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Eleventh Doctor x insecure/ anxious reader?

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"Cold feet" - 11th Doctor x Reader

SUMMARY: Funnily enough, after facing death and vicious aliens, it's small talk with strangers that gives you cold feet. Fortunately enough, you found yourself in the company of an expert on running away.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.9k

A/N: As an anxious person I cannot be thankful enough for people in my life who casually roll with my anxiety and don't try to "fix" it with cheap advice

"Time Lord to human! Are you listening to me?"

The sudden yelling shook you awake. Only then did you realize you zoned out in the first place, letting Doctor's rushed words brush right by you. You looked at him only to see pure annoyance seeping from his expression. Although you never meant to hurt him, the guilt still gnawed at you.

"Sorry, missed the last bit," you explained yourself as you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck. "What were you saying?"

Instead of repeating his scientific ramblings which definitely would have been a little too fast and complex for you to understand, he shifted his posture to rest his hands on his hips. You felt as if he had caught you red-handed doing something he had absolutely prohibited you from doing.

"Oi, what's going on with you? It's like you've lost your head."

You absentmindedly shook your head to dismiss his worry. "Yeah, sorry, it's no-"

"Are you in love?"

For a moment you couldn't get any sound to leave your mouth. "What?" It was a bizarre conclusion to jump to. You couldn't tell what on Earth could even get him that idea. "No, it's on-"

"Good for you!" he said as he clapped his hands. "Now, moving on. Focus, eyes on me."

"Look, it's just that I've got a..." you suspended your voice thinking of the right word to use. The Doctor stared at you with wide eyes, clearly awaiting the second part of the sentence. "Thing."

"A thing?" he repeated in confusion. It seemed as if with each of your words he only grew more offended at your misplaced attention.

"Yes, a thing." Out of all the words you could have used, your choice seemed to have fallen on the worst and least exhaustive one. "My friend, Ada, is throwing a party for some of her college friends but apart from me everyone invited is from her course, so she's going to be the only person I know there."

"And that's what you've been thinking about while I was explaining my clever, clever plan?"

The Doctor stared at you with closely knit eyebrows. In some way, he couldn't fathom how a party invitation could be in any way more interesting than him showing off his extraordinary intellect and creativity. Choosing between a college party and aliens should have been a lot easier than it truly was.

"It's not as simple as it sounds, you know?"

"Alright, then tell me." By his hand-flapping and surprisingly undivided attention, you couldn't tell whether he was growing more upset or actually wanted to hear about what was troubling you.

"Honestly, I don't want to go but it's important for Ada. Also, I haven't seen her in ages. On the other hand..." your voice drifted away. Now that you've started this little heart-to-heart, it was pointless to lie to the Doctor - if successful, fooling him wouldn't gain anything anyway. "It's a party full of strangers."

For a moment he stared at you in silence, visibly expecting you to elaborate but truthfully, there wasn't anything more to say. The hypothetical group of strangers, as faceless as they were, was already stressful enough, even without giving them imaginary traits or habits.

"Strangers, right," he said as he clasped his hands. The sound echoed throughout the console room. He looked away for a moment, basking in enlightenment, before looking back at you. "How exactly is that a problem?" he dwelled on the subject. It seemed as if the discomfort of a company of strangers was hardly conceivable.

"You wouldn't get it." You vaguely waved your hand at him in a dismissive manner. Maybe it was unfair towards him but you really couldn't imagine a scenario in which he doesn't throw in a sarcastic comment about your anxiety. "I mean, how could you? Socializing has never been a problem for you."

"How could it be? People, party, cake, dancing. I love dancing! Great times, nothing to be scared of."

"Yes, there is: small talk and thirty people I've never met. And that's only the beginning."

Even the mere mention of that situation made a cold shiver run down your spine. A flutter of anxiety in your chest brought an unpleasant, suffocating sensation. Unconsciously, your face contorted in a grimace.

"You just go up to them and talk, what's hard about that?"

"Everything!" you exclaimed as you made a broad movement with your hands. "It's just... I can't do that. I physically can't make myself go up to a stranger and ask how they're doing, I'd rather hit my head against a wall. I know the theory, the 'walking through a house' metaphor, it's just... I can't force my body to do that. And when I do find myself talking to a stranger, I want it to end immediately. And the silence! Oh God, the silence... Like when you ask them a question, they answer and then the silence. The awkward silence of my anxiety, lack of social skills and being a generally uninteresting person. Just a bit of quiet and everyone knows I'm weird, awkward and-"

"Hey, hey, stop it!" he scolded you in a whiny voice as if you were a child. "Don't say that. You're not awkward or weird, you're brilliant!"

"Thanks, that's nice of you but unfortunately, I am self-aware."

He may have known you for weeks but you've known yourself for decades.

"No, really." He refused to let go. If the Doctor was going to spout cliche pick-me-ups, he appeared exceptionally committed to the meaningless act. "You crossed the universe as it is wide and long. Fought aliens and risked your life because a toddler couldn't sleep at night. Blimey, you told a Sontaran with a bomb bigger than your head to piss off. And it's house party small talk that gives you cold feet?"

Contrary to his presumption, the context didn't give you any comfort or motivation - it only made you feel worse. If you really were as brave as he made it seem, why couldn't you just start a conversation with your friend's guests? By the measure of saving the universe multiple times, you should be more than capable to do so.

"I know it sounds ridiculous and I agree it's stupid but it's not the same. When we're saving worlds it's a mission, a puzzle to solve." You paused for a moment but by your expression, the Doctor could tell there was something else on your mind. "And I've got you," you added.

"Me?" he asked sheepishly. The Doctor vaguely pointed his finger at himself. "What does that have to do with me?"

"You make me a little braver. I mean, you don't look scared even when you are, so it gives me a little push. I feel a little less anxious when I know that you've got my back."

"So what do you do when I'm not there?"

"Bail," you answered with a shrug. Were you really the same person who criticized the fashion choices of an alien with more guns than limbs? "I rarely go but when I do, I just run off around midnight like Cinderella." You made a small pause when you lowered your gaze, avoiding the Doctor's face. "Honestly, it always makes me feel ashamed like I'm making myself miss out on something but it's either that or panicking in the bathroom."

A silence fell between you. The Doctor's typical hand flapping came to a strange halt as he continued to stare at you with an inexplicable expression. He would have agreed on your resemblance to Cinderella, your regent-esque charm and princess-like beauty but there seemed to be a matter more important at hand:

"Has that ever happened?"

His voice was surprisingly quiet, hesitant even as if he didn't want to actually know the answer. Maybe he wasn't sure he was ready for the responsibility the knowledge would bring. The Doctor's words were barely audible over the whirring and wheezing of the TARDIS's engineering.

"Which part?"

"Panicking in the bathroom."

"Yeah," you said quietly. Your gaze fell to the floor. Looking for some kind of comfort, you slowly rubbed your arm. "It was New Year at my friend's, didn't know anyone there except for him. At some point, I just needed to take a break from being around so many people. I sat in the bathroom wearing a silver sequin ballgown and fought back tears. Funny, I probably looked equally pathetic and great. The only thing I could think about was how rubbish I was at just hanging out with people and, you know, being a normal teen at a normal teen party filled with normal teens. I just..." you stopped yourself at the last moment possible. A heavy, defeated sigh left your lips before you continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "I just wish I was a little less anxious."

"You never said anything."

"Why would I? It's not something I'm exactly proud of." You let out a bitter chuckle as you answered him.

Suddenly you found yourself engulfed in a tight hug. The Doctor's arms were tightly wrapped around you, his slow but ragged breath brushing against your neck. Surprised at the unforeseen affection, you hesitantly reciprocated the embrace. The tweed of his jacket was slightly coarse, some strings were coming out of the seams. He always smelled like burnt wires and a second-hand bookshop. At first, that distinct fragrance wasn't exactly pleasant to you but with time it became a beacon of hope, comfort, adventure and a good laugh.

"Oh, you brilliant, clever you," he quietly said in a sad voice.

Then he stepped away from you just as swiftly and surprisingly as he hugged you in the first place. The first thing you noticed was the change in his facial expression: the Doctor was no longer annoyed or concerned but excited as if he had just come up with a perfect solution to some mind-boggling problem.

"Well then, good thing you're not going alone this time."

"I'm... not?"

"Yes! A plus-one. It's still a thing, right? I'm your plus-one."

"That's sweet of you but you really don't have to. I'm fine on my own," you assured him, although he had no reason to believe you after what you'd already told him.

"Change of plans, sweetheart!" he exclaimed as he pulled one of the many levers. The TARDIS was about to take flight and it was a little too late for arguments and second thoughts. "We're going together and when people become a little too much we attend to an emergency," he said while running between different parts of the flight console. As if he was dancing, he made a whole circle around the control switchboard and stood in front of you once again. The Doctor stuck his index finger in your face as if reprimanding you once more. "No panicking in the bathrooms."

"Wait, what emergency?" you asked as he was already taking directions to your hometown.

"You know, this very real emergency that can't wait and we have to take care of it at the very moment. The crisis that I definitely did not invent just now."

"Right..." you drew out your answer as you caught on to his ruse. A smile crept unto your face. "Time travellers, defenders of the universe. You can never know when you're needed. Any suspicions as to what the emergency is?"

"Laskos' fourth moon. There's that small waffle bar that might need an inspection."

A Study of Haikyuu!! Character Names

Ok guys I don’t know if a post like this has gone around, maybe it has, maybe I am saying things people already know because I’m new to this fandom, but seriously. I had noticed that Hinata’s and Kageyama’s names were particularly clever in terms of reflecting their characters so I started actually digging into what all the kanji for all the names mean and guys this is delicious. I can’t help it, I have to share.

Hinata Shouyou: Hinata’s name is way too obvious but also really cute. His last name 日向 (Hinata) literally means “to face the sun” or “to head towards the sun” which, yes. While 日向 (Hinata) is the first hit I get when I do the turn-these-kana-into-kanji thing, making me think it’s pretty common, his given name 翔陽 (Shouyou) seems to not be, which means the kanji were particularly chosen (like most of these names, honestly). 翔 (shou) means to soar, and 陽 (you) means sunshine. So Hinata’s just sunshine all over.

Kageyama Tobio: 影山 (Kageyama) literally means shadowed mountain, or dark mountain, with 影 being shadow (or silhouette) and 山 being mountain. Basically a massive presence. Meanwhile, 飛雄 (Tobio) is another completely made up name, with 飛 (tobi) meaning to fly, and 雄 (o) meaning… well, man. But it’s not your normal ‘man’ character, which is 男. The character in Tobio’s name also has the meaning of ‘hero’ behind it. Also, I think there is some of the concept of “the shade exists because of the sun,” or like, maybe that’s just me, I don’t know.

Sawamura Daichi: 澤村 (Sawamura) is, again, not unheard of as a last name. It literally means “swamp village” which comes across a little oddly to me, especially since 大地 (Daichi) means “great earth,” which fits him well, being the foundation of the team.

Sugawara Koushi: This one, like Daichi’s name, is a little more obtuse. The last name at least. 菅原 (Sugawara) breaks down to mean “sedge field.” Sedge (I had to look it up) is apparently a plant that grows in wet areas. Like…. swamps!?? I dunno, ok. But his first name 孝支 (Koushi) is once again a completely made up name. 孝 (kou) is the character for filial devotion/piety/respect, whereas 支 (shi) means to support. This kills me ok.

Azumane Asahi: I actually started this post because of Asahi and Noya in particular because THIS KILLS ME THE MOST (except for Ukai but I’ll get there) so ok. Ok. 東峰 (Azumane) breaks down into 東 (east) and 峰 (peak/summit), so we’re talking about the tip top of an eastern mountain ok. His given name, 旭, means daybreak, or the sun rising.

Nishinoya Yuu: Are you even ready for this I was not. Noya’s kanji are 西谷 (nishinoya) which lit translate to… 西 (west) 谷 (valley). Plus then we throw in his given name of 夕 (yuu) which, guys, guys, it means “evening.” They are ABSOLUTE OPPOSITES how is this not the most fucking perfect thing ughh.

Tanaka Ryuunosuke: Comparatively, Tanaka gets a pretty boring name. I mean, his last name 田中 (tanaka) (middle of the rice field) is one of the most common last names in Japan, so I guess the purpose was to try to make him an everyman, in a sense. Although he does have 龍 (ryuu), or “dragon,” in his first name, which I think feeds the character, he also has 之介 (nosuke) at the end, which is another common suffix for boys and sounds very traditional.

Tsukishima Kei: I find Tsukishima’s name actually quite interesting. I think everyone already knows about how he has 月 (tsuki) “moon” in his last name, naturally, making him Hinata’s opposite. 島 (shima), just to be thorough, means “island.” Meanwhile, what I find interesting is that his first name, 蛍 (kei), is the character for fireflies. I think that suits his personality to a T—lights on, lights off. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi: Yamaguchi also has a super common last name: 山口 (yamaguchi) literally means the entrance to the mountain. More importantly, his first name, 忠 (tadashi), is the character for loyalty and devotion.

I’m gonna skip a few here because I could do everybody’s names but there are like a million characters, so I’m just gonna make sure to also do…

Shimizu Kiyoko: 清水 (shimizu) is an interesting last name because there’s a temple in Kyoto by the name of 清水寺, though it’s pronounced Kiyomizudera. What probably isn’t surprising is that 清 (shi) means “purity,” and 水 (mizu) means water. Her given name completely echoes the intent of her last name, with 潔 (kiyo) meaning “undefiled/pure/clean”, and 子 (ko) meaning “girl/child.” “ko” is also an incredibly traditional sounding piece of girls’ names.

Yachi Hitoka: 谷地 (yachi) are both kanji that have come up in other names; Daichi’s and Noya’s, actually. Once again, 谷 (ya) is valley, and 地 (chi) is earth. Meanwhile, 仁 (hito) means “benevolence/humanity/virtue”, while 花 (ka) means “flower”.

Ok last but not least this really kills me it’s so blatant

Ukai Keishin: Totally 100% made up name here. 烏養 (ukai) breaks down into 烏 (u) which means crow and 養 (I assume this is ‘kai’ but tbh it doesn’t look like that’s a normal reading) which means to “bring up/foster/nurture.” So his last name means to be a father figure to crows. Then his first name 繋心 (keishin) breaks down to 繋 (kei) “to fasten/tie” and 心 (shin) “heart/mind/soul” so this guy’s name QUITE LITERALLY means that he brings the spirits of his little baby crows together. I MEAN.

And obligatory statement: take this all with a grain of salt, I know Japanese well enough that I can say this is close to being accurate but I can still make mistakes, and I welcome any comments or corrections or thoughts!

The classic experience of every Indian kid in love with nature ♡

Rainy Days

Oh, how I love rainy days. The sweet and refreshing smell of wet mud and lush trees. The calming sound of the rain drops, the frightening sounds of booming thunder. Nature looks so colourful when it's blanketed in the loving embrace of the rain. I think rain cleanses you of all your worries and troubles. Maybe not forever, but atleast for an hour. I lust for the thrill of looking out the window of your school bus and extending your palm out to feel the cold and peaceful sensation of the rain drops. Sights that warmed my heart on the rainy bus ride home : 1. A tiny dog laying on it's stomach under a truck, taking shelter for the rain and slowly drifting off to sleep. 2. A young boy wearing a plastic bag over his hair and calling out to his mother ''Mommy! Come on!!!" (Translated from Telugu to English) 3. Another dog, taking shelter under a tree and trying to...eat a leaf? It sure did make me chuckle. I can't help hope for days like these, days where I receive some inner peace

"Model Making Mischief" Raimundo de Madrazo y Garreta (c. 1885)

In Raimundo de Madrazo's prolific production, most of which was executed in Paris, where he settled when very young, his paintings featuring his favourite model, Aline Masson, are numerous. He depicted her in the most varied attitudes, poses and dress, whether in full-, bust- or half-length portraits or in genre paintings with other figures. When he painted her on her own it was almost always full-length, in costume or at the centre of a scene often with some degree of anecdotal content.

Here he depicted her in his studio during a rest from posing. She has approached the canvas to examine a sketch of herself and has audaciously painted a caricature of the artist, who is apparently looking on.

Despite the inconsequential theme and his insistence on including decorative elements in his pictures, here Raimundo de Madrazo demonstrated the extraordinary flair for painting female portraits that brought him such fame with contemporary Parisian high society. It is also evident in the soft, sensuous modelling of the flesh tones and his astounding ability to reproduce the qualities of the fabrics and the jewellery with which he adorned his model. From the compositional point of view, particularly striking is the ease with which he was able to construct a narrative theme, however slight, with a single figure and using resources typical of Baroque painting, in this case making a figure outside the field of vision an accessory to the scene.

Despite the apparent casualness of the image, a certain stiffness in the model's posture and an inexpressiveness in her gesture conferring an almost mannequin-like coldness upon her actually underline both the model's premeditation of her pose and her professionalism.

On the other hand, despite its purely incidental presence, the barely discernible figure in the painting on the easel still displays Madrazo's amazing confidence and his ability to suggest, with a few rapid touches of the paintbrush, the basic female contours, the volume of the flesh tones and the light on the model's dress.

The painting was sold at auction in 1989 with the title "En el estudio" ("In the Studio").

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