Accountability - Tumblr Posts - Page 2

Getting Back on Track

The past few weeks have been kind of difficult. I ended up getting off track with my fitness goals. Surprisingly, though, I have been able to stay on track with my eating. I’m not calorie restricting or anything (honestly, I stopped actively counting my calories a long time ago). I have just been making sure I focus on eating actual food and incorporating, at least, some servings of fruit and/or vegetables throughout each week. I also focus on how I feel after eating certain foods. If there is something specific I want or am craving, I just eat it. No big deal. Having a cookie (or 2) at lunch is not going to, suddenly, reverse everything I have done prior to this month. I think the fact that I pack my lunch almost everyday for work has also been helping me.   

Anyway, I really want to get back on track with the fitness component. I’ve stopped caring so much about weightloss. I just want to be strong (and to be able to do a pull up without any assistance lol). I also miss the gym in general. I actually got to the point where the gym was becoming a source of stress relief for me. With how life has been (e.g., personal stuff, the overall, disappointing state of the world, etc.) I think we all could benefit from finding those things that help us make it through each day.

I’m going to try to go to the gym tomorrow after work. It might be difficult to get back into my previous routine, but I’m ready. 

23 April 2023- Reset

So, I know it’s been a while...

I’m sorry for not being consistent with posting on here. It’s been a really rough few months. 

There are multiple sources of the stress I’ve been experiencing, both in my personal life and at work. 

I’ve been really depressed and lonely and have been dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I haven’t been to the gym in several months, so I haven’t even had much to report here anyway...

I’ve been feeling horrible about myself and I feel like my life has been very stagnant. It also doesn’t help that my birthday was just a few days ago. I feel like this has added to the existential dread I’ve been experiencing this weekend...

I know I need to start taking care of myself again. It’s just really hard sometimes.

But, I intend to start doing that. I’m going to treat this coming week as a reset. 

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to restart my health and fitness goals. I’m going to start going to the gym again and incorporate more nutrient-dense foods into my diet. I’m going to start focusing on myself and my needs more. I’m going to revisit the vision board I made for this year and remind myself about the intentions I, originally, had for 2023 (before stuff started going to shit). I’m going to start journaling again. I’m going to become re-attuned to my spirituality and more proactive with my spiritual practices (e.g., manifesting, cleansing, meditating, etc.). I’m going to start trusting myself again and working on improving my intuition. I’m going to be more consistent with self-care. I’m going to continue to go to therapy and heal. 

I’ll do whatever it takes to start feeling better again.

Daily goal: 30/11/2019

Finishing my part of the group project for university in the morning.

Working on my bujo/ listening to lectures recordings in the afternoon.

If you cave after committing to a boycott, you really don't have to announce it to social media. It's not going to absolve you of guilt, and only serves to shift the narrative towards YOUR guilt and how bad YOU feel for buying Starbucks for whatever reason. And it really isn't about YOU at all. It's about why you're boycotting in the first place. Just suck it up, admit to yourself you messed up, and try and do better next time. You can take responsibility for your actions privately, you know.

My unpopular opinion is that I think that some marginalized people who do problematic things on a constant basis use the fact that they're marginalized as a way to avoid and silence criticism for situations they've knowingly created.

They do this by spinning a narrative where they can play the victim and act entirely innocent since they know there will be a fair amount of people who will use their actions as the basis for making generalized and bigoted statements about their respective communities.

From here, their job is done as they can bank on the fact that members of these communities will quickly rush to their defense. In turn, they are distracted from their initial goal of holding these people accountable as most people cannot give equal attention to two issues at once. Rinse and repeat.

In essence, it's like if your younger sibling kept doing things to get under your skin and when you finally decide you've had enough, that's when they yell for your parents since they know that being younger gives them the upper hand in getting what they want.

I feel like this practice encourages marginalized people to engage in toxic and unjustified behavior against non-marginalized people under the guise of oppression and that people should "make space" for them to exist.

While people may say that they don't want to engage in "Oppression Olympics" or say that anyone has it worse or better than anyone else, the fact of the matter is that it's unproductive and harmful to these communities to spend more time and energy trying to protect people who are clearly attention seekers than on people who really need it.

Ironically enough, it's this same practice of making it seem as though the person you've been attacking is now attacking you, that oppressors carry out constantly, so it's essentially one big pendulum swing of who gets to be manipulative when telling the story.

It kinda bothers me when people are confronted for really negative and harmful behavior and their only response is, "well I have this disorder, so I'm the victim, everyone else I hurt is just ableist" and it's like....

You're not incapable of being responsible for your own actions just because you're neurodivergent.

There's no diagnosis that excuses being a horrible person to people who didn't do anything to you.

If you're old enough to gaslight people in media or online by going "I'm allowed to be mean/hurtful because I have this disorder", you're old enough to seek out help for your behaviors.

Some statistics show that up to 60% of people are neurodivergent or mentally ill in some way. Most of those people don't act like an asshole and then go, "oh it's not my fault because of this diagnosis." They take responsibility for their actions.

This is kinda directed at something vaguely political (I love election season!) but also just generally as someone who's kinda sick of hearing "it's not my fault, I'm bipolar!" When I also have bipolar disorder, or "it's not my fault, I'm autistic!" When I'm also autistic, or "it's not my fault, I have a traumagenic disorder!" When I also have a traumagenic disorder....

Idk being mentally ill doesn't excuse being a dick to people.