Typically

Typically

This makes many references to No Regrets (an insight on Levi before he enrolled in the Scouts.) I also tried a new writing style, so please, give me feedback!

includes: Erwin, Levi

warnings: alcoholic themes, depression, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), mentions of suicidal thoughts/actions

length: 2,028 words

•°•°•°•

Erwin Smith was typically content in his mattress by 10:30, praying to whatever gods that may (or may not) be out there that his slumber would be blissful and refreshing. He typically knew of his subordinates' locations and their relative mental states this late into any given night. He typically had most of his paperwork signed and stacked into a neat, organized pile.

Though tonight, as trepidation rolled over him in slow, progressing waves, Erwin Smith was neither content nor situated in a well-put-together office. He did not know where the Captain was or when the elusive man would return. He did not know beforehand that multiple contracts would need the Captain's signature. Hell, Erwin did not know if Levi could even write in cursive. At the moment, he did not know a lot of things.

Erwin wasn't exactly enthusiastic about experiencing these feelings of troubling uncertainty.

The dense thud of staggering boots on the half-rotted wooden flooring impeded Erwin's vexing thoughts. Moving from his spot by the window that overlooked the training grounds, he hastily stalked towards his office door. Yet as his fingertips were mere inches from the handle, the door slammed open, catching the Commander off guard.

Erwin back-stepped as no one other than Levi himself lost his footing from kicking the door open. The door frame was the only thing that aided Levi's attempt at steadying his balance; Erwin was far too focused on darting his bewildered eyes over Levi's condition.

Was the blunt and foul-mouthed Levi Ackerman. . . Drunk?

No, that couldn't be right. The man despised everything about alcohol: the lasting effects, the heavy smell, the noxious health problems. Every time the Corps tried to get Levi to drink, he had remarked about booze being nothing more than poison marketed as a miracle tonic. But, what else could explain the unfocused eyes that were typically sharp and observant or the swaying small frame that was typically nimble and composed?

"Have you been drinking, Levi? You look terrible."

The vicious scowl Erwin received told him that the way he worded his concern was extremely misinterpreted.

"Oh, fuck you, jackass. Not everyone can look like a shining star, Smith." Levi's words were unnaturally slurred, further proving what Erwin refused to accept. "Get outta my way and let me in."

Erwin cautiously stepped to the side- as he'd rather keep this peculiar sight to himself and spare the Captain's dignity. Levi's shoulder shoved against Erwin's bicep as he stumbled into the Commander's office. A snarl remarking Erwin's height was woven into the tense atmosphere of the room.

"Where have you been?" Erwin asked as he gently shut the door, keeping an apprehensive gaze on Levi.

He simply received a distracted scoff. Erwin took a deep breath before he huffed out of his nose. He watched as Levi fumbled through various unlocked drawers in search of who-knows-what.

"Levi-"

"Where's your Devil's water, Smith?" Erwin narrowed his eyes in confusion before Levi, belligerently, elaborated. "Your liquor, dip-shit. Where have you stashed it?"

Erwin pressed his lips into a thin line before he offered a calculated answer, "I don't hide alcohol in my office." A spiteful string of obscenities left Levi's swollen lips, the drunk balling his fist tight by his sides. "Liar! You're a filthy deceiver, you know that? You're worth less than the shit in the stables! A sleaze bag from the Underground would be more helpful than you!"

Erwin paused, studying Levi like Hange would study a Titan. "Are you okay, Levi?" He knew the question was redundant the moment the words left his lips.

“Fuck!” Levi yelled, tugging on his already loose cravat. “Am I okay? What kind of bullshit question is that? Hell, my uncle used to tell me that life’s like a toilet paper roll; you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole- and you know what? You’re that asshole, Smith!”

"Be careful of the open window, Levi," Erwin warned, as polished and unwavering as ever. His indifference to the slew of insults and profanities made Levi's blood boil.

Erwin only moved closer when the Captain disregarded his warning and continued to near the dangerously open casement. Erwin tuned out the vulgarities that were continuously hurled at him with an intense enmity, the gears clicking together in his head.

There was a chance Levi's destination was through the window- a chance Erwin was not willing to take.

"What are you doing? You're going to fall out," Erwin said more forcefully.

The change in the Commander's tone didn't seem to phase Levi, who was resting his forearms on the window sill. As Levi's weight shifted to his unstable upper body, Erwin could feel his heartbeat pounding in his throat, temples, fingertips- everywhere except his chest.

Levi went quiet, his drunken tantrum utterly forgotten as childlike wonder filled his eyes. In the moment of calm after the storm, Erwin couldn't fail to notice that Levi looked so much younger when he wasn't so pent up. The Captain was significantly more demonstrative when he was intoxicated; and may it be good or bad, Erwin was content with Levi seeming mortal.

"He used to hate heights, and she smoked him for it," Levi broke the moment of silence with hardly a whisper. "It was all a game to her."

Erwin's features, which were glazed over with faux insouciant, didn't match the curious gaze he studied Levi with. He stood inert, fearful of scaring Levi into a diligent silence or another aggressive episode. Erwin didn't ask for extensive details, nor did he implore Levi to move away from the window again. He simply waited, having an idea of what was plaguing his inebriated soldier's mind.

"You know, when you found me, we were heading to get a job done," Levi spoke so softly that Erwin felt the need to hold his breath to hear him properly.

The Commander took Levi's brief pause as an opening to speak, despite having nothing to say. "Is that so?"

Levi exhaled something grim; something that nearly sounded like an empty chuckle. "Yeah, Smith, it is."

Levi ignored how Erwin wearily moved closer as he adjusted himself further out of the window. The Captain relished in a twisted feeling of pride knowing that he could make his superior jump to aid him, that he could make the man twitch with such a deep sense of uneasiness- so much so that it shone in his perceptive blue eyes.

"Levi, get away from-"

"He was so nervous for the mission, despite it being so. . . " Levi swayed his hand through the night air, searching for the right word after cutting Erwin, and his concerns, off. "So pointless," is what he settled for.

"It was just a run-through," he huffed out a sigh, "check the brothel for any kids, start trouble if there were. Then, haul ass to the surface to get the brats to somewhere safer. Simple, right?"

Erwin swallowed, his gaze settling on Levi's reflection in the mirror.

"But, something always has to fuck me over," Levi spat with a clenched jaw, capturing the window sill in an iron grip. "Isn't that right?! You simply adore dancing all of your puppets around until they can't take it anymore- but you don't stop, do you?!" Levi screamed at the full moon in the sky.

Erwin sharply exhaled through his nose, Levi swaying side to side like empty ODM gear in the breeze. Levi swore and stretched his fingers out to relieve the tension in them.

"I bumped into a guy whose ego was as big as his body. The bastard was huge and wouldn't let it go." Levi hung his head, the stars bringing back memories he'd rather forget. "I think you were there when we had settled the issue and took off."

Erwin remembers like it happened yesterday. He could never forget the first time he saw Levi fly on the Wings of Revolution; it was enchanting.

Levi outstretched his arm, one foot leaving the floor as he reached to the giant moon glowing against the night sky.

"Levi, you need to stop being heedless, or you'll fall and end up dead!" Erwin finally snapped, his hand darting to grab Levi's. He missed his target, the shorter one moving unexpectedly and making Erwin snatch his pale forearm.

The wind from the chill night ruffled the forgotten paperwork on Erwin's desk, Levi's eerily hollow chuckle overlaying the white noise. Empty steel-gray finally looked into Erwin's ocean blues, heavy-lidded and worn thin.

"Don't you know I'm stupid? The hell does 'heedless' mean, blondie?" Levi wore a painful grin.

Erwin furrowed his brow in worry, loosening his grip but not letting go. "Careless," he said gently, thumbing fondly at Levi's flushed skin. "It means. . . Careless."

Levi's bottom lip trembled, and Erwin swore he saw his small body twitch with a hiccup. "Maybe that's what I want, Commander- to end up dead," Levi breathed, sending a cold surge through Erwin.

"Hey, don't say that," Erwin said quickly in a hushed tone. His free hand gently cupped Levi's shoulder.

"Why not?" Levi's voice was so small. It scared Erwin. "Every time I shut my eyes at night, all I see is their faces, hear them call my name." Erwin could feel Levi trembling.

"I know, Levi. By the walls, I know how it feels to begin to go numb. How it is to lose everything close to you, and still need to press onwards," Erwin murmured.

"Oh, sure. You see the face of every comrade that you've sent to death in your dreams. I'm sure you remember each and every soldier." The sarcastic bite in Levi's tone made Erwin unhand the man's arm.

"Excuse me. . ?" Erwin breathed, stupidly hoping he had misheard Levi.

"You don't know how it feels to be looked at like a human shit stain for simply trying to survive! You're just Mr. Fucking Perfect, right?" Levi's fruitless attempt to push Erwin away by his chest only agitated the blonde.

"Another pompous asshole that wouldn't hesitate to judge me from getting on all fours back then just to be able to eat twice a week!" Levi's (false) accusations were making Erwin increasingly angry.

"You're no different than everyone in the Capital-"

"You'd better watch your mouth, Ackerman."

Levi sucked in a short breath so quickly, it made his throat dry up; though, that might've been caused by the snarl of his surname. He didn't get another chance to speak as Erwin loomed over his frame.

"Who gave you an escape route when you had nowhere else to turn? Was it the Capital? Who was it that believed in you when everyone else wanted you to hang? The Capital, perhaps? Apologies, my memory is hazy."

Levi had seen Erwin agitated, seen him berate cadets and superiors alike with no backlash. But the man was always so poised and assured. Sure, the unsettlingly strong fire behind his crystal eyes was never smothered, but it was not once openly expressed.

Until now.

It had Levi- the nephew of Kenny the Ripper, the Captain of the 104th Cadet Corp, Humanity's Strongest Soldier- intimidated enough to shrink in on himself.

"I don't mean to scare you, Levi. I truly don't. But when you have the audacity to lump me into the crowd of discriminatory pedophiles and rapists? After everything I have done for you?" Erwin scoffed, ending his rant.

"I-I... I'm-"

"I don't want you to apologize. It's difficult to believe that you would. It's just not like you," Erwin swallowed thickly as Levi sniffled.

"Levi, I-" Erwin cut himself off, clenching his jaw.

Want you. Need you.

I think I'm in love with you. What a dream it would be to say. But he shouldn't. And he won't.

"You should sober up here while I get work done. How does that sound?" Erwin felt the urge to vomit after those words burned off his tongue.

"Thank you," Levi hardly whispered. "Thank you, Erwin."

Closing his eyes tightly, Erwin nodded, leading Levi to the couch the was sitting against the sidewall.

"Of course, Levi. I would do anything for you."

Happy Birthday Deadchi!

You are all devine beings- have a gold star ⭐❤️

Thanks for giving me a chance ❤

Feathers

Haha! So, you know how I promised some Aizawa fluff? That’s still on its way, so have some pain in the meantime. 

includes: Keigo, Tokoyami, Aizawa

warnings: Angst

length: 670 words

Keigo was never taught how to cope with the death of a hero.

He was always told that murdering a villain was justified and that it strengthened heroes. That's what the Hero Commission has drilled into him since the first day of training. How would he know any better?

An exhausted huff rocked Keigo's body while he climbed to his feet. Stepping over a piece of rubble, he looked across the settling battlefield. Most of the fires had been put out, and the rescue squad had just now begun their search, despite starting incredibly slow.

The hero didn't blame them though. He didn’t have the right to. The League's attack happened out of nowhere, so no one was prepared. Though, they could stand to work a bit faster.

Most of his feathers had been lost in the fight, Dabi's flames being the main cause. Some were crushed while moving injured civilians to safety, and a few were scorched by Endeavor’s overzealous attacks. He never did receive an apology, but he cheered up by telling himself the man would say sorry later on. 

Oh! That reminded him- He owed Tokoyami cold Yaki Soba for suddenly dragging him into a massive fight.

Where was Keigo’s little apprentice anyway?

Hawks ignored how he swayed and faltered as he walked up a large pile of rubble. He refused to acknowledge the stream of blood running from a gash on his hairline and over his left eye as well. 

From across the destroyed lot, Aizawa found it ironic that Hawks was perched like a bird. The teacher wanted nothing but to flop over and take a week-long nap, but there was still work to be done. Nothing Aizawa could see from this spot could explain why Hawks had stopped working, that fact holding his attention and making him curious.

What was left of Hawks’ wings suddenly gave a powerful flap, sending him dive-bombing towards whatever he had found below. Aizawa decided to investigate, starting his long journey through the wreckage.

Keigo pushed through how lightheaded he felt as his feet touched down on probably the only solid piece of concrete around. He crouched down, knees to his chest and wings folded against his back.

“Feathers?” Keigo’s voice had a questionable lift to it as he addressed Tokoyami.

The high school student was laying on his stomach, one arm stretched out like he was reaching for something, the other limp at his hip. Keigo noticed a small streak of blood leaking from his intern’s beak. Other than the fact that the kid wasn’t moving, Hawks didn’t see any issues. Not that he could see well with all the blood in his eyes.

“Feathers, get up you lazy ass-” Keigo cut himself off briefly with a chuckle. “Sorry, kid, I meant lazy bones. Forgot to watch my mouth, as always”

There was no reply, not even a movement from the limp body. 

“Look, kid, I’m sorry for swearing. Just get up already,” Keigo grumbled, the hero’s arms wrapping around his knees as he leaned in a bit.

“Hey…” Hawks swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Hey, Feathers. You’re starting to freak me out a bit,” A nervous chuckle left Hawks. One of the only fully intact feathers he had left started nudging the boy. “C’mon, get up.”

As the feather continued to nudge Tokoyami, Keigo noticed that the red he was seeing didn’t all belong to him. Tokoyami was laying in a pool of his blood.

Keigo’s eyes widened, pupils practically turning into slits as he flipped the unresponsive boy onto his back. 

“Th-That’s not right... Hey, kid, what happened?” His voice trembled more than his body as he stared at the gaping hole in Tokoyami’s side. 

It was one of the most gruesome things Keigo has seen, and that’s saying something considering all he’s been through. Streaks of pearly white ribs contrasting against the sea of varying shades of red, clumps of organs unnaturally curved around the large rock buried into his flesh and bone.

“You can’t be dead- Heroes don’t die. They just can’t,” Keigo wore a frantic smile as he shook what was left of the teenager’s right arm. “You gotta get up, Feathers. We won… W-We kicked their asses, so- so wake up.” 

Keigo’s voice cracked as he spoke, shaking arms holding Tokoyami’s mangled body close to his chest. “C’mon, kid,” A broken laugh weighed Keigo’s chest down more than the boy he was holding. “Scold me for cursing, like you always do. Call me immature and then apologize f-for being disrespectful. You gotta..! You got to do something- anything!”

“Hawks,” Aizawa’s voice cut through his panic, the teacher’s voice sharp but shaky.

Keigo didn’t realize how loud he was getting before broken eyes looked up at Aizawa. Hell, Hawks didn’t even realize he was sobbing until he was torn from his trance. 

“Eraser,” Hawks pleaded, shuffling on his knees to be closer to the other, the kid being dragged along. “He’s not dead, right? This is all just another test from the Commission, r-right? Yeah,” A broken laugh tumbled from Keigo’s lips as Aizawa fell to his knees. “Just another test for me to pass. Like- Like always.”

Keigo buried his face into Tokoyami’s hardly intact chest, shaking like a leaf in a wind storm. “You can stop now,” He begged, too caught up in his head to notice how Aizawa gripped his black hair so tight it threatened to rip out of his skull. “You can stop the test, kid.”

 The teacher had lost a student- one of his students. The kid wasn’t even 18 yet. He hasn’t lived- and he would never get the chance to. A scream ripped through Aizawa’s throat, emotional agony swallowing him up until it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Please… Make it stop, Feathers.”

Y'know what, fuck this bullshit. I need to know y'all are actually against it.

Reblog this if you will NOT use or support Post+.

I hope to make @staff see how that is total bullshit. Tumblr will die without writers/creators.

Happy birthday to this absolute grimlin 👹👌