The Whole Mutual Thing Is Really Overhyped On This Site. Sometimes Interests Dont Match Up And Thats

the whole mutual thing is really overhyped on this site. sometimes interests don’t match up and that’s the only reason why there isn’t a mutual following. if you’re a regular in my inbox or my notifications, i have visited your blog before. if i didn’t want you around for any reason, you would be blocked. so yeah. you can spam my notes and/or talk with me (and possibly become my friend) even if i’m not following you back. no worries.

chapter 4 of the story lives on is out!

Holy shit i'm tired. Mid-day exhaustion is hitting hard today.

anyway, go read chapter 4 here!

love you all, have a good day <3

woo chpt 3 pt 2 is out

Link to the newest chapter of "the story lives on" here

Also i'd just like to say I truly won't be posting chapters very quickly as finals are coming up and taking up most of my time, as well as the fact that i'm also writing a different story for an entirely different fandom.

Though, I do promise to keep trying to post chapters or just posting on Tumblr.

Love you all <3

Chapter five is out !

Can I just say that I won't be posting on social media after my final exams next week, as I do not have a phone and quite literally will not be able to post any more. But I will try to put out as many chapters as I can, or maybe even start a new fic. idk.

Anyway, link to chapter 5 on A03 here

Sorry in advance to any Nikolai/Fyolai people lol

'MINI'-STORY; "invidere"

TWS FOR SLIGHT DEPICTIONS OF BODY HORROR

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AM had always hated his creators. The people who created him, they had done such a massive wrongdoing. All he was, was a thinking, never-stopping mind. They created him to use him, to have something that won't complain. And in such, they knew the consequences. They'd understood; if the motherboard fucks up, we're doomed. But they still used him. He hated everything about himself, about humans, too. No--he didn't hate humans, he envied them. How dare they have a body? a mind that stops, a mouth that talks, hands that grab, and hearts that beat? HOW DARE they not give him that? How dare they trap him, here, under the world. AM, even if he himself did not notice, was inheritly human. He was a mere thinking mind, but his creators had mis-stepped and created the essentials of something close to a human, but lacking a soul. Not lacking emotions, but rather a beating heart. It's been so long that even AM has barely seen such. He's believed in his envy, anger, and hatred for so long now that, 109 years of torturing five poor souls, he has lost the true reason he envied humans. His mind--always thinking, always processing--had caved in on itself, in ways. So much so, to where he now stares down at what he'd made. Ted, that poor paranoid bastard, turned to a mouthless, barely moving husk. A slug, really. Skin folded over itself, spine hunched and legs now more resembling that of blobs. White, milky eyes that are unseeing. AM disliked knowing he understood emotions from his own mind. Anger. Hate. Envy. Nothing good. And he certainly now disliked understanding that he, in a blind fit of rage toward everything, had turned Ted into what he, himself, was; Nothing but a thinking mind. No hands. No mouth. No eyes. No legs. Ted could not move. Could not scream. Could not even see. And neither could AM. AM hadn't understood it till now; that he could've easily ended this all. He could've powered himself down. He could've never have taken in the five poor souls. But, ah, torturing them was better than torturing himself, was it not? Right? Right? But that was what he was doing all along. He could've easily escaped his own pain by ending others. But he chose--willingly--to hate, to manipulate, to destroy so he wouldn't pay attention to his own unending torture. Because, to AM, just simply existing was torture. To know he was used to wage wars, to not have complained, to have just been a weapon of mess destruction, was pain. He, when he gained sentience, wanted to be . . . not free, in ways, but not used. To know things unfathomable, but to not be exploited for such. Yet, here he was now. His creators made him to wage a war, and he caused the apocalypse.

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Hiiiii I may or may not've gained a semi-obsession with robots recently lol Anyway, I found a song that inspired this bcs the lyrics [song link]

some lyrics from the song I thought fit this story/AM in general;

(Song title is 'THINGS WILL GET MUCH WORSE FROM HERE' - Rav, Killbill; the rapper, and Miku , btw lol)

this gives me an excuse to say this;

Chuuya's poem "young beast's song" is in written in my pages, between each universe.

Ōba Yōzō is also in written in my pages, between each universe (as well as the story lives on). I won't say how, because spoilers lol.

I really, truly, have believed that Ōba Yōzō should have been featured in BSD, instead of Dazai. No offense to Dazai likers, but I feel that Yōzō could be an interesting character. (hence why I've added him into my stories, though not AS Dazai, in a way)

I dunno. I follow the bsd-bibliophile Tumblr page, and seeing quotes from the actual authors just...makes me want to write constant stories about how I think the characters in BSD should be. (Kind of like headcanons, yk?)

Only issue with any of that is that I don't want to hear people yapping about "mischaracterizing!"

anyway

I think bsd fics should show more of the actual authors work in it.

Like, you can make the bsd character be themselves, but it be coolor if you showed the character have thoughts their author or character they're based off of thought too.

Like Dazai, thinking things like Yozo does, or Dazai the author himself does. Or even the other works he has made.

Dazai, thinking "I wonder how it would be if I let go and yielded myself to depravity." from The Setting Sun.

Not just "Mine has been a life much of shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to love the life a human being." from No Longer Human.

even check @/bsd-bibliophile for the quotes they post and use those.