I Think I Will Die Wondering
i think I will die wondering
what you all really think of me
maybe on my funeral
give a speech that's literal
my last words probably will be
"I don't think you even knew me"
I'm so afraid to tell you anything
I guess I will die wondering
/
the spring had came
what have we became?
I don't tell you anything anymore
we're right back where we've been before
looking out the window
I think it's even worse now
to contemplate my death
think of the last breath
when the sun is shining until late
it's something I grew to hate
/
so many questions in my head
and poems you will never read
why the hell do you even like me?
I ask myself that constantly
it's not that I don't trust you all
it's just that I can take the fall
once I'm gone you cannot cry
don't take the fall, just learn to fly
/
you tell me how you see me, still
it does not make sense to me
the most random of compliments
what have you even meant?
it just proves to me furthermore
how little you got to know me for
I know that it's my fault
your trust came to a halt
I wish I could tell you what I think
and when I try I just shrink
in on myself and just decide
it's gonna come out when I die
• you never knew me/things I don't tell you - zero (me)
[yes, it's a draft of a song. yes, i probably will never finish it. yes, i'm not okay. yes, that's the only reason i came back to writing]
-
freebirds-poet liked this · 1 year ago
More Posts from Zeropoems
gone are the times
when you couldn't sleep
not knowing where I was.
and now this home again
is just as cold as i have
remembered.
I come back from the snowfall
to see my brother leaving and
to you sleeping soundly as ever
and I cannot be upset at any of that.
but I just wish growing old wasn't so hard
• "turning seventeen" - zero (me)
I can't believe it all
how great I've been
and I've been
sleeping thru all nights
without shedding a tear
and I've been content
in the choices I've made
I haven't skipped
a single breakfast in a while
and I prayed every night
without swearing at all
I've gone out with friends
almost every single day
and I came back before
it could get too dark
and I've been fine I swear
I'm just a little tired
but it's nothing
tonight I'll go
way earlier to bed
• lies I told my mother - zero (me)
actually, yet again it's a song bit, but I thought I'd post it
the universe is screaming in my face
I stand under a clear sky and beg
beg it to let me feel at home
I get awoken at night to look to the sky
and see constellations I cannot read
the universe is screaming in my face
but numbers and stars aren't my language
and I was taught there's only one god
- zero (me)
(I've been slacking in posting poems because I'm working on a project that needs me to write poems in my native language, and those don't do well on Tumblr. not that anyone missed them)
you improvise a home by street lights
act like the dark is welcoming enough
leave at the same hour day by day
noone really knows what you're doing
you don't really know what you're searching for
your sister calls it running away
you try to say it's anything but
who are you trying to convince
your sister calls it running away
your mother says it is alright for
you get back when it's getting late
your sister calls it running away
you don't think it's a run if noone's chasing
zero (me)
how am I to write of things so beautiful by themselves
there are yellows lights outside and blue fluorescent lights
there was a man on the bus who was so obviously an addict
he's found a teenager's phone by his seat and told his every move to a woman he didn't know for
"he's had too many problems already to steal anything really"
there are yellow nights of laughter and blue strangers who weep in churches
there is a part time job of mine at a flower shop
and I can't explain how throwing out stem cuttings makes me the happiest I've been all week
the world's poetry writes itself and I feel useless in my craftsmanship
"poetry in breathing" - zero (me)