled his number, feeling as you waited for him to answer.

Your phone beeped a bit before hearing his familiar tone on the other end. "Hey babe," His voice was as bright as ever “Did you miss me?"

“Hi,” You breathed out, sniffling due to the cold temperatures “I don’t miss you at all.” You teased

Jay’s brows furrowed slightly as he heard you sniffle. "Hey, are you okay? Are you sick?" He asked instantly with concern, ignoring your playful joke and wanting to make sure you were alright.

"I'm outside!" You explained happily, looking around at all the people inside the main square "Fireworks are nicer if you see them from here."

He let out a sigh of relief when he heard that. “Good. you gave me a bit of a scare there, babe. Are you enjoying yourself?” As expected, the soon-to-be doctor always worried for nothing.

“No, there are so many couples here," You joked "My boyfriend is so evil he didn’t even come to me."

Jay chuckled softly "Oh yeah? Just wait until I'm there. I'll make all those couples in the whole square jealous." He groaned, "Ugh, I can't believe I'm missing being with my girlfriend when we should be spending the new year together."

"I understand," Yoh reassured, looking up at the huge clock ticking close to the new year, a feeling of both nostalgia and excitement washing through you. "What are you doing now? Don’t tell me you’re studying".

“Well... you guessed it," He admitted softly, “...Studying. I have a final exam for my extra course coming up soon."

“No, Jay.” You said sadly “Not now.” His brows furrowed at your sudden change of tone and he asked “What’s wrong?”

You sighed “Can you drop your pen and walk to the window?”

Jay was caught off guard by the unexpected request. Though he had no reason to resist you, he set his pen and his open study books aside and stood up. He walked to his window.

"Three more minutes before the new year," You murmured "Look at the fireworks with me, the sky is only one so it makes me feel closer to you."

His eyes immediately turned to the outside, looking at the fireworks and the sky that was lit up by so many bright colors. It was breathtaking, and his eyes took it all in as he stood in the window, watching the sky as the time slowly ticked towards the new year.

He could almost imagine you right next to him, both of you watching the beautiful display together. "Yes," He whispered, “I can almost feel you right next to me."

“One more minute!” You squealed happily, earning a chuckle from your boyfriend.

Everyone started laughing and screaming, clapping their hands as the clock struck midnight, the sky lit up with more fireworks “Happy New Year, baby.” You told Jay and he said back the same words.

“Just one year and half until our big plan.” You stated, looking down at your ring.

“Just one year and half…” He repeated, a small smile displayed on his face

“We’ll be alright… Won’t we?” You asked, your voice quiet, barely audible with all the external noise. But Jay still heard you, he always did.

The question you asked was so simple, but it carried a lot of weight to it. "Yeah. We'll be okay, babe." His soft voice assured you of that. "Of course we will. We have always managed to find ways to deal with distance... we'll be fine."

You looked around and saw couples kissing and holding hands, spending that special time together. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, you stepped away from the square and back on the way to your apartment "Can you stay on the phone a little longer? Until I get home..."

“Of course baby,” Jay reassured, playing with the necklace he always wore. “I’ll stay on the phone as long as you need me.”

You started walking, your nose red and cheeks hurting from the cold weather “It’s so cold nowadays.” You commented.

"Hey... you're okay, right? Are you sure you'll be alright making your way home alone? Are you wearing enough layers?” Jay asked softly, his tone of concern obvious.

You chuckled at his words “Don’t act like my mother.”

He laughed along with you. "Sorry... I just— worry too much about you sometimes. you know?”

You nodded though he could not see you. “I know, but I'm grand here.” You hummed “I’m an independent woman.”

“That may be true,” Jay stated, his whole face shining from the light of the fireworks “But your boyfriend here is worried about your health, especially in this cold weather.”

"I’m about to reach home and then i'll take a warm shower and go to sleep," You murmured, placing your free hand in your pocket "You don't study until late night, ok?"

"Well..." His voice was playful "No promises, a man's got to get good grades.” But your tone wasn’t “Please Jay… At least not today.”

“Okay, alright.” He knew you were just worried for him the same way he was for you “I’ll stop studying for tonight.”

“Promise?” You asked, “Promise.” He answered.

“Then, after you take a shower, can you stay on the phone for a while?” Jay’s voice was laced with vulnerability, the long distance taking a ton on him as well.

Your voice softened at his words “Of course baby,” You whispered “I’ll stay with you on the phone.”

“Hey, Y/N.” Jay murmured “Yes?” You said, fiddling with the keys.

“I love you.” You stopped moving for a moment, “I love you more.”

⪩⪨

Years passed by and vows were exchanged, Jay and you now happily lived together.

You still remembered that day when you got him at the train station, feeling all giddy to finally have the life you’ve always dreamt of with the only person you’ve ever loved.

You thought all your vicissitudes were over, that your many many years of patience had finally paid off— but no, because Jay’s traineeship was taking your place yet again.

Despite the fact that your apartment that once looked lifeless was now hosting a couple, it seemed as if it had lost its previous colours with your gloomy demeanour.

Jay spent all his day at the hospital, learning new things and trying to build a good relationship with his superiors.

And it’s not like you weren’t happy for him— No, you were overjoyed… but what about you?

Since you two became a couple, it felt as if you had spent all your life waiting for him, waiting for the life you two had promised to build together, but the only effort came from you. And now that you were married, the crack in your heart started to become a chasm.

Everything went downhill when, one day, you woke up yet again to an empty bed, the wrinkled sheets the only proof they Jay had spent the night there. He came back late and got out in the early morning— an endless circle that maybe he was used to when he was still a student.

But now Jay was your husband and you seeked all the things any wife wished for. Just some quality time would have been enough.

You got up from the bed and held your breath when you heard a noise coming from the living room. Quietly, you tiptoed to the bedroom door, peeking from the glimmer of the half-closed door.

A rather messed up Jay stomped around the house, in search of something. You got out of the door and walked inside the living room “Jay?” You asked

Without even greeting you, he just said “Where’s my spare gown?”

You blinked faintly, your mind still a little empty from sleeping “I don’t know.” Jay let out a deep groan “I told you to wash it the other day.”

“I still need to hang it with the laundry.” You replied, now remembering “You know I need it to work, Y/N.” His voice was low

“The other one?” You asked “Dirty,” He just mumbled, fumbling with some shirts “Hey! I had folded them neatly.”

“Fold them again.” Jay just answered “I need my gown, we have an important meeting today with the head doctors.”

“It’s dirty,” You stated “Just ask one of your colleagues to lend you one.”

“There’s my name on the gown.” He stopped and dropped the clothes on the floor. “I can’t talk to them while wearing someone else’s name.”

“Just cover it.” Jay rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, “I’m trying to help you.” You said, noticing his distressed behaviour.

“Well, you’re not.” He tsked, making you open your mouth in disbelief. Jay looked at you, raising a brow “What?”

“What?” You asked back with a frown “You just disrespect me and the work I do in our house and you ask ‘What’?” Your voice was dangerously low.

He gulped, glancing down at the discarded ironed clothes on the floor. He picked them up and placed them on the chair once again “Here.”

You let out a sigh and looked away. “Just take your dirty gown and go to your meeting.” You said harshly.

Jay ran a hand through his hair, frustrated “Listen Y/N— I didn’t mean to be so rude.” You still refused to meet his gaze.

“Please, love. Don’t get mad now.” He walked a step closer to you but you just backed away, making him frown “What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” You muttered, your eyes full of hurt now locking with his dark ones. His breath hitched as he took in your pained expression.

“W-Why?” He asked, genuinely confused, “If it’s because of this— I’m sorry, I’m just so stressed.”

“And I am tired.” You stated “I am tired of waking up to an empty bed and going to bed the same way, I am tired of spending all my holidays alone because of your work.”

You let out all the build frustration you had felt through the years “I am tired of waiting for you, Jay, when will all this end?”

Jay raised his hands to caress your arms but you stepped back again, not needing to break down now, but needing to set this straight.

“I know, I’ve been so busy lately.” You scoffed, “You’ve always been busy.”

“I’ve been waiting for you my whole life, Jay.” Your tone was shaky, “I’ve always supported you, since we were kids and even more after we became a couple. But I feel like I missed the most beautiful years of my life because of you.”

His breath sagged “Don’t say that..”

“But it’s the truth.” You stated “I said more ‘I miss you’s than ‘I love you’s in this relationship.”

“I—“ Jay’s bottom lip wobbled. “I’m sorry..”

You sighed, shaking your head. You then glanced up to the clock “It’s already eight, you’ll be late to your meeting.”

You turned around and were about to walk into the bathroom when Jay’s big and strong hands wrapped around your waist “I love you, Y/N.” He said, almost desperately.

You tried your best not to let your tears fall “I know,” You whispered “But maybe you love your job more.” You shrugged away from his embrace and locked yourself in the bathroom.

Jay tried to open the door but you had already turned the key, he helplessly knocked on it “Y/N, please, let’s talk this out.”

As much as you wanted it, your whole body and mind was drained from the constant feeling of sorrow you said in a quiet voice “Just go away, Jay.”

Yeah, he wasn’t going to do that. “Please, come out, let’s talk.” He pleaded

But you just dismissed him once again “I don’t know the things I’d say if we talked now.”

Jay knew he had messed up, really bad this time, and he wanted to make it right. To make it up.

How could he be so obvious to your pain? How could he have not noticed?

You had all the right to be mad at him, in fact, he deserved the slaps you should’ve given him. He deserved your anger, your resentment.

He wasn’t in his right mind that morning— Truth is, he hadn’t been for quite some time.

Traineeship was so exhausting, coming from a whole adulthood of self sacrifice and sabotage, he thought he was the only one suffering. Turned out you were as affected by his actions as him, if not even more.

Jay was so lost in thought he hadn’t even realised he had been typing the same word countless times in the report of the previous meeting. As much as he tried not to think about it, his mind kept drifting back to you.

One of his colleagues noticed his gloomy demeanour and sat on the chair in front of Jay’s desk, tapping his fingers on it “Hey there.” He waved a hand in front of his face.

“Not now, Jake.” Jay groaned, resting his face on his hand, his cheek slightly crushed against his palm “I’m not in the mood.”

“Damn man,” The doctor with the heavy australian accent commented “Who pissed in your cornflakes?”

Jay took a deep sigh, shaking his head “No one, I just am an emeritus douchebag.” Jake raised a playful brow, “Tell me something I don’t know?”

But the death glare he received from the other party made him nod in acknowledgment “Troubles in heaven?”

Jay frowned “How’d you know?” And Jake just smirked in response “You’re so obvious.”

He then leaned his elbows on the desk “Tell me everything.”

Jay tsked “Why should I?” And Jake clicked his tongue back “Dude, believe me, you’ll feel better after you confess your sins.”

“Why do you assume it’s my fault?” The Australian eyed him up and down “Is it not?”

Jay sighed heavily, running a hand on his face “I messed up really bad.”

He nodded, letting Jay know he was listening “Y/N… She’s the best thing that ever happened in my life,” He started “She is my first friend, my first love, my first kiss and time… It has always been her.” He smiled unconsciously.

“But I failed her, I think, I haven’t realised she’s been suffering in silence all these years.” Jay shook his head at himself.

“Does she regret your marriage?” Jay’s eyes widened at such a statement “God, I hope not.” But then he bit his bottom lip “I wouldn’t blame her if she did, though.”

Jake sighed “Listen man, I met Y/N only once or twice, but I see the way she looks at you.”

“How?” Jay asked “As if you were the only one in the whole world, and I mean it.”

“But maybe she doesn’t anymore,” Jay sighed softly “Maybe I lost her for real this time.”

Jake raised a brow, “You love her?” Jay looked at his colleague as if he had just offended him “I’ve always loved her and I always will.”

“Damn right!” Jake smirked, “Now, go tell her.” He shook his head, “I’m on duty.”

Jake sighed and turned the computer screen toward him, he opened a few types and typed on the keyboard and he turned towards him as well and then smiled victoriously “Not anymore.”

Jay glanced at the screen just to see his name had been replaced with Sim Jaeyun on the file with all the rounds “Why?”

Jake got up from the chair and patted his mate’s shoulder “Go get your wife back before it’s really too late.”

⪩⪨

“I’m coming home right now, I’m coming back to you and I’ll make sure you actually stay, both physically and mentally. I’m so sorry for everything baby, and I know this voice mail will probably find you in a desperate state and it breaks me to know I am the cause.” Sigh “I just hope you can forgive me, because I love you, definitely more than my job.”

You replayed Jay’s voice mail countless times, his voice breaking, clearly on the verge of tears. You sat down on the sofa, waiting anxiously for the front door to open, and when it did, you raised to your feet.

Jay rushed inside, almost stumbling as he took off his shoes and gown, discarding both of them on the floor. You both stared at each other, just taking in your presence “Hi.” You breathed out.

Before you could even comprehend what was happening, Jay’s arms wrapped around your body, your head pressed against his chest “Forgive me, love.” He whispered in your ear.

You pulled away, just enough to look inside his eyes “It’s okay—“ “It’s not.” He cut you out, “Don’t lie baby, not anymore.”

Jay’s deep, brown eyes were so sincere you felt your heart skip a few beats “I’ve been foolish, I didn’t realise your discontent for nine whole years. But I do now, I see all you sacrificed just to be with me. I see you.”

You smiled gently, looking up at him. He didn’t fail to notice the swelling and redness in your eyes “I see you too.” You whispered, placing one hand on his cheek.

“You saw me even before I saw myself.” Jay’s tone was gentle, he leaned on your palm “You never miss a single big milestone of mine.” He repeated the same words he said back during graduation day, the day he promised your hand. “I feel like I crashed your dreams, ruined your life.”

“No,” Your brows knitted “No, Jay, don’t ever say that again.” Sincerity filled your eyes “You are my dream.”

A tear fell down Jay’s eyes, a quiet sniffle escaping him. You brought his head down on your shoulders and gently patted his back “Why are you crying?”

“I thought I lost you again, because of my stupidity.” He shook his head, clinging onto your waist as if you were a lifeline.

You took his hand in yours and brought it on your chest “Do you feel it?” You asked. Jay raised his head and stared at you with teary eyes. He concentrated on the palm on your chest and felt your heart beating fast.

“That’s the effect you have on me.” Jay looked like a lost child at your words “Still?”

“Then, still, always.” You nodded your head, your lips curling into a soft smile “What happened this morning, to both of us, it was the anger speaking.”

Jay gently held your hand and brought it to his lips, his knuckles brushing on your ring finger. “I want to focus on you more, to make up for all those years we’ve lost because of my job.”

“Will you let me?” He asked, his head tilting to the side “Yes.” You breathed out

“I’ll take care of you,” He brought you closer by your hand, your chest flush against each other “I’ll spoil you rotten.” He brushed your hair away, his breath hitting your skin, making you shiver “My dear wife.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, murmuring on his lips “I want to have a baby, Jay.” His brows shot up in surprise “You do?”

“Yes,” You caressed the back of his neck. “I want to be the mother of your children.”

“Damn love,” Jay let out a shaky breath. “You can’t say things like that without bearing the consequences.”

You bit your bottom lip, bringing him down to you “I’m ready to bear them.”

Jay took you in his arms in a swift movement, carrying you over his shoulder and spanking your ass “To the bedroom.”

⪩⪨

“Hey, love.” Jay sat down beside you by the porch of the holiday lake house, placing a mug of iced tea on the table.

“Thank you.” You thanked, taking it in your hand with a groan “I really miss coffee.”

“I know,” He smiled gently, caressing the swelling of your belly “But caffeine isn’t good for the baby, is it?”

“Dad! Can I sail the boat?” Your eldest daughter asked, pointing at the boat near the shore of the lake “Fine, but be careful!” Jay shouted so she could hear and you both watched as she sailed the little box you used to sail as well during high school summer break.

You smiled, recalling the old memory, and Jay did the same, watching your face as if you were the best view of all.

“Do I have something on my face?” You asked, feeling a little self-conscious “Beauty.” He winked at you and you nudged his shoulder playfully.

His eyes fell down on your belly once again, a warm expression displayed on his face “Thank you so much, Y/N.”

You frowned at his sudden thankfulness “For what?”

“For everything,” His voice was full of sincerity “For this baby, for our other daughter, for being by my side.”

“And thank you for loving me.” Jay added, once again kissing your ring finger, this time his lips lingering a little longer on your knuckles.

“Oh, Jay.” You let out a shaky breath “That’s very effortless.”

Your eyes then fell down on the necklace, the same one you gifted him for his fifteenth birthday. Your fingers unconsciously reached for it as you began playing with it “You still wear it?”

“I’ll take it in the grave with me.”

[⪩⪨] END.

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