Fix Me Up, My Darling

—fix me up, my darling

pairing: tasm!peter x ill!reader

summary: while fighting against your illness, peter needs to learn, that he won't be able to save your life

warnings: mentions of illness and death, sad 

authors note: based on the song “fix me up” by Zach Sobiech.

you hadn’t slept a full night since you couldn’t remember. something always kept you awake. sometimes it was the sickness itself, throwing up on hours end or not getting enough air and having to drive to the hospital. even in the worst situations you tried to be optimistic. kept going. you were always a positive and happy person. but as the cancer grew it only became harder.

you didn’t do it for yourself anymore. you did it for the people who you loved, people that you’d leave behind. your mom, your dad, your big sister and peter, your boyfriend. 

you met peter in freshman year in highschool. he was into photography and pretty quite. you instanly took a liking to him. you personally, loved books, you had them placed everywhere around your room. it was years ago that you had a free space in your shelf so you had to keep them elsewhere. you would love the photos peter took and he decorated your whole room with them. sometimes he would buy you books or steal them from his aunt, so you could read them, before bringing them back. 

On most evenings, or sometimes, in the middle of the night, when he couldn’t sleep, peter would knock on your window and climb into your room, so you could read something to him. he loved to listen to you, reading your favorite book. but when he became spiderman, he didn’t come by as often, atleast not at night. and then last year, when the cancer was first discovered, he only visited at day. he knew how little sleep you were getting and he didn’t want to keep you awake too.

so it became a rarity that he would visit at night. only when he really needed you. tonight was such a night.

when peter knocked on your window (at 3 am), you looked up from your book and grinned, you were more than happy to see him. the pain in you abondem kept you awake, you were happy that he could distract you from it a little. when you opened the window, you immediately noticed his tear stained cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes.

“hey” his voice was raspy. “i’m sorry, i just really needed to see you” 

“no problem, come in, baby” 

you sat down on your bed, holding up your blanket, so peter could crawl under. you both kept silent. originally you were on your way to healthiness, until you weren’t. you knew for some time now.

about seven months ago, when the treatment stopped working and your body didn’t respond to it anymore. it was hard. it was hard accepting it, it was hard telling your family but it was even harder to tell peter. not that it was easier for your family to take in. but peter wasn’t a relative, you were bound to your family, a part of them, but peter could’ve been saved from the pain, if only you had stayed away from him from the beginning. but how could you have known? 

still, the guilt was eating you alive. suddenly you could relate to hazel grace from the fault in our stars. not wanting to hurt someone wasn’t easy.

“i couldn’t sleep” peter broke the silence. 

“you know you don’t have to do this, pete. i don’t want to hurt you”

“please don’t say this, we´ve been over this before, y/n and you know how i feel. i could never leave you, never” 

“i’m sor-”

“please don’t apoligise, let´s just talk about something else. tell me a secret”

tell me something you never told before 

“okay.. let me think. i guess the first time i saw you i liked you immediately. i know it sounds silly saying this now, but i just kind of knew. you were sitting at your table and looking trough photos on your camera. you were the first person i saw when i walked into the classroom”

before i walk trough the door, i adore you, i adore you. i do, i do 

peters eyes lid up as he watched you closely. a tear rolled down his cheeks, but he kept smiling. you laughed while thinking back to these happier days 

“i promise i will keep your secret” peter laughed as he grabbed your hand and interwined your fingers. “promise”

smile with me and cry with me. i won’t ever tell a soul. hold my hand, I'll squeeze it back and i’ll never let go

“while we’re at promises, can you please promise me one more thing?” 

peter hesitated. “...a promise if you die?” his voice cracked as he looked down to avoid your eyes

“when i die, pete” 

peters head shot up and his eyes became even more filled with tears.

“when i die you have to promise me that you’ll keep going, don’t look back, just focus on your future, peter. don’t give up”

Never give up, never look back 

“i can’t promise that, but i’ll try to keep going, i can’t promise you more than that” 

I won’t give up, but keep on trying

“thats okay, Pete. as long as you really try. don’t cry too much over me, when i died”

“if, y/n, if” peter sounded desperate. his other hand reached to your hair and feel through the short lenght, that had grown for half a year now. 

“you have to accept it, peter. nothing can cure me, not even you” your tear fell down on your interwined hands 

Dry your tears up, all your crying, cannot fix me up, my darling

“i will never be able to accept it, i will never be able to live without you, to not hear your laugh, to not tell you every secret i have, to not be with you”

twisty, turning, winding paths. I could listen to your laugh, as we tiptoe on these humble truths. i don’t want to lose you 

peter looked into your eyes. “and how i could i, you were the one that was always there for me and you showed me what it meant to love someone, deeply and unrationally but truly. and you teached me that it was a pretty good reason to always keep going”

show me how to love deeper than the surface, my friend and you can show me what it means to have purpose

“peter” you began, choking down sobs. “i don’t want to go, never. but eventually, i’ll have to. you know how much i regret bringing you into this, but as selfish as it sound, isn’t it amazing how i have people that make it so hard for me to say goodbye? you are the reason i look at my life and like what i see. these feelings i have for you, this doesn’t happen often. i love you and i will never forgive myself for leaving you, because its hard. it hurts and it will never be okay, but isn’t that something good too? this makes me remember how precious our love is. if it wasn’t hard, would it even be love?”

“this is not your fault. never think it is, okay love?” you shoke your head, yes, at his question. “and you’re right. it is hard and it hurts so so much. i understand what you mean. and i want you to know that you’re so so loved, deeply and to all ends.”

“thank you, peter” 

peter pulled you closer to his chest. and you both drifted to sleep. with tear stained cheeks and red eyes but with a deep feeling of peace.

__________________________________

peter stood next to your family. wearing a black suit and tie. all four looking towards the pastor. you passed a few days after your talk with peter. it happened at night, you were sleeping in your room. it was the first night since one year that you didn’t awake halfway trough. the last person you had talked to was peter. he had visited you, but was called away by a robbery. he looked deeply disappointed as he crawled out of your window. you laughed at his grimmace. 

“cheer up, you have to save the city, spidey” you spoke. 

“but i don’t want to leave you” 

“i’ll still be here when you come back” 

but you weren’t. when peter came back, he found your bed empty. sheets removed. he had sat there waiting for two hours. you didn’t answer your phone and no one was home. that was when he knew.

after the funeral, peter sat at your grave. 

“hey, baby” he began. “i miss you, i hope its nice where you are.”

he paused. “i just came by to let you know, that i’ll promise to do what you wanted” 

as he stood up to leave, he was held up by your mom. 

“we found this under her pillow” she said. “it is for you”

she gave him a white piece of paper, which was folded. on it was written his name in bold letters.

he sighed as he thanked your mother and watched her leave. than he opened the paper. 

you just promised, didn’t you?

although he had felt like crying he couldn’t help but laugh. you just knew him too well. he looked up at the sky and smiled, for the first time since your passing, as he would always smile at you.

peter went home and pinned the paper to his wall. next to all the pictures of you. this would stay in his room forever. he wouldn’t forget. and by that he made another promise...

“dry your tears up, all your crying, cannot fix me up my darling...” 

this is too funny 😂

pls write something for anthony lockwood.. i would take anything at this point.

if you’d like you could write something in an awkward situation (like the deleted towel scene, but like lockwood x reader). i’m a sucker for these.

maybe they could be in love with each other and usually have this tension, then the awkward situation could lead them to confess.

thank you and dw if you don’t want to write this, i’ll literally read ANYTHING :))

knock knock knocking(on heavens door) - anthony lockwood x reader

a/n: im so sorry this is terrible and also so short 😭 i migjt need to sleep

warnings: mentions of death, ooc, unedited and so fucking awkward 😭

You were an idiot. There were no other words you could think other than those in relation to the events of this very morning.

George snickered, “Surely it wasn’t that bad.” You groaned again, face buried in your hands.

“It was miserable!” You exclaimed, arms thrown up in the air-a textbook example of embarrassed outrage, “This is the end for me! I’m never leaving my room again, you’ll have to slide the delicious meals you’ll make me through a newly created slot in the door. Forget dying on a job, I’m going to pass from vitamin D deficiency!”

“Uhm…Sorry?” George says, ever the portrait of empathy. You tell him as much. “Hey! I’d have more sympathy for you if you told me what actually happened.”

~~~

You had a question to do with a new case the agency had just accepted and George and Lucy had been out shopping, so you ran towards Lockwoods room and threw the door open. Your eyes were stuck on the files in your hands so you were not aware of any of your surroundings.

“Hey, question for you-“ A strangled yelp cut you off and you found yourself face to face with a very flustered Anthony Lockwood, who was currently wearing only a pair of sweatpants and in the process of removing a plain white t-shirt.

“Oh…” You searched for words. He cleared his throat and attempted to gain control of the situation.

“…Morning.” He nodded at you, as if his face were not an obscene red. You looked at his nose, knowing any lower and you’d end up staring at either his lips or bare chest, and any higher and you’d have to face the most awkward eye contact you’d ever experienced.

“Yes.” You nodded back, as if you heard what he’d said over the blood rushing through your ears. “I’m-You-I need you?”

The silence was loud.

“To answer a question of mine, that is, but um…you’re clearly busy so I will see myself out.”

—you gave me your word

pairing: potter!reader x platonic!peter pettigrew

summary: james and lily weren't home the night Voldemort came to godric's hollow, but you were

warnings: angst, mentions of death, graphic dialogue 

authors note: let me know if I should do a part two!!

masterlist

you sat on the couch, reading your favorite book. the radio was playing quietly in the background. james and lily were at an order meeting. while you stayed behind to watch harry. it had taken days to convince james and lily that it was okay if they left for a few hours to go to a meeting. they were scared to leave you all alone in the big house, even when dumbledore sweared that it was safe there. so after days and days of endless talks about your and harrys safety, they finally agreed to go. but not without having a long and painful talk, what to do if danger ensured. 

they were gone for about half an hour now, and you just had put harry down for a nap, when you heard it. it wasn’t a normal sound. not the creaking of the door, everytime james would go down into the basement, not the sound of someone going up the stairs. it was a sound from the street. a magical sound. 

even when you and james were kids you had this deep gut feeling, that would tell you when something bad was about to happen. call it a magical sixth sense but it had saved james from breaking his arm more than once. 

you reacted immediately. you raced up the stairs, down the corridor to harrys room. you grabbed him out of his crib and panicked

no no no

what now, what now? 

tears streamed down your face. you held harry with your right arm and tried to sooth his crying. with your left arm you grabbed the little bag of floo powder from your back pocket. you breathed in deeply. then you tiptoed to the door, opening it just a crack.

the first thing you heard were the voices 

“where are they?” 

the voice was cold and made you shiver immediately. you had never heard him speak, but as soon as hs voice had reached your ears, you had known. known that it was him. voldemort in person.

you walked down the corridor as quietly as you could. trying to reach james and lilys room in time, before they would notice that you were here. there was your escape. the chimney.

you stood before the door, but suddenly there was another voice, which answered the dark lords question. this voice was familiar, too familiar. peter! you made a noise of shock, which, to your misfortune, wasn’t as quiet as you thought.

oh no 

the voices downstairs had stopped talking and you could hear footsteps nearing the stairs. as quickly as you could, you opened the door, to your brothers and sister-in-laws bedroom and hexed it shut. this wouldn't keep them out for long, but it would buy you enough time to escape. you layed down harry in the fireplace and opened the bag of flew powder, but winced as loud steps neared the door and you could hear someone knock

“this is the first and only time i’m asking nicely to be let in” his voice sounded scary. you felt like a child as your hands shook and you tried to keep focused on your task at hand. 

but at the second loud knock, you were starled so much, that you accidentely let go of the bag, wind flew in trough the opened window and spread the powder all over the floor. 

oh no

you rushed to the fireplace and tried to hide harry behind the fire wood as best as you could, you hexed a muffliato, so his crying wouldn’t be heard. then you stepped a few feet away and tried to gather the powder in your hands, which seemed to be an unsolvable task at the moment.

then you heard the door click. all strength left your hand and the collected powder fell to the floor. 

the door sprang wide open as a figure dressed in all black entered the room. he was nothing short of what you had imagined him to look like. his eyes were read and looked more dangerous than a wand could ever. you rose to your feet. if you were about to battle voldemort you would stand your ground. to win, but most importantly, to save harry.

“look who we have here” voldemort spoke, “little miss y/n potter. isn’t she your friend?” he turned around to the man trailing behind him.

peter ignored the question, as he lifted up his head and looked you straight in the eye. tears streamed down your face as you mustered your friend.

„you gave me your word“ you spat at him, though he didn’t react and it made you wonder. wonder why he did this to you, wonder why he couldn’t keep his promise, but mostly wonder why there wasn’t a bit of shame or regret to be found in his eyes. 

You turned away from Peter and looked at Voldemort

“what do you want from me?” you asked, trying to hide how scared you were.

“not much” voldemort grinned “just the boy” 

you furrowed your eyebrows, as if you didn’t know what he was talking about. “which boy?” 

voldemort laughed. the sound made you shiver.

“pettigrew, you wait downstairs” 

peter took one last look at you, before he turned around and left the room. 

“you tell me where the boy is, now or i’ll kill you” 

your heart beat fast as you watched the man infront of you. of course you had known what he would do to you, but you had expected it much sooner. 

suddenly, you felt more courage than ever before in your life. “you listen to me carefully, when i tell you, that i will never, not in this life, not if you torture me, not if you cut off every single body part of mine, tell you, where harry is. i would die a thousand deaths, just to keep him safe”

“stupid girl” voldemort screamed filled with range, “crucio”

you fell down on your knees, screaming in pain

“tell me. where the boy is. now!” he demanded 

“never!” you screamed, reaching for your wand in the back pocket of your jeans and with all the strength you had left, send a stupefy his way. he blocked the curse and looked even angrier than before.

“now you listen to me closely, you stupid, stupid girl. i was generous, i gave you a choice. all you had to do was tell me where the boy was and you could’ve lived. but stupid girls like you never listen. i’m gonna kill you now and you will see that it won’t be fast. thats what you get for talking back and disrespecting the dark lord.”

“i will never have any respect for you” 

only seconds after, the pain set in and it was the worst pain you had ever felt in you entire life. you felt how the curse was draining your life out. how it killed every cell in your body painfully slow. voldemort watched you for a few minutes. satisfaction on his face as he watched you cry out in pain. after a few minutes he had enough and turned to leave. he wanted that you died all by yourself. 

but still, trough all the pain you were experiencing you managed to grab just a bit of the spreaded powder, that was laying next to you on the floor.

and in mere seconds, just as voldemort turned his back to you and the muffliato you had performed on harry was about to dissolve, because of how fast it had to be cast and only you concentrating on it kept it working, you tossed the powder into the fireplace and mumbled the code word, that would send harry immediately to dumbledore. 

voldemort reacted too late. as he turned around he could only see the green flames brightly glowing. no one to be seen in the fireplace itself. he looked at you laying on the ground, still in so much pain, but smiling triumphantly. 

“oh great dark lord, didn’t you notice the little baby in the fireplace?”

voldemort growled at you and with one last swoosh of his wand he had slashed your troat. he took one long satisfied look at you, your eyes open, glisterned from laughing and a big smile on your lips. 

he left the room. filled with range and anger. even if voldemort had killed you, he had still lost.

peter opened the door to the little room, after voldemort had left. his eyes fell to your body on the floor, a tear streaming down his face. even if you were dead, he could still read the betrayal and unanswered question in your eyes. 

“peter” you seemed to say to him. “what did you do?”

it was probably that question alone that would haunt him to the end of his days...

Hey! I saw you opened requests for Lockwood&Co so I wanted to ask for some jealous Anthony Lockwood x reader if that's okay with you

BLANK SPACE

Pairing: Anthony Lockwood x reader

Summary: normally Lockwood can hide his feelings quite well. that talent seems to fade every time someone tries to flirt with his y/n

Translation: n/n = nickname

"I really think we can go home now" Anthony Lockwood said to you, while you were in the middle of a conversation with one of the boys, Noah Prentiss, from another agency.

"lockwood!" you scolded and send him a tired look

"no it's okay, n/n" Noah said smiling "I should probably leave as well. it was nice talking to you" he looked towards Lockwood "you too! Goodbye" then he went off

"n/n?" Anthony asked while he was walking next to you "I thought only I was allowed to call you that"

you reached for his hand and intertwined your fingers "its a quite common shortage for my name, also I don't mind" you smiled "actually I should be scolding you, you were the one to disrupt a peaceful conversation I was just having now."

"I didn't like the way he was looking at you"

"you didn't like the way he was looking at me?" you repeated mockingly "how did he look at me, then?"

"like he wanted to undress you"

"well, you look at me like you want to undress me all the time, even now"

"it's okay when I do it, I'm your boyfriend. that means I actually get to undress you" he muttered angrily, you would've probably felt for him, if what he was saying didn't sound so absolutely ridiculous, so you broke into full on laughter, you even had to stop and bend down at some point

"n/n!" Anthony cried out "why are you laughing at me?"

you had to wait for a few minutes, before you could answer, still not being able to catch your breath. "I'm sorry" you wheezed "it's just too funny"

"I don't know what could be funny about this" your boyfriend exclaimed and crossed his arms in front of his chest disapprovingly.

"oh, baby" you smiled, stepping in front of the boys and opening his arms, so you could step inside. Anthony didn't budge, still keeping his eyes above your head. you knew him quite well, and you knew when he was acting like this, it wasn't normally easy to gain his attention. well, you were his girlfriend for a reason

your hand slid up to his neck. still no movement from him. then you went to stand on your tiptoes, your lips only a few inches from his. "look at me, baby" you muttered and you could feel his hot breath on your face.

you could see in his features that he was trying hard to resist you, but the longer you were as close like this, the harder it got for him.

the final moment came when you stretched a bit higher and connected your lips. his hands immediately went to your waist to pull you closer and returning the kiss with as much passion as you were used to.

you broke the kiss slowly, stepping away from his body, which was harder than you had initially thought, considering he was holding you in a death grip.

"let's go home than" you smiled at how hot and bothered your boyfriend had gotten in the last minute

"by the way" you said, stepping closer and coming to a halt next to him. you stood on your tiptoes again so your mouth was in front of his ear. you placed a lingering kiss, just beneath and watched in satisfaction how his body shivered.

"I don't mind when you get jealous" you whispered in his ear "I think you are incredibly hot than"

Anthony watched as you stepped away from him and walked across the street, on your way to the door of the house you all lived in. it wasn't easy to shut up Anthony Lockwood, but you were one of the only people who was able to do just that. mostly because he found you breathtakingly beautiful and he was so in love with you, that he would've done anything if you just asked him to.

"seems like I do need to get drunk on jealously more often" Anthony muttered to himself, gaining back his ability to speak and putting on this signature smirk of his, before he took off after you

A/N: i'm sorry that it's so short and that I got a bit carried away omg

okay this is so all over the place as well

1. Our last summer - from mamma mia

2. ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine

3. illicit affairs - Taylor Swift

4. better than words - One Direction

5. the way i loved you - Taylor Swift

6. london boy - Taylor Swift

7. all too well (10 min) - Taylor Swift

8. endlos - Mayberg

9. wenn inge tanzt - systemfehler

10. julia - Jeremias

there are a few german songs in it as well haha

tagging: @frogserotonin @websterss

I was tagged by @meinink to put my on repeat playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs. (thanks for thinking of me)

Keep reading

A request if the mood strikes:

I would just like to bring Lockwood a cup of tea in bed. That small kindness. Maybe he is wearing his pajamas or maybe he isn't :)

Thankyou, love @teaandransacking

—peace

pairing: anthony lockwood x gn!reader

summary: y/n is all that lockwood needs, especially in the quiet moments

warnings: some angst, but overall relatively peaceful, got carried away by the song

note: this turned depressing really fast.. sorry.. feel like I'm missing to write angst (feel free to request)

@teaandransacking I hope you like it, as you see I got a bit carried away... like always :) and wow.. I managed to only mention his name twice.. must be a new record

"hey" you smiled softly, opening the door to your favourite boys room.

"hello, darling" he grinned as he noticed your form and the mug you were holding

he was sitting in his bed, wearing his favourite pink pyjamas. you closed the door and set the mug down on his nightstand. "it's your favourite" you exclaimed "just how you like it"

"thank you" he beamed. he lifted the covers so you could slip under. your head went onto his chest and you watched as he took a sip from his mug

you know today wasn't easy for him. it was the day his parents had died all those years ago and your heart would break every second you saw him suffer. you had known him for a few years, and you knew that he would always spend that day in bed. he didn't mind your company though.

"you know that I am here" you said "any time you want to talk, or any time you just want to say nothing. I'll always be here"

"I know" he leaned over and kissed you on the hair "you keep my heart warm"

you knew what he meant by that. your heart felt always warm when you were spending time with him. you would often find yourselves just laying together in his bed or sitting in the library, him reading his magazines and you reading a book. there wasn't much you needed, always finding the most love in the quiet moments.

although you knew that he was everything to you, you often feared that you couldn't make up for the things he had lost. "I'm never really sure if I can give you the peace that you long for" you muttered

Anthony looked down at you and his eyes grew soft as he caught yours, the soft green melting into his dark brown. "oh, darling" he smiled, like you had just questioned such a simple concept "of course you can never give me the peace I need"

you heart sank at that and your eyes teared up a bit

"don't you understand?" his voice was tender "you're my peace"

you smiled at that, raising your head and looking in the face of the boy you had loved for years. "then all I can give you is myself"

"that's all I ever need"

you returned to the silence. it always felt comfortable and natural between you two. Anthony was sipping his tea and you watched him fondly. because of him you knew that love wasn't just for show. you could find it in the quiet moments, chasing each other through dreams and silence. finding each other holding hands, when you sensed that the other wasn't well, without saying a word.

you didn't want to keep your relationship a secret and you didn't, but you knew that when it counted, your love was tender, it was happy, quiet even.

and if it meant to keep him safe and all his sorrows away, you knew that you would die for him in secret.