Sometimes We End Up Explaining Too Much Of Ourselves, Our Actions And Behavioural Pattern. It Is Natural.

Sometimes we end up explaining too much of ourselves, our actions and behavioural pattern. It is natural. It is a humanly instinct to want to be perceived right. But in the meantime, we forget that the world doesn't look at us like it is the judge. A judge who will responsibly consider the facts and deliver the judgement with righteousness. Instead, the world is a prosecutor, the opposite side, which shall, to the best of it's ability put forward all the arguments that prove us wrong.

This is where the concept of 'mysterious air' kicks in. We eventually stop explaining as we realize the nature of the world. It becomes important to not let the self proclaimed judge namely world to pass the judgement. Mystery-no more remains a fashion, but a necessity.

I don't know if everyone has this urge or I am the only one. The urge to stop it all, the time, the people, the events and bring it to a dead end, and then create a world in my own room. A book in my hand, a warm cup of coffee, less sugar, a story of conflicts between a misogynistic and a feminist, and me changing sides everytime someone messes up between the two. I want to feel that break. A break where the superficial world will cease to exist and my own inner one would dominate the realm. I want to feel this feeling but still not loose my hold on this world. Because ohh the misery of the world within me, if I start to live the all in my inner one, I will loose it all too, here in this world.

It is pretty lucky of us to find people with whom we can confess all rights and wrongs of our heart, and not be scared about being judged or hated. To not worry if our confessions could change their perception of us. To be assured they'd read what our inner selves wrote at that time. To pour out everything and not curse ourselves for creating a mess.

"I wonder who are you when nobody is watching?"

"Uhm...carefree?"

"woah! Carefree as in the threatened kind?"

"Nah! Carefree in the no judgement kind."

I am baffled by the uncertainty of the next moment. It wouldn't be a big deal if right now I am sitting in a comfortable blanket, all warm and happy and the next moment, the world comes crashing down upon me. In the worst way possible.

I might be enjoying my most favourite song on the radio, and the next moment my heart may give up. In a literal way.

I might be thanking God, at this particular moment, of all I have, and the next moment I receive a call of a loved one gone.

I might be walking down the meadow breathing fresh air, and next moment my leg may slip, breaking me(and my leg) in the worst way possible.

I might be eating my favourite food right now, and the next moment, I may choke to death, when some particle constricts my trachea.

Such uncertainty in life and still I have such big plans, and continue to make some everyday. This uncertainty clouds my mind in the worst way possible. And probably this was the reason of Antonio's melancholy as well as mine.

There are times when all of us wake up at the middle of the night, and nothing seems alright or suitable. Sometimes despite being at home, we realise we are not at the place that feels home to our hearts. And if you look at it that way, then we are always hustling to reach home. There is a home shaped void in us, that will fill only the day when we find what we are looking for. A place that is home to our hearts.