The Sadistic Little Smirk That Appears After Vader Saysyou Didnt Kill Anakin Skywalker I Did. I Am Unwell.

the sadistic little smirk that appears after vader says “you didnt kill anakin skywalker… i did”. i am unwell. there’s not a single person in the entire galaxy as conflicted and in pain as vader is. both physical and emotional. he so freely admits that he’s the one that killed anakin, as if he’s proud of it, as if he didn’t want kenobi to take the credit. i am chewing glass because this is the central part of vader’s character. this is what makes vader the epitome of self-destruction and incredible self-awareness used for wrong purposes. he knows what’s he done. he revisits the memories of what he’s done. he revisits happy memories to feel the pain of not having that anymore. he is violence and pain and he has carefully crafted the monster he has become and he won’t let anyone take credit for it, not when he hates himself so much that hate spills from him, threatening to drown anyone that’s in his way because god knows he’s already drowned in it years ago. he’s in so much pain and he almost takes pleasure from it, because there is no one in the entire galaxy that he hates more than himself. and yet. he spares obi-wan the guilt of carrying anakin’s death on his shoulders because as much as vader denies it, he’s still anakin. and anakin wouldn’t want obi-wan to carry the guilt of something he hadn’t done, especially if it was vader who did it, proudly, because he sees anakin as a weakness that took everything away from him. god…this man… i am unwell

God, I can't tell you how much the "there's not enough enrichment in my enclosure" joke has helped my mental health. Because, for some reason I can't comprehend, pretending that I'm a zoo keeper caring for an animal (which is also me) just makes everything easier to comprehend. Like "Your head gets screwey when you're apartment is messy" just doesn't carry as much resonance as "The tiger becomes agitated when its enclosure is cluttered" because then I'll be like, no shit? The tiger? I've gotta keep things nice and clean for the tiger.

She's done and she's majestic!!

Pattern: 232-1 Tulip Season by Drops

Project in my Ravelry account

I have simply passed away. I've seen all I need to see in this life and that's fucking it. My eyes have been blessed. GOOD DAY

The way they look at each other in these interviews akfkhjk

OKAY BUT DO WE REMEMBER THE TIME EWAN KISSED HAYDEN AT THE ROTS LONDON PREMIERE???

My Very Soul (Chapter 17)

Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!Reader

Link to Chapter 16

Warnings: really nothing, just mention of violence and recovering from violence, but it's Star Wars so what do you expect (tiny bit of angst but hopefully that will improve soon)

Summary: While you and Anakin struggle with the aftermath of your fight, your new assignment goes poorly; a new strategy is planned in addressing the separatist attacks (this chapter sets up the events that will be AOTC. it's all happening, folks.)

Word Count: 3.5k

The cold of the early morning blew through the open entrance to the Temple. You shivered, wiping sleep out of your eyes, and pulled your robe around yourself more tightly. It was worth it, you reminded yourself, to get up this early. The mess hall would be nearly empty at this hour. The thought of breakfast this early in the morning turned your stomach, but the breakfast hall would be warm, with a roaring fire, and it would have caf. You hurried forward, eager to pass out of the cold air blowing into the Temple. You smelled the sweet smell of the Jedi's usual breakfast—freshly baked seed breads, various proteins, simple, reasonable fares that would serve their optimal nutritional purpose.

       Entering the breakfast hall, you breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't here. You made your way over to collect your food, a few pieces of toasted bread and some fruit, and were in the midst of pouring yourself a large, steaming cup of caf when you felt it. To call it a disturbance in the Force would be overstating it, but you certainly felt disturbed, feeling Anakin's troubled presence enter behind you. You didn't turn, but merely took your plate and cup and walked over to sit in the corner of the hall, alone. You tried to keep your hands from shaking as you grabbed utensils. What was he doing up this early? Why in the world would he choose to breakfast at this hour? Unless he, too, was trying to avoid...

       You couldn't help yourself. You stole a glance over your shoulder to look at him. Anakin, tall and lanky, in his new darker colored robes and vest he had taken to wearing, was pouting, his jaw set as he collected his breakfast. It wasn't that you had been trying to actively avoid him; it was that seeing him in the hallways of the Temple brought back all the bad feelings you'd been shoving down inside of yourself, ever since you'd returned from Serenno a few weeks ago. And it wasn't just your own memories you were grappling with—being in his presence meant feeling the tornado inside of him, all of the hurt, anger, among other things, things that made you feel as if your heart was breaking into tiny pieces and shattering on the floor, over and over again, in an endless loop. Suffice to say, being in Anakin's presence these days was more than you could handle.

       You drank a sip of caf, burning your throat, and started to cough. You felt Anakin look over at you, and forced yourself to continue facing the opposite direction, into the corner. Would this never end?

       As you were picking at the bread you didn't feel like eating, an opposite and opposing force entered the dining hall. You turned around, smiling slightly, making eye contact with your Master as she strolled over to where you were sitting.

       "Aren't you going to eat?" you asked her, seeing that she'd skipped the breakfast array all together.

       "There isn't time," Master Yuma said, putting a hand on your shoulder. "Our presence is requested."

       "We have a new mission?" you asked, glancing quickly over at Anakin's turned head. Master Yuma paused.

       "No," Master Yuma said, unease entering her Force presence. "You do."

"The office of the Chancellor?" you asked, trying to keep up with Master Yuma as she strolled, quickly, through the Republic Executive Building. "Why in blazes are we being briefed there?"

       "The Chancellor himself has requested this assignment," Master Yuma said, her nerves causing her to walk even faster. "We mustn't be late." The two of you walked quickly through the luxurious hallway until you reached the lift that would take you to the penthouse, at the very top.

       When the lift had ascended and the doors opened, you saw Chancellor Palpatine sitting behind a large desk. Around him stood a handful of senators, Master Windu, and Master Yoda. You squeaked in surprise. Master Yoda was rarely involved in the briefing of your missions. Of course, neither was the Supreme Chancellor himself.

       "Ah, she is here," the Chancellor said, standing and opening his arms in welcome. "Yuma, lovely to see you as always."

       "Likewise, Chancellor Palpatine," Master Yuma responded, walking forward deferentially, one hand behind your back to guide you forward with her. You stumbled a bit.

       "And your charming Padawan," the Chancellor said amicably, turning to face you. "Y/N, isn't it?"

       "Yes, Chancellor," you said, mirroring Master Yuma's deference, "a pleasure to see you again."

       "I wish it were under better circumstances," the Chancellor said, sitting back down as you and Master Yuma joined the ranks surrounding the Chancellor's desk.

       "Agree with you on this course of action, I do not," Master Yoda entuned, looking over at you before returning his gaze to Chancellor Palpatine.

       "Y/N is certainly up to the task," Master Windu said firmly.

       "What task?" you asked, looking between your Masters, then back to the Chancellor.

       "We are taking a new approach to try to determine who is ordering these attacks on the senators of the Galactic Republic," Master Windu explained, his gaze harsh and determined. "The Chancellor has suggested a Jedi should impersonate a senator—one we believe is a likely target—in order to capture the attacker, to be taken in for questioning." You felt Master Yuma's unease grow in the Force.

       "And you believe that Jedi should be me?" you asked, putting two and two together. Master Windu pulled out a small holoprojector, setting it on Chancellor Palpatine's desk. A holo-image of a senator arose from its base.

       "This is Senator Voure," Chancellor Palpatine said, his voice kind, watching you attentively. "She is in staunch opposition to the Military Creation Act. She is currently off world, but has been expected to return to Coruscant later this afternoon."

       "Surely, you see the resemblance," Master Windu said, looking between you and the hologram. You squinted. Sure, Senator Voure was young, female, and petite. She had somewhat of a similar hair color to you. Other than that, though, you didn't think the two of you looked that much alike. Still, from far away, you could certainly pass for this woman.

       "So," you said, intuiting the plan, "it is I who will be...'returning' to Coruscant in her stead?"

       "Yes," Chancellor Palpatine said. "We believe having you impersonate Senator Voure will serve the dual purpose of keeping her safe, and allowing the Jedi Order the opportunity to discover more about the mysterious figurehead behind these attacks."

       "Using her as bait, you mean," Master Yuma said, weaving a protective arm around you, looking cross.

       "Your Padawan is more than capable of handling herself," Master Windu told Master Yuma. "She has proven herself a worthy adversary, to any bounty hunter who might try to engage her."

       "Proven herself, she has," Master Yoda said, looking up at you with his wise old face. "But force her to do this, we must not."

       "Y/N," Master Yuma asked, looking at you with wide eyes. "Do you agree to this?" You thought it over for a moment, reaching out with the Force, feeling the room. You shivered. For some reason, it was colder in here than it had been outside. You looked down at the hologram of Senator Voure, and thought about what the creation of an Army of the Republic might mean.

       "Yes," you said, looking up at Chancellor Palpatine. "I'll do it."

Anakin could barely see through the storm in his head. He ran through the hallways of the Temple, struggling to stay upright, his limbs not wanting to move, though his mind desperately needed to get him there, to get closer.

       He'd heard about the bomb. He didn't understand it. What had you been doing on that ship, a senator's ship? He'd seen you in the breakfast hall just this morning. What had happened to you? Were you okay? What if you weren't? What if the last interactions he'd had with you had been in anger? What if he'd spent the last few weeks since Serenno ignoring you, and now you were gone? His insides felt like a scream; his arms and legs felt like fire. He felt he could burn this whole Temple to the ground, without meaning to, just by being here, just by feeling this way.

       No, he told himself sternly, forcing his feet to move, one after the other, up the stairs, over to the western wing of the Temple, where the medical chambers were. You would be okay. He couldn’t let himself burn up completely. Not yet. What if you needed him? He had to keep moving.

       He burst into the medical chamber, alarming the droid who stood at the doors, ignoring its questioning as he raced past empty beds, into the next room, the room where they kept critical patients. His heart turned to stone. There you were, laying in the bed, tubes strapped to your face and arms, your head bandaged. And Obi-Wan, turning towards him from your bedside, his hands coming up, palms forward, as if to stop Anakin from coming any closer, as if in a vain attempt to calm him.

       "What happened!?" Anakin demanded, striding the length of the room, almost crashing into Obi-Wan's outstretched arms.

       "She's going to be fine," Obi-Wan said, his voice quiet, calm, and even, as always. Anakin breathed deeply, blinking his eyes and trying to get oxygen into his lungs.

       "She's...going to be...?" Anakin sputtered, looking at you, laying in that bed with your eyes closed, air flowing through a tube to your nose. What were you wearing? Instead of your usual Jedi tunic, you were wearing what appeared to be a stately gown, yellow and pink, in a fine material that barely covered your shoulders. Anakin gawked, trying to understand the juxtaposition of this outfit with your bandages and the hospital environment.

       "She's going to be just fine," Obi-Wan said again, putting his hands on his Padawan's shoulders, trying to steady him as if he were a bucking rancor. Anakin heaved deep breaths, watching you, turning back to Obi-Wan.

       "You're sure?" Anakin asked, his voice cracking.

       "Positive. The medics have confirmed she'll make a full recovery." Obi-Wan gestured for Anakin to sit in the chair on the other side of your bed, and Anakin threw himself into it reluctantly.

       "What happened? I heard a senator's ship was attacked. Why—"

       "Senator Voure's ship landed on a hangar that was rigged with explosives," Obi-Wan explained carefully, watching Anakin as if afraid he were the one about to explode.

       "Why was Y/N on the senator's ship?" Anakin asked, his breath still coming fast, wiping his sweaty hands on his knees.

       "Because," Obi-Wan said, sighing, looking Anakin in the face, "Y/N was impersonating Senator Voure. We expected the senator would be on the receiving end of something like this—"

       "So you put Y/N in there on purpose? You knew the ship would be attacked, and you allowed her to get on it?" Anakin asked, his anger rising in him, looking at his Master in disbelief.

       "I didn't put her anywhere," Obi-Wan said, his face sympathetic. "Chancellor Palpatine consulted with the council, who recognized an opportunity—"

       "Using Y/N as bait? Putting her up for the separatists like a Yala for slaughter?" Anakin bellowed, waving his hands in the air.

       "Anakin, you've got to calm down. Everything is okay," Obi-Wan said, his eyebrows upturned, feeling truly sympathetic for his Padawan.

       "Why wasn't I informed of this plan?" Anakin huffed, his nostrils flaring.

       "I wasn't even informed until after the fact," Obi-Wan said, keeping his voice calm and even, trying, it seemed, to soften the blow of this revelation. But Anakin didn't feel calmed—he felt spiky, angry, as if he were erupting. How could the council make such a heartless and selfish decision? Did they really care more about finding information than they cared for your own life?

       "Uohhr..." you emitted softly, turning your head from one side to the other on your pillow. The noise you'd made evaporated Anakin's anger. It still hung, in the air around him, but it was no longer concentrated, no longer the most important emotion he was feeling. Anakin immediately took one of your hands in both of his, the hand that was not strapped to the machines near your bed.

       "She's only mildly concussed, with a few bruises to her ribs," Obi-Wan said quietly, watching Anakin carefully. "They gave her pain relief, which is sedating her, but she should be out of here in a few days, and fully back to normal in a few weeks." Anakin nodded, not taking his eyes off you. What could he say to you, when you awoke? That he had been childish? He was still angry at you, even now, for your inability to face him, your inability to own up to your own feelings. If it was a rejection you were holding back—if he really meant nothing to you outside of friendship—Anakin could take it. But you wouldn't even give him that, and it frustrated him, that you withheld yourself so firmly. He didn't understand it. But it didn't matter, now. Anakin felt his face flushing in embarrassment and fear, wondering how you would react to him when you awoke, wondering whether you were angry with him. He supposed he would find out soon enough.

You felt a softness around you, a physical softness, but a softness that was also in the air, in the vibrations of energy surrounding your motionless form. There was even a softness inside of you, making all of your limbs feel fuzzy. You felt the physical softness to be pillows. You smiled, moving your head against their pleasant surface, feeling the softness in the air swell at the same time. You stretched your arms, but met resistance—you felt your hand moving out of an enclosure, the warm, hard edges surrounding your hand falling away, and felt some kind of string pulling back on your other arm. You frowned.

       You opened your eyes, and felt the softness in the air fall away, dissolve into a nervous, distant energy. The softness of the bed and the pillows remained, and you blinked, trying to sort out your surroundings. It was very bright in here, and your eyes felt a bit watery.

       "Y/N?" you heard a familiar voice say, and you blinked again, trying to get your eyes to focus.

       "Obi-Wan?" you asked softly, surprised to hear how feeble your voice was.

       "I'm here," you heard Master Obi-Wan say. "How are you feeling?"

       "Soft," you said, sighing, leaning your head back and blinking your eyes some more. You heard Master Obi-Wan chuckle.

       "That's good," Obi-Wan said, and you heard the smile in his Force presence. You looked around, and saw his face smiling down at you, his familiar beard and long hair glistening from the bright lights on the ceiling.

       "Where's Master Yuma?" you asked blearily, looking around. It was then that you saw Anakin, and you breathed in, the softness you felt giving way to a spiky feeling, an embarrassed hurt, a useless fear. Anakin was sitting back in his chair, his body leaned away from you, as if to create distance, but he was looking at you earnestly. You felt a mix of worry, fear, affection, and that familiar anger behind his eyes, but you also felt other things, and, as usual, you couldn’t sort through them. You flushed, a hint of anger entering your own presence. Why was he here, when he had refused to even speak to you for the last two weeks? What did he have to say for himself?

       "She went to speak with the council," Master Obi-Wan said, in answer to your question, looking at Anakin, then back at you. "Y/N, do you remember what happened?" The soft feeling in your veins was fading, and you thought back, trying to remember the morning.

       "The ship was attacked," you said slowly, remembering putting on Sentaor Voure's clothes, boarding the ship in a discreet location, and then landing on the senator's hangar. You flushed, realizing you were still wearing this gown, one that left much of your shoulders on display. You reached for the medi-blanket, pulling it up to your chin.

       "The hangar was rigged with explosives," Master Obi-Wan said seriously. "Master Yuma is asking the council to call off this assignment, given the circumstances."

       "But this attack proves that our strategy is working!" you protested, trying to sit up in bed, but feeling a pain in your ribs. "We just need to be smarter about this. We can't quit now."

       "Y/N, you could have died, had you been positioned differently on that ship," Master Obi-Wan said, and at his words, Anakin leaned forward in his chair, looking back and forth between you and Obi-Wan.

       "I didn't die, and I’m not going to," you said defiantly. "We just need a better plan. We're so close to discovering—"

       You were interrupted by the doors of the medical bay opening, and Master Yuma striding through them.

       "I'm glad to see you're awake," Master Yuma said, striding over to your bedside and hugging you gingerly, then stepping back and kissing the top of your head. "How are you feeling?"

       "I feel fine," you said, watching Master Yuma carefully, trying to understand the agitation you felt in her Force presence. "What did the council say?"

       Master Yuma responded by giving Master Obi-Wan an incensed look. "They believe we should send you off world," Master Yuma said slowly, through gritted teeth. "As the senator. They think doing so will force whoever is behind these attacks to send bounty hunters, rather than using more crude forms of killing, like explosives."

       "We'll go with her, then," Master Obi-Wan said, looking at Master Yuma with pleading eyes. "As her Jedi escort. That's believable, that the Republic would assign Jedi to her tail, after an attempted assassination."

       "The council believes," Master Yuma said, her nostrils flaring, "that sending well-known Jedi Knights will cause the attackers to resort to more dangerous alternatives, in their attempts to harm her."

       "They want us to send her alone?!" Master Obi-Wan said, incredulous. "We can't do that."

       "I'm fully capable of going on a mission alone," you said defiantly, trying and failing to push yourself up on your pillows.

       "But with an attempted assassination—" Master Obi-Wan objected, turning to you.

       "They've agreed," Master Yuma said, her voice calming, though only slightly, "to allow us to send a Padawan to accompany her." Everyone in the room was quiet, as all turned to look at Anakin. Anakin flushed scarlet.

       "I don't know..." Anakin started, sounding uncomfortable. Your face grew hot with anger. These were the first words you'd heard him say in weeks. Did he hate you so much that he refused to go on an assignment with you?

       "I can go alone," you said flatly, turning back to your Masters.

       "You'd rather her remain unprotected?!" Obi-Wan asked, turning to his Padawan incredulously.

       "Of course not," Anakin said, looking at the ground, pulling on a thread of his tunic's sleeve.

       "Unprotected?" You asked, the volume of your voice rising. "What do you think I am, a youngling?"

       "I am more than certain you can take on any attacker, Y/N. What worries me is how much is still unknown..." Obi-Wan cut himself off, fingering something in his pocket.

       "The Chancellor himself suggested Anakin accompany you," Master Yuma said, "and I'm not about to disagree. We don't know what we're facing here, Y/N. If you have to impersonate the target of an assassination attempt, I'd rather you do so with a companion."

       You sat there, pouting. You would have crossed your arms, had one of your wrists not been hooked up to an IV.

       "Anakin?" Master Obi-Wan said expectantly, looking at his Padawan. The two of them seemed to have some kind of silent conversation. There was a lot of complexity in the emotions involved. You tried to parse through it, but gave up. What did it matter, why Anakin didn't want to be around you? That was his problem. You were done worrying about his insolence.

       "Okay," Anakin agreed, sighing, the defiance in his Force presence turning to a deep sadness. This confused you even more. "When do we leave?"

       "In a few days," Master Yuma answered, watching your face. "Once Y/N has recovered. You'll be departing to Levangé, Senator Voure's home world. There, you will pretend to be the senator, hiding out at one of their political safehouses."

       "What's that?" you asked Master Obi-Wan, seeing him fingering something small in his hands. He started, as if he were unaware of his movements, deep in his thoughts.

       "The pursuer dart," Obi-Wan explained reluctantly.

       "The one that tried to kill Senator Grano?" you asked, crinkling your eyebrows.

       "And you, if you remember correctly," Master Obi-Wan said, sighing. "Look at this." He held the broken pieces of the pursuer dart out for you to look at, fingering them carefully. You had to squint, but you could see the small, mysterious markings on the side of the dart.

       "What does it mean?" you asked, breathing, looking back up at Obi-Wan.

       "We aren't sure," Master Yuma said. "But while you two are on Levangé, we plan to find out."

************************************************************************

and thus, Attack of the Clones has BEGUN. the vibes will soon be IMMACULATE my friends. if you're into fluff, stick around--there's gonna be fluff.

anyway, let me know if you want to be added to the taglist. and as the bonus, please enjoy @jellydodger's PERFECT depiction of Master Yuma!!!!!!!

divider credit to @racingairplanes

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Food Offerings to Hekate

By Sorita d'Este

Which foods were offered to the Goddess Hekate during rituals?

Sharing food with friends and family is a natural way of bonding and special celebrations, such as birthdays and religious festivals, have particular foods and drinks associated with it. Many of the foods associated with Hekate were given to her as an offering during religious rites, as part of ceremonies petitioning the Goddess or as part of the much talked about deipna (supper) offered to Hekate at the crossroads on the last day of the lunar month (i.e. the Dark Moon).

Many of the foods linked to Hekate in this way were also offered to other deities or formed part of official religious celebrations. For example water, oil and wine were libated to many of the Gods, and sesame was included in offerings to Artemis.  Other items, such as the Red Mullet fish which was offered to Hekate, seems to be more specific to this goddess usually because the thing has an exceptional quality which somehow links it with qualities also found in the Goddess. For example, another name for Red Mullet is Triglê, with Tri meaning three being a reference to the belief that this fish spawned three times a year.  The fish also had a unique quality of changing to a bright red colour when it was killed, a quality which earned it a place in lavish Roman banquets where it was killed as part of the feast before being cooked (see p.217 of Circle for Hekate, Vol.1).

Many of the foods on this list (first published in Hekate: Her Sacred Fires, 2010) are regional to the regions in which Hekate was worshipped, most formed a part of the diet of the people who lived in the area.  Some were rare and considered a delicacy reserved for those with the money to pay for it (including Triglê) while items were part of the staples most people would have had access to.  With this in mind remember that you can use the food available to you today as offerings, it does not have to be something from the regions in which she was worshipped to be authentic, the doctrine of signatures can help you identify other local foods.  I personally try to grow as many of the offerings I make on my own shrines – flowers, herbs and fruits, in my own garden.  Food is also not the only type of offering you can make to the Goddess,  I personally also offer incense made from resins, oils and woods, and my time.

FOOD.    NOTES

Amphiphon : A flat cheesecake surrounded by torches (candles)

Asphodel : Food for the restless dead

Barley : Both as grain and made into cakes

Basunias : A type of cake

Cheese : As she was sometimes shown with a goat-head, goats cheese might be appropriate

Eggs : Traditionally offered raw, may represent life force

Garlic : A traditional protection from the restless dead since ancient Egypt

Honey : A standard offering to chthonic deities and the restless dead

Magides : A type of loaf or cake of unknown shape and type.  Bread could be substituted

Milk : A standard offering to chthonic deities, again goat milk would be appropriate

Mullet : Fish were often included as a sacrifice to her, and mullet was particularly sacred

Olive Oil : A standard offering to chthonic deities

Onion : A traditional apotropaic offering

Psammeta: A sacrificial cake

Sesame : Seeds used in apotropaic Hekate spell

Sprat : Fish were often included in her rites as a sacrifice

Water : A standard offering to chthonic deities

Wine : A standard offering to chthonic deities

Further reading:

Hekate: Her Sacred Fires (various contributors), 2010.

Circle for Hekate, Vol.I, 2018